Totally Winging It
Applejack’s trek away from Rarity’s boutique was a far cry from her original trip there. Rather than a frantic gallop, she plodded along at a slow trot. She was in no hurry, and her mind was wandering and unfocused. While her destination was Rainbow Dash’s house, or rather the patch of grassy field beneath it, she was not in too much of a hurry to get there. Not because she didn’t want to see the pegasus, but because she had no idea how to tell her about Apple Bloom’s reaction or Granny Smith’s dinner plans.
“What am I gonna do?” she absent-minded muttered to herself as she slowly made her way through town. Her head was hung low, her shoulders were slumped, and her tail was practically dragging behind her. It should have been quite obvious to any observer that something was amiss with the normally chipper and upbeat farmpony.
But it was late in the day, and not many ponies were out. Added with the fact that she was taking back streets and alleys rather than going directly through the center of town, and it was no surprise that nopony noticed her discomfort. Well, almost nopony.
Applejack suddenly paused in the middle of the street. She’d caught a glimpse of a shadow moving across the ground in front of her, in the familiar shape of a pegasus soaring overhead. Her heart nearly skipped a beat, and an excited smile appeared on her face as she craned her neck to look up into the clear skies above. But her smile quickly faded.
The sky overhead was turning a dull orange hue with the approach of dusk. If there had been any pegasi up in the air, particularly a bright blue one with a rainbow mane, they would have stuck out quite clearly. Unfortunately, there were no pegasi in sight, or even any clouds that could possibly conceal their presence.
With a disappointed sigh, Applejack lowered her gaze back to the street in front of her, and resumed her slow trot. Up until somepony yanked her hat off her head.
“Hey, what’s the big idea?!” the orange mare snarled, whirling around to see who had plucked the Stetson hat from atop her mane. However, her angry expression was quickly replaced by a perplexed one as she discovered that nopony was there. “Huh?”
“The big idea is that this hat totally looks better on me,” a familiar voice bragged from directly overhead.
Despite being frustrated with her hat being stolen, Applejack still had to struggle not to smile as she looked up at the blue pegasus hovering upside-down right above her. “Why hello there, Rainbow Dash,” she stated coolly, fixing her with an even stare as she somehow managed to keep a straight face. If she acted excited now, Dash would probably feel inclined to steal her hat more often, and that would be quite bothersome.
“Aw, I was hoping you’d be more excited to see me,” Rainbow Dash replied with false sadness, her crooked grin showing her true feelings on the matter. Stealing her friend’s hat was always a source of amusement for her, especially now that she could probably get away with it more often.
Applejack quickly stood up, plucked her hat off Dash’s head, and placed it back in its rightful position. “There,” she stated as she returned her hooves to the ground, before flashing a big grin. “Now Ah’m happy to see ya.”
Dash, still hovering upside-down a few feet over the blonde mare, continued to grin. “Good to hear. So what brings you all the way out here? Coming to see me? Am I just that irresistible?” she purred playfully.
Applejack rolled her eyes. “Eh, not entirely, Ah’m afraid…” she nonchalantly replied.
The cyan-pegasus gave a quick flutter of her wings, and rolled right-side-up. She then hovered down and in front of Applejack, so she could speak to her face to face. Some ponies found air-to-ground conversations annoying or rude, after all, and she wanted to show her friend proper courtesy and respect. “Not entirely irresistible? Darn, I need to work on that,” she quipped with a grin and a waggle of her eyebrows. Her cheeky grin quickly faded, though. “But seriously, what’s up? You were looking kinda down when I flew over a second ago.”
“Eh…” the farmpony shrugged, glancing off to the side. “Just got some stuff on my mind.”
Dash frowned slightly, and a look of concern filled her eyes. She resisted making the obvious joke about herself being on AJ’s mind, and the connotations attached to it. “What’s wrong? Is it stuff about us? Did I do something wrong?”
Applejack gave a shake of her head. “Nah. You ain’t done nothin’ wrong. Don’t be frettin’ ‘bout that. It’s just…” her voice trailed off, and an uncertain look formed on her face. Her gaze one again drifting off to the side, she muttered: “Well, let’s just say not all of my family is keen on us courtin’ and whatnot.”
The cyan pegasus frowned. “Uh oh. Let me guess. Granny Smith? How’d she find out?”
The blonde mare let out a small laugh. “Funny thing, actually. She’s perfectly fine with it. Wants you to come over fer a family dinner, in fact.”
The blue pegasus stared blankly in confusion for a few seconds, trying to process that information. “Do what now?” she asked with a mixture of confusion and disbelief. “She’s actually cool with it? And a family dinner, you say?”
“Yeah, that’s part of the problem…” Applejack grumbled. “Ya see, Apple Bloom overheard a bit of me and Big Mac talkin’ ‘bout what happened. He’s also ‘cool with it,’ by the way. Anyhoo, she asked Granny Smith what a fillyfooler was.”
Naturally, Dash burst into laughter at this point. “Sorry, sorry…” she apologized through giggles. “Keep going…”
“So yeah, Granny Smith sent her off to play with her friends, without answering her question…” the blonde pony explained to her friend. “An’ in her quest fer knowledge, she went to go ask them Cutie Mark Crusader friends of hers.”
Rainbow Dash’s silly smile disappeared instantly. “Uh oh. Um. Scootaloo kinda asked me what a fillyfooler was a few weeks ago, and-“
“Yeah, Ah know,” the orange mare deadpanned. “Ah got there about five seconds too late.”
“Oh…” Dash winced, her shoulders shirking and her ears falling back. “And I’m guessing Apple Bloom didn’t respond too well?”
Applejack raised a hoof to her forehead, and began to massage her brow. “Not at all…” she groaned. “Thankfully, Rarity was able to do damage control.”
“Oh, Rarity knows too? Well, at least she was able to help…” the pegasus muttered.
“Yeah, and she didn’t make too much fuss about me or us. Was pretty excited about it, actually. Even offered to gimme a makeover an’ stuff,” Applejack idly muttered. Dash shot her a quizzical look. “Only real problem right now is that Apple Bloom thinks I’m an artist.”
The blue pegasus suddenly leaned her face in closer to Applejack’s. “Oooo, draw me like one of your French mares…” she purred seductively. It wasn’t clear whether she was being playful or not.
Applejack stared for several seconds, before muttering: “Ya know, Ah may have to actually take up painting now…”
Dash quickly cantered a circle around the earth pony, giggling as she went. “I was joking. But if you actually want to try to learn how to paint, I totally don’t mind being your model. Or muse. Whatever you call it,” she rolled her eyes. Art wasn’t really her thing, so she had no idea what the right terminology was.
Applejack smirked at the offer. “Heh, thanks. But…” he smirk faded, and worry returned to her eyes. “There’s still the issue of Apple Bloom. Ah mean, I hate to hide stuff from her, but that’s prob’ly not even gonna be an option. Granny Smith will likely be makin’ all sorts of comments and askin’ questions at the family dinner. That’s gonna make hidin’ things pretty much impossible. And once the cat’s out of the bag… well, then things are just gonna get messy,” she lamented with a frown. The earth pony sat down and sighed. “This is gonna be a disaster…”
Rainbow Dash took a small step forward. “Well, if it’s too much trouble…” she muttered softly, “Why don’t we just avoid it altogether? If ‘courting’ you is going to cause so much trouble for you with your family and stuff, then maybe we… shouldn’t?” It was quite clear from the hints of sadness in her voice and the faint pain in her eyes that she personally hated the idea. But it was also clear that her concern for Applejack far outweighed her own wants and desires.
Upon hearing her suggestion, though, Applejack’s eyes went wide, and she recoiled back a step in shock. “What? N-no!” she stammered. “That, that ain’t fair! Not to you. Not to us…” she muttered sadly. It was unclear to Dash whether Applejack was failing to hide the sorrow seeping into her voice, or if she wasjust not even trying at all.
The rainbow-maned mare quickly trotted closer, and turned to stand adjacent to Applejack’s left side. “Hey, hey, it’s alright,” she murmured gently in an attempt to comfort her friend. “I don’t actually want to call things off or anything. I was just trying to… you know…” her voice trailed off as she found herself unable to figure out what to say.
Dash wasn’t good with words and feelings. She preferred to be straightforward, and let her actions do most of the talking for her. So, rather than fumble with words and explanations that would make the situation worse, she decided to just communicate through action, rather than conversation.
The pegasus unfolded her right wing and draped it over Applejack’s back, leaving the wingtip hanging down over her opposite side. It was a gesture pegasi considered on par with a hug, if not just a variant of hugging that used wings instead of hooves. She felt Applejack tense slightly at first, and her eyes shifted to stare confusedly at the blue mare. “Whatcha doin’?” she asked warily.
“I’m giving you a hug,” Dash replied with a small smile. “Or at least, what most pegasi would call a hug.”
“Oh…” Applejack mused, still looking slightly perplexed. Dash felt her quickly start to relax under her wing. In fact, after a few seconds, Applejack closed her eyes, and leaned up against the pegasus. “Ah ain’t complaining…” she softly murmured, resting her head against Dash’s neck. "Not one bit."
Dash giggled, a small smile of contentment forming on her face. She wasn’t complaining either, especially in regards to the earth pony leaning against her for support. She didn’t say anything aloud, though. Once again, she knew actions spoke louder than words, and words would have only hurt the moment.
So the two mares just stood there for a minute or so, Dash with her wing draped over Applejack, and Applejack gently leaning against Dash. The silence was finally broken, however, when the pegasus smirked and stated: “You know, if we stay like this much longer, somepony is going to see.”
“Consarnit,” the blonde mare grunted. She then leaned back away from Dash and sighed. “That’s all we need right now…”
Dash tensed her wing, briefly tightening her “embrace” of Applejack. “Don’t worry, it’s not like this is the only time I’ll ever get to hug you.”
Applejack smiled. “True. But yer right, we should probably try to look a bit less, er, conspicuous.”
Dash nodded, and took a step away from Applejack. However, rather than completely retracting her wing, she only pulled it back slightly so that the wingtip was resting behind the earth pony’s mane, right at the base of her neck. With a sly smile, she proceeded to lightly run the tips of her feathers down most of the length of Applejack’s back, before gently grazing her wingtip across her friend’s cutie mark. Only then did she retract her wing.
Applejack felt a small shiver run down her spine in the wake of the feathers, particularly when Dash grazed her cutie mark. Almost immediately, a small blush rose to her cheeks. “What in tarnation was that?” she asked after the pegasus had folded her wing back against her side.
It was Dash’s turn to blush. “Oh, uh, you don’t know?”
“Know what?” the orange mare replied, perplexed.
“Oh, it’s, um,” Dash muttered with a sideways glance. She raised a hoof and awkwardly rubbed the back of her neck, before letting out a small, nervous chuckle. “Heh. Heh. Darn, of course you don’t know. Um. Oh jeez, this is awkward. I’m not good with explaining things. Especially stuff like this. Uh...”
“What am Ah missin’ here?”
“It’s, like a… It’s a pegasus thing,” Dash tried to explain.
Applejack raised an eyebrow. It was very odd to see the normally cool and confident pegasus looking so unsure, perhaps even embarrassed. “A pegasus thing?”
Dash uncertainly shifted her weight from side to side. It seemed she was having trouble finding the right words. “Yeah, like body language, only with a wing. Wing language. Something like that. A little gesture we do. With our wings.” She unfolded her wings and flexed them a bit for emphasis.
“Well, what’s it mean?” Applejack inquired.
The blush on the cyan pegasus’ cheeks darkened further. “Well, you see, it’s like… Um. It’s a show of affection. Like a way to say ‘I like you,’ but there’s a little bit more to it than just that. Like, it says you’ve got more than just a passing interest,” she explained, the hesitation in her voice betraying her nervousness. “It’s, uh, it’s like a show of legit interest, and, uh,” she averted her gaze, clearly embarrassed now, “Y’know, trust and stuff.”
Applejack studied Rainbow Dash for a moment. She then smirked and observed: “Ya know, yer pretty cute when yer flustered like that.”
Dash’s blue face somehow managed to turn even redder. “H-hey!” she stammered indignantly. “I’m not flustered! I just, uh, I just- Ugh. How many times have I gotta say that I’m not good at talking and explaining stuff?” she huffed. “I’m out of my element, alright?”
“Nothin’ to be embarrassed about, Darlin’,” the blonde farmpony replied with a comforting smile. “Ah think Ah get what yer sayin’ about the weird little wingtip back strokey thing, though. It’s supposed to be more of a cutesy meaningful thing, rather than a flirty playful thing. Right?”
The pegasus shrugged both her shoulders and her wings. “Yeah, something like that.”
Applejack paused to look around. As far as she could tell, nopony watching them. In fact, it didn’t seem like anypony else was around. Feeling confident that they were alone, she turned to look back at the pegasus. The orange mare suddenly leaned her face closer to Dash’s, and gave a coy smirk. “Soooo, somethin’ like this, then?” And with that, she gave Dash a small kiss on the cheek, her lips lingering for several seconds before she pulled away.
The crimson hue on Dash’s cheeks now perfectly matched the red streaks in her mane and tail. Her eyes went distant, and a goofy grin quickly formed on her face. “Yeah, uh, something like that. A lot like that. That’s… yeah, that’s a good… comparison… thingy…” she babbled. It was quite obvious that her mind was barely tethered to reality at this point.
Applejack couldn’t help but tilt her head back and laugh at her friend’s dumbfounded reaction. “Hah! Well, glad we got things all cleared up then.” She then raised a hoof to adjust her hat, before turning and trotting a few steps away from Dash. “Now come along now, Sugarcube.”
The blue pegasus shook her head to regain her senses, and shakily flapped her wings to get airborne and hover after Applejack. “Wait, where are we going?” she asked, perplexed.
“Well, it’s gettin’ close to dusk,” Applejack shrugged as she continued to trotted steadily down the street. “Ah prob’ly need to be gettin’ on home soon.” She then paused to look back over her shoulder at Dash, and smirked. “Ah figured you’d wanna accompany me on back, at least part of the way.”
Dash responded to the smirk and the offer with a lopsided grin. “Sure, I don’t mind.” Hovering up alongside the orange mare, she gave her a gentle hoof-jab to the shoulder and snarked: “Somepony has to make sure you stay out of trouble, after all.”
Applejack rolled her eyes. “Oh yes, mah hero,” she sarcastically replied.
Dash simply chuckled. She then hovered up over Applejack and rolled on her back, so that she was flying along upside down. She folded her forehooves over her chest in a sign of relaxation, and allowed her head to hang down just over her friend’s. Of course, a weathered old hat obstructed their direct view of each other. Despite being so laid-back about it, the pegasus managed to keep flying with almost perfect precision.
“Ah ain’t even gotta look to know yer showin’ off, ain’t ya?” the orange mare deadpanned.
Dash closed her eyes and nodded. “Uh huh.”
The two walked and hovered along in silence for a few moments, taking a shortcut or three through some of Ponyville’s small side-streets. As they turned down one street, Applejack tilted her head back to look up at her friend. “So, what are some of yer favorite foods?”
The pegasus opened an eye, and looked down in confusion. “Uh, what? Why you wanna know?”
“Fer the dinner of course,” Applejack replied. “Like Ah said, Granny Smith wants ya to come over fer a family dinner. Ah wanna make sure we make somethin’ ya like. So, what are yer favorite foods?”
The answer came back quite quickly. “Pizza,” Dash said with a deliberate nod.
Applejack paused mid-trot, and looked up to give her pegasus friend an exasperated stare. “Um, Dash, pizza ain’t exactly good ol’ fashioned family cookin’. Least, not mah sorta family cookin’.”
“Hey, you asked about my favorite food,” Dash replied with an airborne shrug.
The farmpony sighed, and resumed her trotting. “Okay, how ‘bout a favorite food ya’d expect to have at a home-cooked family dinner?”
The rainbow-maned mare pondered thoughtfully for a moment. “Hmmmmm.” She then gave another shrug of her shoulders as she idly flew along. “Fried catfish?”
Applejack froze, and turned slightly pale. “Fried do what now?”
“Fried catfish,” Dash casually repeated herself. “Gilda managed to get me to eat some one time, and it was actually pretty good. She said it was a southern recipe. And I figured- bwahahahah!” she suddenly burst into uproarious laughter. “Okay, I’m sorry, I can’t keep that up. I’ve never had fried catfish, though Gilda really did try to make me eat some one time.”
Applejack’s color returned, though not entirely, and she let out a relieved sigh. “Wow. Ya really got me there for a second. But, uh, seriously now. Whatcha want fer dinner?” she asked as she resumed her trot towards the edge of town.
Dash gave another shrug. “Honestly, I’m not too picky. I’m sure whatever you and your family makes will be awesome. Though, some apple fritters for desert would be cool.”
The blonde mare smirked confidently. “Yeah, Ah think Ah can handle some fritters. Actually, are ya free tomorrow evenin’?”
“I can be. Why?”
“Well, do you still wanna come over for cooking lessons?”
The cyan mare smirked. “Naturally.”
“Well, how ‘bout this then. You come over in the afternoon, Ah teach ya to make fritters, and then ya stay fer dinner. Sound good?” Applejack asked with a grin.
The pegasus rolled right-side up, and clopped her hooves together with excitement. “Sounds awesome!” Dash exclaimed. “But, uh… What about your sister and stuff?”
The orange earth pony let out a small sigh. “Ah dunno. Maybe we can dance around the issue, or keep her from getting’ too suspicious. But worst case scenario, Ah guess we just tell her the truth, an’ hope fer the best.”
Dash smiled softly, and lowered her altitude to hover alongside Applejack. “Hey, if it helps, I can give you more wing hugs afterwards.”
Applejack cast a sideways glance to her friend, and returned her soft smile. “Maybe. They prob’ly won’t fix the problem, but they’ll help me feel better, at least. We’ll just have to make sure Apple Bloom don’t see. That’d just make things a whole lot worse…”
“Eh, as long as we don’t get caught, everything should be fine. I mean, if we can get through dinner without her figuring everything out, then as long as we’re not too obvious about things, I don’t think Apple Bloom will ever be too much of a problem,” the winged mare mused.
“Eeyup,” the farmpony nodded as they reached the edge of town. “The less she knows, the better…”
Meanwhile, a few rooftops behind them, a small but feisty orange pegasus by the name of Scootaloo was surveying the two mares through a set of binoculars. As the targets of her observation reached the edge of town, the walkie-talkie sitting next to her suddenly crackled to life. “Big Apple to Songbird and Chicken Wing. Big Apple to Songbird and Chicken Wing. Y’all copy?” drawled the heavily-accented voice of Apple Bloom over the radio.
“This is Songbird, I read you,” the voice of Sweetie Bell answered over the communication device. “Over.”
Scootaloo reached over with a hoof to key the transmitter on the walkie-talkie. “Chicken Wing here. Told you I was right!” she proclaimed triumphantly. “Er, over.”
“Hush up Chicken Wing, ya already said that five times,” Apple Bloom’s voice replied. “Let’s focus on the big picture. Over.”
“Sorry,” Scootaloo shrugged. “Well, it looks like they’re leaving town, heading back towards the farm. Not really much else to observe or hear, I don’t think. Over.”
“Yeah,” Sweetie Bell’s voice crackled over the device. “I think we’ve heard enough. If we try to follow them any further, they’ll probably see us. I’m running out of trash cans to hide behind. Over. Er, not over the trash cans, over… the message… thing. Over.”
Apple Bloom sighed audibly over the walkie-talkie. “So it’s true, then. Mah big sister really does like mares.”
“Sorry Apple Blo- I mean, Big Apple. I mean, it’s not so bad, really,” Scootaloo tried to console her.
“Eh, it ain’t like Ah’m mad about it or nothin’ like that,” Apple Bloom replied. “It’s just… weird. Ah don’t get it.”
“Maybe you’re not old enough to get it?” Sweetie Belle suggested. “My sister said we weren’t old enough to talk about stuff like this, didn’t she? So maybe it’s something we’re supposed to learn about in school later on, or something like that?”
“Maybe,” Apple Bloom answered back through a short burst of static. “Though, Ah dunno how ta feel about them tryin’ ta keep it a secret from me an’ stuff.”
“It sounds like they just don’t want to upset you,” Sweetie Belle observed.
“Yeah, don’t take it too personally,” Scootaloo transmitted with a shrug. She then added: “Also, we keep forgetting to say ‘over.’ Over.”
“Oh yeah, you’re right,” Sweetie Belle responded, before quickly adding: “Over!”
“Yeah, Ah guess y’all are right. Ah shouldn’t be too upset,” Apple Bloom mused. “Over.”
Scootaloo grinned wickedly. “You should totally mess with them tomorrow during the dinner thing. Over.”
“Brilliant!” Sweetie Belle proclaimed loudly. Scootaloo actually heard her both over the walkie-talkie, and from the alley way down the street. “Yeah, you should totally mess with them. Ask tricky questions and stuff. Hee hee! Over.”
“Heh, yer right. That could be fun. Heh heh heh…” Apple Bloom chuckled darkly. However, her laughter was suddenly interrupted by another, unrecognizable voice in the background. “Oh! Uh. Hiya there, Miss Twilight!”
Scootaloo looked down at her walkie-talkie in confused surprise. She then raised a hoof to her mouth to stifle her laughter.
“Yeah, Ah was just, uh… Oh, the binoculars? They’re fer, uh, bird watching. Yes. Bird watching. Trying to get my bird watching cutie mark,” Apple Bloom explained, accidentally transmitting her defense over the walkie-talkie. “Bird watchin’ is exactly why Ah am on yer balcony. Oh, uh, the walkie-talkie? It’s, uh… Fer coordination. With other bird watchers. With our binoculars. So we can watch the birds from, uh… all the angles. All the different angles. At once. To see their plumage and stuff. With radio coordination. Because we’re awesome bird watchers like that. Uh huh. Ya don’t believe me do ya? Darn. Uuuuuhhh… Big Apple to Chicken Wing and Songbird, Ah’m gonna have to talk to y’all later. Over and out.”
Static filled the frequency. After a few seconds, Sweetie Belle’s voice crackled through to static. “Well that was absolutely painful to listen to.”
Scootaloo was unable to respond, as she had finally fallen over, laughing at the hilarity of it all.
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That ending...
thepoliticalcarnival.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/laugh.gif
Okay, this is a hilarious little twist to throw into a pretty standard, if well-executed Appledash (I am a sucker for people writing a romance between the two with them actually acting like themselves and not like yuri leads). Looking forward to Apple Bloom's revenge.
Looks good, will watch and read when I'm finished with my work.
As said before, excellent use of mood wings material!
Pfft, Ha! I love those code-names! This story is good and it keeps getting better! I love it!
Pegasi body language fanon go!
Also, very entertaining so far, glad Tchernobog mentioned it in his blog post comments.
Mood Wings reference was phenomenal! I absolutely love this story and it's actually the inspiration for my current work :)
Keep writing! I can't wait to see the next chapter!
Oh, before i forget!
"A little gesture we do. With out wings." <--- "our", I assume!
WOOHOO!! I totally didn't expect to see this story get Featured!
Wow, so many views, comments, and favorites! This is amazing! Thank you all so very much for your kind words and feedback! It's very encouraging and awesome! 
1114569 Central Mississippi, somewhere near Jackson. That's all yer gettin' out of me, I'm afraid.
1114618 Thank you! I've been trying to make sure everpony is in character as much as possible. Some characters are easier to work with than others, but I think I've got Dash and AJ down pretty good. Also, sorry for leaving you stricken with fan fic induced insomnia.
1116639 Inspiration, you say? Yay, I'm contributing!
1117074 C'est bon!
1117571
*fixes* Huh. I totally have no idea what you're talking about. 
1117783
I'm on to you mister!
And yay for featured, I saw :) the feature box works a bit oddly. The first 7 slots from the left are based on sheer popularity/readership, the last 3 feature recent updates... of well rated fics, I think. Not entirely sure, but they're definitely slots for updates to existing fics :)
1113658
I agree
Been gone for a couple weeks, come back, Appledash updates! Oh Applebloom, you're gonna cause shenanigans, aren't you? And I love Scootaloo being a little troll - it suits her personality. Her and Dash have to go pranking some time.
I gotta say, loving this story so far. Its adorable and funny and entertaining, and I can't wait for more. Keep up the awesome work 
I'm liking this story. It has a pretty interesting pacing with how things are not running completely downhill yet- AJ and Dash's secret being found out rapidly. It's also pretty cute with how they both don't try to rush things, or even put those thoughts into consideration yet.
Somehow, I thought there would be a lot more cooking involved at the beginning. But with the way things turned out in the first chapter, I'm pretty happy with how you developed their character through the little backstory. This is becoming a favorite
1117783 really now? I Happen to live in the southern part of Mississippi near Hattiesburg.
It's just nice to know there are more bronies in the state.
And the story, love it! Keep up the good work!
Oh! Found another mistake :x
She then raised a hoof to adjust her hat, before turning and trotting a few steps away from Dash. “Now along now, Sugarcube.” <-- doesn't sound right, unless that's an expression I don't know. (I'm thinking 'move along now' instead?)
mood wings reference! *SQUEE*
Yes. Indeed.
Very good. Megusta.
Chicken Wing.
I WOKE UP EVERYBODY IN THE HOUSE!
1125865
I know that feel, mate!
*brohoof*
The whole time while reading, I was swbslfds
This is so terribly well written, all the little things and the clever nuances, and it's just so awesome! Seriously, I'm feeling like a giddy child as I read this!
Great story.
Brohoof!
/)
Oh Cutie Mark Crusaders, you so silly.
Okay, the science nerd in me must admit I enjoyed that Pegasus courtship ritual.
You've got a couple of bad habits that hit me really hard in this chapter, to which I'd like to draw your attention.
See if you can spot what's wrong with this paragraph.
You explained the hug three different times in one paragraph! Most of us would assume that draping a wing over AJ is a sort of hug -- it's a fairly intimate gesture, anyway. Then you pause the story to exposit that fact for anyone who missed it, then go on to have AJ ask RD about it in the very next sentence! You don't need to explain it to us in narration if one of the characters is going to ask on our behalf anyway, and even that explanation is fairly redundant. You do the same thing a bit later with the wingtip tickle, too. I mean, if someone I was dating ran their fingers across my hip, I sure as hell wouldn't need to ask what that meant, no matter what culture they came from.
This is another chunk of exposition that's completely unnecessary. Dash is stumbling around her words enough that we get the idea, and it's really best if you just let this kind of thing be communicated in the action of the story. Which you're already doing, so it's unnecessary to bring the story to a screeching halt so you can explain this directly to the reader. It kinda feels like you think the reader is an idiot who's not going to catch this kind of subtext unless you make it just plain old text.
Oh, and for good measure, let's reiterate the point a few lines later.
If you ever find yourself narrating "once again" or "as you know" or anything like that, delete it. If the audience already knows this, they don't need you to tell them again. If you think they might not know it, just go ahead and state it without the preface.
I love ya, man, but you're killing me.
"Hey, if it helps, I can give you more wing hugs afterwards"
I don't know why, but this is one of my favorite lines so far.
Great job on the story! Looking forward to reading more.
I love the Paint me like one of your French girls quote from Titanic but I'd probably go with Prench Mares because France is Prance in Equestria.
apple bloom is going to mess with them..... well atleast ill die giggling like an idiot x3
I've seen this in a comic before!!!!
4396655
Yeah, the comic is based off of this. There's also another comic based off of chapter 1 made by a different person.
4510315 I actually got to this story through the comic.
I suspected Applebloom's problem wasn't homophobia, but more the idea of her big sister/mother-figure dating, in general. I didn't really consider the secrecy aspect.
Oh no granny has plans to eat Dash!