Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria, there was a tyrant who would sat on the throne of Equestria but under the leadership of Princess Platinum the third, a unicorn rebellion dethroned the tyrant and established the UNICORN EMPIRE showing once and for all the superiority of UNICORNS over lonesome mud-ponies or mutated chickens!
A thousand year has passed since the fall of the tyrant and now a prophecy is coming true, what will Twilight do as she finds long-held beliefs shattered?
[29/3/2020] I'm going to rework the chapters and improve them, I'm busy with my other stories but I do want to finish this one.
Chapters (13)
Sold. Want more. NOW!
Is this a Game of Thrones crossover?
....this appropriate?
Do.
Really liking this so far.
Glad to know your still alive. Looking forward to next chapter!
This is an interesting story so far, but I feel that there is far too little lore to build the world and not enough backstory for the characters to make it truly outstanding.
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I can see where you're coming from, and my gut feeling agrees with you.
But, at the pace the story is being written, I'd be gone after the 3rd chapter discribes the same feast. I'd return when this gets a complete tag though.
Show don't tell is working for me so far.
When will the story about how the unicorns hurt Luna be revealed?
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Isn't luna defeated by "Tyrant elder sister", before the unicorns even entered the picture?
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History was written by the victors. The bat ponies mention celestia lost the will to continue ruling.
so not the full story been told, plus sure the top unicorns are muddling history to stay in charge.
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Who knows. What is the truth?
The narrator? Starswirl the Bearded? The empress’s father? The Day-mother?
all reasonably trustworthy sources.
We have not established the narrator as honest or omniscient.
We have not verified the authenticity of Stars Swirls scroll. I mean someone or something planted that scroll for them to find. Who? Why? (Celestia, to save luna?)
Who knows what happened in that 900 year game of telephone.
Can we trust this day-mother? Can we verify her story? We know the vamponies are probably honest or are somehow unaffected by applejacks ability. But they are not primary sources. Trust but verify!
Well, that is going to make for awkward dinner conversation after this is all over assuming Shining is still alive when this is all over.
Capital.
Three.
Finally, an update.
I'd feed you some criticism if I had any.
Instead, have a compliment: Great story so far.
"So you're finally awake."
"Tried to cross the boarder right?"
"Walked right into that imperial ambush same as us..."
Well at least Alduin's not a problem anymore...
There are always patterns, if you know what to watch for. Should've burned the bodies.
You want a peasant revolt? That's how you get a peasant revolt. Eventually things will get to the point where they burn their fields rather than feed you, and then where will you be?
I hope they didn't pay that idiot too much, one should never hire an assassin that tries to take the first opportunity. It's bad tradecraft.
All this intertribal acrimony is bad for business, a 'ling can barely get a decent bite to eat anymore.
Ahh, always a bit sad to reach the end of a wonderful, yet unfinished story. I don't really comment often but I have to say I enjoyed that story very much so far and will defiantly look forward to the next chapter! And those appendixes!
The story itself did a great job grabbing my attention from the start and I managed to finish it all today! I love how the characters fit into the world you've crafted and I adore how Rarity is still good! I've seen a few too many who have made her rather nasty unfortunately and I adore her character! I also love the idea that Celestia disguised herself to teach the foals of the Empire! It completely suits her and I hope to find out more!
One thing I will say is don't be afraid to use an occasional flashback, or center in a characters point of view. It can make situations much tenser and more emotional, and make the reader care about the outcome more than if they were outside the situation. Think of the scene with Twilight and the Bomb! Imagine for that scene the readers were being shown Twilights point of view for it! Her noticing something off about the desk and immediately on guard, we get to see the thoughts racing through her head as she examines and the slight but clearly distinct terror as she realizes what's going on the and the spike of panic as she finds the bomb. Her training and natural twilightness kicking in and her instantly moving into "I have to protect everyone" mode and her shock and confusion when Celestia shows and and the moment the nickname clicks in her mind! It'd be wonderful! Absolutely amazing!
Ahh! I'm sorry rambled a bit there but! Point still stands? Anyway I adore this story and I can't wait to see more!
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True...but then there’d be signs of a fire, and I don’t just mean ashes. Signs of fire are a lot harder to disguise than most think.
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...in the entire territory surrounding Ponyville with enough forces to fully take it over and enforce martial law, or burn the whole place to the ground. After which they’ll make the other food suppliers increase they’re supply duties.
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Truth is relative. Trust, fragile. Believe what you see, but jump to conclusions you should not. Heed what you hear, but take account of mistakes or passed-down telephones. Know what you smell, to be cautious of tricks. Relish what you taste, but beware of treachery. Enjoy what you feel, but ignore your instincts at your peril. For the only being one can truly trust is themselves. Remember this, for adversaries will test it.
Hm.... The opening of this story....
History is written by the victors. I wonder if that's the case here too? That Princess Celestia wasn't an evil tyrant who was justifiably overthrown. Merely that Platinum and her cronies had done everything in their power to twist the truth and warp history's view on the alicorn sisters? At least, that's how most governments and usurpers act after securing their power, especially in ancient China.
Anyway, a VERY interesting first chapter and I'm super eager to see what comes next!!!
......oh fuck. Sometimes, it really FUCKING SUCKS to have a competent big brother.
Rather stubbornly suspicious of Applejack. Her losing her family home like that was TOTALLY her own fault. Though, I'd wager she'll never admit it, if the idea ever comes to her mind.
Heh, you borrowed Assassin's Creed retractable blade!! Not that I'm complaining, it totally makes sense!! I'm loving the story thus far and would happily read more....
....
But I can tell you've abandoned this story. Which is a crying shame. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND STORIES OF A 'DIVIDED EQUESTRIA' LIKE THIS?!?!?! It's fucking hard! Like 1-in-a-100, and another 1-in-a-100 on top of that for QUALITY stories!!
10677918
pokes finished my revisions, working on new chapters now.
You have no idea how HAPPY I was to see this story updated!! And, thus far, it hasn't disappointed me yet!! Great work here! While I'm surprised at Twilight and Rainbow's willingness to betray their homelands enough to give an enemy nation some special training in combating their forces, it's also clear that they really don't have much of a choice. The addition of a batpony companion was an unexpected but welcome surprise. Although, I can't imagine her reception at future villages and ponies will be as....friendly was what she got here. Still, after what just happened, it seems clear that they are still in great danger with a lot of hidden enemies. I'd honestly surprised if certain high-ranking earthponies didn't try to pin the bomb on them, regardless of them trying to warn eveypony of it. What's next?!
As awesome as this story is turning out to be, there's something I hope you can clear up or fix. In this chapter, and several others, there's that [Network Error Fetching Image] thing that keeps popping up. Is that supposed to mean that there was an image attached there that wasn't loaded properly? If so, could you possibly fix that? Assuming, of course, that it's not something wrong with phone.
Also, I find it HIGHLY amusing that a race known for its deception, lies, and theft would unknowingly take up residence in a chamber dedicated to Honesty. How amusingly ironic!
Heheheh, if Sweetie Belle was telling the truth, then she is undoubtedly a VERY valuable hostage and/or asset. But why do I get the feeling that she was actually being held by Shining Armor's soldiers?
Whelp this just got interesting