"So...that's your field report?" Ramsbottom asked as he stared from Lucy to Gru to Tempest with a frustrated look on his face.
"Yup!" Lucy confirmed happily.
"Eduardo is, in fact, El Macho," Ramsbottom continued, "and was behind the theft of the PX-41."
"Called it," Gru commented playfully.
Ramsbottom rubbed his forehead in frustration. "And he was using it to mutate these...Minions...into unstoppable killing machines shaped for violence and destruction."
"Think of them as Warrior Minions," Tempest offered helpfully, though without letting the smug smirk fade from her face.
"And Gru's associate Dr. Nefario was doing the science for him," Ramsbottom continued.
Nefario shrugged. "I missed doing mad science. Ever since Gru stopped doing villainy to be a parent full time, the closest I've come is trying to make new jelly formulas that deliberately taste bad to sell for pranks."
"That was on purpose?" Gru asked in surprise.
"Of course," Nefario confirmed. "With how competent they've gotten since Tempest showed up, do you really think the Minions would do something like that on accident?"
"And rather than an official agent or even a consultant making this discovery," Ramsbottom interrupted, trying to drag attention back to the subject at hand, "it was Gru's...pet-"
"Hey!" Gru snapped. "Human or not, Tempest is my daughter. Don't go calling her a pet."
Ramsbottom stared at him ruefully. "Right...it was Tempest who found this information, as well as the motives behind El Macho getting back into villainy." His lips pulled into a grimace, more so than normal. "At which point she then negotiated a deal for him to turn over his weaponry and remaining stores of PX-41 in exchange for not arresting him and throwing him in jail." He turned to glare at Tempest.
"He's a single father, and at most 20% of his assets are specifically villainous and the sort you could legally seize as part of this operation," Tempest pointed out flatly. "And his already emotionally traumatized son is just about to hit puberty when his emotional state is at its most volatile. Somehow I didn't think arresting a villain who wasn't going to do villainy anymore was worth creating a worse one that would be deliberately targeting us and the AVL before wrecking havoc."
Ramsbottom pinched the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes. "...fair enough." He turned back to Lucy. "And in all this time, you and Gru were..."
"Alternately dancing together or sneaking off to alcoves to make out like horny teenagers," Lucy replied readily.
"Probably something you should avoid saying in front of the girls," Nefario suggested awkwardly. "Youngsters generally don't like knowing the details of their parental figures...activities."
"And yes, that's the report," Gru concluded firmly. "Geeze, it's like she just got finished saying all that five minutes ago!"
Ramsbottom groaned as he buried his face in his hands. "Forgive me for wanting to confirm that I heard something so absurd accurately," he managed to get out before looking up at the group. "And as for El Macho now...?"
"Subcontracted out to work for Gru in terms of any vigilante work, whether unofficial or for the AVL," Nefario spoke up. "He's got good tech and good skills, so recruitment works better than imprisonment." He shrugged his shoulders. "And given the tactics Gru will use to deal with villains if he does choose to work long term for the AVL, the only difference between that and our villainous activities is that our targets will be more challenging and we won't get in trouble for succeeding."
"A point that won El Macho over to the idea rather quickly," Tempest pointed out. "Though you might want to arrange for some therapists for him and his son, to help them get past what happened to his wife in a more healthy way."
Ramsbottom leaned back in his chair with a sigh. "Well, I look forward to seeing how you manage to file all of this, Lucy-"
"Actually, I'm still on assignment," Lucy pointed out. "Recruiting Gru? He hasn't decided one way or another if he's going to officially work for the AVL, so my mission technically isn't finished. And since I didn't have anything directly to do with the resolution of the El Macho situation - it was all on Gru and Tempest, who you conditionally approved to work with as civilian consultants until my recruitment attempts resolved one way or the other - you need to fill out the paperwork, sir." As Ramsbottom stared at her, she pulled out a notebook. "Mission Connections Protocols, page 17, paragraph 4."
As Ramsbottom's eyes widened, Tempest and Gru both began to cackle madly, having realized that they could presently get away with fighting villains all they wanted and not have to fill out any paperwork about it, just by continuing to say 'maybe'...and by recruiting instead of arresting when appropriate, whether or not they were being paid was a non-issue.
"...oh god..." Ramsbottom groaned, realizing what they were cackling about.
Nefario grinned widely. "Never thought I'd see this skit in real life," he observed thoughtfully. "Wish I'd brought popcorn."
Behold the awesome power of bureaucracy!
Why, oh why can I only give one like per story. this was beautiful, and it was a much better ending to the El Macho event then the movies.
Ok can some explain what had Gru and Tempest laughing and Ramsbottom nervous? Nice chapter and I bet they are going to love dealing with Tempest.
Bravo, more Tempest please!!!!!
9552663
It means as long as Gru doesn't say 'yes' or 'no' to actually working for the AVL, they can still go after other villains with Lucy...and Ramsbottom will be responsible for dealing with the paperwork.
9552636 YES, THANK YOU for the update! Reading your stories is very and welcome distraction when there is heavy and FRUSTRATING thoughts and people present. So never let yourself believe that short chapters are unwelcome, while we WOULD love for 100,000+ worded chapters to come every other hour, even 600 are welcomed.
For pony words are good words And found something that everyone else probably already has seen and knows but I find this to be hilarious
9552663
Yeah, I'm a bit lost on that one, too.
9552681
All of the fun with fighting villains, none of the paperwork.
9552690
Okay, so it was just that. Totally got that part, I was just thrown by the word 'skit,' thinking it was some kind of routine like "Who's On First."
9552685 I shall go along with stressed
I love the part when tia is grouching on Tirek, bookhorse squeakes out BOOK! BOOK!! Biblia!
9552697
Hellsing Ultimate Abridged.
I have said it once and i will say it again.
Well done you glorious bastard
9552680
Personally, I find different authors have different optimal chapter lengths... and for Tats, that's usually around 2K. Still, I can always trust his offerings to be great regardless of length, as should be expected of an author I feel I can't give enough accolades to despite already having given him regular Favorites, Likes, Super Favorite status, AND a dedicated bookshelf.
What? You haven't invented Emergency Popcorn Supply yet?! What kind of mad scientist are you?
9552708
So it WAS from something! I wasn't going crazy!
Man, it's been a long time since I watched Helsing Abridged.
Nefario you evil genius.
Totally forgot about that part in Hellsing Ultimate Abridged.
9552648 And loopholes!
Agreed and what skit may I ask?
Excellent chapter
And this is why I gave your works a Bookshelf, Tats, and constantly check for updates. I have four words for you:
Laughed. Til. It. Hurt.
Also, if I hadn’t Liked, Followed and Favorited this story before...hoo-boy, I’d have done it just for this chapter, probably.
9552715
Enough said, right there.
great update!!
"So that's your field report?"
As soon as I read that line, I knew it would be good.
Its confirmed, you're definitely my favorite author on this site. I've read and re-read a good chunk of your stories at least two or three times, at most six times for one of your stories, you have quite a lot of talent, for writing. Have you considered writing and publishing you're own original story, at any point?
9553590
Currently working on the first one.
9553591
Nice, I hope it all works out for you.
Well played, all! Well. Played!
9553014
I think its a TFS Hellsing Reference...
Even if they are now working for the good side, they are still evil.
Short chapter, but absolutely hilarious! Looking forward to more.
Keep up the great work. Deus tecum.
Well that handles despicable me 2 all that's left is 3 and we're done here unless Tats here is gonna throw a curveball
How much paperwork will it take for Ramsbottom to go mad and become a villain?
9552675
That right there is truly nefarious. Still hoping this recruiting venture eventually results in the family accumulating so much power that the AVL eventually works for them to maintain Gru's new world order.
Ok I know that might be impossible but any chance we might have megamind make a cameo
I guess we could say Ramsbottom's about to start...having some bad bad days.
Or is that wordplay just despicable of me?
Okay, I need to stop.
One cup is still a cup pyramid on technicality.
Now I wonder how you'll write about the third movie - the Minions leaving Gru, well maybe, Gru's brother, the newest villain and more
I swear, you do this better than the actual show. How they can be even more benevolently evil while being on the side of good, I don't know.
Impossible reports, check.
Recruiting the target, check.
Sticking the boss with the bill (and paperwork), check, and check!
that right there will likely get anyone to join.
9692170
Technically, the process has already begun with tempest shadow. She's their new queen. Once tats muse comes back and he gets back to work on this, they'd probably go with tempest once she is needed to go back to her world. Possibly the events of gru 3 might play similarly, but the brother (possibly due to butterflies) might stick around this time, due to all the shenanigans his brother gets up to that's as entertainingly fun as villainy