Tonight on Kitchen Nightmares, we are going to receive an opportunity of a lifetime that everyone dreams of at one point in their life or another. To get the chance to visit and document a world beyond Earth. Not just any world though, a world inhabited by candy-colored ponies who can use magic! Just a week ago, one of the royalties of Equestria, Princess Twilight, and two of her ambassadors came to our own Chef Gordon Ramsay with an unusual request. To come to Equestria to deal with an epidemic of illness spreading from every famous restaurant and hotel in Equestria. She allowed us to accompany Gordon as a TV crew like us would pose less of a risk than a government official. What kinds of restaurants and hotels lie on the other side of the portal for our titular Chef to review and critique? Stay tuned to find out!
Twilight and her friends were allowed to stay a week at the presidential suite in Caesar's Palace while the Chef and his team prepared to make the trip to the other side of the portal into Equestria. Their Secret Service liaisons provided them with transportation and protection in Las Vegas as they spent the time exploring the city's numerous sights. Pinkie was busy most of the time winning countless games and slot machines in the casino, much to their confusion and dismay. Her favorites had included a game named after a cousin of their friend Applejack and the human's version of Poker. She even managed to beat a few championship-winning players with ease. Rarity had been busy browsing the many fashion shops at the local malls and boutiques, getting inspiration for her next fashion lines. Twilight had been enthralled with a series of shows on the History Channel that all seemed to be based in Las Vegas. So she thought it would be prudent to take the time to visit each location and gain valuable knowledge on human history and culture.
Before they all knew it, the week had gone by and they were just about ready to be on their way and head through the portal back through Equestria. Twilight had discovered a way to summon the dimensional crack from Pasadena all the way to Las Vegas, but to make sure they can safely go through, she had requested that they would be taken to a remote place away from the major population and away from prying eyes so that she could perform the spell. So the agents directed them all out into the desert towards an old gas station for all of them to rendezvous.
During the car ride there, Twilight told them about the things she had learned and the people she had met.
"Mr. Rick Harrison was actually pretty helpful and really friendly. His pawn shop was full of so many fascinating things. Though that golden clock on one of his shelves gave me the willies. He called it the Death Clock because a lot of people died while making it. His father kept on asking if he has spiked his drink when he saw me. Not surprisingly I guess, humans can barely comprehend our existence in this world. His son's friend Chumlee I think, kinda reminded me too much of Pinkie. The rare more irritating side of Pinkie anyway. When I showed him what our bits looked like he seemed to want to give me a lot of money for one of them. It seems that gold is somewhat rare here compared to Equestria."
"What about that...car shop darling?" Rarity asked. "Did you enjoy yourself there too?"
"Are you kidding me? It was amazing!" Twilight exclaimed. "I believe the owner's name is Danny "The Count". He was more than willing to show me a lot of fascinating things about how cars work. And it's pretty complex! Though I did run into another odd guy there. A man named Mike who was a little obsessed with horns."
The girls soon arrived at the meeting point with their liaisons early in the morning just as the sun began creeping further and further into the eastern sky. The desolate landscape surrounding the gas station began to drastically change back from its freezing climate at night to its scorching climate during the day. The growing heat was starting to become brutal, especially for three ponies covered in fur.
"Ugh, can we please hurry up with this darling?" Rarity whined. "I love getting my Vitamin D as much as the next girl, it does wonders for your complexion in healthy amounts, but this is going to cook me. And I really don't like getting all sweaty."
"I'm not liking this heat any more than you are Rarity, but have to wait for Gordon and his team. The whole reason for being here was to bring him back with us over to Equestria so he can help us. We can't just leave him," Twilight stated firmly.
"Well, he'd better hurry up. It's becoming practically an inferno out here."
The brown-haired agent, who formally introduced himself a few days ago as Agent John Myers quickly concluded a call with the Chef in question.
"Chef Ramsay is on his way your majesties. He said he won't take more than half an hour to arrive. Apparently, he had to buy a new camera for one of his cameramen after....uhhh, something about Miss Pie in an incident involving a fountain, a banana, and a pineapple in one of the casinos?"
"Trust me. You don't want to know," Twilight chuckled. "I just hope this doesn't sour our relationship with him. I'd like to try to make friends in the human world too.".
"I had no idea, someone, with that much booze could move like that," one of the other agents mused.
"In my defense, that Whis-Key stuff you mentioned did funny stuff to me. Even with sugar!" Pinkie explained from the inside of an old gas pump globe she had stuck her head into.
"Is that type of behavior common with Miss Pie?" Myers whispered to Twilight.
"It's best not to question it. Believe me, I've spent years trying to." Twilight replied wryly.
After a few minutes of biding her time by studying the nearby desert environment, A few cars showed up and Gordon and his team emerged. Gordon was wearing light casual clothes that were suitable for the growing temperature of daytime Nevada. He seemed to be eyeballing Pinkie Pie with a vaguely irritated look before he turned his attention to Twilight as he seemed keen on asking her a few questions.
"Pardon me for asking your highness-" Gordon started.
"Twilight," she interjected.
"Pardon?"
"You can call me Twilight, Gordon. There's no need for formality here," she replied. "I'd like to get to know you while I'm working with you."
"Alright then, Twilight I would like to ask why we are out here? Wasn't the "portal" seen in Pasadena?"
"Yes, but we are pressed for time, and a car ride would only delay us. I believe I have found a way to bring the rift or portal as you call it to our direct spot. I can't risk somebody accidentally following us in, so I had my liaisons here find a location like this one where little to no people are in the area."
"Understandable. Security and all that," he replied. "But uh, how are you planning on bringing the portal here?"
With a smirk, Twilight walked a few feet out towards an open spot where only a small patch of grass was and stood in a tense position.
"Observe."
Pinkie pulled her head out of the gas globe and put on a comically oversized welders helmet in preparation for the spell.
Twilight ignited her horn with a bright lavender glow that sparked with raw magical energy. It glowed brighter and brighter until the light blinded the eyes of all who were there until they heard a loud warbling that seemed to be coming from where Twilight was standing. When they opened their eyes, they were greeted by a mass of swirling light blue energy which they took to be the portal.
"HOLY SHIT!" Gordon cried.
"Don't worry, don't worry. We are completely safe here."
"And just about time that the portal got here too. I've been starting to worry about somepony giving Sweetie and her friend Button Mash tainted food," Rarity dramatically stated.
The girls began walking their way back to the portal casually as if nothing was wrong.
"Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa!" Gordon snapped.
"What is it, Mister Ramsay?" Rarity asked. "We really must be on our way as soon as possible".
"Through that???" Gordon and his crew cried in unison and disbelief as they pointed at the portal.
"Why yes Gordon. It is the only way to get to out-world after all." Twilight stated matter of factly.
"Uh-Uh," he declines. "I like my molecules stable and untampered with thank you."
"Pinkie? Can you be a dear and help me with him?" Twilight asked mischievously.
"Okie dokie lokie!" Pinkie giggled.
Pinkie just comically stretched out her mane with her hoof and absorbed all of their equipment into it like a vacuum cleaner and then began pushing Gordon and his crew towards the portal all at the same time, much to their dismay and utter confusion.
"Oh come on Rammy! It's gonna be fun having you over!" she said with glee.
Twilight and Rarity just giggled at the sight before them. Gordon and his entire crew being bulldozed into the portal by Pinkie's mane like rocks in front of a tractor.
Right before him and his team were launched through the portal, Gordon heard Pinkie yell "wheeeee!!!!" as they jumped through together.
Gordon couldn't make out what was around him but vaguely saw what looked like he was falling down a hole filled with lightning and spiraling clouds of different colors.
He then began to feel faint as he blacked out from the force of the fall.
"He just went all "splat" and then there we were!" was the first thing Gordon heard when he began to stir from his unconsciousness. Underneath him, he felt the distinct sensation of soft flowing grass.
"Yes Pinkie," he heard Twilight say deadpan. "We all saw it".
"Twilight dear, I think he's waking up," Rarity said.
"Damn, I feel like I've fallen a hundred feet down a fucking well," Gordon said deliriously.
"I'm SO so sorry about that Chef," Twilight consoled while helping Gordon upon his feet. "I don't entirely understand all of the mechanics of the portal yet, so there are still some physical risks when making the journey.
Gordon saw how upset she was at his bruising, so he tried to cheer her up.
"Ah, that's alright Twilight. Let's just try to make sure that doesn't happen again alright?"
"Sure. Perhaps I can put down some safety measures here for future trips to and from Earth."
"Fantastic," he replied. "Now, where are we-"
As his crew was helped up by Pinkie and Rarity, they saw Gordon slack-jawed at their new surroundings that they found themselves in and did the same right as they gazed upon the same wonders that he did.
They were dropped right in the middle of what Gordon could only describe as a kingdom from a child's storybook. Small two-story buildings in a variety of earthen colors surrounded them. Gordon recognized it as some kind of town square due to the placement of the buildings and the large four-story pagoda-like structure lying right in the middle of everything. The whole environment of the town had its own oddities as well. The sun was lower in the sky to the west signaling that it was early evening.
"I think I'm high," Gordon said trying to restrain his anxiety. "Definitely high."
"Then we might be all high at the same time Chef," his director Daniel replied. I really hope we aren't in a coma or something."
"No silly, you're in Ponyville Square duh!," Pinkie replied energetically. This is where we get off of the interdimensional express. Please make sure you remember to pick up your luggage and never accept packages from strangers.
"It's nothing to worry about Chef," Twilight urged. "This is Ponyville. Where you and your crew's primary lodgings will be while we "ahem" deal with the situation here in Equestria."
"Well, I suppose it looks pleasant enough," he replied as ponies going about their daily duties began to notice the humans with the princess and walk right up to them, curious of the new alien visitors to Ponyville. "This is probably the nicest ecstasy trip I've ever had. If this is all in my head anyway."
A tan pony with white hair and glasses trotted through the growing crowd of chattering ponies up to Twilight and Gordon to meet them.
"Princess Twilight! It's good to see you made it back safely," the mare kindly said. "And who is this?"
"Mayor Mare, this is Chef Gordon Ramsay. I've brought him and his team over from Earth to help us with our health crisis in Equestria," she explained. "Gordon, this is Mayor Mare. She runs Ponyville primarily around here."
"Fuck it, I might as well try to enjoy this as much as I can," he quietly concluded. "Pleasure to meet you, miss...Mayor Mare was it? I hope I can be of some assistance."
"Well we are certainly glad to accept any help we can get our hooves on," she replied.
"I am glad to help in any way I can, but first we probably need to get my bearings on where we are".
"Of course, just stick with the Princess and her friends and you shouldn't have any problems. If you need any assistance at all, just let me know. Absolutely ANYTHING!" she said as she moved her face to right within inches of Gordon's face and then moved off after a solid three seconds of staring into large blue eyes.
She then walked back in the opposite direction to help disperse the crowd of ponies who continued to gawk at the humans in awe. Gordon could vaguely hear them talk about how familiar he looked to another famous pony in Canterlot.
"May I ask what the fuck was that about?" Gordon asked slowly.
"She's a fan. I showed her one of your cookbooks and she became instantly hooked," Twilight replied.
"Ah" he simply replied.
"I'm kind of surprised that they seem to be THIS surprised by humans," Twilight thought out loud. "We've had a human here just a few months ago."
"Someone else was here before?" Gordon asked.
"Well humans are kind of new in Equestria and your little friend was just one human as opposed to a group of them."
"And with that, I am afraid I must take my leave Twilight and Gordon," Rarity said as she looked at the sinking sun. "I need to get home quickly to prepare dinner for Sweetie Belle and me."
"Yeah, I should probably get back home too. I'm babysitting the Cake Twins tonight," Pinkie added.
"Alright, I'll see you two tomorrow then," Twilight said. "Meet me with the other three in the throne room at noon first thing tomorrow."
Pinkie and Rarity went off in separate directions, leaving Twilight alone with Gordon. She escorted him and his team through the streets of Ponyville for about ten minutes until they finally reached the outside walkway of her home which caught the humans completely off guard with its massive appearance.
"Wow," Gordon said visibly impressed.
"Is that castle made of solid crystal?" his director asked.
"Yeah, my home tends to get that reaction a lot from ponies and humans."
She led them down the street and right into her castle home.
When they got inside the massive front doors leading into the main hallway, they began to fathom just how large this castle was from the immense size of the first chamber which echoed their every step. Gordon could tell that it was masterfully decorated and furnished. Banners of purple with accents of gold hanging down from the walls on either side, An impossibly long maroon carpet trailing down the main hallway and into separate hallways complimenting the various shades of purple and blue that seemed to make up the color scheme of the whole castle.
"Your home is quite nice Twilight. I can tell that you put a lot of care and love into it."
"Thank you. But I can't take the entire credit for decorating it. A lot of the decorations just sort of...came with the castle."
As Gordon began to raise his eyebrow in questioning at that statement, Twilight began to call for someone.
"Spike! Spike!," Twilight shouted. "Where are you? I've got our guests from Earth here!"
"I'm coming Twilight, I'm coming!" they heard from down one of the halls.
When the owner of the voice came around the corner to greet them, Gordon wasn't sure what he was looking at. A short chubby purple lizard with green spines running down its back. It seemed to be grasping what looked like a feather quill in one of its claws. Gordon's eyes furrowed in complete confusion.
"What?" Gordon asked in a vaguely frightened tone.
"What is it Twilight? I WAS in the middle of taking inventory of the library like you asked me- oh," he said as he noticed Gordon and his production team.
"Spike, this is Chef Gordon Ramsay and his production team. They are going to be staying with us primarily in Ponyville while he helps us deal with the outbreak," she explained. "Gordon, Daniel, this is my adopted son and top assistant Spike. He will be traveling with us with the other girls while we solve this little crisis."
Spike walked up to the humans with a raised eyebrow and looked Gordon up and down and as the man began to feel mildly offended, Spike put on a smile and outstretched his tiny claw.
"Nice to meetcha. I hope you can help us out," Spike said cheerfully. "Things have been getting crazy around here. Much more than usual."
"Ah, well. I guess I will do everything I can to help. But first I think I will need more details on what is going on." Gordon replied.
"And I agree. But even I am not entirely sure what is going on. Princess Celestia seemed to know about the situation better than I do. Which means I need to bring you all up to Canterlot first thing tomorrow."
"Canterlot? Ponyville? Damn, if the other cities have names like this, I think we may have our work cut out for us," Daniel quipped.
"Oh knock it off Daniel. Who's Princess Celestia if I might ask?"
"Oh, she's the primary ruler of Equestria and the one who moves the sun," Twilight explained nonchalantly.
"Wh-Wh-Wh-What? She moves the...."
"The Sun yes," she replied for him.
"Christ. This is going to get weirder every minute." he lamented. "Oh well, what's on the menu for dinner here?"
"Oh yes, I almost forgot," Twilight replied. "Spike!"
"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, I'm on it, don't get your tail in a knot," Spike said as he ran off into another hallway and one of the doors.
They then heard the sound of pots, pans, and plates banging and crashing to the floor and breaking into a million pieces.
"Oops," they heard him say.
"Fuckin hell," was all Gordon said before he followed Twilight in Spike's direction.
Here we go...
THIS IS THE BEST THING. PLEASE WRITE MORE...
Welp, I'm sold. Moar!
We now know the first restaurant Chef Ramsay will visit first... Twilight's kitchen. Spike is in for a lesson in food.
so out of all the cooking, he tries will he see the dangers of magic cooking?
Wow, I am so enjoying this.
Wonder how Ramsey will react to Spike’s cooking?
This is what I’d edit the first paragraph to, and if you need an editor, I’d be more than happy to help out.
I’d like to point a few things out here.
First off, while Gordon isn’t as reserved about his swearing as literally anyone else in the world (he literally could not stop filling a swear jar in one episode it was hilarious), his vocabulary of swears isn’t quite as colourful as you’re making it out to be. He’s generally limited to “fuck” “shit” “fucking hell” “oh my god” “holy shit” and other adaptations of those. Things like “cock-sucking” “twat burglar” etc etc aren’t exactly in his vocabulary and it honestly sounds really weird mentally saying it in his voice.
Granted, however, when he’s insulting someone he can get creative, just not to the levels of, well, stupidity as “twat burglar”
Secondly, I don’t think Twilight would outright refer to Spike as her son. Adopted son, maybe. Adopted brother, maybe. But not outright “son” and again it feels weird mentally saying it in her voice.
Thirdly, you’ve got some continuity errors. All signs in the story point to Gordon and co being the first humans in Equestria, yet there are also comments that other humans were there I.e. Twilight saying other humans and ponies react the same way to her castle. This is contradictory.
Fourthly, Pinkie Pie is described a little bit OTT. Breaking camera equipment? Defying the laws of physics casually in obvious ways? That’s not her and it honestly frustrates me when stories portray her like that.
It’s hard to visualise Pinkie ever being reckless or careless enough to break anything, I don’t think she’s ever broken something in the show unintentionally. As for the physics defiance. Yes, she defies physics and does weird things, but it’s not obvious to the level of sucking an entire crew’s camera equipment in her mane like a vacuum and using it as a ram while it’s stretched out, that’s just OTT and not like her.
The only other things I could point out relate to the entire plot of the story and I don’t really feel like breaking down the story’s plot as it is comedic and a good idea, if somewhat poorly executed.
I’VE EATEN THIIIISSSS!!!
More! More please! This is epic and funny like nothing else.
Definitely an improvement over the first chapter in terms of writing quality. Keep working at it, because this is shaping up to be a fun adventure!
9376971
Pinkie was mentioned to be very, very drunk when that happened. Something we've obviously never seen. She's never had whiskey before. Effectively impossible to say it's something she'd never do because we can't know what a drunk Pinkie is like - especially a Pinkie drunk on Earth spirits.
9377683
True. But that doesn’t excuse the OTT hair thing.
9377964
It does, because it's not breaking with characterization. Just because a character doesn't do something on screen doesn't mean that when looking at it with a little more realistic bent like we have to for fanfiction and not 20-minute episode storyboarding, that they don't do it 'off-screen', or that they never do it period. Pinkie has done loads of completely impossible things on-screen in front of others whenever she feels like. There's no reason to say she wouldn't do this as it doesn't break what's within the limits of plausibility for the character.
If she starts turning into a hyper-singularity, not caring about her friends or other peoples' happiness while having a relatively Pinkie-sound mind, then you have a leg to stand on with this approach, friend.
My feedback is that I feel it is implausible for Gordon to be so amazed at being required to use a portal in order to dimension hop.
You'd think he would be smart enough to not be surprised that you have to use a portal to bridge realities. It's not a plane ride.... its switching dimensions and he was told as such ahead of time. So it shouldn't really be a *surprise* to encounter some kind of portal.
Pinkie will get herself permabanned from Las Vegas with her brand of insanity.
9378119
Not really. Pinkie does subtle impossible things. Showing up in places she wasn’t before, fittin gin impossible spaces, pulling small things out o Cher hair and places they weren’t before. Zipping around at impossible speeds, etc etc. She’s never put anything bigger than a book into her mane and she sure as hell has never made it solid and able to push something. Carry small things the size of a screwdriver? Yes, just like AJ with her tail, but never anything bigger than that, and never pushing anything.
You’ve got to know the limits of the character given the information from canon. You can’t make big assumptions because then it feels wrong.
It's a little difficult to offer real criticism at this point for the same reason that I feel like I'm going to be impressed with this. The fact that you've taken two chapters just to justify this admittedly far-fetched premise is very impressive, and I believe the world you have crafted so far. I think your Gordon is a little inconsistent here and there, but so far he's mostly being reactionary so it's hard to tell.
Other then that just a few minor typos and nitpicks.
Right before the portal I think you meant "..our world..." Not, "...out world..."
Missed the second set of quotation marks when Pinkie is introducing them to Ponyville.
And finally the nitpicky one. Meeting at "... Noon first thing tomorrow." Sounds a little off. Noon is a little late too be first thing. Almost sounds like a slacker trying to be funny when saying they need to be up at the crack of noon or something.
Other then that, I like it so far. Can't wait to see were you take it.
i want to see more of this. alot more along with him coming face to face with his pony self who would act in the exact same way as him.
9378946
We do not know if those are her limits. Especially when we see things like Pinkie counting her far too many hooves. Or stretching impossibly. Or basically doing any number of things that should be physically impossible and cause her death. It's just what we SEE of her, it doesn't mean 'this is all that she can do'. Maybe Twilight likes crochet on the side, we've not had an episode about that so how would we know? So an author doesn't HAVE to go by specifically what's shown in the material, they can and are encouraged to extrapolate from the knowledge of the character to decide how things work in THEIR world.
9379179
Mostly, I'm trying to mix here and there what we see on screen with Gordon during Kitchen Nightmares and what I have been told he is really like. Cause he isn't just screaming and cursing. From what I've been told and seen in interviews and other shows, he's a pretty nice guy when he wants to be.
9378946
I'm building the impossible things Pinkie does in here based on what I've seen her do in the show. She's literally fallen apart into pieces and put herself back together like a lego set, slowed her own personal gravity so she didn't splash into a pool of water and waked up Rainbow Dash, turned her mane into a drill and dug through the earth, had her corneas stabbed by Flurry Heart's hooves without feeling any visible pain, and literally walked on air after Iron Will picked her up ten feet off the ground just to name a few things.
9379411
I'm not saying they have to follow canon. I'm just saying that you can't assume things about characters, what's shown in canon is the "predefined canon". You can have your own canon, change the character however you want. But if you want the character to be canon, "true" canon, you should generally stick to the character as seen, with little to no assumptions.
9379686
Fair enough, I've honestly forgotten most of the episodes details so remembering those times is out of my league. But all of this boils down to the fact that it doesn't feel right to me. It feels OOC seeing her do that stuff so casually and in ways that aren't comedic, helpful, etc. I can forgive her being drunk and breaking things accidentally, (though I feel like getting her drunk would be difficult either from resistance to it or from knowing what it'll do, but that's not the point), but seeing her vacuuming up all of the camera equipment and forcefully pushing Gordon and co into the portal? Doesn't feel like something she'd do.
9379668
I like that idea. And obviously most of the comment section doesn't actually pay attention to any of his shows because he is actually I very decent guy as long as things are being done right. What I'm talking about us him first literally saying "f it" and deciding to do it, then freaking out so much. But I understand that right now it's the set up and your just getting the pieces where they need to be. Like I said, he's being reactionary. The ponies are moving the plot with him just reacting to it. I'm looking forward to seeing him take the reigns, (no pun intended) and seeing the ponies react to him.
Also I thought of this just a little while ago. In like half the episodes of the show there's someone who seems like they really want to bang Gordon. And you just set up Mayor mare as a slightly creepy fan. Should my last two sentences be set in a spoiler blocker. If I'm right this just got twice as funny.
Is this really what you think a tv announcer and crew would seriously say about another culture's coloring in this day and age? How do they describe gryphons? Bird lions with bad tempers?
Interdimentional incident will be a label applied to all humanity as a base and standard for, possibly, decades.
Next; why in Satan's juicy left teat would any, government official on either side of any portal think, in even their most drugged and drunk moment of delirium that a tv crew from one of the most notorious television networks that holds Fox News; is not only a good idea, but the safest and best idea to cross interdimentional space and time without security, clearance, guards, medical team's trained in human anatomy, or even points of contact or safe areas for everyone's safety.
I only read the poorly written opening and already I had to do this, I'll update as I go. Celestia, beer me strength.
Why don't they wait in the cool ac of the SUV they got there in? Plus the security of not being sniped from some crazy who got lucky.
As opposed to medium rare magical energy.
Seriously? -_-
So blacking out bad words was only for most of chapter one? And why is he shouting loud enough to be heard for miles by a flash of light? He knows the portal is coming and there's no doubt every person with access to any form of sharing a picture has seen it, so why is he so shocked he nearly pees a little?
Also, wouldn't the portal area be heavily guarded? Why would Twilight do something as selfish, short sighted and simple minded as to take a rift between realities and move it to a location that isn't at all secured?
Twilight goes through and someone shoots Gordon in the back? A gust of wind blows by carrying a communicable airborne disease that destroys equestrian crops?
Yes, this is a story; but it should hold reality as base.
No one would (or should) just hop out of a car and go to another reality without taking precautions.
Would you talk to one of the rulers of a planet like that?
Would a proud Londonite with a career and family say that to the queen of England when asked to follow here into the palace's gate?
I... I don't have the time to go into everything wrong with this and what relates to every concept put forth by this single paragraph.
Wow... Ponies that are struck into unconsciousness from a 'bunny stampede' and hide for months from one of them who has stripes (Zecora) and scatter when shouted at are going to stroll up to an alien group that they no doubt know eat meat (thanks to rumor and conjectures humans might even have horses in their diets or eat our body weight in meat a week) and be just okay with it all?
Because searing and baking meat, fresh cut from a carcass, at 350* for two hours sounds and smells so great to a vegetarian.
The cozy little hamlet that is Ponyville, with its thatched roofs and excessively wide streets, is as least 20 miles in diameter? That's quite the claim, friend. Quite the claim, indeed.
Are you fucking serious?!
9380456
You're concerns are noted, but can't I just have fun with an idea and go with it? This is meant to be a comedy with a hint of drama in it. Something along the lines of Psych. I don't exactly want to go into explaining every single detail that might go into interdimensional travel, disease control, or government policy. And I don't exactly want to put into my fun story the idea of someone "shooting Gordon Ramsay in the back" as you so aptly described. Plus, I didn't want to go into saying that Gordon drove or flew with them all the way back to Pasadena to go through the portal. That just felt redundant to me.
As far as your other concern goes, I was trying to play to the fact that Twilight has used the portal to cross to Earth once before by accident and meets a human there that she brings back to Equestria to show him her home (which will explain why the ponies aren't afraid of humans) and still doesn't fully know how the portal spell works, which I will address in here soon and my attempt at a self-insert Pony on Earth fic. (something of a semi prequel).
Off to a good start, and yeah, plot holes are only a problem if you're being serious, otherwise they are part of the comedy, lol.
"You're burning everything! What are you!? A fucking Dragon!?"
"... Yes."
Where's the lamb sauce?!?
Spike's for dinner?
For consistency's sake, either the cursing in this chapter should be spoilered or the cursing in the first chapter should not
9387158
actually spike is a brilliant cook
Im quite curious how dinner will go, because Spike is a fantastic cook. Easily better than all of the Mane 6 except Pinkie Pie.
You know what would make this story even better? Gordon Ramsay trying to swear, and realizing he can't because... well, it's MLP. The resulting shenanigans would be priceless!
LOL
I'm fuckin laughing my ass off the entire time
Spike's about to get his ass ripped to SHREDS.
Which is it? Noon, or first thing in the morning?
Just a casual damn near half-marathon through town. Maybe ten minutes?
My only real complaint is the (over)use of "primary"/"Primarily". It's not a word often used in casual speech, and we've got it repeatedly in this chapter, and not just in narration, but in SPEECH! If you really feel it's necessary, I'd pull up Thesaurus.com and find yourself an alternative, otherwise, work around it. For example:
This one would work just fine without the "primarily". Anyone listening to Twilight is going to know what she means.
Add a period, fam.
Seriously though. This needs a TON of editing.
This paragraph was great and I could totally imagine the American Kitchen Nightmares narrator saying everything he said except this bit here.
Do you mean Blackjack the half-zebra? I hear they don't talk about her much at the Apple Family reunions.
"It's becoming an inferno out here." Try to cut the extraneous words down. It kills the flow of the story.
When you pair adjectives and nouns like this a hyphen is required.
Always put a comma before a character's name when writing dialogue.
Missing paragraph gap.
That's a fair reaction.
Then tell her to stay the fuck away from restaurants! These Equestrians are hopeless.
Tighten up that gap bro! I can see my future house from here!
I do like Gordon's reaction though. That got a laugh from me.
This line is understated brilliance. Well done!
Gordon is a known gentleman in his interactions with women but I do think he'd have rolled with something a bit more sardonic than that.
Finally, the description of Equestria I've been searching for since 2014. Absolutely killer line, author. Well done!
This entire paragraph is some very pretty description, grammar issues aside. You need hyphens for four-story and pagoda-like.
Alcohol doesn't make you hallucinate. He might mention tripping on acid or 'shrooms, something like that.
Ponies are certainly biological organisms but I think the word you're looking for is "health".
What did he just say? I think he really is drunk.
Change 'are' to 'am' and 'we' to I. So many errors!
If nothing else, you sure can describe a room. I'm not being a smart-ass, you really are quite good at that.
That's a bit much, even for Gordon. Also, why so many lazy dialogue tags? You can use action tags to convey perspective as well so readers don't become confused. It's also a great way to bring a scene to life and add helpful exposition without resorting to cringy backstory recited mechanically by your characters. You can say "Gordon's eyes scanned the room before casting his gaze on the green, scaly midget, his brow furrowing" or something like that. That was a bit off the cuff and I'm sure you could think of better.
I think I can see where this is going. I do have to ask, how did everyone get along before Gordon showed up if nearly all of them aren't good at cooking? It all raises so many questions.
Gordon isn't 100% accurate in my opinion but I have to admire the effort in bringing not just him but a production crew along with him. If they're going to film on location that means they have cameras and such, right? I sure hope they survived the entrance into Equestria considering the whole faling down a well thing.
This is worth another chapter I think. Hopefully things really pick up once Gordon starts tearing shitty restaurants to shreds.
This is either a typo, or your sense of scale is so warped that you could set Picard up in your house and pick a fight with House Martok. I'm assuming you mean ten MINUTES, not miles. Because at a walking pace of about 2 MPH, it would take five hours to cover the distance of ten miles.
Also, the Friendship castle wouldn't 'come into view' unless you were hugging the side of a building and turned the corner. It dominates the entire skyline, towering over the entire rest of the town something fierce.
Oh no! Spike's the one who cooks in their home.
Oh wait! Ramsay's nice with children, he's probably going to be safe from most swearing.
just wondering, where is the parts where twilight and them first meet gordon? ere those gotten rid of or is that under a different heading?
i love the mention of pawn stars and counting cars in this chapter