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This is a story about a pony who lost her memories and was banished to live among humans by the name of Annie.
But one day she got to be a pony once again. With the help of her friend, she will return to Equestria to reclaim her memories and punish those who'd banished her.
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Big thanks to my dear Glim Glam Purple Smart2 for his editor work and for suggesting ideas for my fanfic. Also thanks to Marble Unicorn for his initial support.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Nice one, Katie. Now let’s wait for your fanfic to be read by other people.
Great work! I have read it in one breath and waiting for the continuation of the story.
Very exciting. I like the pacing in this chapter. You have a good way of describing things. The exchanges between Sunglow and Ruby are really adorable. Ruby is a good friend ;3
Good job, Katie! ^^
My first fanfic I've read in a long time, kinda making me want to write my own!
And the story continues. And it seems like things are about to get very interesting indeed.
Splendid! I am very enthusiasted by the events taking place in this wonderful story. This is a great read
And thus the prologue comes to a conclusion! And I'm left at the edge of my seat, wondering what's going to happen next...
I couldn't stop till I'd finished reading this prologue, Katie
I had to change the original name of the character to Sundae.
Really enjoying this thus far! You are so good at writing!
And finally the next chapter is up! Man, now things are really getting interesting!
What I like about this fanfic is the beautiful style of speech, short but informative phrases and a big variety of words and different ideas)
...and if their side had the only tangible portal entrance, leaving the other side null in terms of returning ?
Uh oh.
8952154
You'll know about that in the future
Why would so many ponies dislike this. Cause this story flows!
8952276
I think it was an attack, because all downvotes appeared almost at the same time. I was on the site and saw it. It's just not natural.
8952284
Like a hack attack? Or did a bunch of meanie meanie pants get together so they could be mean to you?
8952331
It seems like it was an attack. 15 downvotes suddenly appeared in only a single hour, four days after the last update. Thankfully, it seems it's been fixed by the staff.
8952336
YAYYYYYYYYY
That's not Rose
8954022
Spooky
Then, someone's... just slowly changing into a pony? No portal to be seen?
She... came through the portal and turned into a human and got brain zonked into thinking she always was one, like a Chameleon Arch? And now it's wearing off years later, for... reasons? A pony only crossed over in ectoplasmic form and smacked into Annie's soul, merging with it?
I'm certainly intrigued, and the writing is quite good. Could use a little more description of people and stuff. I don't remember which pony in the previous chapter was yellow, Rose or ...what's her name main character. Uh... more likely it's my memory that's bad, not your writing.
EDIT: Oh, so they're both yellow. Great...
8954039
Am spooped would spoop again.
8954041
Good to see you here, Ferret.
What's happening to Annie and how its connected to the prologue would be revealed in the future chapters, but your theories are good.
There was only one yellow pony, its Sundae, the unicorn. Her friend Ruby is blue, you can see them both on the header picture. And the pegasus that lost her mark was Rose.
I'll try to follow your advice about more descriptions.
8954053
I was reading that it said Rose had a "light golden coat" which is yellow, so it's still not 100% clear if Annie's a consequence of Sundae somehow, or if Sundae is somewhere else, while Annie's plight is something Rose left behind when she came back through the portal.
What is clear is that Doctor Shade's gonna have a lot of explaining to do when he tearfully recalls how he and his apprentice both tried to stop Sundae from leaping recklessly through the portal, despite her strident warning not to do so yesterday, but they were helpless to stop a unicorn less powerful than both of them, and then the portal got accidentally tipped over then smashed, then trampled on, then ground into a fine powder.
8954933
Light golden is not exactly yellow. It's more like a light brown.
Anyway, I'm planning to explain the Annie's origins in 2nd chapter in more detail. For now each of your guesses can be true
Yep, the doctor had to try hard to explain the events. He had to do that, though. Better that than let his plans to be ruined by a nosy pony. How and why he did it is the big spoiler for now.
8954994
Eh, brown is just desaturated yellow/orange IMO. Anyway it's not a big deal. I wasn't gunning for some Rose cutie mark thingy to happen, or anything.
OmigoshOmigoshOMIGOSH This is getting more and more exciting! Good job, Katy!
What fascinates me is that you have shown the whole process of a human transforming to a pony, which isn't displayed in other fictions.
8956287
There are plenty fanfics with transformations, actually.
You should read them, some of them are very good
And finally another chapter is out! And this story just keeps getting more and more interesting! It really makes you wonder where all this is going to end for her. I feel sorry for poor Annie. She didn't want any of this and now she's being forced to undergo a transformation into something she doesn't even recognize. I wouldn't want to wish this on anyone—least of all on someone who suffers from memory loss.
One of the main advantages of this story is stunning, lively and natural style of speech with realistic descriptions of events. Short sentences can sometimes be combined into a single whole, but the overall impression of what I've read seems to me very pleasing.
8963170
Well, I do prefer short sentences over being long-winded. Many writers can get lost in their descriptions, leading to purple prose. Katie's pithy and terse descriptions are just part of her writing style and it does have its merits, for sure.
Is it not worth adding a little more action, shooting, chasing in this tale?
8963224
Perhaps, but only if it's actually justified. I'm sure the adventures will come later. First, she actually has to come to terms with what she's turning into.
Not every fanfic has to consist of non-stop action. And for action to truly work, it has to be properly set up first. Just look at most action movies—they're not action 100% of the time! The plot needs to be properly developed; characters need to be established and fleshed out; the setting has to be explained so that we know what makes sense for this world and what doesn't. Otherwise, you end up with a Michael Bay-tier mindless series of random explosions, where you're not invested with what happens to those characters at all, the plot is practically non-existent, and the setting is so internally inconsistent that you're constantly wondering how something is even possible—instead of just enjoying the show.
Developing characters in action movies is the crucial difference between "I guess that random character just exploded into tiny bits. Whatever..." and "Oh no, my favorite character just exploded into tiny bits! This is terrible!". Without us being given a deeper look into the protagonist's character, we won't feel invested when shit does go down.
So if Annie were to immediately accept her transformation just so that she can have some adventures already, I would feel cheated. It simply wouldn't make any sense for her to immediately accept such a drastic change—unless for some reason she had always wanted to become a horse, which would also need to be something that was established first. So for better or for worse, a few establishing chapters—where the protagonist's internal struggles are demonstrated—are simply a necessity.
8963224
Nah. She hadn't even known she could cast magic.
And c'mon, police chase?
This is not in the US, mate.I doubt if actions are necessary before Annie can overcome her mental issues and accept her being a small yellow unicorn with magic.
8964038
Yeah, it might take a while until she realizes she can cast magic. From what Katie has told me, My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic doesn't exist in this world at all, so Annie has no real frame of reference for what she's turning into—except that it looks somewhat like a horse.
My guess would be that her magic will come out at a time of great emotional distress—similar to what happened to Twilight in The Cutie Mark Chronicles, where Dash's Sonic Rainboom triggered her huge power outburst.
Oh my! What could possibly be on the other side? Hmm...
My money is on Fallout: Equestria.
8981324
I'll go with Rick and Morty!
8981340
What do you think Morty's cutie mark would be?
Come on, Sundae!
Ooooh, I wonder if the honorable Mr. Marcus Brown would still be a human.
Finally we get to see Equestria again, and it's wonderful! Not only that, but we finally get to see Twilight and Starlight, thus making this the first time canon characters appear in this fanfic.
I'm really curious where the story is going to go from here, so I'm very much looking forward to the next chapter!
8956798
I'm actually writing a fanfic where that's a plot element. :)
9003357
Yes, it's a popular element
Heh, here comes the same good question: Would you like to be a pony for the rest of your life?
Now normally that would be a yes, at least for me. Probably because I know what I'm good at and what I can do to make a living in another world.
But here, Marcus' existence surely makes the whole thing MUCH more complicated, which truly impressed me. Eh... interspecies and interdimentional love... That's a damn good reason to refuse to be a pony. Keep going, Katy. Good job.
9008937
I can't really blame Marcus. When your date suddenly becomes a horse, it can be difficult to still be attracted to her.
9018480
I'm not blaming Marcus. I think it's terrific to get him involved.
Awesome, Katie! I love it so far, I'm really excited to start reading next chapter soon!
Yay! Looking forward to another chapter!