House was sweating like a pig and had to look out of squinted eyes and yet he almost wanted to laugh. He couldn't imagine a more stereotypical interrogation scene if he tried.
He was sat in a wooden chair with a hot, blinding light bearing down on him. Across a rather small table sat a small violet pony, the same one from that morning that had been walking next to the large white one. He couldn't see her now, she was hidden in shadow. But he had managed to see her quickly before the light had been turned on.
For the past five minutes, ever since the accompanying guards had magically bound him to his chair and had left him, the room had filled with silence apart from the sound of the grinding of teeth. Right now, this 'Twilight Sparkle' was making Tritter seem civil. Eventually, when it appeared she had left House to sweat long enough, she pulled back the light just enough for her face to not be incomplete darkness.
"So..." She barked. "Who, or should I say, what are you?"
House didn't answer, he simply shook his head and then looked her in the eyes.
"You will answer me. One way or another, you will. I have ways to make ponies talk."
"What kind of line is that? 'I have ways to make ponies talk'."
"Aha, see, I told you I could make you talk."
"Please, you can hardly expect me to stay quiet and miss that chance to mock you. I mean seriously, that's the line you use?" House sighed.
"What's wrong with that line?" Twilight quipped back before slamming her hooves against the table.
"For starters, it makes you sound like some cheap super villain from a comic book or spy novel. Secondly, if you really had ways to make ponies talk, I doubt you waste time and not straight up use them. Thirdly, do I look like a pony to you?!" Twilight flinched.
"Well... no, of course not. You look more like," Twilight rubbed her forehooves together. "Like one of the chimps my friend Fluttershy has looked after, only with less hair." House's face formed into a frown.
"I guess that's a close answer, given Evolution anyway, but no I'm not a chimp. And I don't appreciate being called one."
"What are you then?"
"I'm a human."
"A humwhat?"
"No, not a humwhat, a human. Seriously what do they teach you at school?"
Twilight sighed, a slight frown appearing on her face.
"Oh you know: advanced levitation; inanimate transformation; and time travel. All the usual's." Her tone was slick with sarcasm.
"And bitchiness?"
"Not yet, that's covered next year. Along with dealing with strange alien beings that come out of nowhere and try to ride the royalty, and your personal tutor, like a some sort of rocking toy."
House smiled.
"I'm impressed, I didn't think your species had developed sarcasm yet. From the prison your society looked so simple, magic aside."
"The feelings mutual."
House smiled.
"So I can rattle your chains, and poke me with a corner of the soft pillows. Where do we go from here?"
Twilight rolled her eyes.
"You're still here for interrogation." Her horn glowed for a moment and a zip appeared across House's lips, leaving him surprised and silenced. His shock brought a smile to her face and she leaned forward towards him. "Now, shall we continue?"
Three brightly coloured fillies crawled carefully through the long grass. Their heads daubed by with crudely made hats fashioned from grass.
"Melody to Witherwings, I think I can spot the target."
"Where?"
"Where, what?"
Scootaloo rolled her eyes.
"Witherwings to Melody, where do you spot the target?"
"Over by the lake, Witherwings, over."
"What are you two talking about?"
"Sweetie Belle," Sweetie Belle coughed. "Sorry, Melody, decided it would be nice to have spy names."
"Really? Well what's my spy name then?"
Sweetie Belle rubbed her chin, deep in thought.
"Hmm, how about woodcraft?"
"Woodcraft? Since when does that describe me?"
"Alright, how about Stormbuck?"
"That sounds much better, Melody, Stormbuck it is."
"Would you two be quiet, you're going to give us away." Hissed an angry Scootaloo.
Both Sweetie Belle and Applebloom looked down at the ground ashamed.
"Sorry."
"Sorry, Scoots."
"Fine, now, lets get closer. Lets see if we can get to that tree near the bench."
Wilson sighed as he awkwardly sat on a bench beside Canterlot's largest and only lake. Around him he could hear the sound of families playing and laughing together in the afternoon sun. Occasionally he would quickly glance other the happy sets of ponies before resuming his staring at the rippling surface of the water.
"All alone, again..." He muttered to himself. He shivered despite the heat of the day as he mulled over the events of the day. A very strange and depressing day. He was alone on an alien planet, stuck as a pony with no one, not even House at his side.
On that note, where was his friend? Was House here somewhere, lost like him? Or, was he alone here in this strange world? Wilson lay back on the bench and sighed again as he thought about the prospects. While he didn't want to be alone here, he knew House wasn't suited to this environment. Everything seemed so happy and innocent, a far cry from the 'Everybody Lies' world that House inhabited.
"Where do I go from here?" he asked himself. "I have no money, no job, and if I tried to explain my situation to someone they would just think I'm mad." A small tear started to work it's way down his muzzle. "If I was a human, maybe I could convince them, but as a pony, I have no chance."
Closing his eyes, Wilson began to cry, all afternoon he had tried to find someone he could start a conversation with and one who might believe his tale. Unfortunately, everypony he spoke too was busy working or unwilling to talk. Even his attempts to eavesdrop to gather information failed, all he overheard were conversations about the weather or the price of vegetables. All he ended up learning was that the currency they used was bits.
For what seemed like an age, he lay there quietly weeping.
CRASH
Wilson fell off the bench in shock, quickly stopping his crying as he fell face first into the dirt.
"What on earth?!"
His eyes go wide after picking his face from the dirt when he notices a twitching, broken branch lying on the ground at the base of the nearest tree. For a moment, he stood in silence, before realizing that the twitching was being caused by three young ponies.
Getting to his hooves with a creek, Wilson made his way over to the branch, pinned beneath it were three rather familiar looking fillies, frantically trying to get out from underneath the branch.
"Hey mister?! Any chance you can give us a helping hoof? Please?" asked the adorable little white filly.
"Err, sure."
Clumsily, he placed his hooves against the branch and pushed. Several times he had to pause and reposition himself, he was still trying to get used to his forelimbs ending in stumps rather than digits and it made tasks feel more awkward than they should. Still, it didn't take too long to move the branch and soon the fillies were brushing themselves off.
"Are you three alright? None of you are hurt at all?"
The three of them quickly glanced over themselves and each other before shaking their heads.
"Nah, we're alright mister," said the purple headed filly whose name he remembered as Scootaloo.
"Yeah, thanks for the help. That branch would have taken us a while to move, and it was really scratchy."
"Ya know, you're a lot more like ya sister than ya think, Sweetie."
"Am not."
"Are too."
Both Wilson and Scootaloo stood awkwardly at the side as the two other fillies devolved into constant gainsaying.
"Um, are you girls always like this?"
She nodded her head.
"I guess so, although sometimes it can get a little more physical." Wilson chuckled.
"I know what you mean, I find it hard to think it's possible to have a friend without the average fight. At leas, it's hard not to have fights with my friend."
She smiled up at him, "Your friend sounds interesting."
"Oh, 'interesting' is the correct word, alright." Wilson smiled briefly before quickly frowning again. "The problem is, I have no idea where he is."
"Oh, have you lost him?"
"I'm not too sure," he sighed. "I mean, I know he isn't here right now, but I'm not sure if he's here, at all."
"He's not here and you're not sure he's not here? That makes no sense."
"It's a complicated tale. But enough about me, where's that adult pony that was looking after you? Applejack, was it? Why aren't you with her?"
"We snuck away from her."
"Why? To climb trees? Surely you don't need to sneak away to do that?"
"Well, in my defense climbing the tree wasn't my idea."
"Then why did you climb it?"
"Applebloom thought we might get a better view of you from up there." Wilson's jaw opened wide. Scootaloo looked at him, scratching her head in bemusement. "Sorry, did I say something wrong?"
"You climbed that tree to get a better view of me?!"
Celestia stood on her balcony over looking the city, her lips curled up into a clear smile. Silently she faced out upon her city, her eyes closed and resting the front half of her body on the railing. It had been a weird day, she mused. Not only had her student finally beaten her at chess, but they had been ambushed in the gardens by a creature she had never seen before, an alien to Equestria it seemed. Although where he had come from and how he had got here, she couldn't quite be sure.
Not that it mattered where he came from of course, no, what mattered was what he was here for. The safety of her ponies was of her prime concern. She wasn't worried of course, he was safely locked away in the palace dungeons, her student interrogating him.
For a moment her thoughts drifted to Twilight, working hard no doubt in the cold stone room to pry any information she could from him. Celestia wasn't completely sure that Twilight would succeed, at least not fully, and it was likely she would have to finish it up afterwards. In fact, many would probably question her sending her student to do something so official as an interrogation. But those ponies didn't know what she knew, what was to come and how essential this experience would be for Twilight. Even if she didn't succeed, she would develop some understanding and hopefully some new skills that would aid her in years to come.
A movement below caught her eye, a orange pony that she recognized and a royal guard were walking up the path towards the palace, deep in discussion. Applejack had arrived for her meeting.
Celestia smiled and got up from her position on the railing but paused as a sudden rushing sensation went through her head and her vision began to swim. She shook her head to try and bring herself back to her senses but that only seemed to make her dizzier. Suddenly the distance between her and the ground below looked far more dangerous as a bout of vertigo hit her hard and she turned towards cool safe interior of her palace.
As she turned however, her hoof slipped and she found herself moving backwards instead of forwards. She tried to stop her movement even as backed up against the railings but the dizziness and pain in her head seemed to stop her hooves from obeying her.
What happened next passed in a blur for Celestia, one moment she was standing backed against the railing looking longingly towards the entrance to the balcony and the next she was falling towards the ground, the wind rushing through her mane and the cries of the ponies below sounding distance.
For a brief moment, she looked down at the oncoming ground wondering why her wings weren't working. The moment quickly passed and Celestia ended her descent with a sickening crunch.
Ouch...
House is going to drive Twilight insane!
... Huh... Okay... Celestia light-headed? Whut?
And now she needs immediate medical care; cue House and Wilson!!!
...Did you just give CeIestia "AIien lIIness Syndrome"?
AIso, l hate sans Serif capitaI l. lt 'looks too much Iike Iowercase I
2374477
Alien illness? who said anything like that?
2374453>>2374477Perhaps she suffered from an aneurysm or a stroke.
It's Lupus, for sure. It's always Lupus.
2374488
All will be revealed soon(TM).
2374484
House is from Earth, not Equestria, therefore all the bacteria from Earth that are naturally on his skin/clothes got on Celestia when he rode her. If you've seen the end of War of the Worlds, you'd realize that this means House just gave Celestia meningitis or something, since her immune system would not know how to handle the foreign germs.
In short, House is a biological weapon.
2374504
House's limp was removed, I'm sure all bacteria could be. Or not... We will see :p
It's Lupus!
2374459
I was going to say that.
2374514
howtobeaheroine.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/House-Its-not-lupus-Its-never-lupus.jpg
I don't watch house. But I know what it's about.
MORE NOW! You've been away for too long and you've only got 6 chapters after you started this story....years ago!
2374504You know, now I want to see a fic where a human gets sent to Equestria and inadvertently ends ponykind. Nothing can stop this plague he brought along with him. Magic is rendered useless against it. It is, the flu.
2374533Great minds think alike?
I saw this story updated. Instantly my day got better.
2374560 Sounds like a good parody fic for HiE.
I'mma go write it now. SHouldn't take an hour, being a parody, I can abuse the clichès with impunity!♪
*Celestia hit the ground with a sickening crunch*
Luna: Ack! My potato chips!
You did an amazing job on that interrogation scene, seems to have house written all over it. (which it does) My only complaint is if you're going to throw a cliffhanger in there PLEASE don't make us wait three months to see what happened. By the time it gets an update, the effect of that cliffhanger sort of wears off. (To be honest I thought this fic was dead)
2374674
Sorry, uni work has been a bitch and stuff, none of my stories are dead, not yet. They may take years to update but they will be, one day :D
Although this and Artemis will be the stories I work on over the summer.
2374560 2374615 Your wish is my command. Why do you need to request fics that have already been written?
Since you rebuilt the tree house.
And now it's time for House to work his medicinal magic with all of his jerkass charm.
2374691 Shouldn't take that long to write 2k words. I get 3k done in a few hours just writing mine, though I usually have a game to help visualize things...
Either way I hope you get more of these chapters out right quick, the Army doesn't usually give you much free time!
2374717Ah, thanks!
2374615Okay, send me a link if you get that done.
Considering her lack of competence so far, I'll assume she waited for House to answer her questions while his mouth was zipped, instead of branding him, pulling teeth, or using other, more reliable torture methods.Twi is worst interrogator.
Oh my, now this is an interesting turn for that worth.... for Celestia.
I enjoyed this I did, but the wait between chapter is way too long... atleast the story isn't dead.
The hell happened with Celestia though? Man, that moving backwards and falling off stuff happens to me sometimes, so annoying, but falling from really high up? That's a nightmare.
I haven't watched House in years; you sir, must keep this story going.
Have a mustache .
2374491
Except for that one time.....when it actually was Lupus.
2374825 I tried to read your comment, but was distracted by the rather disturbing avatar of yours. It makes me go "OH DEAR GOD WHY!?!?!?!?!"
I predict it's a sun stroke.
2375043
That... that's just so epic and needs to be a house quote in the story.
OH SWEET CHRIST IT LIVES.
Uh oh. Celly's gonna need a doctor. ... :| How FORTUNATE one just DROPPED IN and makes HOUSE calls. :D
2374477 When I paste a page from FIMFiction into Notepad and read it in Courier New font, it's not hard to distinguish l from I.
And so the case begins.....
<Cue Fade to Black and Opening Credits>
It's Lupus. I'm calling it!
Nice update, here's hoping for more.
Oh my, it seems as though Celestia is in need of medical aid... if only there were someone, anyone around who could help her! What ever will we do?
You could say that Celestia wasn't able to Flare her wings!
Heck yes, finally something medical is happening!
Holy shit,A House Crossover? Author you are now best pony.
I'm thinking that House's physical contact with Celestia drained some of her energy somehow. His human mitochondria started nomming on her tasty pony magicks. Through his ass. Because he was sitting on her.
Twilight as an interrogator...I get what you're trying to do princess. But it takes a certain personality to pull off interrogation, Twilight doesn't have it and unless a drastic event occurs she never will.
I also vote Lupus, as it's clearly having an effect on her brain, not just the dizziness but mental functions as well.
Great to see this updated, and that the Malady of the Week/Episode has popped up in a suitably dramatic way. Is it wrong that I immediately watched the opening to House after reading that? Because it felt like it needed to be there.
2375139 Its never lupus. Except when it is. Which is when you don't expect, but since you expect it it never happens so you stop expecting it so it happens and ooooh my brain hurts.
2374984 Few people appreciate her beauty. When they are joined like that, how can one not marvel at her splendor? The only thing with more majesty is the pony centipede! With majesties Cadence, Luna, and Celestia! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDwJArADO9o You just gave me an idea. Elizabeak can be the chicken! Show eet to Flootershy
2374825
>Reliable
>Torture
Pick one.
2375752 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvdf5n-zI14
I had a qualifier in my 1st comment. "more reliable torture." Therefore it does not need to be one way or the other (torture, or reliable). House was already being quite sarcastic with Twi. If she just leveled with him, instead of being ridiculous, he'd probably spill his guts...come to think of it spilling his guts can be used as a more reliable torture! More than hearing Twi yammer on with childish, fail threats, and her lecturing about how he should not have ridden Celestia. I'd imagine that if House could not intersperse witty quips into his conversation, due to his mouth being zipped, he'd somewhat ignore Twi, due to her treatment of him, until she's done being smug and condescending, and says something helpfully relevant to his immediate situation.
Of course he knows that he should not have ridden the diarch of a powerful empire! He just doesn't want to put up with Twi's shit. And vice versa. Put yourself in his shoes. He probably has a massive hangover, and he's going to die anyways to cancer right? Might as well step up the snark, just for those like Twilight. Twi could probably get what she wants if she threatens his friend, if she knew that there was a second human. That'll probably work. Mental torture. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWeUMdf2P3Q
TFW Celestia is the patient
Twilight: We're having an interrogation!
*Zips up lips, a La Matrix-style.*
Several hours later...
Twilight to the bludgened and beaten House: "WHY WON'T YOU TALK?!"
*House dies from his injuries*
*Twilight is sent to the moon for being retarded*
THE END.