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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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It feels like the atmosphere in Equestria changed really quickly.
Instead of saying poo, try feces instead. It sounds a little more mature.
9356768
Noted and implemented thanks for the tip
Ehhh... At the beginning of this chapter, the pacing was fine, and then out of the blue, Capper, and then, bam! Mercenaries!
The Capper part is ok, with she coming into town, there's a commotion, she investigates, meets Capper, that's ok.
But, after meeting Capper, oh look! Mercenaries want to hire you! It's just...too coincidental.
You could fix this by having Twilight and Capper chatting for some time, and then, several hours pass, the mercenaries show up, asking if anyone would like to join them, Twilight says she wants to join, one of the people realizes that Twilight was to one who took down Terror, and then the you continue on the next chapter
9357162
I made some changes to hopefully fix that.
9357189
Yup, much better.
9357195
Thanks for helping, note the next chapter has a lot going on
Hehe so author-san is saying Equestria is history ╮(─▽─)╭