"Tee hee! That kinda tickles! What ya'll tryin' to do to me, luvvies?" Spoiled Rich, now apparently wanting to be referred to by the far less austere title of Spoiled Milk, chuckled happily while being examined by the slightly flustered school nurse. "I tell ya'll, I'm feelin' as healthy as a horse... even tho I be a pony. Geddit?! Dairy Cream taught me that one. Pretty funny, don't ya think?"
Ignoring her patient's somewhat lamentable attempt at humour, Red Cross continued to perform her various duties of care, including check Spoiled's general condition and ask various probing questions. "So, you say your name is 'Spoiled Milk'? That you don't live in Ponyville, but in Fillydelphia with your parents, where you help out at the local farm? And you've never seen any of the ponies in this room before... not even the pink filly with the striped mane wearing the tiara?"
Spoiled afforded the surrounding ponies in the clinic another cursory glance, before turning with certainty back to the inquisitive nurse. "Nope, never seen any one of 'em in me entire days. Tho aye must say, aye kinda likes the cutie mark of little yella over there. Reminds me of some of me best friends, so it does. A heart-shaped apple... so cute! Aye could just eat you up where you stand, dearie!"
As Spoiled affectionately lunged for an understandably rattled Apple Bloom, Red Cross took a quick moment to whisper in the ear of an eagerly listening Cheerilee. "It's worse than I thought, I'm afraid. She really does think she's this other pony: lock, stock and barrel. I don't want to meddle in her case much further, as this is a bit beyond my level of expertise. The best thing I can recommend is that you take her to some familiar locations, which might help jog her memory about who she really is. Failing that, I can always get some specialists down here from Manehattan, or..."
"...Or we can just hit her over the head again!" An eavesdropping Scootaloo remarked seriously, as she watched a trembling Apple Bloom almost get penned into a corner by a very touchy-feely Spoiled. "I never thought I'd meet somepony more terrifying than the old Spoiled, boy was I wrong. Seeing as it was my helmet that made her this way in the first place, I'll volunteer to do it myself. Now, do you have any hammers in here? A mallet might work as well..."
"Scootaloo!" The nurse and the teacher exclaimed in unison, almost blowing away the unsuspecting orange filly in the resulting gale.
"Okay, okay... so maybe 'banging her on the bonce' isn't the right way to go..." Scootaloo had decided she liked that phrase, despite his utter loathing for the mare that had just used it, and decided to add it to her ever-growing vernacular. "But we gotta do something. Poor Apple Bloom is about to get the apple juice squeezed out of her over there, and I didn't even bring any extra glasses!"
"Yeah, and I can only hold her at bay for so much longer." Sweetie Belle grit her teeth, finding out for the hard way that restraining a grown female with magic was a bit trickier than simply levitating a broom around Twilight's old library. "Oh, my aching horn! It wasn't designed with this sort of pressure in mind. Spoiled must really like her posh food."
"Mrs Ric... I mean, 'Milk!' Return to this bed immediately!" As Red Cross went to try and 'persuade' Spoiled to stop d'awwing poor Apple Bloom to a very cuddly early demise, Diamond Tiara could only stare in wonderment at the unfolding chaos all around her.
Who'd have thought just this morning, that her pompous, polished mother would start rabbiting on like a drunken hillbilly later, before making friendly overtures to the daughter of her most hated family?
Except, this wasn't really her mother, right? This was Spoiled Milk who'd stolen her body, some kind of common farm labourer who seemed as far removed from her pretentious, proud mother as seemed possible.
But what part of her mother's sub-conscious had this new identity come from, to be revived in such spectacular fashion after the incident outside?
Diamond was no fool, she knew her mother's maiden name before she and her father formed their somewhat tempestuous union. But the pink filly realised at that moment she knew absolutely nothing about Spoiled's past history, nor had she cared to ask.
C-Could this be... w-who she was... b-before...
"No, of course not!" Diamond dismissed the possibility almost as soon as it entered her head, even allowing herself a little giggle at her own silliness. Obviously this strange new persona taken on by her mother was never part of her... the two disparate personalities were like night and day, rain and shine, chocolate or vanilla ice cream.
It was just a delusion, a sickness in her head caused by the accident that would be cleared up in no time at all. And by Celestia, wasn't Spoiled going to be steaming when she discovered how she'd acted in front of everypony before her recovery. Her face would be a picture, though not one you'd want to hang in any gallery anywhere round the world. Maybe a House of Horrors, if the patrons were made of stern stuff indeed.
Cheerilee certainly seemed to be agitated by the goings-on too, as Red Cross was finally able to guide 'Spoiled Milk' back to the relative safety of the bed and Apple Bloom was at last able to breathe a sigh of relief.
"W-What's Filthy going to say... this happened on my watch, so it's automatically my fault..." the fretting teacher muttered to herself, almost wearing a rut into the floor in the midst of her anxiety. "H-He'll have me fired, that's what he'll do. B-But that's as nothing compared to what she'll do once she's her old self again. E-Even though she has all the money in the world, she'll sue me for everything I've got, just to see me suffer. Oh, what to do, what to do...?"
Cheerilee's non-stop pacing finally grind to a halt when she felt a little hoof on her fetlock, and she looked down to see a worried Diamond staring back at her with genuine concern. "A-Are you alright, Miss? You're talking to yourself a lot, and sweat is starting to pour down your nose."
Cheerilee smiled down with gratitude at the compassionate filly, reflecting on the fact that after Diamond's sudden change of heart recently, Spoiled's odd mood swing was only the second most surprising transformation in the Rich family.
"I'll be fine, dear..." Cheerilee said appreciatively, while ruffling Diamond's mane with her hoof. "If anything, I should be the one comforting you regarding the situation with your mother. So much for me doing my job. Maybe I deserve to be fired after all..."
"No, no! Don't even think that!!" Diamond almost screeched her objection to the downbeat teacher's unexpected plans, as she looking up at her with pleading eyes. "You're the best teacher we ever could possibly have! Who else would've tolerated my awful behaviour for so long, without packing up and leaving town forever? I think everypony in town will agree, that none of this is your fault at all. And I'll be telling my father that exact same thing when he asks me about it later on."
Having now heard most of her exchange with Diamond, the Crusaders were now giving Cheerilee the same begging expression not to blame herself for what happened, and subtly communicating their wish that she remain in her current role through widened, glistening puppy-dog eyes. Faced with such an unprecedented level of manipulation, Cheerilee quickly realised anymore resistance was futile, and subsequently uttered words to that effect.
"Okay, okay... I promise that I won't be going anywhere." Cheerilee declared in abject surrender, while grinning broadly at the wildly celebrating fillies around her. "However, make no mistake, whatever happens next, there is going to be an investigation, there will be quite a lot of awkward questions raised, and we still have the problem with Spoiled to deal with. How is she doing now, Red Cross?"
"Well, apart from the fact I don't have a clue what she's saying, and she won't leave my equipment alone..." The nurse grumbled, as she snatched her stethoscope back from the curious mare. "...She's doing absolutely great. If you excuse that whole thinking-she's-somepony-else, of course."
"Hmm, okay." Cheerilee went back to pondering how to proceed, although with a bit less intensity this time. "The next step then, is probably deciding how where to go from here. Obviously, in her current state, Spoiled can't resume her old position. So she can't return to her office, and we should find somewhere safe to keep her until hometime..."
"I've got it!" Apple Bloom, having seemingly recovered from the devastating trauma of almost being lovingly embraced by her least favourite member of staff, announced she'd had a brainwave. "You said somethin' about hangin' around places she knows could help to 'jog' Mrs Rich's memory, right?"
"...Right?" Red Cross raised an eyebrow, wondering where this was going.
"Well, maybe Mrs Rich's office is the best place for her after all!" Apple Bloom seemed quite excited by her plan, even though there were blank stares from her friends around her. "Seein' as she spends most of her time in there tryin' to get away from us 'vile brats', you'd think if she went back in there and saw all her personal belongings again, it might click some gears in her brain and send everythin' back in motion to the way it was!"
"Apple Bloom, you're a genius!" Cheerilee announced emphatically, completely ignoring in her jubilation the yellow filly's less-than-average test scores. "I think, if what the nurse just said is correct, that just might actually work! Seeing everything she surrounds herself with on a daily basis must have some kind of effect on her psyche, no matter how small. So, what do you think, Red Cross? Shall we give it a go?"
"I don't see the harm in trying." the nurse shrugged her hooves to indicate she was completely neutral to the idea. "But I warn you in advance not to expect miracles. The theory I told you earlier is just that... mere speculation. This kind of malady is so rare, I'd have to research the archives to find out it's actual success rate. But it's worth a shot I suppose, if it actually works, then we'd be saving ourself a lot of time with therapy and treatment bills in the future. Lead the way then, I'll supervise Mrs Rich behind you to make sure she doesn't try and run off again."
So, as Cheerilee stepped forward with resolve to try and solve the most pressing issue that day with the only end consequence hopefully being a nasty bump on Spoiled's head, and Red Cross attempted to calm Spoiled down as she repeatedly insisted that her surname was 'Milk', not 'Rich' and she most definitely was not a 'Mrs', Diamond Tiara turned to the Crusaders to ask them:
"So, are you coming?"
...To which the three fillies looked at each other in surprise, almost as if they'd just been asked to give up helping others discover their destinies.
"Are you kidding?! This is the most exciting thing to happen around here all year!" Scootaloo seemed to speak for all of them, as she and Sweetie Belle raced off into the distance together, with only Apple Bloom stopping briefly to gesture the pink filly onward.
"I... see." Diamond was slightly annoyed at her own mother suddenly being treated like a sideshow attraction, but nevertheless ventured forward, to see the inside of Spoiled's office for the first time and hopefully put an end to this ongoing nonsense once and for all.
.............................................................
"Wow it's kind of creepy in there..." Sweetie Belle stated anxiously, as Cheerilee swung the door open for all of the visiting party.
"Ha! Says the filly who still needs to use a nightlight at the age of ten!" Scootaloo scoffed with derision, conveniently neglecting to mention the fact she did the same thing when spending the night at Dash's place.
"Will you two be quiet, I wanna see what happens next!" Apple Bloom hushed both of her loudmouth friends, as they parted as one so Red Cross could enter with Spoiled, and Cheerilee with Diamond followed closely behind.
"Now, e-er, Miss Milk..." the nurse flustered, trying her utmost to stop her patient from embarking on another of her incoherent tirades. "I want you to look around this room for me. Do you spot anything familiar in here? Is anything coming back to you at all? If it is, please tell me now, because it's very important we know."
"Aye don't see what this has got to do with anythin'..." Spoiled frowned belligerently, as she regarded the fine mahogany shelves and all the expensive ornaments on there with complete indifference. "All this fancy-schmancy stuff isn't me cup'o char at all, an' I'll be sacked from me job at the farm if you keep delayin' me passage. 'Ow am aye supposed to support my parents then?! We'll end up in the poorhouse, so we will! Aye do like this here chair tho... whee! Look at me go!"
It was as Spoiled was spinning around in her seat with all the foalish enthusiasm of a filly being pushed on a swing, that Cheerilee saw them. As she went to look away in disgust, all thoughts of this matter reaching a quick and easy resolution rapidly disappearing, she spotted three open folders on the table bearing a trio of names she knew so well: Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.
"What the... what's she doing with..." the befuddled teacher went to pick up the paperwork to study it with earnest, a look of initial incredulity quickly turning to anger as she perused each individual file carefully.
"Mrs Rich! What is going on here?!" Diamond and her friends gasped at Miss Cheerilee's totally out-of-character behaviour, as she forcibly stopped Spoiled's revolving chair with a single strong hoof. "Scootaloo having no road safety skills? Sweetie Belle's singing causing all the windows to shatter? Apple Bloom leaving mouldy fruit on my desk every single morning?! You know they didn't do any of these things! Why have you written these false accounts, and even deigned to sign two of them yourself? This isn't the first time I've seen you gaze daggers at them over the schoolyard, either. You treat almost every youngster at this school with contempt, but you seem to reserve a special hatred for these three in particular. I want to know only one thing: why? What personal vendetta possibly could've pushed you so far that you'd be willing to stoop to this level! Come on, tell me this instant! I think we all deserve some answers, if you please."
Just yesterday, this might have been a very interesting conversation. Spoiled Rich, finally caught in the act of outright villainy, stammering and stuttering away as three apoplectic Crusaders and a mad teacher went in for the kill. Bang to rights as she was, she'd probably have no choice to resign in shame regardless of her 'connections', and they could at long last brought somepony accomplished in for the job, with proper qualifications and a drop of empathy for the children and faculty there.
As the encounter actually unfolded though, it was like talking to a totally different mare. Spoiled Milk had absolutely no idea what Cheerilee was on about, and laughed out loud before spinning around in her chair once more, enjoying herself immensely.
"Aye keep tryin' to tell ya'll, but you don't be listenin'..." she said happily, going so fast she barely registered as a blur. "Ya'll got the wrong pony! Aye didn't do any of that stuff, aye don't know who any of ya'll are, and I don't even ever wanna be hitched! Aye be a career girl, that's who aye am. Aye got me eye on Mr McGruber's job, I'll be taking over from him after he goes and retires to the knacker's yard. 'Til then, I'm gonna be working my tail off with the cows, so aye am. Now, just a few more minutes on this 'ere contraption, then it's off to the farm for me. Can one of ya'll be giving me a push, please? I'm startin' to feel as shaken up as a milkshake, tee-hee! Whee..."
Um.... this is bad. She really thinks she's herself from the past. And... she's SO DIFFERENT!
I am really curious as to how she turned into, well, Spoiled Rich.
8560419
That explanation is forthcoming, let me assure you. Until then, things will proceed at their natural pace. Stay tuned for more soon, and thanks for reading.
This works out suprisingly well, not sure how often I really said it this month, but I feel like I rarely get something to read that looks and feels so good to me.
8560424 Thank you. My one wish is to maintain a reasonably high standard of writing, and hopefully because I won't be rushing things with this story and I'll be taking my time over it, I can keep the quality levels up. Have a nice day...
Started reading, and I'll be honest with you:
I get that Spoiled isn't supposed to be sympathetic, but immediately showing her as a child-hating file sabotaging villain figure... is about as subtle as an elephant in parade gear.
Sorry, but I don't think this is for me.
8560437
Well, she isn't exactly seen as a paragon of virtue in the show either, with her very first scene berating her daughter in public and yelling directly in her ear, so you could argue I was only continuing the tradition. And her distaste for those colts and fillies of a more 'common' background is seen later on, as she called the Crusaders 'confused, insignificant low-lives' right to their faces. Who knows what else she could be capable of either? The show hasn't given us much else to go on... she could be even worse than we're lead to believe. But you're entitled to your opinion, of course. Thanks for the comment!
Gosh, Spoiled was so sweet when she was Spoiled Milk. Just how did she turn so sour by the time she had Diamond Tiara?
8560437
8560442
if we take the show as her example it would already be enough for me to say, that she might have grown bitter and had some growing hate in her.
I suppose it depens on how you think of her.
Given the way she's written, would I be correct in assuming she is Scottish? Spoiled Milk comes across more as a Scotswoman than a hillbilly.
8560442
Of course she's not virtuous but that's not my point. Being mean to your daughter and her new friends is one thing. Actively eschewing professional ethics and sabotaging their schooling is a whole other kettle of fish.
You're taking a character who is defined as being grouchy and distasteful of youngsters, and making her into a Disney villain who goes out of their way to torment children because... reasons?
There's a difference between someone who is 'mean' and someone who is gratuitously harmful. There is a line between 'a character who is unlikeable' and 'a character who is actively hostile.' I strongly recommend reflecting on this concept if you're looking to grow as a writer.
Your Spoiled, at least from that first scene, falls into a zone beyond "credibly mean", but falls short of "comically over the top" into a zone of "bluntly villaineous for no reason".
That's all I'm trying to explain here: You're neglecting the middle ground between "Nice" and "Actively a monster".
8560471
...it's not to far removed from her portrayal in the show, and we must remember these are pastel cartoon ponies. Comically over the top, pretty much sums up many of the villians/antagonists. I mean, look at Trixie! Her response to losing face on stage was to hunt down an ancient artifact and use it to enslave a town! It's not to much of an imagination stretch that somepony with Spoiled's attitude and influence is used to using "career/life ruining methods" on those who she sees as against her. Be they buisness competition, or somponies that "corrupted" her daughter.
Not saying she couldn't use some polish to put her more in the middle of the road, but Spoiled Rich is a character people love to hate, hamming up her traits is part and parcel with that when portraying her in fiction.
What type of accent is she supposed to have, I'm getting trottingham like pip sometimes and country slang like that cherry lady sometimes.
8560488
When a fic presents as a dramatic slice of life, there is an expectation of subtlety and believability in the characters. Characters suddenly acting like giggly "...and your little dog tooooooo!~" cartoon villains really, really breaks that mood, and is better suited for [comedy] and [random] works.
I would have no issue with a file-tampering child-kicking villaineous Spoiled in a fic that had more of a goofy comedy vocation, but when a work presents as looking to be at least a little serious and then opens up with something like that, I think it's understandable that a reader like me would be strongly disappointed.
I love to hate Spoiled the overbearing mean mother. I derive no enjoyment out of hating Spoiled the puppy-kicking mustache-twirling file-forging child hater. One is a nuanced character who I can form emotional connections around. One is a flat villain lacking depth.
Regarding Trixie: Trixie was jealous and sought an artifact to become more powerful. The amulet's mind-affecting megalomania is what led her to do the enslaving. What Trixie wanted was to show up Twilight. There is a consistency to the character.
The leap from "I am humiliated and I will seek an easy way to improve my skills so that I can I can show that pony up!" is not a large one.
The leap from "I am a proper and important mare and I don't want my daughter hanging out with lowlife ruffians" and "I will potentially undermine my own career by forging school files in order to ruin the lives of children" is an enormous one. It is, in fact, quite far removed.
A character can be antagonistic without being a cackling mustache-twirling villain.
A character can be bad without being actively evil.
8560471 Spoiled only does these things because she thinks she can get away with them, due to her family background and prestige in the community, mostly because of Filthy's influence. How do we know what she was like before Crusaders Of The Lost Mark, anyway? She might be more than capable of such a thing. I don't think I wrote her over-the-top at all, she isn't going to go flying around on a broomstick in green face make-up, trying to kill children and a little dog too, of course. Otherwise, I'd have labeled this as a crossover. This fic is also going to have shreds of humour in it as well as drama and sadness, not everything is going to be decided by the tags. But I guess you'll never know that.
If my story provokes such a strong reaction from you in the very first scene and you give up on it that easily, might I suggest you're taking this story a mite too seriously and need to bear in mind that I'm writing a fanfiction based on a TV show, not auditioning for the Turner Prize. Thank you for your advice but you're right... if you think that my portrayal of Spoiled thus far is a bit over-the-top, then maybe the rest of the fic isn't for you as I may broach similar minor credibility gaps which, if they impact your enjoyment as much as this minor element, may cause you similar indignities and palpitations. And we don't want that, do we?
8560503
The point I'm trying to make is, Spoiled most likely had no thought to any potential impact her actions would have on her, as she is a character used to getting what she wants, and has enough bits to throw around to make many problems go away. As such, this is less of a leap then one might think. Spoiled came off orriginally as less a "proper and important mare" and more of a schoolyard bully who has acquired enough power to do as she pleases. Note how she was waylaid when her daughter stood up to her instead of falling under intimidation. It is a well known method for the average bully, if intimidation fails, sabotage the opponents. Especially true with the female varient of bully, who will focus on their opponents social standing over physical harm. As such, Spoiled is taking the concept of a female bully "ruining" her opponent, and applying the power and influence of authority to do so at a more literal level.
Also, I'm going to assume the drama and slice of life aspects were intended for Spoild's recovery process, and this was just the initial setup, aiming to introduce the problem, and provide immediate justification for the injury leading to said problem by styling it as karmic retribution.
Last thought, you consider file-tampering with the potential to ruin a little girls life to be better suited to comedy than drama?
8560531
Wow. You are one rude writer.
Okay, with your comment, it's clear that I'm wasting my time.
I will leave you with one piece of advice:
You can disagree with someone and still be respectful. I don't like your attitude. Look up 'condescending' in the dictionary and have a nice day.
8560542
Maybe you should look up the word 'petty' too, in that ubiquitous dictionary. Are you the one going around, thumbing down all the positive comments on my story? Yeah, REAL mature. The word 'hypocritical' might also prove useful. Have a nice day, yourself. Bye for now!
That was, in fact, not me. You know what they say about assuming.
I came to offer constructive criticism. I readily admit that my first comment was thoughtless and confrontational, and I apologize for it.
Your response has proven to be vitriolic and condescending. You are free to dig your heels in and refuse to consider potential avenues of improvement. If you ever change your mind, feel free to message me.
8560457
Yep, good point.
8560464 That's part of the point of the story, to find out...
8560490 8560456 Her accent is taken from elements derived from all over the place, without one clear location in mind. I only said 'hillbilly' because it's obviously from the country, but with many unusual idiosyncrasies that aren't. It's best just to take it as it is...
8560541You, I like you. You said what I wanted to express in far better terms, or indeed had the patience to type out. Many thanks.
I think a significant problem here is motivation.
I could accept Spoiled doing all of these things if we had a better idea of why she was doing it. If she felt justified that this was for the good of her daughter or the school, or even if she was just consumed by petty rage I could buy this. Instead, I get the feeling that she's just annoyed that poor people exist and frankly, that's not enough.
Spoiled tells me plenty of times that she doesn't like these kids, but never SHOWS me why she's willing to go to such a degree to ruin their lives this way. If she hates the kids in this school, if she hates Diamond becoming corrupted by these kind of people, I want to feel that. I want to see her cringe at the muck her daughter's being dragged into, I want to see her seethe. I want to see her care not be mildly inconvenienced.
The problem isn't that she's one-dimensionally evil, it's that she's one-dimensional. And yes, that matches up with canon, you're not wrong. But in canon, Spoiled Rich isn't a main character. She doesn't need to be anything more than what she is, but if this is the main character of a story--a story that's supposed to be a drama--then the character needs more to build on than "I'm rich and mean". I can't buy anything she does because I can't buy her as a character in the first place.
And look I know this is just a prologue and not the main story. The intention of this story (I think?) is partially to give Spoiled some character development, but the problem with that is I don't get a sense of who she is NOW aside from a cardboard stereotype. I find myself hard-pressed to care if a cardboard cutout is developed because there was nothing to build on in the first place. There's gotta be some foundation here, and the prologue is where you build it.
But the thing that really bothers me is that it's not just Spoiled I can't get a feel for. It's everyone.
I'm sorry if some of this comes across as harsh. I mean, we're all just doing this for fun, and some are here for fun alone, and there's nothing wrong with that. Not everyone's out to become the next Dostoevsky, nor should they. Like, I get that. But I also want to see you improve. I really do. I just think you have a tendency to rush and your characterization and the writing suffers because of it.
Don't take this as discouragement. Keep writing.
Side Note:
Where is that office supposed to be, anyway? It's a one room schoolhouse. You'd think the head of the schoolboard could at least get decent lighting for her own office. Really, it'd be smarter to work at home away from smelly ragamuffins but then we wouldn't have a story, would we? ;)
8560554
Sorry if that's the case, but it does seem a coincidence that your comment was the only mega-critical to arrive so far, and my response to it was what provoked this sudden onrush of downmarks a few seconds later. So you'll have to forgive me for being a tad suspicious. Try to see it from my perspective... wouldn't you think the same thing?
It's also a bit rich of you to think I can 'improve' my writing by messaging you, what makes you any better than me? Another word you may wish to look up is 'subjective'. It's also a little 'condescending', to borrow your original term.
I also believe I was just defending my work from someone who was massively over-critical in the first place, and if you indeed think that's 'rude', then tattoo it on my forehead and I'll display it to everyone with pride. I really don't want to fall out with anyone, and I haven't used personal abuse or swore in my responses to you (perhaps a tad snarky, but that's in my name, for goodness sake), so I feel you've been a tad harsh in your denouncement of me. But I understand that not everyone in life can get on, and I guess we're just one of those pairs who are never destined to see eye to eye. Ce la vie, and all that.
The fact is, in my three years on this site, I've dealt with various people who's sole mission in life seems to be in telling me how THEY could write my story better or ways THEY could've made it a masterpiece. By the looks of things (excuse me for having a nosy on your page), you haven't submitted a story to this site for over three years yourself, and I've written over seventy... what makes you more qualified than yours truly to tell me where I'm going with this fic? I'd love to know.
As I said, have a nice day, and hope to hear from you again soon.
8560579
i haven't read your whole comment yet, but I get the feeling this is the type of story that explains itself as it continues. When they figure out more about her old self, they might figure out the reason why she did what she was doing.
8560579
Well, at least you made some good points in a polite way, unlike the other guy. And unlike him, I am actually familiar with your work and I respect it immensely, so I will take on board what you said even if I don't agree with all of it and thank you for your contribution. I always want to improve as a writer, and will always listen to constructive criticism.
You see? I'm not some kind of thin-skinned narcissist, and will readily listen when the opinionee actually states their objections in a calm and considered manner. The inability to do this will result in the mother of all eye-rolls, and a quick trip to Ignore City. Just for future reference.
All this actually paints kind of an interesting picture of Spoiled. I’m already drawing up some speculations as to what happened, and I think anyone would if they focus on what she’s saying while in her old office.
There’s what seems to me a very important clue to show how she became the way she was.
8560579
The best I can fogure, Spoild's current self is a "cardboard stereotype " on purpose.
Hear me out.
This glimpse into Spoiled's past highlights a light-hearted, hard working, and silly/kind mare. Yet, during the time she and Filthy were courting, she displayed the stuck-up, better-than-you, attitude we are used to. My theory on this is that this is what Spoiled assumes all rich ponies are supposed to behave like, as that was the only example she has ever seen. As such, she sunk so much effort into portraying a rich persona, she forgot who she used to be and began believing her own act.
In short, her personality seems flat and fake because it was never "real" to begin with. It's just an act that she put on to seem rich and wealthy when she wasn't, and has grown to the point that she can no longer remeber how to turn it off. At least, that's my theory. Sound good to you?
8560567
How's my theory sound to you?
Okay, I'm really liking Scootaloo's attitude in this. She's really making me laugh...though I feel really bad for Cheerilee. I would have never thought that this would put her job in jeopardy.
Also, I found this in the chapter:
Did you mean 'Belle' here? Sorry, just pointing it out.
8560711
Why are you apologising for pointing out an obvious mistake? If anything, I should be thanking you. And when your boss is somepony as ruthless as Spoiled, I think whatever worries you might have on the future consequences are somewhat justified...
8560717
True, I can agree with you there. As for pointing out the error, let's just say that not everyone likes commenters doing that...
8560724 Pff I can't understand people like that. You're only trying to help them, not rubbish their entire story. If you see any more errors in the future of a grammatical nature, don't be afraid to point them out. I won't bite your head off, and may even being quite appreciative...
8560732
Sure. Thank you.
Ok, that was interesting in many ways, but it gotta be hard for Diamond. But I really think the first move they should have made upon discovery would have been to send someone fetch Filthy Rich. His wife was hurt and right now seem to be suffering from a form of personality disorder in the eye of those present (besisde Diamond who know her maiden name).
Its seem logical to me to also bring her to a doctor and not just a Nurse. Ponyville does have a hospital.
8560763
It's only been a little while since Spoiled woke up and they discovered her personality (ponysality?) change. Give them time...
Yup, Ponyville has indeed got a hospital, but like the nurse said: the best specialists for Spoiled's specific condition can only come from larger areas, like Manehattan for instance. I can relate, I only come from a small town, so God forbid major anything should happen to me, my local A&E probably wouldn't be able to cope. And London is quite a distance...
I like Spoiled Milk. Can we keep her?
8560600
Glad to see someone is noticing the 'clues'. Keep making those notes... you may well be rewarded in the end.
8560817
It depends. Do you have a receipt?
Am I the only one who prefers hillbilly Spoiled than her old self?
While I'm glad Spoiled's attempt to mark the CMC's records was addressed, but it looks like Cheerilee won't get any answers from the amnesiac pony anytime soon.
I wonder how her husband will react to her sudden personality change?
Scootaloo! Using a mallet? You should know better.
What you REALLY need is an anvil. I suggest dropping it from a height of 20 to 50 feet.
I didn't expect Spoiled Milk to be like this in her past. That being said, I don't think Appleloosa was around when she was young
856109Does it actually tell you how long Appaloosa has been around in canon? I didn't think it did. I need some actual evidence of this... unless it was a joke.
i'm really enjoying this story , one tiny nit pick Appleloosa in the show is only a year old town .
8561146
As far as I'm aware Appleloosa was BUILT in a year, it wasn't a year old. That's what the wiki says, anyway...
Love to see more!
8561279
I don't worry, you will. Heaps more...
But... Isn't Spoiled Rich exactly the same before she was married as she was after she got married? I mean, that's what I got from the flashback in Where the Apple Lies.
8561377
Actually, no. What I'm going to write out precedes all that, as you'll find out soon enough...
And then a late night tryst with Filthy knocked her up and the shotgun wedding happened in order to make an honest mare out of her.
8561377 We saw her in the flashback when she was already engaged to Filthy, there's no telling what she might have been like prior to their courtship.
I notice no one has asked how old spoiled thinks she is. She might have regressed to her filly self. Part of Spoiler's obsession with status probably comes from formerly having none and not wanting anyone to know it. Another question is did Spoiled change into a social climber before or after meeting Filthy? Maybe she will assume he's her coltfriend still.
8561438
Damn, my entire second act RUINED. How could you?! (Except, not really)
8561523
Uh huh.
8561524
You'll find out soon enough! Well, in a few chapters Anyhoo.
Gotta say Spoiled Milk seems like a fun mare to be around! Though certainly I believe it would help if they asked for her "Age", as that could provide some valuable clues!
If SHE was rather poor when she was young, perhaps a lot of this is her way of looking out for Diamond? Trying to make sure she never has to deal with the hardships she had as a filly I wonder....
8561148
Braeburn: Terrible is right, your train is a full seven minutes late! That's seven minutes less for you to delight in the pleasures and wonders of... A-A-A-ppleloosa! Boggles the mind, we settler ponies built all this in just the past year, don't it?! And as you can see, we have all of the finest comforts. Like horse-drawn carriages!