IvanLunavich
Joined 9th Dec, 2018 ·
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Shining spanked Twilight 240 times, twice. That's 480 spanks in one session. Now, they stayed for a week, with the same events happening at least three times a day. That's at least 1,440 spanks per day. Over the course of a week (assuming it means a full seven days), that's a grand total of 10,080 spanks minimum. Likely a lot more.
helpful criticism... take it ..slower? add more detail? im not a good writer so thats all i can offer
No.
9342402
What's this? A story that is underpopulated by bees?
My jar full of bees will put a stop to that!
pbs.twimg.com/media/DkQt4OTUYAA6gO3.jpg
These stories make me wish my dad pulled out
Yeah... Um...
While I'm flattered that you wanted to make a story based on my idea, I feel like you did go very fast. Sometimes, the helps the pacing of the story if you properly set up the stage of what will happen before it happens. Otherwise, it will seem very haphazardly written.
Keep practicing, though! It takes a few tries to be a good story-teller!
9343341
Any tips on how I can go about that?
9343341
Other than that problem, did you enjoy it?
9343356
I did enjoy some aspects! I hope that you improve and do well, though!
1 Don't add so much of one word like half the chapter is smack
2 don't be afraid of going into detail about the world
3 build up to the act is always nice
9342728
You don't have a lot of happiness?????
wtf?
9342122
I want a math problem like that during class.
9342402
You...didn't even read it, did you? :P Well, that's okay too. But don't just hit the thumbs down button because something is different from what you usually like..
"Then, the three ate lunch."
LOL! Anyhow, I agree with the poster who said it lacked proper set up, with the characters just taking it to 11 immediately. A lot of the dialogue was very blunt and dry, especially towards the start. I did like it, but there's definitely lots of room for improvement!
9342122
Actually, the first day and last day have two sessions of 480 spanks for each mare, not three, yielding 960 spanks for each mare on those days. So the actual grand total is 8,160 spanks per mare, making 16,320 spanks all counted (I used a calculator with your numbers as a baseline). Needless to say, their plots are gonna be red for a long time.
A. That is a lot of Smacks.
B. Is this story over? It doesn't seen to have any more of it.
How did he spank Cadance while still in Twilight?
I've never before seen such overuse of onomatopoeia. Found 489 "SMACK" to be exact. It makes the ratio between words and "non-words" quite extreme.
I'm sure there's a story hidden in that haystack but it takes a keen eye to find it. Also Knighty needs to debug the "similar field". This story should be one-of-a-kind.