Feel free to actually describe things to your readers through your story. While the online format allows the use of pictures, it doesn't necessarily contribute to good writing. The less a reader has to look something up to understand it, the more engaged a reader will be with your story. Not to say that things should be dumbed down, or easier vocabulary should be used; a certain level of vocabulary should be expected from a reader. However, describing things by simply comparing them to objects in other stories that one can expect most readers to have NOT seen/read does no one any good.
Swapping between bolded/italicized text for emphasis is unnecessary and can be distracting in the form you used it: mid-sentence and trying to apply more than two levels of emphasis. Pushing the gender of the character was a bit premature, he/she is still unaware of the changes and the gender of something in literary sense is determined by perspective. From third person, the reader is a spectator and generally knows about as much as other spectators within the story. For instance the ponies may not know the gender of our heroine, but as your human readers, we do know what descriptive features could ascribe gender.
Until it has been explained to the world the character resides in, it is OK to to avoid the topic altogether. You can describe the character without assigning gender as well. Things like pronounced chest, broad shoulders, soft/hard facial features, non-linear silhouette, etc. This allows a reader to place their own ideas onto the character's gender. Allowing the gender to be used as Chekhov's Gun later, when their gender will actually be used to cover actual plot or character development. By doing this you also allow the focus to stay on whatever is happening at the time the character is described rather than pushing her gender dichotomy when there are other, more important things going on. By focusing so much emphasis on the characters gender when you did, you took away from the events that were happening at that moment. There is a time and place for everything if it has a need to exist.
I know almost nothing about the megaman series, despite how much it interests me, and many readers wont either. Things like Biometal Z and Reploids refer to things we don't yet understand(as readers). Find other descriptions that will fit the subject besides just a title. A 'humanoid form' for example refers to something with two legs, two arms, a torso,a head and stands upright. Generic and understandable, but leaves the distinct implication the subject is not actually human.
There are a lot of things I don't understand or have no grasp of in this chapter and feel left out of the story as a reader and propagating that with the rest of your readers will be counterproductive to the popularity of your story.
Interesting, you have a tracked story with this one
Interesting looking forward to more tracking story.
And I am now wholly invested. You good sir, did not dissapoint. I await to see the world you have invisioned for us.
ok question why the sex change for him?
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That will become clear soon enough.
I'm getting intrigued.
Feel free to actually describe things to your readers through your story. While the online format allows the use of pictures, it doesn't necessarily contribute to good writing. The less a reader has to look something up to understand it, the more engaged a reader will be with your story. Not to say that things should be dumbed down, or easier vocabulary should be used; a certain level of vocabulary should be expected from a reader. However, describing things by simply comparing them to objects in other stories that one can expect most readers to have NOT seen/read does no one any good.
Swapping between bolded/italicized text for emphasis is unnecessary and can be distracting in the form you used it: mid-sentence and trying to apply more than two levels of emphasis. Pushing the gender of the character was a bit premature, he/she is still unaware of the changes and the gender of something in literary sense is determined by perspective. From third person, the reader is a spectator and generally knows about as much as other spectators within the story. For instance the ponies may not know the gender of our heroine, but as your human readers, we do know what descriptive features could ascribe gender.
Until it has been explained to the world the character resides in, it is OK to to avoid the topic altogether. You can describe the character without assigning gender as well. Things like pronounced chest, broad shoulders, soft/hard facial features, non-linear silhouette, etc. This allows a reader to place their own ideas onto the character's gender. Allowing the gender to be used as Chekhov's Gun later, when their gender will actually be used to cover actual plot or character development. By doing this you also allow the focus to stay on whatever is happening at the time the character is described rather than pushing her gender dichotomy when there are other, more important things going on. By focusing so much emphasis on the characters gender when you did, you took away from the events that were happening at that moment. There is a time and place for everything if it has a need to exist.
I know almost nothing about the megaman series, despite how much it interests me, and many readers wont either. Things like Biometal Z and Reploids refer to things we don't yet understand(as readers). Find other descriptions that will fit the subject besides just a title. A 'humanoid form' for example refers to something with two legs, two arms, a torso,a head and stands upright. Generic and understandable, but leaves the distinct implication the subject is not actually human.
There are a lot of things I don't understand or have no grasp of in this chapter and feel left out of the story as a reader and propagating that with the rest of your readers will be counterproductive to the popularity of your story.
First two chapters are a pretty good start for a displaced fic. Definitely going to keep my eye on this.
Ok, i read few megaman fimfics and your so far has interesting start. Will keep an eye on more updates.