A teenaged boy is transported to Equestria. Being a Brony himself, he fantasized about this scenario a number of times, even thinking up situations in which he's transformed into a pony or other Equestrian creatures. He however did not think up any situations in which he is transformed into an Elder Dragon from the latest Monster Hunter game in the series Monster Hunter World. Unfortunately for him, he's been transformed into the angriest and scariest of the Elder Dragons in the game, Nergigante the Extinction Dragon, on the plus side, he's able to speak instead of just roaring and grunting, so the language barrier's not gonna be problem.
What IS going to be a problem is the fact that he looks like an angry demon dragon that breeded with a porcupine. And that there are other Elder Dragons and Monsters from the series such as Rathalos, Odogaron, Deviljho, Bazelgeuse, Vaal Hazak, Zorah Magdaros, and Xeno'Jiiva. Not to mention the fact that a number of the Elder Dragons have enough power to alter the very landscapes with their presence, with Xeno'jiiva having enough power to be given the title Elder Dragon God. Naturally having so many powerful monsters be clustered in one spot, a number of important people Ponies have taken notice. Celestia wishes to further understand the new arrivals, while Tirek plans to absorb the power of the Elder Dragons to make it his own. It doesn't help that a few of the monsters have their own agendas as well, and to put our protagonist even further up Shit-Creek without a paddle he can't remember his own name.
Even a blind man could tell you that shit's about to hit the fan at the speed of Sonic the Hedgehog.
Who is not going to be in this fanfic, I just used his name for hyperbole purposes.
I own nothing.
MLP is owned by Hasbro.
The Monster Hunter Series is owned by CAPCOM.
Please support the official releases.
i just thought I would drop off some impications that might help with your story later down the road and good job so far
You know I really wanted to write something like this...curse my own inability to write and poor self cofidence also great work so far
Continue this... dear god continue this.
YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES YES!
ah, sometimes it's nice to just... read something like this. bask in the simple awesomeness that writers can create.
I’m gonna say this, as it’s something you need to keep in mind.
The infodumping needs to stop. You spout so much exposition trying to get the reader ‘caught up’ when said reader is bound to have this knowledge already. The only point that seemed anything other than ‘tell tell tell’ is when he caught the fish. Even then it was tell heavy on the whole whether meat is ok thing. When you get this heavy on telling, it feels like a lecture, and 6k words of telling feels like trying to convince a third grader to study history by reading his textbook to him. The reader is gonna get bored, the plot will advance with no rhyme or reason (we jumped from one locale to another for example).
It was very difficult to stay engaged with the story because of this. I tried, I did, but I can’t continue after just two chapters. The premise is enticing, but the lack of real meat on the bones of this story is driving me away.
8858766
How do I see you everywhere 0_o
8859497
I read a lot
8859508
Yeah I could tell.... still looking foward to that story of yours
8859513
oh thank you....which one?
8859516
Two words: bubble dragon
8859520
oh okay
8859526
Ya know Im not sure if this is just me but when ever I see those to words together I get the feeling of disappointment... if you are disappointed in my answer then just im sorry and if you not well then just ignore everything in this comment
8859536
no I'm not upset I just cant seem to place you're name anywhere
8859549
You could try looking at the blog post when you first mentioned the bubble dragon ;)
8859616
so thats where your from
8859623
Yep
8858779
Me too but my idea was being turned into a gore magala that eventually evolves into a shagura magala. Thus seeing how the world reacts to both the accidental spreading of the frenzy virus and the arrival of other monsters from the series especially the big bad deviljho and fatalis.
I saw the title in my feed, and thought Guild Wars 2. I was filled with disappointment.
8859761
I'm actually planning on adding in Gore Magala later in the story, then having him infect the main character with they frenzy Virus to turn him into an Apex Monster. I'll also be adding Deviljho, Fatalis, and other monsters in soon, not just Elder Dragons. The next one I'm putting in is Diablos.
Ya know I have never played monster hunter but this is really interesting
1. Xeno decides to make an appearance which I’m all for. Love that “newborn” dragon.
2. Be prepared for some major damage from kulve taroth from her stupid body roll to her floor is lava breath attack. Upside the gear and weps you get are so worth the hassle. Love my glutton hbg, decay and spread lbg, and my baby taroth para IG.
3. Hope you can find a way to give nergi a breath or beam attack to make use of his insect glaive named Catastrophe of Light.
8886636
I know about Xeno'jiiva's and K.T.'s fights since I watch a let's play of monster hunter world.
But thank you for suggesting a beam attack, I might give Nergi that ability when after he becomes Apex from the frenzy virus. I'm also planning on Apex being a form he can use on and off, like the enraged modes in-game, I might also do that for Kirin's Oroshi form once I add him into the story, same with Rathian's Pink form and Rathalos's Azure form.
Fair question: what dictates what monster you become in this universe?
8888680
I didn't really set any rules for that in place. I actually plan on having the other monsters be from the monster hunter universe. With Nergi being the only one who has human before coming to Equestria. As for why the main character turned into Nergigante, it's because Nergigante is the Flagship monster of the game Monster Hunter World.
Due to a reimagining of the plot I have elected to slightly tweak the introduction of the story. This is purely to not confuse anyone who hasn't read the story yet. Feel free to reread it if you want.
8891645
Not gonna lie, that is really softball and weak. If you are going to be that lax with the universe's rules, why even bother establishing Nergigante as a transformed human if none of the other monsters follow the same rule? Don't get me wrong, there are so few Monster Hunter fics on this site that I'll take what I can get, but the rules of your universe need to stay consistent. Please don't take this as hate, just constructive criticism.
8893752
I decided against giving the other monster human souls because if I did inevitably one of them would spill the beans about the MLP universe being a cartoon, and that would obvious lead to some distrust between the Mane 6 and Nergigante. And while that would be a bit of delicious drama, this story is made to be a Adventure/Comedy/Slice of life story. I gave Nergigante a human soul to add a character who has context of both the MLP series and Monster Hunter series so that he has equal knowledge of both. I'm also planning on having Nergigante think up his own backstory which ties in with the Monster Hunter story line and how he knows about all the rules of the hunting guild. I'm planning on having him tell it in chapter 5, which is when I bring in a pair of new characters, not going to say who, but if you're smart you'll figure it out.
8899661
Understandable, I didn't read the whole response but I do get the gist, so I'll drop the subject. There is one other unrelated thing though: elderseal. Nergigante may not have any offensive elemental abilities, but he does have the best elderseal in the game, perfect for fighting other elder dragons that do have elemental attacks/abilities. While we've seen what happens if Tirek touches him, other denizens of Equestria might not take it so well. Just keep that in mind in future.
Chapter 4's out boy and girls enjoy.
Also if you want to read something that makes you say WTF, go check out Tales from the Everfree RestStop, it's literally the only other story I have on this site, that being said it has a lot more content because I started it earlier in the year
Since when does equestria have phones
Type-o Just fixed it. Was supposed to be throne room
OK I hope you have an explanation on why you chose wyvern guard in the next chapter instead of dragon guard, I mean c'mon so far it's mainly dragons in it
Luna slaps the dragon, and all he says is ow? that is lame and unrealistic, and kills the flow of the story as well as the personalities of both Luna ad the dragon Nergigante. If someone where to slap me out of nowhere while I'm talking/ offering my help. I'd say fuck you and walk away... or kick there ass but its ponies... so id just walk away. Anyways that scenario just contradicts Luna's character to much and makes Nergigante seem like a pansy ass bitch. I can no longer take them seriously anymore. At this point I hope the story flow improves with each chapter. or that this story gets a serious rewrite toward the end of it..
Just read the Tirek fight. The protagonist is a moron and a bitch... a coward too. I'm honestly not feeling this story anymore and it's only the second chapter.
Going to need backstory on Kushala appearances with celestia and Luna
8943887
I thought Dragon Guard was used too much in media so I decide to mix things up a bit. After all the monsters from the Monster Hunter Universe are primarily categorized into classes of Wyvern so there.
8944220
And as for You H3R01C, read the next chapter if you're not satisfied with the outcome. I promise you won't be disappointed. As for why I had Nergi say "Ow" when luna slapped him was because I initially wanted it to be a sort of comedic ow that's more breath than words, but I clearly didn't convey it enough. And as for why Nergi didn't just say Fuck You and walk away, I was trying to make him as polite as possible. Thing about it, if you where in a room filled with royalty would you say Fuck You? Not to mention I was making him try to make a good impression by having him show restraint when provoked, giving him and heir of responsibility. And that's all I have to say about that. If you have any comments that aren't constructive criticism, kindly keep them to yourself. Good Day Sir.
8945201
I was originally going to have another chapter, but I decided against giving him his own chapter since there wasn't really any monster that Kushala would reasonably be teamed up with. As for Kushala's Backstory, He appeared in Canterlot and Celestia was able to reason with him, telling him that there where others from his world in Equestria. It's at that point she made him pony sized as well.
There, there's your backstory now if you'll excuse me I have a new chapter to write.
8945203
ok ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
But what about the Dalamadur and shalamadur. You can’t just skip over those glorious mountain in circling snakes
8952168
Look man, it took me 4 days to finish this, I was writing it exclusively at night. I just wanted to end this as quickly as I could. Not to mention the fact the Dalamadur's title is the Serpent King Dragon. There was no way to get the word "Mountain" out of that. And since I was mainly focusing on "Mountain Dragons" I decided it couldn't hurt to leave out Dalamadur, Shah Dalamadur, and any other Elder Dragon that didn't have the word "Mountain" in their title.
8945207
Then show that in his thought process at least. I did not get that characterization at all. It felt more like that he was just easy to walk all over without fear of repercussions.
Also why have Luna act like that? She is not a spoiled little brat or a cold bitch. She is a princess who cares, that would not slap someone so quickly and carelessly without reason.
Your protagonist was offering help and explaining his plan and she slaps him. Disrespects him and he does/ says nothing about it.
Luna at the very least, would interrupt him and tell him to get to the point, at most... Royal Canterlot Voice... I just don't see random assault coming from her... unless Nightmare Moon is making a comeback. But that's not likely.
And the Tirek scene, why make your protagonist so weak and cowardly?
8962479
The reason I had Luna bitchslap Nergi was because the explanation was taking too long, and to add in a does of witty comedy while still giving of an heir of seriousness, which would have been add to by the breathy "Ow," that I was trying to convey.
As for the reason Nergi retreated from battle, I wanted to show that Nergi's smaller form was drastically weaker, I did this to make him have limitations, and to divide his attacks into two different categories, Nergal and Savage. I then had him realize this power gap without knowing about the power of his other form, which is why he fled. Would you keep fighting against something you couldn't beat? I wouldn't. Also it's a recurring aspect in the monster hunter games that when a monster's health reaches a certain point the retreat to another area in the map. Lastly I added it in to segway into the next chapter since the season 4 finale is sectioned off into two episodes.
8963467
If I had to fight something or someone I couldn't beat, would depend on the reason why. My experience, you do not rush headlong into battle like your protagonist did. Especially a pointless one...
On a side note: I'm re-reading my comments, and realize I'm coming off as rude. I apologize. I'm just bewildered by the choices made by the characters. That and I don't see the comedy from the scenes mentioned in our discussion. Feels ill timed for comic relief... and I don't know how to say 'poorly executed' in a nice way... Doesn't convey it at all... to me at least
So these are exposition chapters?
8964936
Yes, I'm planning on them being chapters that explain the lore of the Monster Hunter Universe. However if people don't like learning about lore they can just skip over them, which is why I'm planning to put them in points where nothing happens in the story, kinda like filler in an anime.
8963696
Look man I might not have the best comedic timing but in my defense I've never really found anything funny aside from try not to laugh challenges on youtube. I mean I know how to tell a joke, and I've even came up with some original jokes myself, but in terms of comedic writing I'a bit of a novice. And you did come off as kinda rude but I understand that everyone has their own opinion and it's hard to express emotion through text. Anyway, I had Nergi and Tirek have a rematch in chapter 3 so just read that if you haven't and just enjoy the story for what it is or don't, I don't care either way what people think of my stories I just feel like they're original and they should be written down.
Just so we're clear, the five monsters which make up the mountains are as follows.
Shah Dalamadur
Ashen Loa-shan-lung
Golden Beard Ceadeus
Hallowed Then Mohran
And a new Zorah Magdaros Subspecies I came up with, The Ancient Zorah Magdaros.
I plane to add in the normal versions of the species in later chapters.
The main backstory I had for this place was a massive country sized portal opened up in an area of the rotten vale, and all the corpses of the monsters fell through it, and made a little miniature rotten vale on the outskirts of Equestria, I also want to hear your comments on how I described Val Hazak. I'm not going to have the group go to this place in the next chapter, I'm gonna wait until a few chapters afterwards I just added it here to let you guys know it exists