Bonding Experience

This story is a sequel to The Regular

Sunburst has been trying hard to find his place in Hazel's life following his big move in with his Coltfriend Ristretto. Yet an opportunity to get close strikes as Hazel's birthday approaches. Yet Sunburst may have bit off a little more than he could chew when he and his lunch is thrust into a vacation that neither colts would have ever been able to prepare for.

Thank you to the absolutely amazing OkemosBrony for doing my editing and making my reading... well readable. Check him out, he does some great stuff himself!

And finally a mega enormous thank you to my close friend TeeKay for the amazing new cover art! He is a fantastic artist and you can find him right here!

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 7 )

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CrackedInkWell

CrackedInkWell #1 · Dec 31st, 2017 · 1 · ·

Ooh! Now this is welcoming. Not only that, but this is an original idea. Man I can't wait to see what you do with this one.

musoperatica

musoperatica #2 · Jan 1st, 2018 · 1 · ·

I agreed with Cracked inkwell on this one! it's very fresh and original idea...Happy new years to you, your editor/proofreader & every pony/one here at fimfiction!

Milo_Chalks

Milo_Chalks #3 · Jan 1st, 2018 · · ·

8641677

8640725
Thank you to both of you! I'm excited to really get into this one. I love to hear the feedback! Get keen for chapter 2.

Oh and Happy new year too haha.

Bruno

Bruno #4 · Jan 2nd, 2018 · 1 · ·

The ending to this chapter made me squeal a little, honestly. I can’t wait for more of this!

Milo_Chalks

Milo_Chalks #5 · Jan 2nd, 2018 · · ·

8644074
You won't be waiting too long
Thanks for the support! Comments really do make it all worth while.

Beau_Dodson

Beau_Dodson #6 · Jul 11th, 2019 · · ·

Shop window after shop window...what newly appointed twelve-year-old would wantreal estate or coffee or home hardware or linen supplies or groceries or designer… dresses? No no no, that wouldn’t do. Shop after shop was deemed unsuitable for finding a gift for to a colt. Yet, among the busy Canterlot shopping precinct, a single golden solace appeared from the end of the lane.

Uuuuhhh.... Try this:

Shop window after shop window...what newly appointed twelve-year-old would want? Real estate, coffee, home hardware, linen supplies, groceries, or designer… dresses? No no no, that wouldn’t do. Shop after shop was deemed unsuitable for finding a gift for a colt. Yet, among the busy Canterlot shopping precinct, a single golden solace appeared from the end of the lane.

Also:

Ristretto reached up and gave him a peck on the cheek and a goofy smile. “I’m your coltfriend! You got special priveledge,” he replied, slinging an arm around Sunburst and walking with him into the living room. Both of them fell onto the couch together and snuggled close, their hooves intertwining as they wound down for the day.

Try this:

Ristretto reached up and gave him a peck on the cheek and a goofy smile. “I’m your coltfriend! You got special privilege,” he replied, slinging an arm around Sunburst and walking with him into the living room. Both of them fell onto the couch together and snuggled close, their hooves intertwining as they wound down for the day.

And another thing:

“You can fucking count on it,” he purred, sending shivers down Ristretto’s spine. Sunburst slowly grabbed Ristretto and lied down on his back on the couch, the smaller of the two on top.

Soooooo… he didn't tell the truth on his back on the couch? If you mean the other "lie", then the past tense is "lay". No offense, but your stories might need to go through two consecutive proofreaders if your current proofreader is letting these mistakes slip through the cracks.

GardenData61371