With a Grain of Salt

by theswimminbrony

In Which a Conflict Reveals Itself

With a Grain of Salt

by theswimminbrony

Chapter 1

In the upper floor of Sugarcube Corner, a battle was unfolding. It was a battle of strength and wills like none had even seen before, the competitors made of some of the fiercest stuff the world had ever seen.

And so far, it showed no signs of ending.

In the enclosed room, two pairs of eyes met in the middle of the dead-silent stadium. It was a showdown unlike any the two onlooking spectators had ever witnessed before, both competitors concentrating on the other with every fiber of their being. One pair of eyes shone a bright shade of blue and radiated confidence that could only be rivaled by the fiercest of dragons. The other pair glowed a majestic purple, the black dots in its centers like vortexes that threatened to swallow galaxies into its all-knowing gaze.

And then, for a split second, the glimmer of blue vanished.

"Shoot!" Pinkie Pie cried. She slammed her hooves against the ground in defeat, triggering a bout of laughter from the infants that watched from their crib. "You're way too good at this, Gummy."

The alligator blinked in agreement before returning to his blank stare.

"Well, that does it for staring contests," Pinkie Pie mumbled to herself. Out of seemingly nowhere, she produced a piece of parchment and a pen, and with a grimace, drew a line through 'staring contest!' She reluctantly marked a 'G' next to the line as she grumbled something about the 'stupid dust' in the air.

"Alright, well after staring contests, it looks like the baking contest up next." She squealed in delight, tossing the pen and paper into the air, the spiraling sheet captivating the drooling infants as it slowly drifted towards the ground. "The baking contest! Woohoo!"

And then, Pinkie's demeanor changed. Her eyes narrowed, their stares like piercing darts that bore deeper and deeper into the alligator's soul with each passing second. She jabbed Gummy on the snout, triggering a strained sneeze from the reptile.

Pinkie Pie meant business.

"You may have bested me at knitting and wakeboarding," Pinkie Pie said, inching closer with each word. "And also that blasted staring contest," she added under her breath. "But mark my words, mister: there's no way you're beating auntie Pinkie Pie at her own game. Got that?"

There was no response.

"Good!" Pinkie said cheerfully, her bubbly personality resurfacing. "Now grab on, Gummy, we've got some cupcakes to bake!"

And with that, the alligator's toothless jaws clamped onto the pony's mane, and the two sped downstairs to the kitchen.

-- -- --

"...and next, the flour!" Pinkie Pie recited as she dumped a heap of white powder into the bowl that sat in front of her. To her right, Gummy squatted on a stool, a diminutive chef's hat perched on his head. As Pinkie Pie began to stir the newest ingredient into the concoction, she hummed a familiar tune.

"You know, Gummy," she spoke, "it's a good thing we teamed up. I mean, I almost forgot about Twilight's party later today! It would have just been a disaster if I didn't show up with oodles of scrumptious sweets!" The alligator, who had become Pinkie's partner in crime in an emotional turn of events, made a strange gurgling sound in response, and Pinkie giggled. "You got that right, Gummy! I mean, with my natural baking talent and your razor-sharp intellect" —she playfully knocked him on the noggin— "there's no way in Equestria that these cupcakes are going to be anything but the most spectaculicious things the world has ever seen!"

And then, she paused, slowly scratching her chin with hoof suspiciously. No matter how routine this bout of baking seemed, she couldn't shake the feeling that something felt... off. "No way, that is, unless some completely random and normally insignificant event interrupts this entirely normal activity and sends Ponyville into a chaotic downward spiral of doom!" There was a short silence, followed by a quick shrug from the pink pony.

"It's probably just nothing... anyways, let's get back to baking," Pinkie instructed. "Now it's time for... the sugar!" She extended a hoof towards the oblivious alligator, hardly unable to contain her excitement. And who could blame her? This was sugar she was talking about. Delicious, sweet, succulent sugar. The most amazing thing in the world. The thing that made her very existence worth living.

Sugar.

Pinkie opened her eyes from her delectable daydream to be greeted by an empty and sugar-free hoof.

That's strange... Pinkie thought, scratching the back of her head. Hmm... I guess Gummy just didn't hear me that time. And I can't blame him! I wasn't nearly as excited as I should have been! Honestly, Pinkie Pie, this is sugar. Sugar, for crying out loud! And you know better than anypony else that there's nothing better in the whole wide world than a heaping pile of super-duper-splenderific sugar!

She turned to Gummy, who looked just as excited as ever. And then, grinning ear to ear, Pinkie Pie leaped into the air and struck a dramatic pose as fireworks cracked behind her and confetti blossomed throughout the air.

"The sugar!" she yelled, emotions of anticipation and delight overflowing from her pudgy figure. With an empty hoof extended to Gummy once more, Pinkie Pie noted that the remains of the fireworks and confetti had mysteriously disappeared once again.

After what seemed like an eternity, the alligator finally mustered a lazy blink.

"Huh? What do you mean there's no sugar?" Pinkie Pie protested. "There's always sugar! There has to be sugar!"

Gummy blinked once more.

"Cool it, mister sassy-pants!" Pinkie scolded from across the room as she frantically searched through cabinets. "This is a bakery. Bakeries make sweets!" OhmycelestiaIlovesweets. "And sweets! Have! Sugar!"

"Pinkie? Is something wrong in there, dear?" A concerned voice called. "We don't have to call the fire department again, do we, honey?"

"Not this time, Mrs. Cake!" Pinkie replied in an equally frantic tone. "We've got a much bigger problem to tackle!"

There was a scream, and then Mrs. Cake barreled into the scene, bursting through the swinging doors.

"She's a pony, silly! Not a barrel!" Pinkie said, chuckling. "Oh! Hey, Mrs. Cake! Looks like you barrel-y made it in time!"

"Pinkie!" Mrs. Cake panted. "What in the name of Celestia are you babbling on about? What's the problem? Did you break something?"

"Ooh! A guessing game! I love these!" Pinkie squealed, hopping in delight. "And nope! All the plates and glasses are doing just dandy!"

"Pinkie, this is serious!" Mrs. Cake pleaded. "What happened? Is Gummy sick?" Pinkie shook her head slowly as if she were disappointed. "Is there a parasprite in the kitchen?" Mrs. Cake's eyes darted back and forth frantically, but Pinkie calmly shook her head once more. "Is one of the twins missing?"

"You're getting closer!"

"For the love of everything that is sweet and tasty, Pinkie, just tell me what's wrong!"

Pinkie gasped, a look of sheer terror on her face.

"Sorry, Pinkie, I didn't mean to yell at you like that," Mrs. Cake said, though anypony that could read expressions would be able to tell that she wasn't sorry at all. "Just please. Tell me. What's wrong."

"I didn't think you were mad, Mrs. Cake," Pinkie whispered. "I gasped because..." She began to sweat profusely.

"Because...?" Mrs. Cake asked in a huff.

"Because..."

"Yes, Pinkie?" Mrs. Cake gritted her teeth. "I'm not going to have to guess about this now, am I?"

"Becausemytummyjustturned!"

Mrs. Cake let out a deep sigh before slowly wrapping her foreleg around Pinkie's shoulders. "Pinkie, dear," she began. "Your stomach turning is nothing to be worried about. Now, are you feeling alright?"

"Yes! And that's just it!" Pinkie protested, the look of concern on her face a complete one-eighty of her usual carefree self. "If I'm feeling fine, then this tummy-turning thing just has to be part of my Pinkie Sense!" As if on cue, Pinkie's tail twitched. She squealed and jumped into Mrs. Cake's forelegs, narrowly avoiding a collision with a falling pan. "See?"

"And that's why you were screaming?" Mrs. Cake groaned, still cradling Pinkie Pie in her arms. "Because of your ridiculous 'telepathic' abilities?"

Pinkie jumped back to the ground with a quizzical look on her face. "What? No, that's why I gasped, remember?" Mrs. Cake rolled her eyes. "No, the real reason I was screaming is because we're out of sugar!" And then, the realization hit her. "We're out of sugar! Aaaaugh!" She ran around the room screaming, arms flailing in the air behind her in a frenzy. In her fit, several cooking utensils and ingredients made their way to the floor, every spill earning a wince from Mrs. Cake.

"Pinkie, stop that right now! Please!" the exasperated mare ordered.

And Pinkie did just that. She froze in midair as if she were in a photograph, the look of sheer terror still imprinted on her face.

Initially, Mrs. Cake almost appeared impressed, but the stress and annoyance quickly returned to her. "Pinkie... if we're out of sugar, would it really be that much of a problem to ask one of the neighbors for a cup? That's what neighbors are for, anyways."

Pinkie gasped and fell to the ground. Quick as a wink, she ran to Mrs. Cake and embraced her in a hug that surpassed even bear status.

"That's a great idea, Mrs. Cake!" Pinkie exclaimed, failing to notice the irritation on the elder mare's face. "What would I ever do without you?"

"Wreak havoc and chaos everywhere, that's for sure..."

"What was that?" Pinkie asked, breaking the hug in confusion.

"Er, nothing!" Mrs. Cake chuckled nervously, batting her hoof in the air. "Nothing at all, Pinkie! Now, why don't you see what the neighbors have to offer?"

"Great idea, Mrs. Cake!" And with that, a pink bolt shot out of the kitchen, leaving the apathetic alligator and the exhausted confectioner behind. Mrs. Cake sighed before a head and neck stretched into the doorway, elongating itself to such an extent that there was no way it could belong to a pony.

Any normal pony, that is.

"Oh, and thanks for the advice!" the head said, causing Mrs. Cake to jump higher than she had in years. The head disappeared once more, prompting an awkward silence to fill the air. Mrs. Cake sighed once more, massaging her temples in the process.

"Just what am I ever going to do with that pony, Gummy?" she mused.

"Ha! You're telling me!" the alligator agreed. "I have to spend day after day with that crazy mare! And every day it's the same stupid crap! 'Let's bake some cupcakes, Gummy!' 'Oh, you'd look so silly in this outfit, Gummy!' Oh, and today? 'Let's have a staring contest, Gummy!' Because that's a whole lot of fun! Let's just sit around looking at each other until our eyeballs just dry out and shrivel into little raisins that we can use on those Celestia-forsaken atrocities that you call muffins that the Princess herself would smite you for having the guts to create!" The alligator panted, exhausted from his rant. He then hopped off his stool and made his way towards the staircase outside of the kitchen. "I don't know what to tell you, lady. You're on your own. I'm just an alligator."

And then he was gone, most likely off to indulge himself in the false sun that occupied his tank.

Mrs. Cake, meanwhile, stood in place, her eyes widened and jaw open in absolute shock. She groaned, the unwelcome headache of being responsible for two babies and a Pinkie Pie returning once more.

"I really need a vacation," she grumbled.

-- -- --

"You're out of sugar, too?" Pinkie cried in disbelief. The cream-colored earth pony that stood in the doorway backed away, knowing there was nothing more dangerous than an upset Pinkie Pie. "You're the fifth pony besides me that's said that! Did the sugar truck just... whoosh!... fall off of Mount Canterlot on its way to Ponyville or something?"

"Heh... I dunno, Pinkie," Bon Bon replied nervously, slowly closing the door that separated the two bakers. "I checked Piggly Wiggly's store just yesterday to see if they had any in stock, but they were all out."

Pinkie grabbed Bon Bon's face, pulling the mare to her so that their eyes were merely inches apart. "You don't get it, Bon Bon. I need sugar. If I don't get some soon, something really really really bad is going to happen!"

"Like that time the weird pony-dragon thing showed up and turned all our houses upside down?" Bon Bon joked.

Pinkie leered over Bon Bon, forcing the mare down to the ground. "Worse."

Beginning to sweat, Bon Bon slowly backed away. "Well maybe Piggly Wiggly has some sugar now. Why don't you check?"

"Hmmm... good idea, Bon Bon. The Cakes usually pick up the ingredients from there, but if it's something as important as this, I guess I'll—"

Slam!

"—make an exception." Feeling somewhat confused, Pinkie left the stairs in front of Bon Bon's house and made her way to the grocery store down the street, her brisk walk increasing to a gallop as her stomach turned a second time.

Within minutes, a small store came into her view, the sign in front of it indicating it was her destination. After a bout with a fussy automatic door, she found herself inside the quaint little store, frantically searching each and every aisle for some sign, any sign, of sugar.

But just like every other attempt that day, her efforts proved fruitless.

"Need some help, missy?" a gruff voice asked from behind her. Pinkie quickly turned her head to be greeted by the image of a rather slovenly pink earth pony. He slouched in a chair behind a counter, crumbs in his unkempt mane and scruffy beard. A cigarette hung lazily in his mouth, the sparks at its end hypnotizing Pinkie.

"Excuse me, miss?" the voice repeated.

Pinkie shook her head and snapped back into focus. "Sorry, mister... you must be Piggly Wiggly, right?"

"Don't call me that," the earth pony snapped, causing Pinkie to jump backwards in surprise. "Sorry, miss. I just... hate that name. Just call me Pig, alright?"

"Okie dokie lokie!" Pinkie sang. "Now please, I really need your help, Mr. Pig!"

"Eh? You do, then? What seems to be the problem?"

"I'm out of sugar, and I can't find any anywhere! Not at my house, not with the neighbors, and not even here! And I neeeeeeeeed sugar, Mr. Pig!"

Pig rolled his eyes, as if he were listening to a gripe that he had heard thousands of times before.

Which, to be fair, he had.

"Listen, kid—"

"I'm not a kid!" Pinkie interrupted, feeling somewhat offended. "I'm only a year younger than Fluttershy, however old that is!"

"Whatever. Listen, er..." Pig trailed off, realizing his mistake. "I'm sorry, miss, I didn't get your name earlier."

"Me? I'm Pinkie Pie, the number one party pony in all of Equestria! Everypony knows me, Mr. Pig!"

"I don't get out much," the shopkeeper quickly explained.

"Well, I'll throw you a party sometime, then." Pinkie's stomach turned once more. "Now please, Mr. Pig, I really really need some sugar. Right right now!"

Pig sighed. "Right. That. Look, every day I've got dozens of ponies coming in here, asking for sugar. But we're plumb out, alright? I don't have any, and I don't know when I'll have any. Just" —he spread his arms, looking around the shop— "I'm out."

"But why?" Pinkie asked. "Why is everypony out of sugar? What happened?"

Pig rolled his eyes, absorbed in the newspaper he had opened in front of him. "Something about a sugar truck falling off of Mount Canterlot on its way to Ponyville or something. Sounds like a bunch of malarkey, if you ask me."

Pinkie stood wide eyed, speechless for one of the first times in her life. "Heh. Well, uh... thanks, Mr. Pig. I guess I'll just get out of here. And go home. Sugarless."

"I'll try and get some soon, Pinkie."

"I know you will..." Pinkie whispered. It just might not be soon enough.

And then, for the fourth time, her stomach turned. But perhaps turned wasn't the right word to describe it. To Pinkie, it felt more like there was a strange fox in an spaceship doing barrel rolls all throughout her belly. She fell over on the ground in pain, clutching her stomach.

Then came the hiccups.

The hiccups erupted from Pinkie in rapid succession, each one louder and higher pitched than the last. Pig watched the scene unfold with raised eyebrows, ensuring that he captured every moment of what was likely the most exciting event in his entire career.

In a finale, Pinkie's entire body expanded to ridiculous proportions before fizzling out to her normal figure in the way a child would pinch the tip of a party balloon.

And then she was still.

There was a silence, followed by the clopping of heavy hooves on the floor as Pig neared his customer's side, not knowing whether he should be afraid or concerned.

"Pinkie?" he said weakly. "You alright there? You need me to get you some water or something?" When no response came, he gently prodded the mare's body with his hoof. "Pinkie?"

It was the worst mistake he had ever made in his life.

The pink mare shot up at the speed of light. Her mane and coat had retained their brightness and curliness, but something about Pinkie's expression was completely different than what Pig had seen before.

"Get your filthy hooves off me!" the pink mare screamed, sending Pig reeling backwards in terror. "Ugh, this place is a dump! Would it kill you to get some air fresheners in here or something?" Her eyes made their way to the cigarette that lay in the ashtray at Pig's desk, and she gave the shopkeeper a quizzical look. "Really? In your own store?"

"Hey, uh, nopony's ever complained about it before!" Pig stammered. "What's your deal? First you come in here asking for sugar, then you go and... well, explode on my floor! And now you have the guts to insult me in my own store?"

"Hmph! I would hardly call this place a store. It's more like a run-down little fruit stand with outrageous prices."

Pig growled and narrowed his eyes. "Why you little..."

"Little what?" The pony that had once been Pinkie chuckled. "It seems like nopony ever finishes that line, am I right?" She shoved Pig aside and strode towards the sliding doors, mysteriously content with the fact that she was still sugarless. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have some... business to attend to."

"Yeah you do!" Pig yelled. "Like getting out of my store! Seriously, Pinkie, what's your deal?"

"I am leaving your store," the pony replied. As the sliding doors swung open, she looked over her shoulder, a malicious grin on her face. "And please, dear..."

"What now?"

"...call me Pinkamena."

The doors shut behind her, and she was gone, leaving Pig alone and confused.

"What just happened?" he said to nopony in particular. He scoffed and shook his head as he sat down in his chair and resumed reading the newspaper. "Mares these days..."

Comments

[theswimminbrony]

Alrighty, here's the first chapter! The next is about halfway done. Let me know what you guys think!

[Starlight Fire]

IT'S OUT! YAY!

(Edit after reading) This.

[Aridifolia]

And you know better than anypony else that there's nothing better in the whole wide world than a heaping pile of super-duper-splenderific sugar!

Ech, splenda. Cane sugar anyday

:thumbsup:

[kits]

Using my art without at least asking? Not fucking cool.

Change it, or I'll have knighty do it for you

[-Brutus]

1030566 calm down, once its out on internet. Anyone can use it.

[kits]

1030600
Incorrect

Perhaps you may wish to avail yourself to a copy of your jurisdiction's Berne Convention approved copyright law.

The fact he didn't take the 3 seconds needed to source the image also plays a part in my anger

[ForlanceAbice]

....
You have garnered our interests.
Please, continue.
static.fjcdn.com/comments/Go+on+_b0d71ccffcb8fb43683e02a61c6d6508.png

[-Brutus]

1030618 Instead of crying, be glad that your art is out there somewhere. He found it and is using it; end of the story. It matches the story well too. Ever thought maybe he found it somewhere else? Imgur.com or google search, maybe someone already took your image and uploaded it on their own.

And you get angry at him, classic. Beside, the law doesn't apply much to underground artists.

[DrHorse]

Good start. I really appreciated "She's a pony, silly! Not a barrel!" That's the correct way to write Pinkie's fourth wall-breaking powers.

Just one thing: don't revise the first paragraph, delete it and the second paragraph instead, then revise the third paragraph. You should never preface your story with six sentences of fluff about how nice of a day it is in Ponyville.

[theswimminbrony]

1030566 Woah. Sorry kits. I honestly didn't know it was yours. I did a google search and that was the image I liked best so I chose it. I'll change it once I get home, as I am at a swim meet right now.

My sincerest apologies. I'll be more careful in the future. Sorry about the mishap, I really am.

[kits]

1030907
>still has image up
>still unsourced

Howto source and image
1) Google Search By Image
2) here
3) Leads to: here
4) fill in source field
i.imgur.com/DWFnw.png

[Polly]

1030566
>I'll have knighty do it for you

dont say this, you look like a tool and we wont do anything for you. hope this helps

[-Brutus]

1031239 No need for fancy explanation nor the image. I'm sure theswimminbrony can find it just fine.

(edit: he sourced you, happy now?)

[theswimminbrony]

1031968 Actually, Wanderer D took care of that for me, as I wasn't home.

I appreciate the support, but kits has every right to be angry with me, as I bet he tried his hardest at making that image, and it was wrong of me to not credit him.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

1031239 Is THAT how you upload cover images because I've been having problems with that and I don't know why.

Also there were some lines that seemed too much for a fic that's suppose to be rated for Everyone, here are some that I noticed:

"Sorry, Pinkie, I didn't mean to yell at you like that," Mrs. Cake said, though anypony that could read expressions would be able to tell that she wasn't sorry at all. (This seems OC for Mrs. Cake since she doesn't seem like one who is prone to anger.)

"I have to spend day after day with that crazy mare! And every day it's the same stupid crap! 'Let's bake some cupcakes, Gummy!' 'Oh, you'd look so silly in this outfit, Gummy!' Oh, and today? 'Let's have a staring contest, Gummy!' Because that's a whole lot of fun! Let's just sit around looking at each other until our eyeballs just dry out and shrivel into little raisins that we can use on those Celestia-forsaken atrocities that you call muffins that the Princess herself would smite you for having the guts to create!" (A fic that is for Everyone shouldn't have swearing and you really went into too much detail with that rant with the eyeballs and the cupcakes.)

A cigarette hung lazily in his mouth, the sparks at its end hypnotizing Pinkie. (A fic that is for Everyone shouldn't include smoking either and should not show any of the characters being attracted to it.)

"Get your filthy hooves off me!" the pink mare screamed, sending Pig reeling backwards in terror. "Ugh, this place is a dump! Would it kill you to get some air fresheners in here or something?" Her eyes made their way to the cigarette that lay in the ashtray at Pig's desk, and she gave the shopkeeper a quizzical look. "Really? In your own store?" (There's flipping out and there's just plain rude in other words you crossed the line yet again.)

Pig growled and narrowed his eyes. "Why you little..."

"Little what?" The pony that had once been Pinkie chuckled. "It seems like nopony ever finishes that line, am I right?" She shoved Pig aside and strode towards the sliding doors, mysteriously content with the fact that she was still sugarless. (Again you seem to forget that this fic is rated Everyone which is suppose to be fics that kids of all ages can read including the target demograph of little girls.)

If I were you I would either change the rating to Teen because of this content or revise those sentences.

All in all this isn't bad but as those 'mistakes' I listed above show you clearly don't have an idea as to what you can and can't include in fanfics rated Everyone, they seem to be more inclined to Teen.

[-Brutus]

1032093 Doesn't means she/he have to be a tool like Poultron have said and played "If you don't, I will tell a admin!" card and law card..

If he asked kindly, something like this "Oh hello there, I noticed the cover art is my work and you don't have a source/didn't link to me, I would be more glad to provide you that: link. Thank you, have a nice day.

If it was that ^ I would read the comment then move on, but he/she didn't. That's why I jumped in to defend/support you.

__________________________

Ignoring the entire issue about and to your story, I found it quite funny, enjoyable to read. I wonder what shall inspire in chapter 2 that now shes is this now <-----, being angry of course haha.

[theswimminbrony]

1032127 Thanks for the suggestions. I'll fix that. As for Mrs. Cake, I kind of hinted that she was extremely stressed because of her duties as a mother. That's why I had her act the way she did.
1030866 Thank you very much! I'll make the changes in the next round of editing.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

1032152 By the way did you see my question about cover images?

[theswimminbrony]

1032190 You put the address of the image in the URL section, or you can upload an image from your library.
Either way, make sure you source it.
1032142 I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at the new Pinkie.

[wolfeprocter]

Oh no...

[Twilight at Dusk]

Oh... Crap...

I feel very sorry for all who happen to come across her until she is once again full of sugar.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

1032221 Really because I don't see you doing that in the comment I observed.

[theswimminbrony]

1034376 Honestly? In case you haven't noticed, I changed the cover image of the story since I didn't take the proper etiquette in asking permission for the use of the original image. The cover image now is an image from the show, and I found it on Ponychan, which I imagine is the reason for the source coming up as a 404.

I gave you that piece of advice because I learned my lesson the hard way, and I didn't want the same to happen to you.

[Deactivated 001]

Pinkie sobering up without sugar... may Celestia help us all!