After serving the Gryphic Confederacy during the invasion of the Shireland, and subsequent campaigns in YakYakistan, Rose Rune arrives home to find her mother passing of disease. Detailed in her will, were her final wishes; For her ashes to be scattered at the peak of the Canterhorn. Rose sets out to fulfill her mother's last request and to seek greener pastures in Equestria. leaving her home, and her comrades, behind. And now more than ever, the Ranger's motto holds true.
"Look forward, Never behind."
Set 7 years before season 1, sex tag is for implied sex.
Chapters (10)
Lookin good so far can't wait to read more!
9246879
Thank you! I've been wanting to write my own story for a while now, but I wasn't confident enough in my writing until recently. Any criticism or advice you could give based on what you've read so far?
9246932
I wouldn't be one to give that kind of advice... Sorry! But I can say that I like the premise and the flow of the story
Hidden gem in the rough. Well right now anyways
9271389
Apologies for the delay between chapters, but thank you! I will try and keep a high quality and a decent length to future chapters. Im just having issues with pacing atm.
Good stuff so far, though I had to read the inn's name a second time because it sounded so familiar.
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Oh? Now you've got me curious!
9363715
In my yhay story I have an inn called The Flagon Dragon, lol
9364213
Now ain't that one hell of a coincidence?
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Right? It's been awhile and at first ai thought it was the same, and then I tossed my ego aside and double checked it.
9364247
Have a like on that there story of yours!
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Thanks! Mighty kind of ya.
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I'm in the business of collectin' and dealin' them fake internet points friend.
Ok, I just finished the prologue and your character main character Rose already has me ready for a journey. I'll go ahead and catch up to your latest chapter, and I'll probably drop a good opinion there as I get a bit more inoculated with your story.
9385674
Thank you friend! I've actually got your story bookmarked and will be reviewing it later tonight. Cheers!
Hmm, pony eating meat? I'm curious, is that something unique to ponies of the Gryphic Confederacy, or does your au have ponies as omnivores entirely. Outside of that I love the way you have Rose camp and go over her supplies, it really adds to her character of a hardened military veteran. Not to mention the descriptive elements that make her as well, I can already imagine her character trotting about!
Your a much better descriptive writer than me, I seem to always fall short when it comes to describing the environment and how characters interact with it. Your story allows me to stay completely immersed without me breaking off to make up any of the scenes myself, you give it all to me on a silver platter.
Ok, I was wondering if they were one in the same. Guess I got my answer now, lol.
Ok I'm loving this story, the lore, and all it's character my friend. I honestly have no real detraction to speak of, well, except for the fact that I've ran out of story to read!
But I do have one big question, as far as world building goes... Do you like to have everything together before you start writing such as the lore of the world and what not. or do you prefer to build around your particular story your trying to tell and the world just branches from there?
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I spent nearly a year establishing the lore of the world in my head. World building is something that comes natural to me, and I find myself adding in new details every day.
Ultimately, preparation and improv go hand in hand. It's a skill I've come to nurture as a DM in dungeon's and dragons, and it applies incredibly well to story telling and world building.
9387125
The omnivorous nature is unique to the ponies of the G.C, as they've spent nearly a thousand years in co-habitation with the gryphons. Magic works in mysterious ways, and a few more unique characteristics of Gryphic ponies are that they are taller, generally stronger than equestrians. They have less control of their magic, but have much larger wellsprings (mana pools) to draw on. They also have thicker fur due to the colder climates of Aurighast, and more sensitive hearing and better eyesight due to crossbreeding.
9387155
Do let me know if you need any help regarding a story you wish to write. I'm sure I could help you out!
Good stuff, well written. The main character is powerful but not without limit and with plenty of interesting background with some good reasons for her getting to where she is. While I feel like there could be very slight improvements here and there, none of it is beyond what I could chalk up to personal taste and i find that trying to nit pick little things like that doesn't usually help much. I enjoy the wide and lively cast of characters and this story shines in how it plays out each one so uniquely so that they truly feel like a band from many walks of life and with various little quirks that make them special. They complement each other instead of having a choice few clearly lord over the rest in ability and backstory.
I'm really happy with this story, especially if you are new to public story writing. With regular updates and such endearing characters, I could easily see you being one of the more popular writers on the site within the coming year or so.
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Do message me with these little nitpicks! I love constructive criticism of all sorts, and endeavor to improve my writing constantly. I don't feel Rose is too extraordinarily powerful. She's a martial pony, with little to no advanced magical training. If she did have that training I would certainly agree with you, but it's a case of having a large amount of power to draw from, with no idea how to apply it extensively other than her special talent and some light combat magic. She's a soldier through and through, who has a large amount of experience serving her nation. She is not the best soldier either, for there are many others who are far better than her and those who have had more success than her.
As for the rest of your criticism, I thank you sincerely. I have spent the last 4 years or so just seeing what people do wrong, and forming this world in my head. I try my best to make people feel like this is a living, breathing world that is grounded in some form of reality.
A large amount of the dialogue comes from my interactions with people in fantasy MMORPG's and Dungeons and Dragons experience with roleplaying. Exposition and narration take a backseat to believable character interaction with other characters and the world.
I am currently writing a one-chapter prequel to this story detailing the final battle of the war Rose fought in, so any criticism and critique you are able to provide would be greatly appreciated!
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Believe me, almost nothing I said was meant to be criticism and was more just discribing the common pitfalls you didn't fall for.
The nitpicking stuff is really hard to describe and honestly more up to the style of a writer than anything and more of a "I don't see anything wrong with it but I would do it differently" and to be honest I'm not the best writer myself, tending to get too lost in prose and detail and losing sight of the actual story progression.
Hell of a table flip. They never knew what hit them.
Oh come on! Last chapter from April, and what's more, on hiatus. That's just mean. Especially when you cut us off in that moment. Well, gonna keep an eye over here, in case that there will be an update somewhere in this year. Keep up the good work!
her crossbow was hefted upwards by the forces of gravity
aromas of baked goods entered her nose and scent pangs of nostalgia through her very core
I like the way the characters speak in this. Even before you’d mentioned anything Gaelic, I could hear the accent in my head.
2 years and she never wrote home? That’s really sad for her family to worry so much...
Aww, sad things to come home to...
A quest!?! This could be interesting...
I didn’t notice their accents anymore.
Ooh ominous...
Oh it’s nice to make new friends! I liked that the battle was brief... just a taste.
I’m wary of this little caravan... we will see if I’m just being paranoid.
Creepy forest is CREEPY!
Also... that dream was creepy... all in all, a creepy chapter.
10082304
I'm glad you enjoyed the story! I will admit I've stopped working on it in favor of other projects, but it makes me happy to know that what I consider my "worst" story still manages to impress some people!
10083391
Having read some of your newer stuff, I decided to start at one end and work my way through. I can see the improvement you have made to your work since this one.
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Yeah. Admittedly, part of the reason I chose to put this story on the backburner is that the plot in my head is so long and winding, that to do it any justice it would take more time than I have available. Perhaps if I had started it back in 2016 I would have carried on with it, but I plan to join the military in two or so years, meaning I'd have to cut off the story prematurely. So I've chosen "shorter" stories that have a much simpler and more linear plot, so that I can actually deliver and complete them before I take my leave of the site.
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As much as I will be sad to not see more work from you, I have nothing but respect for the reasons behind that decision.
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Don't get me wrong, I'll still be writing while I can. I'm just trying not to invest too heavily in a long story if I'll have to stop writing it before I can complete it.
You can definitely expect Nightmare to finish up, hopefully by the end of the year. I am also launching or two other stories that I'm hoping people will enjoy. Thorned Rose will sadly not be getting continued though.
Reward? Ooh la la!
This is really interesting and I am sad to see it stopped.