Update: Mini-chapter
I have come to a conclusion.
If you haven't read the author’s notes from the last chapter; I strongly advise you do. In summary, I’ve chosen to halt this story indefinitely. Plot holes and unfavourable set up of nations/characters being the main drive.
This story will be cancelled.
Those of you who are querying what would've occurred in the future, here is a short description:
—Atomic was to become a Queen. I won't specify what nation, it could potentially, somewhat, spoil the next book.
That's pretty much it. Of course, there was a bunch of other subtopics that were being incorporated; Twilight would've become the Captain of the Royal Guard, for example.
Any ideas for the next book you want to throw out? Any questions? Alert me in the comment section below!
To indulge your tastebuds, here is a mini non-canon chapter:
Darkness.
That's all Atomic Discharge could see.
It seeped into the corners of her vision, and swamped, conjugated into a pool around her. It was inescapable. No matter how much she struggled, no matter how much tried attempted to gain purchase on a surface, the present darkness didn't move.
'What the fuck?' she reminisced, 'where I am?'
There was a flash, and suddenly, a light. A piercing white light that assaulted her eyelids.
"'The fuck' indeed!" A creature appeared, reminiscent of differentiating body parts. A lion's paw, a scaley tail, and goat's head.
The definition of puzzlement.
"Welcome!" The beast exclaimed arms spread out, "to my domain!"
Atomic Discharge gradually rotated her head to gaze upon the surrounding environment. Streaks of various slades of purple swirled in the sky, several sizes of havens floated, all of different shapes and colours. It was difficult to picture.
A click of his figures, a stylish red suit appeared over his figure.
He bowed with embellishment, "thank you for taking the time for being here, thank you. "
The beast snapped his claws, the clothing disappeared and a tray of fixated bubbly soft drinks stood on a tray before Atomic.
Discord smiled, "Care for a drink?"
The white pony floated there.
After a lack of response, the creatures grin incinerated, he pulled the selection of beverages away and mumbled under his breath, something derogatory.
In the midst of his ramblings, Atomic interrupted, "Why am I here, exactly?"
Discord promptly turned towards her and snapped his fingers.
A top hat, monocle, and a moustache emerged from an explosion of sprinkles.
"Why, good sir," the Draconequus pursed his lips and spoke in a posh accent, "to tell you a joke!"
Atomic had to pause on that one.
"To...tell me...a joke?"
He nodded with over-enthusiasm, "that's right my boy! The best jokes in the existence of man and ponykind!"
She paused, unsure of herself.
"...why?"
"Phft!" Discord poofed behind her, "no need for reasons! Let me get on with the jokes!"
A grand stage, crimson curtains, flashing lights and polished wood appeared before the pony. The drapes slowly moved to the sides to reveal...none other than a grinning Draconequu in a suit, clutching a microphone.
Atomic just floated there.
"Ahem," he peered at a floating notepad, "did you know, cleaning mirrors is a job I can really see myself doing?"
The line was finished off with a broad smile.
Atomic Discharge was unimpressed.
He chupsed, "oof, tough crowd."
Discord cleared his throat again, "I wanted to tell you a joke about leaches, but they all suck."
How could he manage an even bigger grin?
And yet, it revoked no response from the pony he was attempting to impress, the only inclination he got that she was even listening, was a deadpan.
He laughed nervously and swallowed a pit of bile that was forming in his throat.
"I'm taking part in a stair claiming competition..." A block of stairs resembled before him, "I better... step up my game."
She coughed. Still clearly unimpressed.
The Draconequus hurled the microphone and the notepad disassembled into flames. He put a claw to his chin in thought.
"Hmmmmm"
He tapped his foot, the sound reverberated throughout the cosmic realm.
"I got it!" He exclaims, "a meme! This out to get you laughing!"
Discord snapped his right claw together.
Pixie dust erupted from the stage, a large black-screen TV stood in its place, behind. He gestured with both arms to the image settled on it, smiling, instead of inspecting it, he examined Atomic's changing expression.
She was horrified. Horrified beyond belief. Wide eyes, mouth flopped open like a fish, it was like someone was choking her, strangling her, to death.
Atomic Discharge tended in horror.
Discord was...confused, "what are you talking about—"
He paused.
"Holy shit!"
"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
Shrieks and screams.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING??!"
"I DON'T KNOW!!"
"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
"SHUT IT OFF! SHUT IT OFF!"
The bird moved, it flinched. I came out of the television, it's head cucked back and forth, examining its impending meal.
"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
Mouth open and teeth showing, it pecked downwards, consuming discord.
It was coming for Atomic next.
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Oh well. See you in the next story
Lol that it pretty funny and I like that thay both started screaming
how would the nazi ponies part have played out?
10223646
how did the real nazis play out
Thankfully Atomic can just create a new body but I don't know about Discord
10223737
no im asking how the ponie Nazi's in this story arc would have gone, would Atomic Discharge have joined then gave then weapons, seized power etc
the real nazi didn't have a alien with super advance technology to help them
As long as the existing story isn't deleted, I will merely be disappointed, if understanding. If you have details on your intents for the old story that dont spoil the new one, those would be nice.
This was a fun ride while it lasted, and I look forward to your future works.
What a spooky ending
10223646
6 million of these (((ponies))) would die:
images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/66a73a81-7c77-48e1-9672-7e93f7a7895a/d46088p-57efda62-20c1-486c-82f3-2742c23820e0.jpg/v1/fill/w_400,h_532,q_75,strp/jew_pony___pony_commission_2_by_sirustalcelion_d46088p-fullview.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOiIsImlzcyI6InVybjphcHA6Iiwib2JqIjpbW3siaGVpZ2h0IjoiPD01MzIiLCJwYXRoIjoiXC9mXC82NmE3M2E4MS03Yzc3LTQ4ZTEtOTY3Mi03ZTkzZjdhNzg5NWFcL2Q0NjA4OHAtNTdlZmRhNjItMjBjMS00ODZjLTgyZjMtMjc0MmMyMzgyMGUwLmpwZyIsIndpZHRoIjoiPD00MDAifV1dLCJhdWQiOlsidXJuOnNlcnZpY2U6aW1hZ2Uub3BlcmF0aW9ucyJdfQ.qf5YHHpag2x_1MW0vW98mhhev6cZyLGc5HWqOnefYOU
It was a good run.
I'd like to see another human join the story, I'm curious on whether they would be identical to Atomic or the Opposite, or something else, like if they were the opposite then they would be one of those typical self insert characters, acting like their choices could change the entire world, have major issues, and try to hook up wit one of the characters in the show, and if you do include one of those Mary sues, could you make them into a joke? Cause I'm tired of reading those types of stories, and this one was one of my favorites cause it resisted the status Que, all in all, loved this story, glad your still with us, and hoping for more of your work in the future.
I like the story, my only gripes were offing the changelings, and the random whole sale slaughter. but thats really it
As for something new, (cause really there isn't enough about them), why not start at the peaks of peril, plop Atomic among the Kirin, start a power-base, help them not burn down their village, science with the stream of silence~
and if Atomic was a kirin, when she gets upset, she'd light herself on fire!
the fire proof kirin leading the way forward for technological progress sounds neat
d.facdn.net/art/mulberrytarthorse/1588285178/1588285201.mulberrytarthorse_milk_n_honey_custom.png
An Alicorn Kirin would certainly throw off Equestria's groove
Alikirin? Alirin?
anyway just some thoughts
10223646
They were going to assist the Griffon Republic against Atomic Discharge's new Kingdom. They'd eventually fall under her crushing hoof.
10224243
What a great idea!
10224486
Glad to give you ideas
some authors forget or ignore the Beta ponies~ Crystal, Kirin, Thestral. I think they are way cooler than EUP
10214476
(shrug) I don't know...she came off as kinda arrogant at times...she just seems like the kinda person that would overrely on technolgy, assume no primitive could get into her ship, only think the one cloning facility was enough...only for said arrogance to bite her in the but when said 'primitives' frak her over something fierce...
...This is assuming Poniesmine doesn't retcon said personality of course...
YIKES! Where'd you dig that up?
Well, in any case I hope this story gets revisted...
And I hope you don't throw out the Nazi-ponies...
...I'm just saying...Hellghast Ponies...best of both worlds...
10224486
I would Love to see that happened.
Guys.
This is where 2020 is headed.
It was a good run everyone.
I only ever found 2 stories that use this topic, but neither got anywhere or got completed.
Littlepip finding herself in the past
This was interesting to read. Disturbing, but interesting. Thx.
What. The. Absolute. Flying. Shitting. fuck bombing. Fuck. Did I just read......
10290419
Or do they? The world may never know...
10291694
Something with less death than healthy for a story
You know I am going to take the “nuke everything” ending as the cannon ending until this gets a sequel or is continued
10392130
I hope people know that I was being slightly sarcastic when I posted that!
God I forgot I had even commented that!
My computer, for some reason can't load that image, I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.
Anyway, I am rather saddened that you decided to stop writing this, I was really enjoying this story.
I think that now I will go onto move your other stories, I hope I enjoy them as much as I enjoyed this story, I would just like to thank you for putting this much effort into this story so far, I really enjoyed it.
I hope at some point that you do make a 'next book', I would certainly read it.
10446764
Thank you, it means a lot.
I've taken everything you've stated throughout the novel, I'll apply them to the next fantasy I'm working on.
I appreciate the time you have putten into reading/commenting on this story. Thank you. ;)
10392438
Oh. Uh. So was I? Hee hee?
10267426
BRO, I love the concept and saw one of them. Can you send me links?
here's one, the other is M rated
9408765
People are insignificant. And should feel insignigicant? I pretty cool ,in my slice of world liven in my skin?
What about you homey?
Peoples lives are what we make of it. We can only Be insnificant if WE feel insignificant that others want us to feel this way.
Why should we settle to being nothing? When what I am even as I am just atoms that have my name.
I have meaning because I say I do. Thats what nothingness is. A absence of meaning that I will fill with my own.
I hope and dream and am happy. Because it pleases me and others to do so. When I say hi!
And wave it makes some peoples day.
Others I imagine glare hatefully at me. But, thats life I suppose. Some people commit to stillness and death other like myself change and bend even as others break. I am life with everybreath. I change. I dream.
Like comment. Some may see it and hate or others may like or inextremes one or the other.
Ultimately, its helping someone seeing the world is worth living and living that life with hope that makes me happy.
Have a good day!
10525141
yes. that was a very intresting story
Heh, what I really would've liked to see... Twilight cracking under the weight of it all, and becoming a serial killer. You know, to teach ponies that they should cherish the now, because tomorrow may never come. She'd target those that failed to live their live, much like she always had - and she'd see it as a service to society at large. I mean, her view of the world was completely shattered in one go - somepony like Twilight wouldn't get away from something like that. Anypony else, but not Twilight Sparkle.
In the end, Atomic would likely have to put her down... but I have a feeling he'd "store" her somehow, employ her down the line. For the promise that she'd be the one to deliver the final blow to him (wherever and whenever that came), she'd stand by his side - as he taught the creatures of Equus that everything always comes at a bloody price, she'd similarly teach them that whatever you've gained won't necessarily be with you forever.
It would've been glorious.
10534091
And to be honest, I would've loved to see an approach to Twilight: The Serial Killer... because Twilight is intelligent and methodical. I would expect she would evade capture for quite some time, if not forever (becoming a myth, a legend, in the process). She would probably take all of the variables into account... although where she would get the necessary case studies, I'm not sure... perhaps Atomic could provide something from Earth's rich and storied history of serial killers...
I mean, can you imagine Equestria trying to deal with a serial killer that's basically just a shade shy of perfect? Randomise your kills (over time, area, age, gender, social status...), don't mark territory by specifically concentrating on (nor avoiding!) any particular area*, vary your tools (magic, blunt trauma, surgical tools, poison, bolts, accidents...)... I mean, really good ponies would probably entertain the idea that there are only so many ponies that are capable of this to such high degree of precision... Twilight chief among them... But...
I think they'd only eventually be able to capture her by inverse pattern mapping (essentially - whatever doesn't fit anything else gets attributed here) and the earliest cases. Nobody is perfect immediately... And she would have a pattern, in the end.
* the point is to not provide a pattern, so yeah - she'd have to kill in Ponyville at least once... I wonder who that'd be...
Also, it feels weird to get a notif about your own comment...
So will you do a reboot of the series or will you cancel it all together?
10577071
Half-half. This book is dead. Dead as a doornail.
It's unlikely to ever be continued; in a years time, if I still decide to keep it quits, the condition will be changed to 'cancelled'. For now, I'm focusing on writing a new novel with the same main character, with a different situation and setting. So far, it's over 15,000 words and still growing. If you're interested, keep an eye out in the coming few months. ;)
10577079
Will do ;)
no fascists I am guessing
10881690
But wouldn't magic promote smaller, elite units? Not large forces that need logistical arrangements like the division system.
10577079
Coming months huh
11401891
Months are still technically coming lol, just might be a decade or two hahahaha
11401967
And I shall continue to wait hehe.
11417640
https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxNdP8UwfTiSY5-8YXTHTW2mJM2cFjEghK I skipped ahead a few chapters and this video was literally me
11401967
Ah nice. I’d suggest cutting the zebras entirely, and making a more mature version of our protagonist that slowly devolves into a bloodthirsty monster
Though it’s just a suggestion
Germaney and the changelings could have allied together with the Griffon Republic. Germaney would have taken on Equestria to prevent them from supporting the Griffin Empire, and the changelings would take care of the Crystal empire to prevent Equestria from calling in their only allies.
11544187
Thanks for the encouragement! :D
The amount of times I've rewritten the first chapter in this new book I'm working on
I've taken 'perfection' too seriously, so I'll try to keep this in mind!
To be honest I thought that was the point of the story. It was comedic, but yet also had a semi-historical and compelling story to go with it. It was pretty funny, enjoyable, and all around pretty silly.
Even though I haven't read this story in... uhh about two years, I enjoyed it.
Crazy to think I was like 13 when this story was first published. I remember reading it then. Man time flies huh