After a visit to Equestria, Sunset comes home to find her fiancée, Twilight, crying in bed. This isn't the first time she's had to comfort her, but this time will be a bit different.
My entry to Oroboro's 2018 Sunset Shipping Contest
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 7th Dec, 2016
- offline last seen Dec 16th, 2023
AliceLiz
Aspiring writer and insatiable SciSet shipper. She/her. https://twitter.com/CraftableAlice
AliceLiz
Joined 7th Dec, 2016 ·
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While not a fan of polyamorous relationships, I have to admit this was an exceedingly well-written take on it. I especially love the fact that Sunset didn't do the cliche thing and storm off upon finding out what happened with Twilight, instead to stop, take a breath or two, and start working things out.
Sunset still being mad but deciding they were going to handle this properly was good. It reminds me of a quote, I don't remember the details but the gist of it is "It's okay to be angry about the breach of trust. But in the end you should love your partner more than you love the idea of monogamy."
I wonder back in Equestria Twilight and Spike have problems of their own respective relationships?
I was to give this a instant fav for the Sci-Twi x Sunset... And then I read this had polyamorous relationships... And my interest for this now faded... *Sigh*
I would love to see a sequel this!
9161198
I would honestly like to do a sequel, but I don't have any ideas for what it would be about. So... maybe.
9161228
I can wait
Decent enough though it makes me wonder what the other would want and feel..
Hmm. Something about this rubbed me wrong. I'm not sure why. I ADORE SciSet, and am fine with polyamory, and am glad they worked things out so smoothly...maybe it's Trixie? I suppose it could just be personal bias since I'm not that fond of her.
9160795
That cliche annoys me so much!
And thank you so much for the complement.
9160821
I quite like that quote.
9161622
That's entirely understandable. I've been turned off from a few fics just because they have a ship I don't like.
9161635
Other than that, I loved the story. You're a great writer from what you've done so far and I'm curious to see what else you can bring to the fandom.
Gosh. I was not expecting that direction, but this was remarkably well written. I'm not big on poly relationships myself (though I have several poly friends), but I can imagine Sunset being fine with it, and Twilight is very cute. Good job!
If anything this was a bit too short: not because the scenes here needed to be longer - they had everything they needed - but because I'd like to see a bit more of what Sunset and Twilight's relationship was like, before and even after the arrangement was reached. Though I think the story also ended in the right place, so I'm not sure how you could have done that!
Maybe it would have been nice to see a bit of how Trixie and Twilight interact? Except that's not the focus of this fic. Perhaps a sequel could show Twilight and Trixie dealing with some challenge and Sunset being the firm rock that Twilight needs.
A few typos: (edit: all fixed now!)
9161677
I only decided to enter the contest with about five days left until the deadline. If I had jumped on board sooner this story would almost certainly be much longer.
I thought about this too, but if I added that scene, then I think the story would focus a bit too much on Twilight. I don't know if it's an actual rule of the Sunset Shipping Contest, but I figured the story should be from Sunset's POV, and predominantly about her (though still mostly about the relationship).
And thanks for pointing out those errors. As I said above, I kinda rushed this story, to the point where I didn't even get a pre-reader or anything.
I don't think the contest has a rule specifically along those lines, but it makes sense that this story is specifically about Twilight's and Sunset's romance so I can see why you wanted to keep the focus tight.
One thing I would say is that I don't think third needs the "Sad" tag
I wouldn't call it a sad story overall. I think "Drama" covers you for the "character makes a bad choice and regrets it afterwards" angle.
Best of luck in the contest!
Hardest possible way to start opening up,but it works for some.
The one thing that hits me though, is HOW drunk SciTwi was. She was right - she largely lost the capacity to make rational decisions herself.
Good enough for me ❤.
Good luck for being placed/the contest ;)
Usually I give dislikes to stories that are written with very poor grammar or where characters don't feel like the ones they're supposed to represent.
Neither of these factors were in your story, while my preference is for monogamy in relationships, I do agree that some people can be perfectly happy with their partners in such relationship. Twilight and Sunsets exchange seemed very genuine and in-character, and other stories have played on the idea that gender ratios in Equestria are more towards the female gender, so it isn't hard to believe that poly relationships aren't uncommon. Especially since Equestria isn't the same culture as the ones the human characters live in.
Sorry for the mix review, a lot of positive points to your story and writing style! To me it's odd from my perspective on the idea of marriage, but the way they're handling it is mature and would seem to work out.
Again, sorry for being mixed.
9168309
So, just to be clear, you disliked the story because of the polyamory aspect?
This story has noticeably more dislikes than my other two, and I'm guessing that's because a lot of people simply don't like polyamory. Not that that's an issue, I myself have disliked stories for less. It's just kind of an interesting thing to see.
Also, thank you complementing my character writing, I think that characters (certain characters, anyway) are my strongest aspect when writing.
Once again, characters well written, I enjoy that poly is being introduced. I agree with another user, would love to see what lead up to this, and then afterwards.
I don't know about this. Something rubs me the wrong way. There's something about how Twilight acts in this one that makes her seem like a child.
i'd love to see a sequel for this story, maybe where the three of them get together for a little hangout and... a little funtime perhaps? ;)
As someone who knows of relationships like this, you have to have communication, that is the only way for such a relationship to survive. While a little fast for how it went i would say its a well writen story. Nice job heres a like and a place on my romance shelf
Cheating doesn’t exactly seem like the best way to start a polyamorous relationship.
Regardless, this was a good fic. I really enjoyed it. Came in expecting the cheating, was pleasantly surprised by the polyamory, and overall enjoyed the way the entire situation was handled.
I think it’d be interesting to see a sequel with Sunset and Trixie getting together, possibly without Twilight, to get to know each other more as fiancée’s girlfriend / girlfriend’s fiancée.
9206098
This is very much what I was going for, that's why I had Sunset lay down ground rules immediately.
9223194
Oh, I'm sure. But it does make for a more dramatic short story.
9169823
9183423
As for a sequel, I've started writing a bit of a side story to this, from Trixie's POV. I've been wanting to write a Trixie story for a while now, and I have a few ideas on how I can use the events of this story as groundwork for a Trixie story. Although, I should probably be working on the Sunlit Armor sequel...
However, I have a job again now, so I haven't been writing nearly as much as I would like. And between my job, the aforementioned Trixie story, the Sunlit Armor sequel and a few other story ideas I've had recently, I don't expect to release anything new anytime soon.
THREE FOR THREE! Conglaturations, you’ve got yourself a new follower!
You just got yourself a one-way ticket to a Shimmering sunrise, darling.
9233767
Pfft! You should see my folders of story ideas and partially prepared projects and half-written stories.
The emotions in this felt jumbled and rushed. Sunset felt like she didn’t get her own catharsis and forgave at an unreasonably fast pace. This felt like it should be in a much longer story at the least, and that overall this was not a good decision to found their polyamory in.
9325369
I actually agree with this wholeheartedly. Looking back at this story in hindsight, it really is very rushed and not as well written as my others. This story was kind of a learning experience for me. Mostly about giving stories more time and to not rush them to meet a deadline.
Some people did at least like this story, and I'm glad they did. But I honestly don't like it much myself.
9327977
If it's a learning experience, then I'm sure you did well. That's better than seeing things as a flop. I didn't vote either way on this one, in case you were curious.
I second Ice Stars opinion, i think. For what it was it was okay, but the concept was complicated enough that i feel like it should have had more time dedicated to Sunset forgiving Twilight and getting over her anger, and having the polyamory subject being brought up only after Sunset sees how upset Trixie became afterward, given that the whole thing was fairly close to innocent mistakes all-around. I liked it, and i LOVED your other two stories as well! but i think you may just have ideas more suited to longer stories than shorter ones.