No POV
The party was going swell. Daimon, Pinkie, Angel, and Celestia were eating the massive cakes Daimon made, and the extra two Pinkie helped make. Angel and Pinkie were devouring their cakes at lightning speed, while Daimon and Celestia were enjoying their cake. This went on for a couple minutes until there was one slice of cake left near Daimon. Pinkie and Angel backed off since Angel was stuffed, and Pinkie saw Daimon reach for the last piece. Unfortunately for him, when he grabbed the paper plate, there was a force pulling it against him. Daimon then noticed a golden aura around the left side of the plate. He looked up to be staring into the eyes of a certain solar Alicorn, who’s horn was glowing.
They both blushed before Daimon tugged on the plate more. “Sorry Celestia, but I had it first.” He said as he tugged it towards him more. Celestia however, used her magic to yank it more towards her.
“I am sorry as well Daimon, but I have a rather large fascination of cakes as well. I shall be the one to have the last piece if you don’t mind.” Celestia said. Daimon didn’t give up however and yanked on the plate again.
“Yeah I don’t think so.” He said as the plate was then yanked out of his grip. Celestia grinned madly and casted a shield around herself. She was going to eat the cake, but Daimon somehow broke through her shield and tackled her to the ground. Well, more precisely, his chest and head tackled her to the ground.
The cake, somehow, landed safely on the ground a few feet away on the ground. Daimon quickly got up and lunged for it. He was able to grab the cake and lift it over his head, but before he could drop it into his mouth, a small magic blast hit him in the face. It didn’t hurt, but it allowed him to drop the cake which Celestia caught with her magic. She smirked over her victory but her smirk disappeared when she lost sight of him. She heard a thud behind her and before she could react she was pinned to the floor and had her horn covered by a massive claw. She tried to use magic, but Daimons hand was effectively blocking it like an inhibitor ring. Daimon held the cake in front of her tauntingly before speaking.
“Ha, try something now princess.” He said with a laugh. He looked down, but only saw Celestia with a pout. Seeing her like that sent a sharp sting to his chest, so being the nice person he is, he got up and placed the cake down in front of the solar Alicorn. He then dusted her off before walking back over to a smiling Fluttershy.
“That was very nice Daimon, i’m proud of you.” she said as she flew up and gave his head a hug. This made Daimon blush but it was thankfully hidden under his hard skin. He waited for the butter cream colored pegasus to let go before answering.
“I saw her sad, so I thought it would be nice t-” he paused as he somehow heard Celestia and Luna talking about a foot away from him.
“Sister, why did thou get so sad when sir Daimon had the cake?” Luna asked her sister.
“Oh I wasn’t sad, I used that trick to get him to let me have the cake.” she said, to which Luna gasped but then giggled.
“That was naughty sister, you better hope he doesn't find out.” she said, to which Celestia giggled herself.
“Oh he won’t find out.” she said. If only she was right. Daimon didn’t even know he had this ability, but he couldn’t be more grateful he did.
‘She tricked me! Curse my big heart’ he thought frustratingly. He knew it wasn’t a big deal, but he always had a soft spot for pouty faces, and he fell for it again. He then had a plan for revenge.
“I’ll be right back.” he said to Fluttershy as he walked over to Discord. Said Draconequus was chatting with Pinkie about chocolate rain. Daimon was confused but shrugged it off as he tapped Discord on the shoulder to get his attention.
“Oh hello Daimon, how are you doing.” Discord asked surprisingly nicely.
“Oh well, but I do need a favor” he said as he leaned forward and whispered something in Discord’s ear. The lord of chaos’ eyes widened in shock but he then grew a mischievous smirk. He then snapped his fingers and a ten foot tall chocolate cake appeared behind them. Daimon thanked him before he tore a large chunk out of it and hurled it at Celestia. Celestia didn’t notice the incoming projectile and was pelted in the face by the large piece of cake. She ended up falling and having her head covered in cake.
Everyone was shocked except for Daimon, Discord, Ornstein, Spike, and Luna who busted a gut and fell over laughing while Daimon stood with a triumphant smirk.
Celestia, after 4 tries, finally yanked her head out of the cake with her entire muzzle a dirt like brown. She shook it off and glared back at Daimon who was still smirking as everyone picked themselves up or got over from their shock.
“That's what you get for lying to me, punk.” Everyone except Ornstein gasped at what he said. No one besides Luna has ever spoken to Celestia like that. Celestia put on a shocked face for two reasons. One, he had heard her conversation after all, and two, he called her a punk as if it meant nothing. She wasn’t mad however, in fact, she grew a sinister smirk in response, to everyone’s shock.
“Well played Daimon, well played.” She said as she levitated about half of the chunk that was on the floor and hurled it at Daimon. Daimon, reacting quickly, dodged out of the way and the cake ended up hitting Spike. Luna, Pinkie, Twilight, and Ornstein busted out laughing, but it ceased when another piece of cake flew and hit Luna in the muzzle. Everyone turned to see Spike in a follow through position.
Luna wiped the cake off of her before everyone gave a standoff glare as they all moved to one side. Daimon, Ornstein, Spike, Discord, Zecora, and Angel on one side, with the main six and the Princesses on the other. Discord made one more 10 foot tall cake on each side and made the original one disappear to make it fair. Rarity didn’t want to at first but was “convinced” by Rainbow and Applejack to help, she was still mostly against it though.
“This whole ordeal is most ridiculous.” she said with her head held high. Ornstein however, had other plans.
“I call dibs on hitting her first.” she said as she grabbed a piece of cake and threw it.
Rarity was shocked to hear that from the person she was helping a few moments ago.“Don’t you da-” SPLAT. The cake landed smack dab on her face, and because it was so large, it covered her mane too.
“MY MANE!” she shouted after she uncovered her eyes.
“What you gonna do about it?” Asked Ornstein tauntingly. Rarity did the classic wipe face move and then put on her ‘it is on’ face before shouting.
“CAKE WAR! Aee-te-te-te-te-te-te-te-taaaaaaa!” she shouted with a war cry at the end. That was the last call anyone needed to start. So everyone grabbed/levitated cake, and the war had begun.
I really like the idea of Ornstein in Equestria (Never got far in Dragon's Dogma though, so no clue who Daimon is) but there are a few things holding me back from starting on this fic.
One, "This is my first story so no haters". Unfortunately, that's generally code for "I will ignore anything not positive said about my story". Not saying that's what you are doing or will do, but that's generally how I've seen things progress whenever that little "disclaimer" is part of the story description. Either way, it's a general turn off for stories whenever someone feels the need to say those specific words, and usually used as a crutch to excuse bad writing.
Two, the chapter length. Generally I hate reading stories where chapters don't go past bare minimum of like four or five thousand words. Doubly so if they're less than a thousand words for a single chapter. It feels lazy and rushed, like the author couldn't bother going into more detail or just wrote a small blurb that really shouldn't exist on its own as a full chapter.
Three, one of your more recent comments about already working on a new story. That tells me one of three things. You're either:
A) Trying to write two stories at once (Possibly more. Haven't bothered to look at your story list) which, unless you're a dedicated writer, never tends to go well for any story involved.
B) Almost done with this story. Which at just under 26,000 words is pretty paltry; almost insultingly so.
C) Going to drop this story in favor of the new one. In which case, I would be even less inclined to read this knowing it wouldn't be finished.
Any way you slice it, I honestly don't see an enjoyable experience coming out of reading this one, even if the scenario is something that highly intrigues me to the point I would want to read it.
8822385
My comment was on the story i’m going to work on after this. Also, your right, I am trying to make my chapters longer. Thanks for the feedback and when I say no haters, I mean no just flat out “you suck” comments like that. I do take all criticism into consideration so thank you.
8822500
Well you're better off than a lot of the fics I've seen, then. As for your next story. Are you just planning way ahead, or are you predicting this story will end somewhat soon?
And as for the "you suck comments" part, I can understand that. However it also works both ways. Part of the job of a comment/review is to let people know how you feel about the story, whether it's the author or another potential reader. If it's just a "you suck" or "Wooh, more plz", then it doesn't help anyone in the long run. Unfortunately, this site is rather rife with comments like that.
8823324
I see what you mean. And also, I was just planning way ahead. It’s a habit I need to break
8823666
Alright, I see your point. I’ll work on that.
8901765
I saw that on a later chapter... you commented on it like... 1-2 chapters later.
8902616
Ok