After a long day of failed attempts at cutting brownies into equal proportions to fit Twilight's standard's, Pinkie pie sets out to become a ninja and be able to cut all of the brownies into perfectly exact squares.
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Pretzelninja
Joined 25th Jul, 2012 ·
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This sounds like the greatest thing ever in the entire history of everything. Will read later.
985761 I concur dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Twilight_Sparkle.png
985816
Eeeyup. Too many other fics to read, but by Celestia's invisible moustache, this one sounds like a winner.
Okay this deserves a thumbs up, great story, oh man laughed the entire time, and even now I laugh thinking of the last line. Oh man, so glad I did the drop everything I'm doing and read this fanfic. Oh man. Great fanfic.
Okay, I read it. Funny, yes, but so rife with grammatical errors that it actually annoyed me to read this. Some minor grammatical correction would do wonders for this.
That's pinkie pie. Friendship ninjas are so helpful!
A couple mistakes here and there, but other than that, this is pretty darn good!
Gave it an upvote for a promising start ... but I have a few points of constructive criticism:
As others have said, go back and edit for grammar and punctuation (especially the 's and s uses. Getting an editor or friend to help is a good way to go too.
Watch out for the problem of Show vs. Tell. It's one I'm constantly struggling with, and tends to get picked on. Whenever possible, try to allow a point or situation to develop through action and reaction, rather than just flat out saying it to the reader like a bulletin point.
i.imgur.com/rfIYo.jpg
encrypted-tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSm66efB409WyuWHLTZ1wvVCqSpOJm79MfRc5MgcTw3lyZEq3ma
That is so Pinkie!
here have my thumb!
(Am I the only one who finds it weird that we give thumbs ups on a pony site? shouldn't it be hooves up or something?
)