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upon black wings

Talio was a a lucky mare she could really have it all.
Until ASK (Alicorn Superiority Klan) came and started attacking her and her kin.
Thought to be the last of her race she sought help from luna and celestia.
In the insecurity of the night she is visited by a mystyrious pegasus.
But what rides on his wings hope, sorrow, kindness, death?

this is just part of a larger project I am making with snowfoot.
as this is the first thing i ever wrote please be honest with your reviews.

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Winter Storm

Winter Storm #1 · Jul 28th, 2012 · 2 · ·

Honest opinion? Thank Celestia that my virtue is Generosity, because honesty would have you in tears.

Anyway...

Bad. Bad grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, etc.
Boring OP characters, no semblance of plot, etc.

HOWEVER...

You are being somewhat descriptive in your writing. That, at least, is good. Frankly, you need A LOT of work if you want to put out a decent fic. Read some more high-quality fanfictions, use spellcheck, and pass high school English classes with a B or higher.