• Member Since 23rd Jan, 2018
  • offline last seen May 30th, 2023

Black Paint


Horse words. Reluctant furry. Life is one long internal scream. "I love the show, but I hate the show for making me love it." - Me.

T

Black Paint starts relapsing into depression for the first time in several years, restarting his old habit of cutting and even seriously contemplating suicide. After failing to go through with an attempt, he accidentally gives Flutttershy his suicide note at her birthday party. When she confronts him about it, she gets him to open up about his thoughts and find another way to cope with the pain.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 10 )

Man... When I was badly depressed it wasn't because I hated myself, wasn't because I felt useless... I felt like I was wasting my life away, never doing anything except going to school, coming home, doing five or six hours of homework, and going to bed. And that made me want to die a little bit, I already felt dead inside, but I don't believe in an afterlife, and so I fear death. I could imagine the impact that my death would have on my community, especially considering that a few years earlier somebody at my school had committed suicide. During this year of depression I also realized how precious life is, and how delicate it is; how quickly it can slip away, after one of my childhood friends died suddenly after having a seizure. It still isn't known what happened. My understanding of how precious life is increased a few weeks ago, when I found out that one of my former soccer teammates had collapsed and died three times on the way to the hospital, but thankfully he survived.
I think it accurately portrays some people's depression, but depression affects different people in different ways.

That was a great, touching story.

8699334
First of all, thank you so much for the comment; it genuinely brought tears to my eyes, and I'm not usually an emotional person. Second of all, I completely agree with you, not all forms of depression are the same. Everyone's problems are different and our unique chemistry determines how we handle them. Depression is WAY more complicated than just being sad. I wanted to accurately portray what it was like for me, but I ended up cutting most of it out because I had a hard time fitting it all into a story that made sense. I hated school and I didn't want to keep working on pointless crap that was ultimately never going to matter and I had no sense of identity whatsoever, I still don't really know who I am. I also felt completely dead on the inside and had a slight fear of death because of not knowing what was going to happen to me if I succeeded; even scarier was what could happen to me if I didn't succeed. I'm stilll probably leaving a lot of things out, but I thought I'd expand on that a bit. I hope your teammate is doing better.

Depression can be difficult to deal with, and in those times, you feel helpless and fragile. I used to be in a very bad place myself, but my writing pulled me through the bad days, a belief that someday I'd make something out of myself. Now I can happily say I'm a published author. This story, is a reflection on how depression can get to anyone, even ponies.

Damn... Coming back to this story months after beginning my journey as a brony just makes it all the more powerful... I think that if you turned the characters here into humans you could maybe get it published as a story to raise awareness for depression and suicide.

If you ever - and I mean ever - find your depression coming back, if you need to talk to someone, you can contact me.

Comment posted by Alanwalkerfan deleted Jun 5th, 2018

8967746
I appreciate your offer, I'll keep it in mind! And I'm glad that my story has managed to stick with you for the few months that it has been published, I really needed to hear that. I'm currently working on a story for a contest that I'm in, and I've been having a lot of self-doubt about my writing decisions. Honestly, I feel like such a cliché when it comes to writing fiction sometimes and - as you may have guessed - I'm an absolute perfectionist, especially when it comes to published work; everything has to be perfect in the first draft before proofreading. I think maybe I just need to get it down because I'm completely stressing out over it.

Anyway, enough procrastinating. Thank you so much for your comment!

8699490
not gonna lie ... that was a little mist up

9003699
It's not exactly supposed to be sunshine and rainbows, but yeah, it is a little messed up. If you don't mind me asking, what specifically jumped out at you while you were reading?

9003850
In my own opinion I did enjoy reading this story, but what jumped at me was that this story can relate to others in real life. I don't read these type of story's often, but i did enjoy it

Login or register to comment