you could have sworn you saw the smile on her face turn into a depressed frown.

D:<
Now I'm sad for Derpy.

You set this up really well. If not for the trigger warnings, you'd have 100% tricked me.
---------

You’re only real problem

Your

Your guessing the object that

You're guessing that the object that

like to look go for

look good

Poor Derpy. She really likes you. Wait until Spitfire finds out you are actually the author of that book.

There's a bit of perspective shifting happening, points where you use I instead of you, and I'm guessing that this is meant to be a 2nd person perspective story, right?

So, when I read this thing I started at the second chapter and went to the third chapter. Now, those two chapters were decent without reading the first one. Now that I have read the first one, I see that this guy is a blind son of a bitch. He’s been good friends with Derpy ever since he made it to Equestria, and he chooses to ignore her interest in him?

I hope the next two stories involve finding out that Spitfire was actually cheating and that he opens his eyes and goes for what was right in front of him.

Poor Derpy
It’ll be nice if Dinky had a father figure