That afternoon, about 2 PM, Spike and John were in the kitchen chatting, when the door burst open with a loud thud, revealing James with an annoyed expression on his face, and grumbling something under his breath.
“Johnny... Next time you want to do your girlfriend a favor, be kind enough and keep me out of it, OK?” James said, closing the door.
“She’s not my girlfriend you moron… Besides, you’ve been in the neighborhood anyway, to feed your friend’s animals.”
“Wait, who are we talking about here?” Spike said.
“Who do you think? Cheerilee, of course.”
“Again, she’s not my girlfriend!”
“Well, all I know is that when she opened the door – wearing a sexy bathrobe, I might add – she had this little grin on her face, and her cheeks were burning... You should’ve seen the disappointment in those huge, greenish eyes when she realized it was me delivering those papers instead of you, Mr. Romantic…” James grinned. “I bet she wanted to ask you to… flush her overflow pipe... If you know what I mean.”
With a stoic expression on his face and a dirty dish in his hand, John let out a sigh. “You have to excuse him, Spike. He was shot in the head... multiple times.”
“True as that may be… it doesn’t change the fact that the two of you were snuggling earlier…” John cocked his head in surprise. “Yes, mister ‘I won’t touch pony in my life!’ Celestia and I have seen… everything.”
“She just needed a helping hand after the incident, and I offered it. Nothing else happened.”
“I know, and that’s the problem! I was hoping you’ll at least hit the second base instead of that... hugging, and crying, and romance, and... blah.”
“Didn’t you learn your lesson after what happened with Twilight?” Spike said with a smile.
“What happened?” John said.
“I… offered to help her with her stacks, and she... agreed.”
“Wait a second…” John cocked his head. “Are you saying that you and Twilight were…”
James smirked. “Yes, yes, we were! It started slow, but then we went all the way. In and out, in and out… for two days straight! It was glorious.”
“Yeah, sure... Spike, he is making that up, right?”
“Nope... That really happened. When I walked in they were both a sweaty, panting mess,” John froze at Spike’s remark, shooting him a glare of disbelief and shock. “What? Rearranging the whole library for two days straight is pretty exhausting… Trust me, I know...”
“Rearranging... Wait, what?” John realized Spike started smirking. “Good lord, Spike... For a moment I thought they were really... You know…”
“Hrmph, I wish... The worst part is that according to my behavioral analyzer she really thought I was talking about library stacks, instead of her… other stacks,” James said shaking his head. “Seriously, she’s gonna marry a book one day... I hope you’ll have better luck with Cheerilee...”
“Ugh, here we go again… You forget I’m married, you a-hole.”
“If I recall, you told me once that you and your wife had an arrangement that, if one of you dies—” James was interrupted by a cold glare coming from John. “OK, fine, maybe I’m jumping the gun a little.”
“That’s an understatement!”
“Sorry, man. I’m just... glad you finally made a friend, you know? And Cheerilee is pretty cool...” James paused for a second and smirked. “And hot at the same time—”
“Spike, do me a favor and light that idiot up!”
“Just try it, and I’m telling Rarity!” James said with a pouting face. “What are you doing here anyway? The dishes?”
Spike’s eyes went from the pile of dirty dishes on the left to the clean ones on the right. “How did you guess?”
“Must be my psychic power!”
“Right… Well, captain psychic – I’m just glad that unlike some other... individuals,” Spike arched his eyebrow, “John is not a lazy type.”
James smiled. “Work smart, not hard. That’s my policy, boss—”
“I think we’re done here, Spike,” John said, wiping the detergent from his hands. “From what I heard, it’s more like ’work none,’ in your case... You’re just a lazy bum.”
“Maybe, but you know what they say – It’s the lazy people who invented the wheel and the bicycle because they didn’t like walking or carrying things. Besides, Celestia is delegating stuff all the time, and nobody is calling her lazy—”
“Except for you,” Spike said and smiled. “Then again, I can see what you mean by nobody.”
“Hrmph, fuck you…”
“Speaking of Celestia,” John opened one of the kitchen cabinets and took out a few centimeters thick, stack of papers. “Would you give that to her?”
“What is it? Love letters?”
“Only if the ‘Secretary of the Royal Treasury’ is one of her admirers...”
“I hope not...”
“What? Some handsome stallion?” Spike said with a smile.
“No, it’s a she, Spike... If Celestia swings that way, then my chances to score are getting slim.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it, man.”
“Ah, so you think, she loves me so much that I’m going to score anyway?”
John smiled. “Nope... I just think that your chances are already at zero percent, so they can’t get any lower.”
“Jeez… thanks for the pep talk…” James smiled sarcastically. “Not only you’re killing my dreams, but you are also stealing my happy hours, John. I got... stuff to do—”
“Yes, we know, drinking and touching yourself... Just get the paper to the Princess on the way!” John glanced at Spike with a surprised expression on his face. “What? I’ve been living with him for a few months now, we all know what he’s doing.”
“Well, at least I’m not playing with a Rarity sex doll...”
“It’s n-not a... sex doll! It’s for c-cuddling!”
“It must be one of the ‘glow under black light’ editions, then...” James said with a smirk, making Spike’s cheeks turn as red as a ripe apple. “But don’t worry, Spike – we’re all guys here...”
“More like, two guys, and one perv...”
“Hey, Johnny, don’t be like that! He’s still a child, cut him some slack... Besides, if you think he’s twisted, then you don’t know about the gals living here...”
“Who?” Spike cocked his head. “Starlight?”
“You should have seen her bed under UV. She put Jackson Pollock to shame! She always puts a bubble of silence around her, to stop me from hearing anything. But it always gets intermittent at the end...”
“Ugh, man, we really don’t need the details!” John shook his head and pointed at the stack of papers. “Are you going to deliver those or not? You can always scan Celestia in the UV mode, while you are there.”
James put his hand in the air to protest but started scratching his chin instead. “I like the way you think, Johnny!” He said with a grin, grabbing the papers, and dashing for the doors. “See you later boys, I’ll tell you how it went!”
As the door closed shut behind him, John and Spike glanced at each other and sighed in unison.
“Spike... do you think there is a chance that Celestia will vaporize him?”
“I doubt we’ll get this lucky...”
***
Standing in front of Celestia’s chambers, James knocked on the door, but there was no answer. Hmm, maybe she is outside. I just leave it in there. He quietly stepped inside and chuckled to himself. Door with no locks... Real, Royal-Level security... Never before having been in this particular room, he took a moment to look around.
The room was larger than Twilight’s bedroom and divided in two by a curved wall – elaborate paintings and decorations hung everywhere. Next to the door stood an elegant, king-size bed, with an equally elegant nightstand. A big vanity table with a huge mirror was on the other side, facing the bed. The other part of the room housed a study desk with a few bookshelves, and a huge window providing an excellent view outside.
James whistled in awe. “Damn, Twilight made this place better than Celestia’s quarters in Canterlot. No wonder she doesn’t wanna leave.”
With a smile, he put the papers on the nightstand and turned towards the door when something caught his eye. He gaped at the object next to the bed, cocking his head. It was part of Celestia’s regalia, the golden chest piece with a sapphire. If that is here then— A quiet grunt, coming from behind, interrupted his pondering.
His eyes shot wide, and he froze. A few milliseconds later, his computerized mind had already calculated a thousand possibilities of how this would end, each with the same conclusion. I’m fucked... As another soft grunt filled the air, he winced and closed his eyes. To the moon in three... two... one... Nothing, no magical blast or even a comment from Celestia.
James let out an audible gulp, and very slowly turned around, biting his lip. He expected a bloodthirsty Celestia with glowing red horn, eyes pulsing with energy, and fireballs coming out her ass – ready to tear out his testicles through his throat, but again... nothing. No angry alicorn in sight, no farts of fire, or lasers coming his way. The room was empty, and quiet as a tomb, aside from someone snorting in the—
His eyes shot wide again. He cocked his head to readjusted his ear, and a quiet snort filled the air one more time...
Turn around, dash out the door, and run like a little girl towards the Everfree, praying he didn’t wake her up. That would have been the smart thing to do, but James wasn’t that smart. With his curiosity getting the better of him, he took a step forward, and another, and another and...
He did a double take, blinking a few times just to be sure, but the image stayed the same. Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria, leader of the Three Tribes, the almost-immortal goddess with the best tush ever... was lying on the bare floor behind the desk, in a fetal position and out of her regalia. She snuggled her ever-floating mane like a blanket and rested her head on a thick stack of papers, smudging some of them with a light string of drool that was oozing from her open muzzle.
The picture changed James’s demeanor in a heartbeat, making him stare in disbelief with a sly grin on his face.
“Sir, may I suggest we evacuate the premise immediately?” APE said inside James’s head, snapping him back to reality.
“B-but... what if she needs medical attention? We better watch her some more... just to be sure she’s fine.”
“Probability assessment indicates that it may end up with you needing medical attention afterward, sir.”
“Oh, but she’s so cute... May be worth it—” He stopped when his eyes went from her back to her drooling head... or rather the horn attached to it.
“Shall I make an appointment with the doctor Colin O’Scopy now, sir, or should I wait some more?” APE said, sounding as sarcastic as his programming would allow it.
James bit his lip, noticing that the sleeping Celestia, choose that moment to put a very evil-looking grin on her face. “Um, I get your point, let’s get out of here before—”
That was the moment when the universe decided to demonstrate how much it hates him... Or, maybe the author just needed some cliché plot device? In any case, James’s heart skipped a beat when a string of magic penetrated the window, flew above Celestia, and materialize a moment later into a parchment, smacking her across the face.
“APE, I think I will need that appointment after all...” He said as Celestia’s eyes opened...
***
Celestia mumbled something and after blinking a few times, noticed the pale-faced James standing a few meters away. “Would you mind explaining why are you in my room?”
“I… can explain!”
“Good, because that is exactly what I asked,” Celestia stood up, stretching her neck and walked towards her desk. “Well? Do not keep me waiting.”
“P-papers! I brought you some papers!” He grabbed the stack from the nightstand and dashed toward the desk, with a speed that would put Rainbow to shame. “I totally didn’t plan to see you naked, honest!”
Celestia glanced at the documents in his hands with a deadpan expression, and a second later her face hit the table with a thud. “Thank you... You can leave.”
“That’s... not the reaction I was expecting...”
“If you want me to disembowel you, that will have to wait... Right now, please leave me alone... unless…” She raised her head with a resigned expression on her face. “You would be kind enough to put me out of my misery?”
“Um… sorry, but if I do that, then Luna will be the one to gut me…”
“Oh, yes! Because she loves me so much... That is why she is sending me all those lovely papers to deal with...”
“More rather, because then she would have to deal with all that crap herself, but... Yeah, you can go with sister’s love...” James said, and Celestia let out a gentle chuckle, tilting her head, only to wince a moment later. “Pain in the neck?”
“Only when you are around.”
“Funny… that’s not what you were talking in your sleep... It went something like... Oh, James... Oh, James! Oh—”
“Oh, James...” Celestia put on a sly grin. “Is it in yet?”
James cocked his head arching his eyebrow and smiled sarcastically. “Ouch… You must tell Luna to stop messing with your dreams. Otherwise, you may be in for a huge surprise one day. Besides… it’s not the size, it’s how you use it!”
“So I heard... from every underperforming stallion…”
Watching Celestia stacking papers on her desk with a smug, James frowned and crossed his arms. “Perhaps they just hit the ‘black hole’ problem...”
“Black hole?”
“Yeah, you know – even a star feels tiny once it enters a black hole.”
Celestia’s smile faltered, and she arched her eyebrow at the grinning human. “I see... However, that was not the case!”
“If you say so, your Majesty... Jokes aside, are you OK? You seem to be tilting your head to the left.”
Celestia sighed. “I must have strained a muscle while sleeping in that... lovely position. Now my neck and back are killing me,” she glanced at the gaping James. “What?”
“Sorry, it’s just... I thought alicorns were tougher than this.”
“I wish... It is kind of funny that I can withstand an energy blast powerful enough to shatter stone, but can still strain my body in my sleep.”
“Well, if it’s any consolation, I have the same problem with my nano-tech. I once got a little overexcite and...”
“And...?”
“Well, let’s just say that super strength is a bitch... and I sympathize with every man who got his naughty bits, crushed in a vice.”
Celestia cocked her head in disbelief and winced almost immediately, both from the pain in her neck, as well as from the images that flooded her mind. “Um... ouch?” She whispered.
“More like ‘Aiiieeeeeeee!’ But yeah, it sucked... and not in a good way,” James smiled. “Fortunately, nano-tech regenerates everything, including Flip and Flap.”
“Flip and Flap? Did you name your… naughty bits?”
“Of course! One is bigger than the other, and they’re acting stupid all the time... the name seems appropriate. There’s also Mr. Womb Rider – one hard bastard!”
“Oh, I bet...” Celestia smiled. “Tiny things usually are...”
“... ouch again!” James said with a frown, but let out a chuckle a moment later. “Damn, you’re good at this… Must be that evil part of you.”
“Yes, it must be... While I would love to exchange some more sexual jokes and innuendos, I really need to get back to work.”
“Yes, mistress…” James walked towards the door and grabbed the handle, but a loud grunt from behind got his attention. For a moment he just stood still biting his lip and thinking.
“Forgot something?” Celestia said.
“No, it’s just...” He let out a sigh and turn around. “I... may be able to help you get rid of that pain.”
“I am sure a drink would do wonders, but I have to decline...”
“It would, but it’s not what I have in mind.”
“Thank you, but I think I will manage,” Celestia tilted her head to read the papers, only to grit her teeth immediately, as the tearing pain shot through her muscles. She glanced at James and rolled her eyes. “Ugh... Fine, what do you want to do? Give me an injection of your nano-technology?”
“No, it is not calibrated to eliminate that kind of pain... I have something different in mind, but first, you have to promise me that you won’t kill me, blast me to the moon or do anything nasty for at least... three minutes.”
“What kind of promise is that? What are you planning to do?”
“Nothing inappropriate... You can always kill me afterward.”
“So that you can avoid the gala? Ha! Nice try...”
“I would never do that! … OK, perhaps I would, but I’m not planning to…” Celestia shot him a sarcastic smile, and he rolled his eyes in response. “Ugh, promise or suffer – your choice.”
“Hrmph, I must say, you got me curious... I am going to grant your... request.”
“Good, now um... get on the bed,” James said, and Celestia smiled, thinking it was a joke. “Seriously, I mean that – get on the bed,” she squinted her eyes and shot him a glare. “What? You think I’m going to jump you, or something?” He said with a smile, but it faded a moment later when Celestia wasn’t moving. “I’ll be damned... You really believe that, don’t you?”
“No... I am just not comfortable when I do not know, what you are planning to do—”
“First Applejack, and now you? Damn it, Luna’s right...”
Celestia cocked her head. “Right about what?”
“Forget it...” He shook his head and sighed in resignation. “Goodbye, your Highness – have a nice day...”
Celestia watched in confusion as he started walking towards the door with his eyes fixed on the floor.
“James, wait!” She said, just as he grabbed the handle. “I did not mean it like... that!”
Not letting go of the knob, he slowly turned around. “You know... I may seem numb most of the time, but some things still hurt...”
“I…” Celestia glance at him and to her surprise, he stood there with a wounded expression. “I am sorry, I really did not mean it like that. Can we start over?”
For a moment, he stood there in silence with his eyes still fixed on the floor. It lasted for just a few seconds, but for Celestia, it seemed like an eternity. Finally, he let out a sigh and nodded.
“Get on the bed and turn around. You have to trust me on this,” this time she complied without complaint. “OK, here we go...” She felt his hand on her back and flinched immediately, turning her head with an angry expression. “Three minutes, remember?” She let out an angry snort but turned her head back. “Now, this may hurt a little...”
Celestia felt something warm pressing upon the back of her neck in a circular motion. As the pressure increased, the pain started – at first it was intense, like a stabbing sensation that spread across her entire back, making her clench her teeth and throw a very unroyal curse under her breath. But as time went on, the pain started to falter and slowly, she felt her body relaxing on its own. As the quiet crunching sounds filled the air, she let out an involuntary, soft moan…
A few moments later, the endorphins filled her veins, and she felt like she was in heaven. All the problems seemed far away, and the pain she felt just a moment ago, was replaced by relief. Until...
“OK, that’s it...” James said, making her turn her head in surprise. “The three minutes, I mean... So, do you want to blast me to the moon for touching your royal back, or do you want me to continue?”
As he pulled his hands away, Celestia shivered gently, no longer feeling the warm sensation on her back. She shook her head from side to side and immediately felt that the pain in her neck was substantially easier to deal with. Arching her eyebrow, she surrounded James with her magic, and without warning pulled him closer, piercing him with a cold, intimidating glare.
“I am going to have your head for this!” Celestia said with a hiss.
James glanced at the enraged alicorn and winced, closing his eyes, and awaiting execution, but instead of the sound of death-ray, he heard a quiet chuckle.
“I meant that only if you do not finish what you started…”
James opened one of his eyes, to see Celestia smirking. Before he could say anything, she was already back on the bed, stretching out her body.
“It is very rude to keep a lady waiting...”
“Um, sorry, but... couldn’t you just say normally, that I should continue?”
“What fun would that be?”
“Well, maybe it wouldn’t be so fun... but at least my armor would still be dry... Anyway, where were we?”
He put his hands back on her back and started massaging her again, it wasn’t long before she closed her eyes and let out another soft moan.
“How are you doing that...” She relaxed her muscles and smiled blissfully. “That is the best massage I ever had...”
“Combination of fingers, active nerve scanners and... experience.”
“Experience?”
“I worked many jobs before the war, and... masseur was one of them,” Celestia let out a giggle. “Hey! Not everyone was born a princess, you know... At the time, the economy was what it was... The pay was pretty good, though...” He switched to ‘chopping-massage,’ his hands going in a blurring motion. “Truth be told... Unless I had to deal with those higher class demanding assholes – I enjoyed that job.”
“Feel my pain, I deal with such ponies all the time.”
“Well, at least you can blast them to the moon, or throw them in the dungeon, or... ask me to deal with them. That offer to arrange a little chariot ‘accident’ for Blueblood still stands if you are interested.”
Feeling James hands chopping her body with a dashing speed, Celestia let out another blissful whimper and smiled. “Dear sir, I will never agree to that! ... do you have any idea how much those chariots costs?” Another moan filled the air as her eyes rolled to the back of her head. “If I knew you had such talents, I would hire you in Canterlot—”
“Celestia!” Suddenly the door burst open, and Twilight ran inside with a crazy expression, and face smudged with soot. “Dr. Kleiner and I just discovered that…”
James and Twilight froze, looking at each other with their mouths agape, Celestia on the other hand, just lay peacefully with a smile on her face.
“Yes, Twilight, it is exactly what it looks like,” Celestia said, calmly stretching out her entire body. “Care to join? I am sure he can do us both...” She winked.
“I... left an experiment running in the lab!” With her cheeks burning, Twilight put on a smile of embarrassment on her face and disappeared in a flash, leaving behind chuckling alicorn and bewildered human.
“’He can do us both’?! James said, restarting the massage. “You just used an innuendo against Twilight... I don’t know if I should be proud... or scared...”
“Maybe a little of both… I bet you ten bits that she is using her panic bag right now…”
James let out a chuckle. “Fuck me, you’re evil…”
“I have my moments,” Celestia said with a smile but a moment later sighed deeply. “Thank you for the massage, but I think we have to stop… I still have a lot of work to do.”
“I understand... just one question...” He gently pushed his fingers into some of the pressure points on her back, getting one more blissful groan out of her. “About that whole... Summit thingy...”
Suddenly, Celestia’s eyes shot wide and she frowned. Before James could even blink, her horn lit up, and he got – not so gently – lifted into the air.
“You little snake—”
“Um... I told you, it’s not the size, it’s how you—”
“Quiet!” Celestia boomed arching her eyebrow. “You thought that little back-rub is going to get you off the hook?!”
Biting his lip, James smiled sheepishly. “... maybe?”
“Get out!” Celestia dashed towards the door and using her magic, unceremoniously threw him out. “The nerve! I... Oh, hello John, Spike,” she said with a smile to the two onlookers in the corridor and turned around.
“Wait!” James said. “At least tell me if it helped!”
Celestia glanced back at him with a cold gaze. But as she started turning her head from left to right, the expression on her face shifted to a blissful smile. “Yes, the massage was wonderful, and the pain is gone, thank you.”
Still lying on the floor, James grinned. “Well, at least I still got the touch and power—”
“And you are still going to the Summit, hrmph!” Celestia stuck out her tongue, before getting back to her room and closing the door with a loud bang.
“How very royal of you!”
John and Spike glanced at the figure on the floor and sighed. “Do we even want to know?” John said.
“Oh, don’t worry guys, that was a thank you for a... favor I did for her,” James frowned gently, standing up. “That’s what I get every time I act out of the goodness of my heart...”
“Didn’t they rip your heart out when they changed you?”
“Hrmph, I guess that makes me a heartless bastard... But this time, Celestia is the one being heartless, that white... TYRANT!”
“I can hear you through the door, mister!” A muffled voice of Celestia coming from her room filled the corridor.
“I’m well aware!” James let out a chuckle. “I better go before she decides to do something nasty. See you later boys.”
As James walked away, John smiled and cocked his head as an idea popped into his mind. “Spike... what kind of cake does Celestia like?” He whispered.
“Any, really... Why?”
“She must have her favorite.”
“Hmm... I know she likes banana, blueberry, and strawberry—”
“Strawberry... It’s been a while, but... I think I still remember how to make a strawberry cake...” John said, making Spike tilt his head in confusion. “If I recall, you can buy strawberries in Ponyville, right?”
“I think so.”
John smiled. “I need to do some shopping...”
Good chapter.
9591903
I know it's apparently two weeks late but I apparently never got notifications on this story.
You're undermining your own point and story.
From the words said from James a majority of beings in Equestria can take a lightning bolt and shrug it off making a lightning prank safe.
James takes a lightning bolt and merely acts funny after it.
Nothing in this story indicates that James explained the danger of lightning to humans that aren't him to Rainbow Dash.
Nothing in this story indicates that they tried to tell RD there were humans in town that wasn't James.
But apparently none of that lead up matters because this story seems to be about victimizing John as much as possible.
Also by your own logic I can commit murder, get very harshly sentenced, break out, and then commit murder again and I get away Scott free.
Just sayin.
John missed a great opportunity it seems. And Luna is definitly taking advantage.
9591903
If the difference between 5 years and 15 to life is night and day, sure. My point is that no matter how you slice it, what Dash did is commit a serious crime, and being given a punishment that's barely equivalent to being smoked by your drill instructor definitely does NOT fit the magnitude of her actions. You have such an amazing premise with this story, and it pains me to see you botching the execution at so many points like this. Things that could be such huge plot points are becoming trivial details with this handling, and we're all telling you these things because we see the potential and we really do care. We're not trying to be mean spirited or anything
9617359
Thanks, I just hope this will continue, especially since we're slowly getting to the end
9617497
That is one of the selling points, and I do not deny that. I'm also aware that Dash didn't know about lightning strikes AND didn't intend any lasting harm.
However... let me ask you this - what do you think would have happened in real-life if human 'A' would cause significant harm to human 'B,' by doing something that would seem like an innocent prank at the time? For the sake of argument, let's use the peanut butter inside ham sandwich example I provided in the previous post.
Do you honestly believe that 'A' would just walk scot-free out of the court, because he had no idea that 'B' was allergic to a common food?
If I may ask... are from the USA, by chance ?
9617676
Opportunity for what...? To flush Cheerilee's overflow pipe :P? John is NOT that kind of guy (and I don't think Cheerilee's either).
As for Luna 'taking advantage' - it's more like she is doing most of Celestia's work while she stays in Ponyville, and due to the whole debacle with John, Celestia missed a couple days of work, and Luna was swamped to the point that she started sending her overdue papers to deal with.
Celestia was just a little grumpy and tired because it hit her all at once
9618227
I'm certainly not offended or anything - all suggestions are welcome, even those (or maybe especially, those) that I don't entirely agree with
According to you I'm lenient, and according to kztxl7 I'm too harsh... Who shall I listen to, huh ?
Jokes aside... I realize what you're saying, and I can see why you expected Dash's action as a major plot point and why you may be disappointed that it was just a minor event... However, that simply was not the plan I had in mind at the start of writing. This was always supposed to be a small, yet significant event - showing John's good-heart demeanor and character, and allowing him to bond even more with AB.
And whether Dash's punishment is harsh or not is really in the eye of the beholder - here in Poland, something like that, probably wouldn't even land her in prison. Unless John would have died, she would have probably got a suspended sentence. I don't know what country you're from, but personally, I think that in time, whole civilized world will go with the Nordic countries approach - where rehabilitation is much more important than punishment.
I think that this event would hit Rainbow Dash hard enough to change her attitude - if that could be done without sending her to prison or ruining her career, should we really try to punish her anyway ?
9619241
Personally, I'm from the States.
Now, whether Dash would get sentenced at all or not over here would depend on the verdict of a jury made up of 12 of her peers, and regardless of whether that sentence is prison time or court-ordered rehab, either she'd get the full sentence (possibly with a chance at early parole for good behavior) or she'd get nothing. It's not an unfair system; hell, it's a decent enough system that occasionally someone who later turns out to have committed the crimes in question gets off scot free BECAUSE they could not be proven beyond a reasonable doubt to be guilty in a court of law. But if the rest of the world wants to ignore how strongly we believe in the concept of innocent until proven guilty so they can keep seeing us as naught more than a band of ignorant heathens, then I guess that's their prerogative.
Now, as for the career bit... it might sound a bit cold, but Dash is a fully grown mare in one of Equestria's supposedly most elite military units. She is supposed to be the best of the best, setting a shining prismatic example for others to follow. If she didn't want to ruin her career, then she should've thought LONG and HARD about firing that lightning bolt, and then made DAMN sure her target was actually what she thought it was. She's the equivalent of an Airborne Ranger, not some drone operator; she doesn't get to use the excuse "I didn't know" after bombing a hospital instead of the similar-looking Al Qaeda compound (not a great comparison, but I'm trying to stick to relatively infamous comparisons originating from MY OWN country). In a way, the route you took punishes the rest of the Bolts by tarnishing the reputation of their unit - a reputation that comes back to negatively reflect upon them for continuing to fly with someone who so obviously does not covet the rules in their unit's Codex enough to actually abide by them. But hey, ponies forgive, right? Even to the point where it's okay to commit aggravated assault and potentially murder/manslaughter against another creature? Hell of a social contract they got going on in Equestria, then, when the dreams of a thoughtless mare outweigh the sanctity of life
9619127
Oh you should put it back. Mr Bon Bon has a funny ring to it. Almost a Mr Bond Joke all by itself! He strikes me as the type to start making James Bond jokes about the Secret Agent Mare.
Now I want to read s story about these two interacting.
9618227
Some people are kind to a fault. John is one of those people. You're overthinking this whole thing.
9619938
That's another part of the problem, though. John is so "kind" that he's practically Fluttershy on steroids. When a character is written to be kinder than the literal embodiment of the Element of Kindness, there be something wrong.
On that note, answering questions brought forth by Huk's own response is hardly overthinking a problem. It's literally just answering questions leveled at me
The back and forth banter is very addictive.
9619241
In real life, any real court worth it's weight would be determining the why and how the incident happened. It would not go straight to the end result and ignore everything else. It would be analyzing the lead up to that so that it could determine who should be punished, if someone needs to be actually punished.
A decent real life court would understand that this scenario was born of a genuine understandable lack of information and would force her to do something along the lines of reparations or service. Not a bunch of punishments that exist for petty retribution of to crush her dreams and career. Like this story.
But this isn't real life. This is a world where someone can launch two attempted hostile take overs of a country and be forgiven. And someone can commit brainwashing and be forgiven.
Which is suddenly strange? Applejack is nearly killed and eaten by John? James tries to convince her to let it go and in your previous comments Applejack managed to to forgive previous villains so why not him? And no punishment is handed out to him for his near murder of Applejack. No talk of court.
But Rainbow Dash accidentally strikes him with lightning? Let's talk about court and punishments. And trying to pardon her is wrong! Where is the talk of forgiveness and telling John to let it go?
This ranges more in the not liking a character and finding excuses to bully her.
9619302
Except the setting of the story buries this several feet in the ground. Why did she need to think long and hard? From James' own mouth most everything in Equestria can take a lightning bolt and shrug it off. James' own mouth he can take a lightning bolt and act funny.
And for what reason does she have to believe that there are other humans in Equestria? No one told her. Hell, a lot of the townspeople didn't know there was another human. And why would they have any reason to believe that other humans can't take a lightning bolt. Did James even bother to let them know he's the exception?
9623265
I'll admit that I way oversimplified things just for the sake of minimizing the number of characters I had to type on mobile. Figured that all the stuff between start of trial and jury's verdict would be implied; turns out I was wrong on that front.
Anyway, Dash was in full control of her faculties when she CHOSE to prank "Gastovski" (actually John), while John was in full survival mode and therefore eligible for a mental defect defense (plus we should still remember that Applejackass got her vigilante justice on John by turning the townsponies against him, so it's not like he went without serious consequence for his mistakes. Those ponies treat him so much worse than he would be treated in the prison system, and then you have Dash who gets but a slap on the fetlock for pretty much the exact same crime). So no, it's not about trying to hate on best pony in this case. I'm not mad at Dash in this story for her stupidity, just severely disappointed, because like I said earlier: she is one of Equestria's elite forces. Just like any of our special forces members, she doesn't get the same amount of tolerance for mistakes as anyone else does
9619302
I don't know where you get this idea from:
But 'beyond a reasonable doubt' is a standard in pretty much ALL western countries. The only difference is that in most, you don't have a jury made out of 'peers,' but rather professional judges. Personally, I prefer to be judged by professionals (in most cases), plus it's also much harder to trick a professional judge by lawyers mumbo-jumbo (on the other hand, when the judges judge other judges or lawyers, they usually get very laughable sentences, so your mileage may vary).
However, I asked this because wherever I read answers about law and order on Quora or other sites, people from the US seem to have a completely different approach to the justice system then us Europeans do. With the US people there usually seems to be this notion that 'punishment is paramount' and 'there is no justice without (usually harsh) punishment,' while in Europe (especially in the Nordic countries, but the course is clear in most other countries too), it's more like 'rehabilitation is paramount' and 'punishment should be only harsh enough so that people understand their mistakes,' plus 'revenge is not justice.'
Just to give you a more direct example... when I found out on Quora that in the US, your potential employer can check your criminal record I was like 'Wait, what?! WTF?!' - something like that would never fly over here (except for sex crimes, but even so - that's mostly limited only to a very selected number of professions, like teachers). I was even more shocked when I found out that even if you were acquitted, your criminal record stays in the database for a very long time (it's marked as 'not guilty' but... you know, if you were even charged with certain crimes, some people will not want to hire you).
Something like that would never work over here because European governments want to help former criminals back on their feet so they can become a productive member of society (and start paying taxes ). The other reason is that you shouldn't punish people twice for the crime they already were punished for.
Now, back to Dash...
See, this is what I'm talking about and perhaps the reason why we can't see eye to eye on this... Does the fact that someone is an adult, should mean that he or she should not be allowed to make mistakes ? One mistake (heavy one, no argument there) and the career you work your entire life on... gone? I could never understand why some professions use this archaic system... When it comes to military I read that some believe it's to ensure better discipline... but even there, it seems like one hell of a stretch (unless we're talking about a deliberate act to hurt someone). What exactly is that supposed to teach anyone? Life's brutal, better luck next time ? Hmm...
Except...
I agree that she's still responsible for what she did, but... at the same time, I can see a lot of mitigating circumstances. Plus, IMHO in the following days she learned her lesson, already. That's why I'm morally torn how harsh the punishment should have been.
Um... not really? After all, somebody put that possibility of punishment inside the Codex in the first place.
If John had died, there would be nothing saving RD's ass - the whole idea was to make him forgive her. Forgive - not get away scot-free - now, it's all about the level of punishment.
I don't think we'll agree on this (which is fine, it's not the point to agree on everything). The way I see it - and correct me here if I'm wrong - is that Dash dreams should be crushed to teach her (and potential other ponies like her) a lesson that actions have consequences. That it's the only way to and achieve 'justice' and that doing that will benefit society in the long run. While I wanted to show that there's a different way.
You may call that BS, but if you take a look at the actual penal system in the Nordic countries, this is the approach they're trying to follow. And it seems to be working, very well too:
https://www.businessinsider.com/why-norways-prison-system-is-so-successful-2014-12?IR=T
Quote from the above:
and:
To be clear... I don't want to argue about which system is better (and when it comes to incarceration over here in Poland, we're closer to the US than Norway... sadly ) I'm just saying that contrary to what you may think, even in today's real world, not everyone believe that harsh punishment is the way to go.
9623265
With respect, but... you completely ignore everything that Mystic Thunder and I wrote about it multiple times...
Yes 'any real court worth it's weight would be determining the why and how the incident happened,' BUT in that case, it would only affect the level of punishment, and not whether the offense happened or not. That's precisely why, in pretty much every country the law distinguish between bodily harm, manslaughter, murder, and so on.
That's why if you accidentally ran someone over with your car, you'll be facing up to 4-12 years, but if you do it deliberately, you'll be facing 15-life. That's also why in most cases (over here at least) people are rarely sentenced to jail if they kill someone by accident (you'll get a suspended sentence instead).
For the billionth time... It's on the acting party to get that information! No one but the acting person is responsible for his/her actions. The fact that Dash didn't intended to cause real harm is the key to determine the level of punishment, but not whether the act happened. It works like that because no matter how you look at it, if your action (even non intentional action) cause harm to someone, then that someone would feel wronged if the court would just follow your logic:
If you really believe that the law works like that in real life, then that's your prerogative, I'm not going to argue anymore, but... you may be in for a hell of a shock one day...
Did you miss the part in chapter 11 when Twilight and Celestia are both saying that AJ is acting very strange lately...? There is a reason you know...
You think that I put RD in that position because I don't like her ? Um... no, I chose RD and AJ because they both fit what I want to do... that's all.
9630729
You keep trying to run to real life but the reality here is that within the world that you've created there is no consistency.
Applejack gets nearly killed by John and is at best told to try and let it go with you in the comments trying to make excuses for John by saying "other characters did bad things and got forgiven".
Luna tries a hostile takeover of the country a second time and you make a bunch of excuses like "she might not be in control of her actions" and "we'll she was punished harshly the first time" allowing her to get a complete full pardon.
Rainbow Dash makes a completely genuine accident and it turns into Let's try and ruin this girls whole career. With talk of court and that trying to pardon her is an abuse of power. No talk of "just letting it go".
Which is completely and utterly non-sensible. Because she does have the information that is reasonable to have and the information you're expecting her to have there is no way for her to reasonably have.
Because Rainbow Dash is suddenly going to wake up one day and say "I should check to make sure that is really the only human in Equestria before I use a lightning bolt on him". Why would she think that? Explain why Rainbow Dash would think there was suddenly a new human in Equestria and that she had to make sure that was James.
There is no reason to think otherwise. And you the story writer have given the readers to think that she should think otherwise or that she should be more hesitant with the lightning. In fact you went the complete opposite direction by having James be fine from the strikes and saying most everything is fine from them, and by having no character tell Rainbow Dash such an important thing like new humans in town.
The lightning prank has clearly happened before yet there is no indication that James has ever decided to tell her with a real sense of urgency to never do it again or how lightning is dangerous to humans despite having all that time before this to do it.
I'm in for a real shock to think law would look at a genuine understandable accident caused from a understandable lack of information and think the worst should be reparations rather than petty revenge and trying to ruin a persons career.
But someone who thinks doing the same terrible actions should get you off freely the second time because you were punished harshly the first time shouldn't be telling me that.
Unless Applejack acting strange is leading up to her taking John to court with him getting actual punishment rather than a slap on the wrist at worst then what does this mean. It's not changing the truth that John gets off with nothing for that.
Considering how poorly you're trying to portray Applejack and how unfair you're being to Rainbow Dash. Press X to doubt.
9630653
Okay, let's make a parallel. I drive a tractor-trailer (what the residents of some countries call a heavy truck) for a living; that makes me a professional driver, much in the same sense that Dash is a paramilitary professional flyer.
1. If I'm in my personal vehicle, I may be on my free time, but I'm still beholden to my company's policies and the law still holds me to a higher standard because of my CDL.
2. All that means is that Dash has grown complacent, and complacency kills. I can run the Grapevine (a 7 mile stretch of 6% grade on Interstate 5 North just outside of LA) at 50 and 60 mph hundreds of times without incident, but there's no guarantee that the next time won't be the time I wreck my truck and at least four 4-wheelers, and get myself and others killed in the process.
3. There ain't a legal system in the world that doesn't hold the belief that ignorance is no excuse. I'm sorry, officer, I didn't realize that there would be kids in that car I just obliterated. Please forgive me for now having their blood on my hands.
The problem is that the real world doesn't work like that. It might've held water before Dash went and became formally recognized as one of the best of the best, but unfortunately the world doesn't let professionals make mistakes.
It sucks major balls, and I sure do wish it wasn't like that, but professionals like Dash and myself are held to a completely different standard than laymen/ponies. Where the average person might just get a slap on the wrist, we get more severe punishments because we're expected to know and do better (e.g. going 10 over the limit yielding a ticket for a couple hundred dollars for the average driver and several thousand for the CDL holder). That's just the way it is.
Right, because systems where the judge is also the jury and executioner have historically been SO fair. The thinking of the 12-person jury system is that it's a lot harder to get 12 laypersons to form the exact same opinion based off the same arguments and set of evidence, which in turn tips the odds in the defendant's favor by keeping the court from becoming a conviction mill. It takes a unanimous decision to convict, but only one dissenter to acquit... and THAT'S what I'd rather take MY chances with, although I'd ultimately prefer to never have to face either of them.
Side note: I actually understand my country's legal system fairly well... so IDK why you tried to educate me on it using QUORA of all sources (only marginally better than Wikipedia in my book, having been on there quite a bit), unless it was to demonstrate how well you understand it to me (in which case you came close... bit fell a little short)... but I digress. I seriously have no idea where you're drawing the line between a slap on the wrist and serious punishment, but you're honestly giving the impression that you haven't been exposed to some of the REAL shit the world throws at people every day yet
9630936
I'll just address a few things because it seems we're going in circles...
Applejack was asked not to press the charges - she wasn't ordered to. Looking at her personality, I think she would honor that request, unless John would become a threat.
With Luna, I also said that from my perspective, she suffered enough to earn herself a pardon. That's my opinion and that's what my moral compass is telling me. You don't have to agree.
With Rainbow Dash... no one is arguing that she did what she did to kill or maim John. Yes, it was an accident, and yes, she was just unlucky that her action violated the Wonderbolts' Codex, but a lot of people who cause accidents by their action are prosecuted for it and loose their jobs. I don't see any reasons why it should be different here if the charges were pressed.
And yes, I'm not denying that this whole situation is one giant pickle, from a lot of angles - first John vs AJ, then AJ vs John then RD vs John (and even that's not the end of it), but that was the idea.
OK, then, answer this... Assuming that John would have died back then, what should happen exactly? Dash should just pay a few hundred bits to some charity fund and be free to go? Is that what you're saying ?
If you look through the comments, I almost always DEFENDED AJ for her behavior , and her acting OOC has reasons that will be revealed soon. Frankly, I was VERY surprised about all the backlash towards her... It will be interesting to find out how people will react to the next few chapters. With Dash I already said everything before - but she was chosen because I needed a prankster with something to loose, so it was her or Pinkie.
For the rest we'll just have to agree to disagree, because I would just have to repeat things I posted earlier. It's kind of funny though, that I'm getting grilled by You for punishing Dash too hard, and by Mystic Thunder for punishing her too little...
9631318
Let me get this straight... If you are caught speeding while driving your private car (not the tractor-trailer, but your Ford Fiesta, or Ford Explorer or whatever you're driving privately), you get ten times the amount of fine just because in addition to your standard driver's license, you also have a commercial driver's license?
If that's how it's then it's definitely different over here. As far as I know if you have, for example driver's license 'B' (standard cars up to 3.5 tons) and 'D' (trucks and other commercial vehicles), and you're caught speeding while driving in you 'B' car then you get exactly the same ticket like every other driver, and any penalty points goes to you 'B' license only. That way, if you have multiple driver licenses, and you loose 'B' for speeding, you can still work professionally - every license is independent. The only exceptions I'm aware of is with driving drunk (if you're caught while intoxicated, then all your licenses are nullified) or if it goes to court and the court says otherwise, but you would have to do something like driving 150 Kph in 50 Kph zone for the police to bother.
This probably differs somewhat from country to country over here (while we have a unified driver's license in EU, the ticketing system is not standardized), but I think that in all EU countries, driver's license are independent...
Well, as you can see above, it's not the same everywhere around the world.
I wasn't trying to educate you, nor to convince you of anything - if you got that feeling then I apologize. I mentioned QUORA because I was educating myself over how laws works in different countries, and was pretty terrified about some USA-only things... But, this really isn't a place to discuss them...
Mystic Thunder... I heard the same argument when Anders Breivik killed 77 people in Norway. People all over the world (myself included) were outraged when they learned that he can get a maximum of 21 years in prison, with a living standard of hotel... But most of the families of the killed didn't try to use that to change the law so that he could be put in some shit-hole he deserves, or executed. Those people WERE exposed to much more shit then most ordinary people ever will, but still accepted that in the civilized society, even bastards like Breivik should be treated like human beings. Whether you agree or not with their way of doing things, you have to admire their consistency. If something like that happen over here, I can bet our politicians would jump the gun to increase punishments of all kind…
Now, would I change my mind if I were hit by a speeding driver and paralyzed for life? Maybe. Would I want to strangle they guy that did this to me? Probably... Would I want maximum punishment even after learning that he came home to find out that his wife cheated on him, dumped him and ran off with the kids and he was driving like crazy to catch her before her plane left? I don't know... I hope not, because otherwise that would make me a walking POS... but I don't know...
If you find that naive, then… you're probably right, and all of this is coming from a guy that think most humans are bastards waiting to stab you in the back (kind of hypocritical, I know ), but since this is a story, I wanted to make John more like those Norwegians then your average US/Polish/Someone person, that always opts for maximum punishment and thinks that's justice (if it's any consolation, John's attitude will be changing a bit in the next few chapters).
9631617
Not also- I have my commercial license in lieu of my regular license. Here in the states your CDL takes the place of your normal license and continues to grant permission to drive passenger vehicles as well as granting you permission to drive a commercial motor vehicle. There's only one license to lose in our system, and having multiple licenses is actually a felony offense. Think of it more like upgrading your license to grant access to new equipment, where the license I have (Class A) grants access to combination vehicles weighing 26,001 lbs or greater as well as everything else below that.
In other news, a serial killer with 77 confirmed victims over here would either face capital punishment for their crimes or they'd live the rest of their life in a 6x6 cage under the supervision of the staff at a super maximum security prison over here. I'm actually of the opinion that 77 victims is about 75 too many for just 21 years in what sounds like minimum security. Mind you, this is coming from someone who despises the prison system for making it so he grew up never knowing his father, so that should be saying something
Also, 2 words that cast all my doubt on the fairness of the proceedings elsewhere in the world: Count Dankula. In our courts, that case would've been thrown out. In Scotland, though... the [[[[[[professional]]]]]] judges simultaneously accosted him for needing to consider context and then proceeded to ignore the actual context of his joke themselves. And that's the model you'd rather try your luck with. May God have mercy on your soul
9631885
I did some checking, and it would appear that I was wrong on a few levels...
When it comes to a driver's license for a car, it works here the same way you described it - one license to drive an ordinary car, with the possibility of additional permissions for commercial vehicles. Penalty points are also per person not per license type, so it also seems to work the same way.
Sorry about the confusion, but while our courts agree that all car licenses are shared (you lose the one for an ordinary car, you lose all 'higher' as well), they apparently cannot agree whether the same applies to motorcycle license. That's what got me confused - some people were able to get their car licenses back after getting caught drunk on a motorcycle (they couldn't drive a motorcycle, but could drive a car). But, since we don't have the precedence system as you have in the USA, every court can pretty much interpret the law the way it sees fit - it's a mess .
One other thing I found out is that apparently getting caught DUI over here in your private car, will cost you your license BUT... if you're the only provider for a family AND a commercial driver, you can ask the court to give you your commercial license back, and if that's your first offense you can... succeed! If that happens, you can't drive your normal car, but you can drive your truck or taxi or... whatever. So much for 'professionals have higher responsibility' I'm all for giving people second chances but this... this is pretty fucked up...
Anyway, just wanted to correct that not to mislead you or anyone who may be reading that.
Over here, he would be facing pretty much the same punishment as in the US (minus the possibility of a death sentence). I didn't write that to argue which system is better or more just (especially since Polish system is much closer to the US then Norwegian system), but to show that in different countries there can be a different mindset to the whole justice thing, and to make Dash's situation more believable.
You do realize that every country in the EU is different, right? And that each has an entirely independent court system, with its own set of rules and regulations, so that the Scottish/UK law, have nothing to do with German or Polish law? In any case...
How come it's the judges' fault for following the law passed by the parliament ? Or are you saying that in the USA the jury can look at some law and say 'Oh, we don't agree with that, so we're not going to convict the guy for breaking it'?
This happened in Scotland, so unless I'm mistaking they're following the UK law... probably the same shit that caused this:
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6687123/Mother-arrested-children-calling-transgender-woman-man.html
If you want to call this stupid and outrageous, you'll get no argument from me, but the problem is that such laws are passed by the parliaments in the first place. If you think this will not come to the USA, then wait 10-15 years... unless the world trend changes first, you may be in for a nasty surprise...
Bottom line - you should be blaming morons who passed that stupid law, not the judges who are forced to carry it out, whether they like it or not. And if you really want to nitpick, you'll find numerous examples of stupid rulings from both sides of the fence.
9637047
Meh... I guess we're gonna have to agree to disagree.
That whole thing about being able to continue driving a CMV with a DUI on your record, though... that's just WEIRD. That's like saying "I don't trust you with a hand grenade, but here's the nuclear launch codes!" (Only half joking, BTW... 2000 lb sedan vs 80000 lb combination vehicle isn't even a comparison. Tractor might as well be a freight train at that point). I think it goes without saying that that doesn't happen on this side of the pond
(Skip to 3:52 if you want to see what happens when a trucker fucks up... fair warning: someone was DOA as a result of this. That driver has to figure out how to live with the consequences of this mistake)
9637990
Sorry, somehow I completely forgot about this little chat...
That's not a problem although I still must say, that I don't understand how can you blame anyone BUT the lawmakers for upholding a (stupid) law, but let's leave it at that...
No argument there... I think (or rather hope) that this is Polish-only thing - another of the 'WTF were you smoking, when you passed that law?!' - not the first, not the last around here . Fortunately, from what I've read, it's phased out these days after a few recent legislation changes...
Here's a similar one from the UK, with Polish driver:
That moron also killed four people (a mother + three children) because he was looking through his phone... He got ten years... personally, I think that's low for what I see on that recording, but...
It's not exactly a 'pat on the back' in most countries over here when someone really fucks up...