Fleurdeliser

by Miyajima

Social Fencing: Prise de Fleur

Canterlot was a city of two halves. On the slopes and the cliffs stood the tall, elegant buildings of white marble and gold, a forest of spires reaching for the Sun. But in the older parts of the city, among the caverns and caves of the mountain itself, dwelt a different class of ponies.

In one such cavern, hidden from the eyes of the sun and stars, there was a market, a market almost as old as the city itself. Over the centuries, buildings and shops had been carved into the walls of the cave, and the cavern floor had been smoothed by the passage of many hooves. This was Canterlot's Underground Market, and you could get anything here.

One shop in particular was nestled in a natural cleft in the cave walls, squeezed between two larger, brighter buildings. If you didn't know it existed, you would probably never find it. From the outside, the dimly lit stone gave away nothing of its contents, and only the battered sign bearing an ancient-looking vase gave any indication of its purpose.

As the stars swirled in the night sky above, a cloaked figure slipped inside the market cavern and made straight towards the hidden little store. A keen eye would have seen flashes of her white coat as the dark cloak that concealed her was caught in the night breeze, and a few errant strands of a pink mane peeking out from the hood.

The mare vanished into the cleft. Moments later a listener, straining their hearing, would have been able to hear the lightest of knocks and the creak of a hinge badly in need of oiling.

The mare was greeted at the door by an overweight stallion of decidedly drab colouring. His coat was a grubby off-white, and his messy, unkempt mane was a two-tone of grey and darker grey. His eyes (at least, what could be glimpsed of them under the mess of hair and his drooping eyelids) were a soft gold, adding a little colour to the picture. His cutie mark was two near-identical gold bits, one having a small chip in the rim.

He looked up at the mare at his door and smirked, quickly ushering her inside.

Despite its dark exterior, the inside of the store was like another world. Every available inch of space was taken up with valuable-looking bric-a-brac, knick-knacks and the odd bit of junk. Hanging on the wall were zebra tribal masks, their paint flaking with age. Stacked in piles were old, forgotten tomes of spells. Lying against an antique chair was a deadly-looking set of metal claws, obviously designed to fit a gryphon’s paw.

The floor was hidden beneath layers of plush, elaborately stitched carpets, and the only path between the mountainous stacks of things was a narrow and winding one. The fat stallion made his way through with surprising nimbleness, leading the mare to a back room. Once there, she lowered her hood, shaking her mane free of the fabric.

"I don't know why you bother with the cloak, Trophée. I'd recognize those legs anywhere." The stallion grinned, turning to 'Trophée', none other than Fleur de Lis. "S'been a while since I last saw you 'round here, got something for me?"

"Well, I don't come down here for the 'charming, rustic atmosphere', Copy," the mare replied, pulling back her cloak to reveal a saddlebag. Opening it with her magic, she floated out a brilliant, burning diamond. The stallion's half-open eyes widened in awe.

"That's... That's the Heart of Canterlot, isn't it? Oh, you sly filly. Stole it during the middle of the exhibition and all. Classic," he said, taking it in his own magic and admiring it.

"You know how much I love a challenge. It'll have to be back by dawn, of course," Fleur continued, before noticing that the unicorn was no longer listening to her. Raising her voice a little, she added: "Think that'll be enough time for the two of you to get to know one another?"

"Hrm? Oh, definitely. Incredible piece, this. You want the usual, then?"

"Of course. How long will it be?"

The stallion studied the diamond with a critical eye. "Tch, well... I dunno. Hard to say, t'be honest. It's not a natural rock, y'see, this here's bonafide dragon-smelted gemstone. It's half ruby and half diamond, that's what gives it the pink colour. Then there's the dragonfire, and the magic..." he continued, muttering to himself.

"The magic's not so important, Copy, it's only a souvenir for my collection, after all."

The stallion seemed almost hurt by the mere suggestion.

"What? My dear mare, you do not come to Copy Paste, the finest forger in all of Equestria, and go away with an improper replica. No, no, no. I can do it alright, but it'll take a while. What's your window?"

"I'd say you have about six hours, maximum."

"I'll have it done in three, but only for you, Trophée." He trotted over to a workbench and set the Heart down, clearing away a half-finished dinner and opening a draw of assorted gemstones. "Have a seat while you're waiting. Tea? Coffee? Kettle's ‘round here somewhere, if you can find it," he said, glancing over his shoulder.

"I'm fine, thank you."

"Suit yourself. Oh, I'll be taking the usual rat-"

He was cut off by a pouch of gold bits being placed on the bench in front of him.

"... Perfect. To work!"

Comments

[Miyajima]

UPDATE 9/12: Added the epilogue: 'Prise de Fleur'.

[CTVulpin]

Well, that makes some sense. Having a trophy or souvenir from one's adventures is quite understandable.

[Karrakaz]

will there be more ?

[Minitheif]

59141 Pleas say yes.

[Chatoyance]

Oh you simply must write more of her. Come on, this is magic in a flask, it is 'potion' in an Erlenmeyer, it is excellent. Any author would be proud to have such a good premise; you got there first, and you do it fantastically well.

Run with it. I implore you.

[Flurryshine]

I just enjoy this story. I hope you're having fun writing this. I await the nest installment whenever it is ready.

[Scootal00]

Copy Paste, oh lord I'm loling so hard, but still great work! hope to see more!

[Draco Dei]

SPOILER ALERT!!!!

one having a small chip in the rim.
-A coin-shaver is he?

the finest forger in all of Equestria,
-Ah!

it's only a souvenir for my collection, after all."
-Ah, I see...

Excellent update! I thought this fic was going to be a one-shot, since it didn't feel like there was much left to write. I'm glad I was wrong.

I really wish I could offer some critique, but I got nothing. The way you give the environment detail is flawless.

If there was an "Just read the fic moron" rating on the site, I'd choose that.

[Greasebrony]

Just a filly out for an adventure. I can dig it.

[poompoomstar]

I like how you wrote an epilogue, and I (along with many others I assume) am hoping for a continuation of this story. But don't make extra chapters just because a lot of people request it. That should be something you do only if you want to. Besides, the original story had a really nice open ended and mysterious ending that made me crave more but I liked a lot.

Need more of this.

[Miyajima]

59646
59141

There will be more, yes, eventually. Probably not for a couple of months, given my current schedule, but the 'adventures' of Fleurdeliser will continue.

And thank you all for the kind words and comments! Means a lot.

[LOLicorn]

Congrats on being featured on Equestria daily!

[FanNotANerd]

I agree with...I can't be bothered to put the name down. You've got a great story here, and it's begging to be continued. To use an appropriate euphemism: you've got the diamond in your hand. Might as well cut it.

[Karrakaz]

ohhh there's going to be more!

[Festus]

It's a charming little story if I do say so myself. In fact, it's practically begging for more chapters! Aah, wonder what else could happen between these two Canterlot ponies? Seeing as there is a Romance tag.

[Wintegral]

Well now, I assumed that this was simply a charming one-shot. Reading another chapter is quite pleasant! And take all the time you need - I'm sure that the continuing adventures of Fleur will be quite a treat to read regardless of when they come out.

Didn't spot much wrong, and I'm too tired to nitpick for it. I await your next installment. I might even be convinced to create an account, so I can follow you.

[SaintlyVirtue]

A pleasure to read, thank you for writing this story.

[Celestial]

What a wonderful read, definitely far too short to satisfy my newfound hunger for MOAR Trophée!!
You did a wonderful job so far, and I'll make sure to read ALL the sequels! Keep up the amazing work, man.

[Silver Tail]

Totally and completely awesome. I wish my stories could be a fraction of this quality.

[EmperorJewel]

59379

One Hundred agreement with this post. You have to write more! Personally I love your version of Fleur, and I want to read much more!

[Gabriel LaVedier]

An interesting twist on the two. I do rather like how this works. Good stuff.

[Bad Horse]

I like the story and gave it the thumbs-up. But I felt all the tension was released at the end of the first chapter. Some reorganizing, to put the knowledge that the heart would be returned at the end of the story, might keep that from happening.

[SkyWalker]

Well, that was delightful to read. Really funny, especially the touchés. Got a nice relationship going between Fancy and Fleur. And that nickname (which I had to google, actually) was awesome.

The epilogue certainly adds some clarity. I had first thought she had decided to keep Fancypants over the heart. Now... well, pony's gotta have a hobby. Collecting rare, priceless stuff sure qualifies.

[statoose]

I left a comment on the EQD page for this fic when it was posted there way-back-when, but I'll post again with some elabroation as to why this is still one of my favorite fics of all-time, now that I've read it a second time,

-Most of the ponies in the room would have known her from her brief, but highly lucrative, modelling career.  A few of the older and more artistically inclined may have recognised her as an ex-ballet dancer from the Canterlot Opera House’s troupe.  The Professor of Antiquities would, perhaps with a little prompting, have remembered her as the one student in Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns who failed every class except counter spells.
I, for one, love this characterization of Fleur. It seems perfectly fitting.

-Fancy Pants said, waving a hoof in that way that nearly everypony does when ordering food or drink, despite offering no useful purpose at all.
Great line, right there. It does wonders of making the story feel believable!

-“I have to say, Fleur, I did miss your company while you were off in Prance.
Ha! :D

-They looked at one another, faces perfectly straight, and slowly broke into matching grins, before bursting out laughing, gathering a few strange looks from the other guests.
This entire interaction was very enjoyable to read. You did a fantastic job with the dialogue all throughout. :D

-"Fortunately she saw the funny side of it.”
“Ah yes, our Princess is well-renowned for her... rousing sense of humour.
Yay for fun-yet-not-excessive chactarization of Princess Celestia! It's a big turn-off for me when authors wrtie her off as a complete troll. This was a small detail, but nonetheless quite welcome.

-[L]egend had it that the city of Canterlot had been founded after the renowned wizard  Starswirl the Bearded becalmed two warring dragons living on the mountain, a white one in the cloud-covered peaks, and a rust-red one dwelling in the caverns beneath.  As a testament to their truce, they had both taken a prize gemstone from their hoards, and through the combined force of their flames forged them into this single, magnificent diamond, the Heart of Canterlot.
Neat backstory here!

Now, there were one of two mistakes I noticed here and there. One being a minor yet repeated error that occured throughout the second half of the story:
-“I thought I was making it painfully obvious, this evening.” He replied.
If my grammatical memory serves, the period after 'evening' should be a comma, as the dialogue is followed by a speaking term - in this case 'said'.

Also:
-“Hexed, man?  What are you babbling about?”
'Man'? :P
(Whatever. Tiny nitpick is tiny. I do like the dialogue style. Helps to establish the aristocratic and slightly English-feeling atmosphere of Canterlot.)

Overall, the mood and concept of this story was very interesting. The characterization was spot-on, and the backstory for Fleur has been the most welcome of all the fics involving her I've yet read - Something I take inspiration from in my own writing of the mare.

I'm incredibly excited that a sequel has arrived. It's why I re-read this - To refresh my memory of the canon so I'll be ready for Part II!
This story is definitely something I come back to for inspiration, and some very enjoyable reading.

[Themaskedferret]

Very abrupt ending. Didn't really give any closure. Hope the sequel mends this issue but it still is disappointing.

[Miyajima]

1510210
I think that point with speech, full stops and commas is something I'm never going to get right, and I've certainly tried. It's got the point where I've almost ceased to care about trying. The dialogue's perfectly comprehensible either way, after all. As for 'man', well... He's talking to a male pony, and I presume they still have the words 'man' and 'woman', even if more rarely used. I dunno, it just sounded right in my head.

I'm very glad you enjoy the story, however. Fleurdeliser was probably the first time I'd had to write extended dialogue (even in Binky Pie, dialogue is rarely as long as that) and as 'small talk' rather than discussing a major plot point. It was challenging, to say the least, especially since I had to stick fairly rigidly to Fancy Pants characterisation, while having essentially free reign with Fleur's (although I did try to not contradict her in-show appearance. Not sure how well I succeeded, given she hardly comes across as 'ditzy' in the story).

1511416
Strictly speaking, the story ends in chapter one, I wrote the second as an epilogue to explain exactly what she did with the Heart of Canterlot, and to demonstrate her motive. It is designed to segue into the second story, however, which I intend to explain more clearly why Fleur is as she is.

[Themaskedferret]

1511935 *nods* and I get that but to me, it felt like such an abrupt ending. and then part two starts in a completely different place it feels too disjointed to be appealing. *shrugs* is a pity as I love the concept but I just can't get onto it.

[cheezesauce]

This.

I remember this story... from waay back in time.
I remember this story, well enough to come back to add it to my favorites.

[Crosshair]

Argh. I'm not quite sure about this... did Fleur keep the Forgery or the real thing?

[Miyajima]

3532923

She keeps the forgeries and returns the originals, as she does it mostly out of boredom rather than a sense of malice.

[Philosophysics]

59036 She steals gems and get replicas of them? That is a seriously legit hobby!