memegenerator.net/img/instances/49145035/amount-of-sexual-tension-is-too-damn-high.jpg

great story. more please

This story is going places! Places I like!

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8629986 Thanks, glad you all are liking it so far!

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Sorry you don't like the formatting, but I've been using this formatting since my first story. I will look into changing ellipses positions and capitalization, but I will be keeping the < > symbols for thoughts. If you would like to help me by posting the improper
capitalization or other issues in a PM or comment, I'd appreciate it. Also

Thoughts should be placed in single quotes (' ')

No. That makes it even MORE confusing given that single quotes are used for quoting another speaker within dialogue, though what quotation type you use when is really a matter of writing preference or general use where you come from.

Example: "What's a 'quantum'?" asked Sweetie Belle.

8630026
Huh, I used to get the opposite, because I use single quotation marks for dialogue which is more common in British English. Seems you can't please everyone.

i.imgur.com/NnoGhN1.gif

OK, now to address the elephant in the room.

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To whom it may concern:

First off, let me get this out of the way. I. AM NOT. A PEDOPHILE. I do not find human children sexy even slightly, and I truly do despise the disgusting people who do cause that kind of trauma to real children. But guess what? THIS IS NOT REAL. THIS IS ABOUT FOALS, NOT CHILDREN. Besides that, despite the cover image showing a younger filly (which is the story view of the commissioner by the way, not me), this is not how I imagined it in my story while writing it. There is a reason why I left the ages ambiguous. In my mind, Flurry is at least 12.

Plus, let's all remember that horses/ponies actually develop at a very accelerated rate compared to humans (pony fillies are fertile and going into heat by 18 months), and pony society may have different views than humans based on that fact. I.E. perhaps when a filly gets her first heat or even gets her cutie mark, she's considered sexually available and an 'adult'. This is inapplicable here (or is it?), but just a point I'm making. Again, I emphasize, THIS IS NOT ABOUT HUMANS.

Secondly, I very clearly listed everything this story contains in the description. If you read this story EVEN AFTER knowing it's contents, how in the hell is that my fault? Get your zealot ass off your high horses, quit belittling people, and just leave your dislike and leave. Wishing death upon me because of something I wrote? If you truly are a person of Christian or Catholic faith, you're a dishonor to your faith, which is based on forgiveness and turning the other cheek.

IT'S CALLED FANTASY, NOT REALITY. If you don't share the fantasy as another, LEAVE THE PAGE and go on your way.

Thirdly, if you have been sexually abused as a child, my heart goes out to you, truly. I was thankful to not to have been exposed to something so scarring, but I know someone who was, and I know that an event like that can truly mess a person up for the rest of their lives. That said, and again, I DO NOT promote real life pedophilia in reality in any way, it is truly the scum of the earth who do that shit, but calling me a pedophile because I wrote this is like saying because a person plays violent video games that they're going to go murder people in real life just like in a game. It's just not true, and studies have been done on it proving such.

Fourthly, this is not the first story written like this on the site, nor is this topic anything new. Nor is it the worst foalcon story, by any measure, in severity of content. Go look around and you'll see this is fact. This isn't going to devolve to forced, violent rape. I hate that shit.

That said, and again, if you do not like the (EXTREMELY clearly-stated) subject of what I write, simply leave your dislike and leave. Or, y'know, just leave.

Merry Christmas, I'm glad you chose to spend it here arguing about a fic than with your family or friends like I am. I'm glad my writing and I mean that much to you.

EDIT: Given my choice of words, I was also asked to add that the cover artist's interpretation of the scene in the related pictures is also to be considered different from mine and the story commissioner's, and does not necessarily match mine nor the commissioner's view of the story.

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I can't see the .gif. link is broken

8630038 Yeah, but I write in the American context, so double quotes are the norm.

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Great job sticking up for yourself! I like your fanfic!

well i might as well get comfy cause this story is awesome.

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Damn right I will. Glad you're liking the story.

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Enjoy!

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I will point out that you can still get introuble for Lolicon art even if the characters aren't human in the united states, people get in trouble for reading Loli hentai even if the hentai says they're 18

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Can you give examples of this happening beacuse I couldn't find any. This is the first I am hearing of something like this.

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That is because lolicon hentai is based on humans, not horses. This is animals, not people. Also, not sure if this is what you're talking about, but the cover art isn't explicit at all, just suggestive. Without context, they're just cuddling.

"My fillyhood? Oh! You mean my princess parts?" Flurry asked, the gears in her head turning now, "But...if it feels good, why'd you make me stop?"

Fucking "princess parts".
I'm actually dying.

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Hey man you do you, i'm just pointing out stuff

this was a great story, so far, can't wait to see more of it soon.

8630318
Jacking it to pictures of real life children in compromising positions is illegal.

Jacking it to drawings of fictitious underage characters in cartoons is not.

It really is that simple.

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http://comicsalliance.com/man-sentenced-to-6-months-in-prison-for-buying-lolicon-manga/

this is one of like a few that i've found,

Ignore the haters! Keep it cumming!

8630541 Apology accepted, but...

Since it is a another world and universe the laws of nature are different were like example were males are smaller and more docile, the females are larger, more powerfully built. But guard their males viciously because their fewer in number and weaker then them but still have a maternal side but end babying them. But because of that males of their species hate being babied but end up doing stupid thing to prove their tough. Males learn faster then females of this species but only live about 20 years and become fully mature in 2 years but suffer no physical degeneration until the last few weeks of their lives. The live far longer by 150 year but suffer physical degeneration until like around 85 of age and reach full mature in 20 years.

...what the bloody hell are you talking about here?

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Yeah, as long as it's not human child based, it's generally fine at least in the US. Elsewhere, I donno.

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That was the story commissioner's idea. :P

8630485 Thanks! Next chapter will be up tomorrow.

8630614 Oh I intend to. As said above, next chapter will be up tomorrow.

8630639
It reminded of this game called Corruption of Champions.
I won't go in depth but at one point you 'gender-bend' the Erlking into Princess Gwyn.
Gwyn constantly refers to her anus as her 'princess pussy', because she's really just a femboy and not actually a girl.

That's mainly why it hurt so much.

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isnt there a blacklist feature? i thought there was so you wouldnt see stuff you didnt want also it could be that those people are just not mature enough to use the mature setting since those kind of people know what they do and dont like and avoid those they dont

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I was talking about details in the description, story and image is what I meant, that was an example. Not just what is in the story like you have in your description.

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Ooooh....I thought you meant dying of laughter... :s

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I don't actually know if FIM has a blacklist, but I'd think it would.

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I still have no idea what you were talking about in that paragraph.

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I mean details, what's different between that world and this one that is a very touchy subject even if its fictions.

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I mean, it's the same thing, right?
I was, in fact, dying of laughter.
Didn't feel good though.

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Seconded!

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I'm not on his side. But I think I can translate his nonsense.

He's basically saying what if Equestria WAS real. It would be extremely taboo and wrong there and that you shouldn't write something like this because it'd be illegal there as much as it is here.

With that being said. keep doing what you're doing. Unless it's actual critique, I don't see anything wrong with it. Story is good yo

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Haven't read this yet (waiting for it to all be out first) but on the subject of formatting for thoughts, in most stories that I've read here and in most published media it's common to simply italicise thoughts to distinguish them. I find that to be an easy way to do it that gets the point across without pulling the reader in any way out of the story. Just a thought if you might be interested in it.

...shining is gonna fucking kill sunburst.

disclaimer. foalcon isn't real. if you fap to it, it's your business I guess. so long as you don't actually touch or do anything to a real actual physical human child, it's whatever. I won't judge, I suffer from pedophilic obsessive compulsive disorder, dissociative identity disorder (and a stream of intrusive thoughts from one specific personality I want out), and when I was really little someone in my family molested me, and all that plus this premise plus it's 4 in the morning after a very stressful day of dealing with my family drama and driving on winter roads and pretending to be cis so I don't get the shit kicked out of me (yay for oversharing) are what all piqued my curiosity to read this at 4:30 am. but not to fap to myself. I prefer adult humans (or anthros, lmao #unapologeticfurry #floraismywaifu #andnataniismydaddy) but I don't really have a problem with anybody else clopping to fictional stories of fictional characters of fictional races in a fictional universe. I just don't do it myself.

with that being said:

this is fucking disgusting. no I don't mean that you the author are a terrible human being for writing a foalcon story, and no I don't mean that you the reader are a terrible human being for reading this. but sunburst's behavior here is absolutely appalling. he's abusing his authority over a child and the trust her parents and his entire fucking nation (and also indirectly the literal goddess queen rulers) have in him just because he's a ~sexually repressed virgin who's aroused by the pheromones of his species~ (because, like, BITCH! ME TOO, THE FUCK! YALL AINT SPECIAL!) in order to literally molest and eventually rape this kid. for me, reading this isn't reading clop. this is horror. the emotions I'm feeling reading this are the same as I feel reading (or writing!) stories that have gory bits, which isn't often as I actively avoid that tag, but in my current project, writing a scene with self mutilation, it's the same feeling. I put my phone down several times because I wanted to stop reading and drink brain bleach (or the regular kind) and back out and forget that I ever saw this fic. I wish I didn't start it.

but... this isn't a bad thing.

i know it's maybe not at all the intention, but as ray bradbury wrote fahrenheit 451 about how television is ruining the world rather than about censorship, it still takes a lot of skill to nail the thought processes and the self rationalization bullshit that goes on with things like, you know, sexual assault and rape. and yes, statutory rape is still rape. a fully grown man or stallion fucking a prepubescent filly or girl (or any person of any gender of any adult age touching any person of any gender of any child age in which the age gap is too insurmountably wide for it not to be creepy) is in the same ballpark as the wacko-in-the-bushes or the christian grey archetype or the drunk frat boy with the unconscious chick at a party in that it's all sex obtained in a non-consensual manner, whether because of abusing authority and that kids can't consent, or that force is applied and the victim is unwilling, or that some emotional manipulation is utilized, or that alcohol is involved beyond maybe a beer or two. it's all the same thing, and reading how a character I respect and admire (or at least the way I write him in my own headcanons) can fall so far down the rabbit hole and succumb to thought like this... it can be immensely triggering to anybody, and I'm just lucky that I repressed the memories and don't remember what happened to me when I was younger, but for me reading this, if I wrote this exact thing I wouldn't label it a romantic comedy fetish fic, I'd tag with dark and probably even tragedy, if we're going by the Shakespearean definition and not the "somebody dies and people are sad" definition. but that's me.

so I can't say that I'll be continuing this fic. in fact, my protector personality is probably gonna wipe my dominant personality's memories of this review. but I kinda wanted to make this review to address some shit that other angry commenters have made. I wish you the best in writing it but I just can't read more. I hope you understand.

in your defense it's really well written, and there's no editing mistakes (although the formatting is weird on mobile and the quotes are a bit bulky, also because of mobile), and the plot makes sense, and there's some interesting worldbuilding and insight on the universe, and it's frighteningly in character and I can see them behaving the way they would in canon if this was ever even remotely close to occurring in the show, and it's for all intents and purposes a good fic, but I really kind of wish that an author of your talents would write non-fetish fics, or at the very least fics for the fetishes that I actually like and don't feel my stomach turn at the thought of, but that would be an incredibly selfish thing to ask, so instead I'm just gonna leave and leave a message for the assholes.

don't fucking click on a fic that says it's got foalcon in it if you know you don't like foalcon. just downvote and scroll down like normal people who aren't just stupid selfish pious assholes, and maybe go out and do something to contribute to stopping the sexual abuse of real actually children in real life. dumbass useless hypocritical moral guardian cuntbuckets. probably the same type of person who voted for our current president and don't understand that irony.

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GIANT ASS WALL OF TEXT

Alright, I read everything, even with your lacking punctuation. That was hard.

So first, I thank you for not being an ass about not liking this like certain other people were. I understand that this actually happens, I understand that there are victims of sexual abuse, but I also understand that this fetish is not something that I would actually do or encourage anypony to pursue in the real world and that it can trigger some very painful memories in victims of actual abuse. There's a REALLY good reason I put a list of contents on every story I write. It's the reader's fault if they ignore them, not mine.

That being said, this is not that. This is not a rapefic per say, nor does Flurry get forced into it like most other foalcon stories. This is not a stallion lording their power over a weaker and more trusting individual. Hell, at one point the foal in question actually does consent to everything willingly even knowing all about it, but if you consider them simply being 'underage' (which, again, we don't know how pony society works, especially not in such extraordinary cases nor with such rare and powerful specimens as Alicorns regardless of age) as being unable to select their own actions, so be it. I can see your view if it were applied to humans. But it's not humans. This foal could literally vaporize Sunburst if she wanted to, and as such is not at all powerless.

Off the same beaten path I've already tread in a previous comment, I thank you for your kind words regarding my writing and calling upon people's lack of common sense. If you like adult x adult love stories, which some are vanilla m/f and some are herm, I have a great many of those that I've previously written, and actually prefer writing honestly, on my profile if you'd like to read them. I'm pretty sure they won't cause any issues for you, as this seemed to.

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In my defense, nothing I wrote in the section I know you're talking about was gramatically incorrect, though the formatting was certainly hell >.< it's 4am, whaddaya want from me, lmao.

Nbd, I'm only an ass to those who deserve it. And yeah I know of course you don't condone it when it happens irl, as you said multiple times in the comments. But yeah, you went out of your way to explicitly detail everything included. It's like my favorite webcomic, "I don't like sharks" *jumps into shark infested water*.

hmmmm I believe we'll have to agree to disagree on that bit. you can scientifically rationalize it your way but I don't care too particularly much to debate it. I consider it statutory rape, as it's conceptually similar, so it is to me. You don't consider it that so it isn't to you. Nothing we say will change the mind of the other so there's no point fighting, ya know?

I get being pissed off about perceived statutory rape but there's no reason to personally attack you. And I don't really read smut fics anyway as vanilla smut bores me (although I do enjoy the fics a lesson in preening by wabbajack, red the color of passion by steel resolve, and several twilight/sunset fics) anyway because I view sex differently than most people, I don't really care much about m/f ships on account of im gay, I don't read 'herm' or futa or anything like that on account of it's too great a chance to come off as sexually objectifying me for me to be comfortable reading it (though there was a fic where trixie was a trans girl and she came out to starlight and then they fucked but I skimmed through it because it felt really out of place), and I do appreciate you informing me of that but there's a heavy chance I'll decline. I'll look through though, maybe. I know this is a commission fic anyway. But this didn't really cause any issues. I knew what I was getting into when I read this. I simply remarked on how this emotionally affected me, and wanted to point out how the same story could be taken as either a fluffy romcom or grimdark depending on who read it. Or I was just talking to hear myself talk, as I'm wont to do when it's late at night and I'm on the very border of a dissociation fueled anxiety attack anyway. Hi I'm oversharing again.

Good job on being featured though. I wish I could do that someday.

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Fixed

Welcome to FiM Fic! Where the SJWs are real and stories get downvoted based on themes and not quality writing!
Good night everyone!

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If you find yourself drawn to erotica containing child characters, I suggest seeking professional help.

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If you do not want to find yourself having to be an apologist for pedophile erotica, not publishing pedophile erotica is a good first step.

So, I have read throe the comments and I can now understand why this is a thing. Basically you took biology, fantasy and ponies and put it here with your own story idea. I'm alright with that, because don't get me wrong. I thought you are one of those sick bronies that write this stuff for fun and also because of their mental issues. But now that I know it’s just a 100% fantasy FANfiction story, with no pedophile background. I can fav this thing with a clean mind.

Just in case you didn't see my previous comment, I will remind you that even if this had that kind of meaning, I wouldn't judge you, just hope you'd use your skill for better stories. Besides, I don't look at the genre, if it is: science-fiction, mystery, porn or anything like that. I judge what is written and if it is funny an comfortable to read. For now you get a fav.

I'd like to also apologize for my bad grammar in this comment, in case I hurt your feelings by breaking the English language

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By "SJWs" I'm assuming you mean people who are bothered by the fact that this story features foalcon? Not the same thing mate. Not by a fucking longshot. You're deluded if you think otherwise.

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by SJW i mean people that complain for the sake of complaining and displaying their "moral" superiority for the masses. typically resulting in normal people to laugh at their incompetence and inability to articulate a logical argument.

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In the eyes of the law, sure. But no one wants to talk about how places like these are pretty much the only times you'll find any type of acceptance of this behavior . . .

Just gonna leave a small personal note here...

While I might personally find foalcon various levels of disgusting on a moral basis, there's nothing rule-breaking here. Nor illegal, as far as we know. So long as it refrains from having human elements involved (i.e. anthro or humanized/humans) in the story, it's perfectly fine.

Leaving long ass ranting texts of the moral degradation of blah blah blah or how you find it disgusting, etc, serves no purpose other than to have pointless shit spew out of your mouth. If you wish to engage LegionofPony in a respectful debate over the matter though, all the power to you. But some of you, every time a story like this comes up? Get over yourself. You hate foalcon, okay, good. Just downvote it if you're going to and move on, instead of opening your ugly yaps and contributing nothing to the discourse.

Good luck with your writing, Legion.

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I mean, if it were totally okay to write stories about underage, fictional, and pony characters because there is an obvious difference between human and pony development, physiology, and also magic (seeing as "Flurry could vaporize Sunburst at any moment, so she's not helpless"), then you wouldn't be receiving a massive amount of hate and backlash. You can point out the differences all day long, and the law will protect you, but as I already said once . . .

No one wants to talk about how you couldn't post this anywhere else on the Internet and find acceptance. No one talks about how what you write and read on here is between you and maybe a select few; you don't go out talking about your underage pony sexual fiction masterpiece with your friends and family. If there truly were nothing wrong with this, then why are you attempting to defend your actions so much?

In the end, this is why I don't comment on these things. This is the first time in a while, maybe a couple years or more. I just find it funny how you people allow yourself to ignore the fact that this community in and of itself is small. The amount of people who like clop is even smaller. And the amount of people who like underage is even smaller than that. These stories are literally safe havens for you guys, and once again, no one talks about that . . .

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typically resulting in normal people to laugh at their incompetence and inability to articulate a logical argument.

So where does "normal" fit in this community?

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you people allow yourself to ignore the fact that this community in and of itself is small. The amount of people who like clop is even smaller.

Most people overestimate the segments of the population they come from. I teach. Most students who don't cheat assume hardly anypony cheats. Most students who do cheat assume everypony else does too.

I think you might be underestimating how many bronies like clop material of one form or another. Any time a subject is taboo, the true proportion is hidden and seems much smaller than it actually is—and some of the people against it are also consumers. There was a referendum in a Florida (I think) county that would have tried to ban some form of internet porn (waaaay back in the day when the internet was starting to become a thing), and most voters voted for it even though the records showed more than half of them were consumers of the exact type of thing they were trying to ban.

If you can estimate subpopulations on the internet with even a remote degree of fairness, you have psychic powers far beyond my reckoning, and I've done research in this area before.

no one talks about that . . .

(looks at comment thread)

You're kidding, right?

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If you go to Derpibooru, you can ask any mod about the proportion of people who have clop specifically allowed to be viewed versus those who don't, and the vast majority do not view that kind of stuff. And then you start to think logically about how many people like porn, how many people also like animated porn, and then those who like pony porn. And then you think about how many people generally like underage porn, and I don't really need to go any further to prove that you cannot use real life examples to compare the two and make a point.

EDIT: Also, no, I'm not kidding because I made sure that I was making a point that no one else had made. Everyone else has focused on how terrible the author and the people who like and read this stuff are, and I could care less. You guys hopefully aren't acting on this fantasy, and are instead going about it in a semi-healthy way by getting it out on here. I'm making a point that this isn't something you can easily defend, and honestly, you shouldn't. There's nothing wrong with that either. You don't owe an explanation to anyone else but yourself when it come down to these types of things.

These triggered comments

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That's not what an sjw is. You're bending definitions to support your side of the argument, to make it sound more credible. Even so, and I'm not trying to stand on the "moral high ground" when I say this, but this story gave me the heeby jeebies. Especially when Sunburst is "wiping" Flurry Heart. I just don't understand how anyone can genuinely enjoy this and not be, at least in some capacity, a pedo. Maybe you can enlighten me.

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I'm just not sure who you mean by this 'you' you keep using.