Ironic reasons are the best reasons darling.
Equestria Girls Fics12,125 stories ·3,769 members
Sunset Shimmer6,763 stories ·4,927 members
Sunset Shimmer Shippings721 stories ·1,138 members
Sleepovers286 stories ·194 members
Starlight Glimmer2,904 stories ·1,542 members
ShimmerGlimmer32 stories ·150 members
The Sunset Shimmer Appreciation Group610 stories ·527 members
The New Equestria Girls315 stories ·162 members
This story is a sequel to My Night with Starlight
Starlight Glimmer has a sleepover at Sunset Shimmer’s apartment during her first visit to the human world. Discussion of Human Anatomy and innuendo follows.
This story is a sequel to No Raisin's one-shot My night With Starlight as part of Tumble Weed's Springtime Sequel Sandbox Switcheroo Contest.
This story is rated T for Teen because my Teenage characters talk like actual Teenagers.
Page generated in 0.103 seconds
Total duration
1,113 users online
1,768,652 hits today, 2,364,530 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Nicely done. Starlight's confusion over toes was fantastic.
8882399
Why thank you, that’s actually pretty high praise for me considering who it’s coming from
Interesting that you picked that one, of all my stories, to write a sequel to. Can't complain, though, since it makes sense and also gets me some extra faves and maybe a follower or two.
The running gag of Sunset facepalming was pretty great. Tickled my comedy pickle, know what I'm sayin'?
But there is a problem here, and it has to do with grammar and stuff like that.
Not sure if this will help or anything, but let's give this a shot.
First of all, what a way to start a fic.
But no, I wanna point out something here. When attributing dialogue to someone, you shouldn't capitalize the first letter of the first word to come after the line unless it's the character's name.
So it should look like this, right?
Something like that.
As the saying goes, there's a difference between "Let's eat, Grandma!" and "Let's eat Grandma!"
Should be world's, since it's possessive.
Actually, this is a good example of a sentence that could use a comma or two to give it those proper little pauses, because without them it kind of runs off the rails in one buttery motion. There are a lot of sentences here that could use either commas or semi-colons, but maybe that's a stylistic choice.
I'm not sure if a word is missing or if an additional word was put in there by accident.
Should be yours.
cdn-images-1.medium.com/max/1252/1*ZYpBSAe0dC4_ha-3GhcO9Q.jpeg
And that's all I can think of right now.
I don't know if I came off as harsh or not (I hope I didn't), but I do think this is a lovely companion piece to my fic. It's shorter, raunchier, wackier, and you put a few recurring jokes in there that I dig.
Well.
If this is actual teenage dialogue, I'm glad I never was one.
8882613
I’m glad you liked it. I don’t think you came off as harsh. When I get the chance I’ll go back through and fix the grammar mistakes you pointed out.
This makes all the sense in the world. :D
Oh I need more of this, please tell me there's more planned
This was stupid and had no plot.
That being said:I FUCKING LOVED THIS.
You. Have. Slain. Me.
Seeing the romance tag had me thinking this would turn out differently, but that's not really important. I do like the end result, since it's humorous at the very least. That said, I couldn't help but notice a few places where the some of the writing was a bit questionable. Namely, the lack of comma usage in places where there should be, though this was already pointed out by No Raisin. I'd say that it could be massaged a bit by editing into something better, though it's still enjoyable regardless.
Awkward, cringey and hilarious
I shall give this a read.