"Orphan?"
The entire room was silent. Nopony dared answer Rarity.
The question hung in the room; she asked again.
"Orphan? How could she be an orphan?"
"Well, I'm not sure Rarity. When I got here, Doctor Stableforth asked who Scootaloo’s guardians were. When I told him none of us were, I decided to find out who was. So I went to library to look at the records to find them."
Applejack cut in, "Hold on, how come you didn't ask me or Rare who her parents are? You jumped straight to the books?"
"Yes, I'm rather curious about that as well my dear," said a visibly shaken Rarity.
"Well, I was panicking. The thought of her parents not knowing where she was? What if that had happened to Spike? So I did what I always do when I panic. Read. And besides, do either of you know who her parents are?"
Looking at each other, Applejack and Rarity shook their heads. The same thoughts burned in their minds; how did they not know? Was Scootaloo not the best friend of their sisters? She was always around playing some silly game, or accidentally setting fire to the boutique or farm. How could they be so blind?
"How could we be so stupid? It's so obvious! They were never there to pick her up from school, or to collect her from my home. She never said a word about their absence," a mournful Rarity said.
"Yeah. We've been plum ignorant. Little darling’s been on her own for Celestia knows how long."
"Guys, don't you dare blame yourselves. Nopony knew. It seems that there was no librarian in Ponyville before I arrived, so the birth and death records were never sorted or anything. Discord's chaotic reshuffling of the library didn't help much either," Twilight explained, trying to console her friends.
"Death records? You don't mean...?" Rarity looked into Twilight’s eyes, and her fears were confirmed. Whimpering and on the verge of tears, she turned towards Applejack and buried her head in her shoulder. Also crying, Applejack simply patted Rarity on the back and whispered consoling words into her ear as they waited. Waited for Scootaloo to wake up.
-Beep-
-Beep-
The only noise in the whole room. A steady Beep.
As the noise continued, a filly's eyes slowly fluttered open. As she shielded her eyes from the blinding light, she saw a vague shape next to her. It was a pony, and it seemed to her that the light was radiating from the mare.
"Mom?" Scootaloo croaked out, not thinking clearly.
She saw 'mom' turn her head, and heard her crying softly.
"Oh Applejack, I can't bear it," her mom said.
Blinking against the light, the room came more into focus. She wasn't dead, and she wasn't with her mom. In fact, she didn't know where she was.
"Hush sugarcube, its okay." Applejack reassured Rarity, holding her tight against her shoulder.
Looking around her surroundings, Scootaloo noticed that it was only her, Applejack, and the sobbing Rarity in a big white room. It had a smell she couldn't quite put her hoof on, and it was too clean. She hated it.
"Um, Applejack? Where am I?"
"You're in the hospital, sugar. Seems when you were playing around, a big ole' mountain of fabric clean near crushed ya. But don't you worry none. You're gonna be okay; Rarity gotcha here nice and quick. Speed she was doing woulda put Dash to shame." Applejack gestured to the now silent mare.
Slightly taken aback at Applejack's words, the filly just looked at Rarity as if seeing her for the first time. Almost going as fast as Dash? She didn't believe that, yet... Applejack doesn't lie.
"Thanks Rarity. You didn't have to do that."
Sniffling Rarity turned to Scootaloo "Of course I did. What would we do without you?"
Applejack simply nodded at her words, but in her mind she was thinking about that 'we'.
Chuckling awkwardly at Rarity's words Scootaloo asked "Thanks, really, but... when can I go home?"
"Well sugar, as soon as you like. The docs said there ain't nothing broken, and you ain't got a concussion. So as long as you stay in bed for the next day or two, you should be right as rain."
Part of Scootaloo wanted to stay. Sure, the place smelled weird, but it had free hot food. Plus, it was warm. A few days here would be almost like having a home again. But staying would raise too many questions. Questions she'd rather avoid.
Putting on a fake smile, she looked straight at Applejack.
"That's great! I'll go home right away." She started to move off the bed, only to stopped as Applejack walked over to her.
"Not a problem Scootaloo. We're just gonna wait ‘til yer parents get here, and then you can go."
All colour drained from Scootaloo's face. She quickly tried to think of a lie to tell Applejack.
"My parents? Oh well, you see... uh, they aren't here." Think, dummy! Where could you say they are? Scootaloo's mind angrily scolded her. Wait where was Dash going today? Cloudsdale! "They're in Cloudsdale for that big weather thing that Rainbow Dash is at. Thats why I'm going to that sleepover at Fluttershys." The little filly beamed, proud of her lie.
Sighing, Applejack looked straight in the little filly's eyes and brought her whole constructed world crashing down.
"Can't lie to me Scootaloo. I know."
"You know?" Scootaloo was scared now. The lie that she had been hiding for nearly two years had been discovered.
"Yep. I know about yer momma. I know what you must’ve been going through. Why didn't you tell us sugarcube?" Applejack pleaded.
That was too much. The look in Applejack's eyes, one of love and searching to understand, broke down her defenses.
Scootaloo threw her hooves around Applejack's neck and broke into tears.
"I... didn't want to leave. I don't wanna be put in an orphanage. Don't let them send me to an orphanage, Applejack. I don't wanna go." Nearly each word was punctuated with a racking sob.
"It's okay. Shush, it's okay." Applejack tried to calm her down. "We'll think of something. You don't gotta leave if you don't want to. You can stay with me and the rest of the Apples till we have things sorted. Nopony would be cruel enough to make you leave, Scootaloo."
Removing the hooves from around her neck, Applejack looked down at the little filly.
"But we can't look after ya forever. There’s an orphanage in town, a right good one. You wouldn't have to leave and you could have a chance for a real family. Wouldn't that be something?" Applejack said. Her eyes searched for agreement in Scootaloo's eyes, but found only terror.
"You want to put me in a home?" Scootaloo fumbled to get out of the hooves that held her. "Lemme go. Lemme go. I can't go to one of those," she protested, still trying to get away from the overpowering hooves of Applejack.
"You’ve got to. You need somepony to look after you. Somepony to love ya. And as much as I'd like to, I can't,"
Applejack confessed, still trying to hold onto the frightened filly.
Rarity looked on at the struggle, her mind whirring a mile a minute to process what was happening. A home? She thought. She can't go to a home. What about the ponies who love her? I know Applejack cares for her, but she's wrong. She can't go there. She does have somepony to look after her. Us. We've been doing it for the last two years, even if we didn't know it. We care. I care. I'll do it.
"I'll do it," Rarity whispered.
Getting no response, Rarity stood up suddenly. Startled, Applejack and Scootaloo turned towards her.
“I’ll do it!”
Some capitalization errors, and some grammatical errors. All in all, though a good story.
Looks like Rarity's plans for a family have materialized. I like where this is headed.
Question? If she didn't break anything, and doesn't have a concussion, why is she being hospitalized?
2240906Well if it knocked her clean out they might have wanted to keep her to make sure nothing comes up.
This is irrelevant anyway because it you look back at it they meant to have Scootaloo rest up at "home".
*cracks fingers* And here we go!
*here, Needs a comma after the word.
*Stableforth. It's a name, there for, capitals.
*Scootaloo's (Since I'm pretty sure there's only Scootaloo here)
*AJ As they're initials they both get caps.
*Rare Again, it's a nickname so, capitalize, it is still a name after all.
*her mother or her parents. As it reads now, it says 'the thought of Scootaloo not knowing where she was' which makes o sense when talking about the filly's family.
*minds, how
Either 'of their sisters' or 'to their sisters'
*was always around
*accidentally
*boutique
*needs a question mark.
*?
*It's
*Celestia
Ok, this line can be written one of several ways. Either:
'It seems that since there was no librarian in Ponyville before I arrived, the birth and death records were never sorted or anything.'
or,
'It seems that there was no librarian in Ponyvlle before I arrived, so the birth and death records were never sorted or anything.'
And Ponyville needs to be capitalized.
*Discord's
I'm a bit confused by the inclusion of this line. At the beginning of the chapter it was stated that Scootaloo is an orphan. Which means her parents are dead. Yet here, Rarity is acting like this is the first she's heard of it/didn't see it coming, as if she has no idea what the word 'orphan' means. She shouldn't be /that/ surprised to find out they're dead seeing how Twilight just announced Scoots was an orphan. I can see crying after learning maybe how/when they died and Scoots became an orphan, but this makes her seem, dense.
Also, near the end of the line you put 'Raritys' when it should be 'Rarity's' as the crying belongs to her, no that there are multiples of her crying.
*filly's
This seems to be something that happens a lot, the apostrophes go missing from words that need then. (and there's so many I'm not going to point them all out)
You seem to be good on this, but it's happened a few times so Ill point it out. That should be a comma. If the stuff outside the quotation marks can be read as it's own sentence and still make sense, then you put the period and capitalize the next word. If not(like he/she said and short things like that) then you use a comma.
*get things
I think you mean ponies. There's no people here.
You forgot the comma at the end of 'I'll do it'.
I do like it, it's a new take seeing how most stories have RD adopting Scoots. I don't think I've ever come across one with Rarity doing that. But there's quite a few grammatical errors. Mostly missing apostrophes, missing words and words forgetting to be capitalized. An editor, or simply taking a few minutes to proofread before putting it up would wonders to cure that. Best way to do the latter is NOT to put it up right after you finish writing it(as tempting as it is), but put it aside for, a few hours to a day, then go back over and re-read it with fresh eyes to catch the errors. You're more likely to catch them that way than if you read it after you've finished. I learned that the hard way, with school work.
3114533
1027594
Chapters 1 and 2 have been edited, and the rest of the chapters are on the way.
3150110
Whose your editor?
Also you need to look through the fic after you move it from Gdocs [that's what your doing right?], and make sure to fix the times you either get:
A sentence started
up there then you finish it down here.
or
you have two paragraphs that
need a line between them.
_________________________________
Other than that ... Tell your editor to real quick look over the Pinkie Pie morgue prank, and anytime Y'all comes up it's plural.
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Other than that. A better read. Just remember that after you save edits. To go to the normal page format and scan it to make sure it's correct. It's something I do with all my fics to keep the chapters as uniform as possible. Keep me posted on when your editor gets through more chapters.
My question is this why in the hell is scoots so terrified of going to a home?
bad experience maybe?
I do enjoy this story, even if there are some spelling errors, but mistakes help us learn eeyup