The writing isn't bad, it's even often decent, but things feel rushed, along with your punctuation and capitalization being all over the place. Tonally, I've always found it difficult to maintain a sense of disbelief in a story that falls back on typical swear words when a little imagination (or even appropriation from the show) would suffice and be more fitting. Doubly so when something like a laptop is brought up, considering that beyond some lazy scenes (an arcade outside, lolwut?) in the show, Equestria is largely demonstrated to, at best, be in a steam-magitech age. It feels lazy and uninspired, even dismissive when compared to the relatively consistent first and second seasons of the show.
The writing isn't bad, it's even often decent, but things feel rushed, along with your punctuation and capitalization being all over the place. Tonally, I've always found it difficult to maintain a sense of disbelief in a story that falls back on typical swear words when a little imagination (or even appropriation from the show) would suffice and be more fitting. Doubly so when something like a laptop is brought up, considering that beyond some lazy scenes (an arcade outside, lolwut?) in the show, Equestria is largely demonstrated to, at best, be in a steam-magitech age. It feels lazy and uninspired, even dismissive when compared to the relatively consistent first and second seasons of the show.
I am quite interested to see where this'll go