Terra's Holiday: Tempest Temptations

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screamindivr145

screamindivr145 #1 · Feb 15th, 2018 · · ·

Honestly, this was amazing. I would love to see a sequel if you're up for it.

F14m3rz

F14m3rz #2 · Feb 15th, 2018 · · ·

“This is bullshit Mum!” Terra groaned in frustration as he followed behind his mother. “Why do I have to see some stupid ass counselor?”

You spoiled little idjit. Going to counseling is the best thing an edgy teen could ask for (I should know). You get to skip part of your school day, and you get to vent about your everyday problems to someone you can trust. Counseling is practically heaven.

“Ugh...fine...one meeting, but you owe me!” Terra nodded, smacking his mother’s ass as he speak. “You and Twislut owe me both your cunts for this.”

*spoke
Though I have to wonder, has anyone thought to give this guy a taste of his own medicine? Like, he'd mouth off so much, that someone just went "Buck it", and put that mouth to use?

Her attire consisted of a tight looking pair of black, short spats, hugging at her sexy flank. Her white, t shirt seemed to cling to her like a second skin.

*tight-looking
*white t-shirt

Terra’s eyes danced around Tempest’s chest, seeing how her what could be pierced nippled poked at the fabric.

*nipples

The last thing that seemed to fit her clothing together was a rather long and loose fitting dark purple windbreaker.

*loose-fitting

“Are you sure that’s okay?” Golden asked, almost certain this will just end in sex. “Shouldn’t I be here at least on the first visit?”

*would

“Tch, whatever.” Terra replied, sitting Pinkie’s seat, kicking up his legs on the table, arms crossed over his chest.

*sitting in Pinkie's

Despite how shy he was earlier, the pony tried to bring back his previous attitude. “Let me guess, you want me to talk about how much i think life sucks and that somehow will fix everything?”

Eh, that is kinda he only downside; it hardly ever changes how things in your actual life go (unless you have life/health -threatening problems), it's usually just a way to vent and sometimes drink coffee.

Even how you have a few mares who willing come to help you out, why should I care?

*who are willing to

The layout resembled an old time home Terra once read about in one of Button Lad’s comics.

*old-timey

But Terra’s eyes quickly moved back to Tempest’s hot and tight looking ass.

*tight-looking

You weren’t supposed to come for a couple more hours. I wasn’t even happen to dry my mane.”

*ready

Are you sure?” Tempest asked, running her hands down her sides. “I mean, I am much older than you, nearly twice your age. Are you sure an old mare like me is worth it?”
“Absolutely not!’

*not!"
The way this is phrased is awkward. It seems like he's confirming that she's is, indeed, not worth it. He should either add that her age doesn't matter to him, or change it to "Absolutely" and quickly add that she's worth it, while also expressing that he doesn't think she's old.

Turning herself around, Tempest wiggled her tight ass in front of Terra’s shaft, grinding the thick firth along her rear mound.

*girth

Tempest only moaned louder and matched Terra’s motions as she backed her ass against his cock each each huffing of her pant.

I don't know what to put for this, honestly.

She wanted to feel all that held back cum burst out in her at once. It was so tempting, all it would take would a tug and it would all explode inside her.

*would be

Never has he considered doing something like this, but the pain of being held back, followed by the pleasure of the sudden release was indescribable.

*had

So I have to say, it was good. Though I have to wonder, how did she fix his life? It seemed to go the movie version of how therapy works.
{Patient: You can never crack me. I am an enigma, carefully crafting a wall of emotion, keeping out the craftiest of counselors and the most thievish of therapi-
Therapist: Peanuts.
Patient: *sniff* All my life I've been blaming myself for the abuse I wasn't responsible for, when all along I needed to let someone in express my sorrows!}
I dunno, just my thoughts.

Synful

Synful #3 · Feb 15th, 2018 · 1 · ·

8736378
Well the time when she helps him and when he's at her door, their's a bit of a time skip. Both what she did and the time frame is up to the reader to decide.

Terra in this is made to be a total little bastard that makes you wanna just strangle him. Compared to him in the other stories, where he's a sweetheart as a colt.

Thanks for the critique.

Holocron