- Member Since 30th Oct, 2016
- offline last seen Oct 7th, 2022
Shamefurrdishpray
I probably need to seek mental help.
Shamefurrdishpray
Joined 30th Oct, 2016 ·
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Fantastic intro to a fascinating new setting idea! Love the explicit scenes and the worldbuilding monologue, also DAT PIC.
As a degenerate like me i can't wait for the future fucked up content! I really hope for some more sexual stuff combined with vore!
Very interesting read, I will be looking forward to the sequel.
Good story. A bit heavy on the combat though (and kinda unnecessary).
But "salting the land" was always a myth.
8904252
I didn't write this to just to be a fetish story. Just because it contains fetishes doesn't mean I have to pander to pure degeneracy for the sake of tapping the down arrow with one hand and jerking your dick with the other.
You're right. "Salting the land" is a myth. Take into account the time period of this story. However, salt does inhibit osmosis in large quantities.
8904311
Uhhhhhhh... sorry?
8904863
I also have no idea what its about at this point.
Also if i'm holding my dick in my hand and faping to this story why would i down vote it? It doesn't make sense.
8904252 Yeah, and salt washes away in rain. It's only effective in desert areas with already rather saline soil. With modern equipment, yes, you could drag in enough to permanently scar the land, but it would take WEEKS and many tons per acre.
I was hoping the twist would be something reasonable, not just "Blah blah, ponies are evil and started this, and we're justified in slaughtering and eating them, blah blah..." Something more sinister... like the pegasi pick out the weakest among them to 'fight' in the units and sacrifice them to the griffons to prevent an actual war. Only the commanders of the doomed squad are told, and they choose to endure it because they have terminal illnesses or something and will die horribly anyway. And maybe, this one pony was spared because some of the griffons were starting to find this method of a truce dishonorable and want a REAL war so they send him back with the truth (and maybe it goes so badly for all that they decide to sign a real truce this time and things start moving toward the current Equestrian situation).
This was what made me consider that alternative:
See, that would perfectly. The commander knowing his death was a foregone conclusion and there was no need to maintain the facade any longer.
I also think the griffons would strip the armor. I know most people aren't biologists... but edged metal is BRUTAL on the innards. People have died from a single ingested pin breaching the digestive tract and causing sepsis. Also most metals are toxic as they corrode. Steel is bad enough, but the ponies had bronze armor... that's just deadly. Dragons eat gems and so forth, so we already know they'd be absolutely fine. But griffons are just flesh and blood.
Not bad for a vore story (I've seen hundreds of dreadful ones), but it needs a little refinement in the internal plausibility and details to be a genuinely GOOD story.
And I feel I must add a note about the griffon's ultimatum: it smacks of desperation. Their numbers were few, they admit this themselves. Even double the size of the pegasi... what is a thousand to a million? HOW are they pushing the pegasi back with so few numbers? I know the legend of the 300... but their legend was about a HOPELESS BATTLE in which they managed to hold off a complete rout by the Persians in an area that was of immense strategic advantage to them. A creature that can fly has no such limitations as geography. It's why airpower soon came to dominate battlefield tactics. Whoever had the most planes with the best tech WON. End of story. From what we're reading, the griffons may be WWII-era figher jets. But the pegasi have almost limitless P-38's. They can afford to lose a hundred for every 1 griffon that falls. That's the sheer logistics of predators and prey based on typical number distributions.
As proof of that, there is the story's own words:
Meanwhile, the equally-sapient tool-using ponies are 'breeding like rabbits'. It's pure logic, the griffons CANNOT win a war of attrition. Every griffon they lose is likely replaced by a hundred more ponies in a week. While it takes the griffons an entire generation just to replace the numbers they lose. The story has set up the situation wherein it's IMPOSSIBLE that the griffons can be winning this war, akin to ISIS somehow taking over the world. They're too radical, too brutal, too unforgivable, and most importantly, FAR TOO FEW to achieve victory unless the ponies have merely been sending off the least useful in their society as cannon fodder while they build up their REAL forces for the final, decisive attack (which is the most coldly logical plan to employ, assuming the pegasi are behaving like the Soviets had done in similar situations). And indeed, we see the pegasi have no problem throwing away a squadron for a better tactical position later. They clearly know how to fight. Meanwhile.. how far has this band of griffons gotten from their main force? If I were the pegasi, I'd let them run too far ahead, then circle round, entrap them, and wipe them out. Divide and conquer, an old but reliable strategy, especially with medieval-level weaponry.
Also, the griffons' ploy can (and should) backfire on them horrendously. This sort of 'threat' will only see Silver branded as a traitor who likely sold out his company in return for his life (you forget how wartime propaganda works), and/or they reveal of how they devour ponies will appear in the minds of the populace as beyond evil and savage, utterly unforgivable and wretched! The griffons will not win any friends this way!
And the leadership can spin it another way: the griffons are offering this 'peace' because they are losing more numbers than they can sustain, and they know that if the pegasi win, they will EXTERMINATE the griffons in righteous indignation. The ponies have no reason to believe a word the griffons say, remember. And the griffons have indeed behaved like monsters, remorselessly devouring entire towns of ponies, down to the foals. NO sensible person would call this anything but evil. Anything the ponies did in response would appear justified to slow the onslaught of these feathered 'orcs', who act similarly to those of Sauron and fling the mutilated heads of their enemies toward the ponies as proof of their savagery and viciousness.
No, unless the griffons actually are somehow winning (which given the sheer numbers or pegasi who also have air power which, as I said, would make this story too implausible), their strategy here seems practically suicidal. The pegasi won't even need a draft after this; the sheer power of the propaganda they can fashion from this gruesome evidence will have every pony signing up in droves. It's a more potent source of rage, I would suspect, than the attack on Pearl Harbor, which instantly switched the sentiments of the majority of the United States.
Instead of facing small forces of military pegasi, the griffons would be swarmed by LEGIONS of enraged ponies carrying everything they could fashion into a weapon. They'd be wiped out in days.
I do wish the story would show a more sensible griffon who understands the nature of a 'sleeping giant' and warns that they have likely signed their death warrants. Instead, they have all appeared as creatures I would not mind seeing exterminated. They're not at all sympathetic; their claims of past mistreatment cannot be verified and will certainly not be upheld by any pony leadership even in some of it is true. The salting of the earth, at the very least, is false propaganda likely sold to the griffons themselves by their own leaders... and I suspect the slaughter of every living thing in the forests is also absurd, as the pegasi would ostensibly trying to retreat from those areas... going to so much pains and effort would be a strategic nightmare, and leave them even more open to attack. The towns being ruined, I could believe, but the entire forests? That's clearly a severe exaggeration.
Keep in mind, I have been a long-term fan of vore in general. It's simply that the overwhelming majority of vore stories over-power and over-compensate the predators ludicrously for the sake of the fetish, which ruins the tale. Very few bother asking the questions of "Would it really turn out that way?" and "How can this be set up to maintain willing suspension of disbelief?"
Oh, I do want to say that despite the backstory and setting having issues, the first half of the story IS set up very well. I was hanging on to every word... you're really good at scene depiction and characterization of individuals (notice I don't have anything negative to say about those aspects!)... until we got the griffon's exposition. THAT was the part where it went askew. Shore up that history plausibility problem, and you've got one of the best pony vore fics I've ever read.
On that note, one last suggestion: let the griffons reproduce faster too. Think about how you've set it up right now: the griffons have been depopulating for hundreds of years (only one chick per female in a lifetime is a 50% decrease in their population every generation, if male/female ratio is 1:1). Even if if there were 99 hens to 1 tercel, it's still a 1% loss per generation). And the ponies have been stated to be so populous, they were pushing the griffons into the most marginal lands... meaning the pony population must be STAGGERINGLY high.
Do you see why the griffon's claims strike me as more than a little fallacious, given the facts the story itself provided? Even if the griffons were each swallowing a pony a day for 4 years, they can't have put much of a dent in the pony population... if at all, given the ponies reproduce rapidly and the griffons hardly reproduce at all. Then there's the biologist part of me that says if the griffons were eating that much every day, they'd all be too fat to fly!
(Dash finds this funny.. but also hot, since she clearly wants Gilda to eat her one day) 
Those little niggling details in a story that depends on its history need attention to get the story flowing smoothly.
8909155
You're assuming the backstory is being presented from an unbiased and objective point of view, or is even truthful. I'm not going to argue with you or write you a one-thousand word essay on my justifications for what I wrote or the logistics of combat and politics between mythological creatures. I purposefully avoided numbers for this very reason. There were a lot of purposeful non-specifics.
Thank you for your input and your... three comments.
8909996 Actually, I'm NOT suggesting the backstory necessarily is truthful in it's entirety. In fact, I did state several times that the griffons absolutely had to be lying about significant portions of their 'history'.
The issue is, when a story has so many doubtful parts to its history and conflicting details, the reader must begin to wonder if it's intentional, or if it's actually oversights in the writing itself. There must be SOMETHING concrete. Some of the broad details have to be nailed down.
I'd go with the population angle, myself. The ponies are clearly exceedingly numerous, that fact could not be hidden or disguised by anyone.
But the griffons could be easily lying about their numbers and strength. They could be lying about how their lands came to be stripped of resources. Since no ponies have ever lived through their territory, so far as we know, they could be making up everything. They certainly appear far too strong and well-equipped for a species that was supposedly on the brink of starvation and ruin. Currently, this is what makes the most sense: The griffons have in fact overpopulated their ancestral homes and now, like the brutal Nazis they seem to be mirroring to some extent, they want 'breathing room', and are offering (also as the Nazis did) a false truce (hopefully the pegasi aren't ruled by a Neville Chamberlain!) while they grow their armies and prepare for a full invasion... after which the ponies will be shoved into forced breeding camps for a steady food supply.
And I noted in the first comment that the commander's actions were very puzzling. He knew he was about to be consumed alive and submitted... that's NOT a natural action of someone trying to fight with all they have. That's the behavior of someone who knows the fight is rigged from the start and surrenders to his forgone fate, which led to my postulate that the ponies are throwing the 'excess' of their population to the griffons who enjoy the battle and thrill of the hunt in exchange for no open war.
It's also what I think is the reason Silver isn't shown what the papers about the war actually contain: the truth about the entire conspiracy with pony-made documents signed by the Pegasus leadership, to demoralize the ponies completely and leave them helpless for a swift take-over. This assumes, naturally, that the griffons are indeed taking this tactic because they're bored with the tiny mock-battles and just wish to gorge themselves on delicious, writhing ponies (Damn bastard beakies, I knowed we shoulda dun killed em all!
) Yes, AJ, we know you hate beakies. (Mah Maw and Paw dun got et by dem alley catburds!) Oh... huh... did either of them get off on it? (OH THAT'S IT!!) *Alondro gets bucked into next week* 
I did also notice that there is no mention of earth ponies and unicorns. I hope that's deliberate, because it's a good idea to keep the others out of this story's world altogether, especially the unicorns. Let's face it, war-focused magic is the equivalent of tactical nuclear weapons. The horn-heads have it, the griffons don't. Magic grants shields, telekinesis, teleportation, transformation... heck, trained unicorns could break the griffons' wings in midair and let them drop. They could create a swirling maelstrom of sharp metal and slice the griffons to pieces before they even got close. There's not even a war with those odds; it's a one-sided slaughter. And the earth ponies are frequently ungodly strong. We've seen at least 4 who'd rank alongside Hercules for brute strength. It actually makes me think of Maud calmly letting a griffon swallow her, only to then burst right out of his chest and dismissively declare, "It was gross in there." while the griffons edge away from her in horror.
No dragons either, also a good idea. They are also far too powerful and tough... and they'd likely eat ponies and griffons alike. Though, if a REAL truce was desired for the story's progression, a sudden appearance by dragons would certainly be the exact sort of flint needed to spark a genuine cooperation between predator and prey. "Enemy of my enemy..." and all that. And then the ponies could work out some kind of kinky new arrangement where foals are taught to worship griffon bellies or something nicely cultishly brainwashing like that... kinda ritualize the whole hunt process into something like a wild, thrilling waltz which drives both griffons and pegasi to euphoric heights of emotional agitation, and culminates in all manner of erotic and dominating hijinks before the griffons finally get to relax with their tummies stuffed and squirming. Then everybody's satisfied!
It's one way I see a world achieve a balance in which obligate predators who cannot survive without eating flesh can live alongside sapient prey in relative peace, otherwise the only other two outcomes are war until the prey side practically obliterates the predators; or if the predators win, the prey are relegated to slave status... which is itself unstable as the prey must be numerous enough to sustain the predators (that pesky 100:1 ratio). Uprisings would be common, even if never successful (See: Roman history), and the slave race would immediately ally itself with any strong force that showed up in opposition to the predators (See: Spanish conquest of the Aztecs). So, in the stable quasi-religious alternative, the predators still eat their prey, and see them as food... but with more respect and dignity. They're THINKING prey, intelligent and self-aware; in a sense 'equal' to the predators in some ways. And the prey see the predators as noble, majestic creatures whose measured restraint and graceful passion in their deadly dance is admirable and beautiful. In those regal bodies the prey don't mind ending their lives. The biggest difficulty in such a story is GETTING TO THAT POINT of mutual admiration and self-sacrifice. But, that'd be the most interesting part... how does the world reach such a strange, but beneficial state? Alas, I've rarely ever seen a story attempt it, because it'd be a very slow process and require vastly more plotting and outlining than even the most intricate of vore stories. We're talking a novel-length vore story with a topic that requires the author to possess a deep knowledge of sociopolitical dynamics, philosophical concepts, and evolutionary biology... all melded together in a world for which we don't have any direct comparisons, only similarities which no doubt would not quite cross over precisely.
But, it's those notions which keep me interested in vore. The possibility of such a world, and how it would be constructed is mysterious and compelling. I've chatted about these notions many times over the years with such long-time vore artists and writers on Furaffinity (and before there even was a Furaffinity!) such as Strega, Scratchel (one of the best vore writers, with whom I had MASSIVE conversations about plot and character construction), Dark Natasha, Felpur/Jajuka, Rogue/Kagemushi, Eva-ara, Rodent, Inkanyamba, Jace, Dragoneer... and quite a large number of others!
In any case, I think it'd be very interesting to see where this world goes. The conflict, at least the griffons do have this right, cannot last forever. Both their societies will be destroyed unless they find a way to coexist... and it will NOT be easy, not with so much hatred and fear instilled in the pegasi, and such callous disdain and cruelty in the griffons. BOTH must be willing to make concessions and respect each other to some degree, and that will be a process that takes generations.
Scratchel, the vore writer on FA, has had some stories I found unassailable. Some of those had very unique constructions of their vore worlds, and some set up the scenario in such a way that the predator 'victory' was simple and self-explanatory from the outset. Yes, they were hopeless situations for the prey... but BELIEVABLY hopeless, and that's the key. One of the most interesting things to me was that Sratchel himself sympathized with the prey's plight... and I believe that helped him build a story in which the prey weren't merely plot-contrived into failure by an over-powered predator, but went to their doom in a natural and internally-plausible manner. This led to genuine pathos and drama, and even hard-core vorarephiles felt a little twinge of pity for the poor prey. THAT is what I consider an effective vore story.
You got me to that point in the first half of the story, so the skill is there. A bit of shoring up in the plotting and history, as I said, would really cement this story as one of the rare examples of vore LITERATURE.
There are so many places to take a complex world, I hardly know where to begin. Certainly there would be factions of ponies desperate to end the war if it's really going badly for them. Even if not and the ponies are actually close to victory, we have vores in our world, do we not? A subversive faction of griffon-obsessed cultists could certainly exist. And then there is the griffon side. Do ALL of them callously devour ponies without mercy or pity? That would not be a very realistic species. I'm sure some would show a tender side.
(And then canon world Dashie can accidently get transported to Carniquestria because Twilight messed up a spell, then end up inside alt-universe Gilda's stomach, as she's obviously fantasized about for years. She may not be able to be transformed directly into a griffon, but being digested and absorbed by one is close enough!)
PS: if you're wondering why I'm being even more abnormally verbose than usual, it's because a) I'm finally not exhaustingly busy for a few days and b) you have more potential to be a breakout writer in the vore genre than I've seen in years. I'd like to see you develop your plotting to the point where even a hyper-critic like me can't find any problems!
Good read, cant wait for more!
8903916
Yeah I won't lie I kinda wanted Silver to take it in the ass from the big griffon that is Talon.
Don't kink shame me bro.
Realized about halfway through that this is basically a pony/griffon version of Gates of Fire, but with a different ending. Nice job. I liked the vore scene
*taps chin* Re-read... still bothers me a bunch that the griffons can eat armor. The dragons, no problems. The griffons? It should shred their innards. If they can be killed by stabby things from the outside, there's no way they'd withstand it on the inside. Stripping armor off isn't that difficult, really.
And I can't make anything fit into a sensible backstory, other than this is some sort of population control for pegasi, agreed upon between the griffons and pegasi leaders... but then why would the griffons risk losing so many of their own kind? Nothing logical fits the details.