"The only bridge I've ever burned along this legacy I dance is the one that links the cities of prosperity and chance" - Aesop
While working late one-night Principal Celestia happens upon a bundled up Sunset Shimmer sleeping in the school library. Realizing the truth of Sunset's living situation she takes her in and lets her sleep in her guest room. As events unfold and with a little bit of help their relationship evolves to one far from that of a teacher and student.
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aww. this is cute and im likening the idea already
this was one beautifully written chapter,so powerful and so heartwarming.i am now following this story,well done!
I love these kind of stories! Can't wait for the next chapter!
Hey, this first chapter is full of weird paragraph structures, random capitalizations, and not creating spaces after periods and commas. You really need to go back through this chapter and capitalize the 'sunset's' in your story description.
That could be taken out of context you know.
Other then a few wrong words it's rather good. I'm always a fan of Celestia adopting Sunset fics so you've earned follow for this story
I like the story aspect of it, but the pacing seems kinda rushed and the dialogue a tad expositiony. Also, it’s a little tough to buy that a girl living off dumpster pizza was able to maintain the poison of queen bee in a high school for years on end.
A very sweet start, I always loved those Momlestia stories.
There are quite a few punktuation and grammar mistakes here and there as has been already pointed out by others. Would you like some help with editing? English may not be my first language, but there is at least a bit I can help with
I heard Luna has a possum for a pet.
REALLY going to have to clear the "job" crack real quick otherwise it could really hurt both of them
9398704
I'm well aware of all the errors. I didn't use the sites native text editor and when I imported the file a lot of the formatting got screwed up. I should have taken more time to proofread, but this fic was something I churned out real quick and was more of a brainstorming exercise to help set things up for a more serious fic that takes place within the same continuity. I wasn't going publish it but decided to post it as a trial run to get used to the sites UI before I started uploading chapters for the main story.
Is that an obscure allusion I’m missing, or an autocorrect issue? Regardless, the story has potential. Looking forward to seeing what you do with it next.
9404840
It's supposed to be her last name, Sonos is a name that means 'sun' I borrowed it from another fic. So Principal Celestia's full name is Celestia Sonos. Sunset calls her Dr. Sonos instead of Principal Celestia because she associates the name Celestia too heavily with Princess Celestia. Being a high school principal she should have a doctorate, in my high school we called our principal by the title Doctor, not Principal, so Celestia is called Dr. Sonos, Principal Celestia, or just Celestia.
Must have collaborated with Tree Hugger on the cupcakes.
OK I have to call BS on the coffee thing. Sunset has been there for 2 1/2 years, goes to high school, eats out of restaurant dumpsters, and has been in a few homeless shelters. There is no way she has not been exposed to coffee by this time one way or another.
I like your writing but when it came to the pacing like the therapy sessions maybe instead of using page breaks use some phrases like the next day, or twenty minutes later, etc. this would help the story flow more.
congrats on another fine chapter.
9406156
Yeah, I know it's a bit far fetched with the coffee, and technically coffee does exist in Equestria, Starswirl brought back coffee plants on his travels to other dimensions, but I still liked that scene and I'm choosing to keep it even though it breaks the canon a bit, it's a small thing.
Two things, Sunset comes across as a little dense, as if she paid any attention in class I’m reasonably sure the connotation between China and Chinese would come up, and two horses/ponies etc are omnivores, they can eat meat but only seem to do so under starvation conditions.
It is never a good idea to spring something on someone with trust issues, the best way to get someone to clam up would be bringing other people into the mix without broaching the subject to them first.
Watch out for your use of past tense on 'send'. Several times you wrote 'sent' when you meant 'send'.
I like the premise! Interesting story so far :)
Also, what's the deal with 'Dr. Sonos'? Does Celestial have a doctorate and her last name is Sonos?
Have I just been out of the MLP world for too long and I missed that common knowledge somewhere?
This is great, had me laughing.
Seems good
9406347
Actually, equines are herbivores. There's just no such thing as an obligate herbivore. All herbivores are also opportunistic carnivores. Omnivores eat both plant and animal matter as regular portions of their diet.
9407813
Should have looked at the dictionary I suppose. I had always assumed it referred to capability as opposed to diet choice. Mostly because there are some animals that literally can’t get nutrients from both.
Overall good premise but there’s a lot to be improved upon. The characters feel emotionless and robotic as we do not see any of their thoughts or feelings. If you read back it looks like actors reading lines on stage. Actually worse because actors on stage can display emotions through voice, acting and facial expressions. Good thing about stories is that you can read the thought process and motivations. However there is almost no exposition of that here.
9408028
Thanks for pointing that out. Do you think it needs more inner dialogue or more narration on what the characters are feeling?
9409405
Probably need all as long as appropriate for the situation. I would suggest you reread some of the stories that you really liked here. See how they handled emotions and inner thoughts. Then figure out what’s best for your story and edit accordingly.
I like this story but the writing could be better. Keep writing on.
This is off to a good start!
Excellent chapter. Please update this again. I’d love to see where and how it ends!
Who is Dr. Sonos ?
This isn’t dead is it? Cause it’s really good
9967672
Most likely, unfortunately...
That was a Loooot of info for a first chapter. There's not really any big moments for us to expect with everything that was already put out in the open.
Hope this comes back because its really good
9409405
If i may ask, when will this be continued?, or is it cancelled?.
I personally really like the head cannon that she does know will leather comes from and doesn't wear wheel leather everything that she wears is vegan leather, I like this idea better than her finding out and being absolutely mortified
11169641
That's my belief too. Especially since a series of stories on this site had Sunset become Princess Luna's student, so when she visited Equestria for one of her lessons she asked Pony Rarity to make a copy of her leather jacket. The story revealed that it was the same leather Rarity uses to make her saddles, so I think Equestria invented vegan leather simply as a sturdy material that would survive most of the abuse clothing tends to go through (like why we invented denim) without ever knowing that it would end up mimicking animal hide.
So when Sunset entered the human world she soon learned about humans being omnivores who sometimes wear leather, took a long time to get used to that (maybe even the fact that she ashamedly loved the look of leather jackets and boots; like a guilty-pleasure thing). Then of course she found out that vegan leather also existed in the human world and with relief got her first jacket and boots as soon as she could.
Link for the story with the 'leather jacket copy' scene in case you're interested:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/254039/a-chance-at-self-forgiveness