What happens when you create a story?
Years ago, Luna Umbra was a young artist and writer who created a story and universe all of her own. However, as life continued she was unable to continue her work on the story and settled into a normal, rather boring life with her adopted sister and wound up working at an advertising firm.
But one day, everything goes wrong when creatures she created appear in Canterlot with the intention of going after her. A mysterious woman who resembles the hero of the story appears and gives her the ability to fight back.
Now, Luna must stop her own creations from hurting her and the city. But what is really going on here? And why are they appearing now?
Chapters (1)
If Luna promised to start writing the story again, would these guys back off?
How did Tempest become a Rider?
9771651 No, they are too far gone at this point for that to work.
That’s a nod to my other fic Kamen Rider Justice, i’ll try and explain it more later. Basically needed to give Luna a mentor here.
Here's a reader coming off of Michael_Ravencroft's Kamen Rider Unicorn, so my hopes and expectations are...admittedly unreasonable. I cannot and should not expect you to craft the same kind of story he did; especially when this one just started. You're both two different authors with your own styles. So, this being my first story from you, I shouldn't judge.
That said, I've noticed a few things that I would have called flubs. During the scene with the mysterious "Totally Not Bad Guys" figures, I noticed a couple spots where you could have split a long sentence up into two separate sentences. This one in particular stood out to me:
It really feels to me like that seconds sentence could have been broken up a bit more for a more natural flow.
But then we have gems of truth like this:
I am already expecting great things from this story. AMEN, ALL PRAISE THE COFFEE GODS!
9776384 Yeah, that's something I'm working on really. This is an older chapter that I had written months ago and am just now posting, I probably should've edited it.
And holy crap I forgot I quoted Godot in this chapter, I must've written that while I was on my Phoenix Wright kick.
I have a couple of other ongoing Kamen Rider fics if you want to check those out too.
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Sure thing. That'll probably help give more context to the world at large, too; what with Tempest, and Celestia and Luna already familiar with the concept of our favorite belt-wearing super heroes.
And yes. Some editing would do wonders for this story. It's got some interesting potential, but it's a bit hard to follow in the moment. Clean up the grammar a bit, and I think you'll have yourself a pretty good story! And you even created your own unique Driver and powerset, too! That's more than what I've been able to come up with so far!
9776445 Only Justice is in this continuity, but that's the one you need to read for this to make more sense. Scarab is set in its own continuity, sort of like Build in that regard. I hope you like them.
And yeah, hopefully the next chapters will be better structured.
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What about Harmony? It says it's on hiatus for planning reasons. Is that something I should look for in a blog post update?
9776499 Eh, I currently don't know what to do with Harmony to be honest, I may either re-write it entirely or cancel it.
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Hm. Well, if I may offer a suggestion: the summary blurb for Scarab implies that the Champions of Harmony (my name for the M6) had dealings with Queen Chrysalis in the past, which ultimately lead to their defeat. Plus, both Scarab and Harmony take place in proper Equestria. If you go through with a rewrite, maybe there's a connection to be forged between the two? Perhaps a movie-style prequel to Scarab showing how the rise and fall of the Champions, and setting up later events in Scarab's story.
Just an idea.
9776539 Hmm, maybe, I had kind of meant for them to be stand-alone stories, but I'll at least consider it.
Well, it's certainly an interesting idea, I admit. Very meta, how many stories have we gave up and abandoned by this point? Definitely, a frightening thing to have those forgotten characters come to life. Now a few suggestions, the music. It's not bad. But most people aren't going to listen to the links, and to be honest, they all have different reading speeds so unless it's a final battle at the end of a chapter I wouldn't use it.
Also, yes, this has been noted before but there are several instances of very choppy sentence structure, and the grammar needs... work at times.
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I'd honestly go for making them their own stand-alone stories, really. Like, the prologue to Scarab worked wonderfully in setting up the universe, no need to make some prequel as Dragon suggested.
9777074 Fair point, though I'd argue that it at least works for the first henshin given its the debut of the design. Plus, Eclipse's Driver's Henshin call is lyrics from the song anyway. Again, I'm sorry about the grammar thing, I should've run back through this and edited it before I posted it.
I'm glad you like it, and I hope to get back to work on this story soon. This got entirely too meta honestly...
Yeah, I honestly was thinking that too, the Scarab thing. There's too many continuity issues that would come up with it being a prequel, maybe a sequel, but not a prequel.
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An interesting little bit of behind the scenes trivia for this story. Luna's backstory for this universe of being an artist/writer who's stuck in a job she hates and wanting to pull herself out of it, particularly in advertising, was inspired by a webcomic I found a while back and Bill Watterson who's quote was used in the comic.
Comic
Calvin and Hobbes is still to this day one of my favorite comic strips. It's a small tribute really, but I'm glad he influenced one of my stories, I'll always admire him for what he did and his impact on myself and cartooning. He's a real hero to me, and I hope I can do this story justice.
Thanks Bill.