The final panes of glass went back up on the Sugar Cube Corner, as Big Mac put the finishing touches on the repair. It had been two days since Twilight almost destroyed the Corner, and for reasons nopony knew she had disappeared with Pinkie Pie, with rumors there were plenty of craters in the Everfree Forest now.
That wasn't on his mind though, as he carefully aligned the glass inside, as the Cakes watched nervously from the outside. He almost dropped the expensive plate, but managed to keep it in his hooves as it clicked into place, signifying that it was good to go.
He climbed down from the ladder rung by rung, and looked back to examine his work. It looked just like it did before Twilight became a ball of energy, but he wasn't sure about that, he didn't come to this part of town much.
"How's that, Mr. and Mrs. Cake?" he asked them.
"Wonderful, it looks as if nothing ever happened!" Mrs. Cake complimented.
"Thank you so much, Big Mac," Mr. Cake added. "I'll pay the 200 bits as promised, but do you want to put up the new Starbits sign as well? We'll add another 50 bits to that."
"It's not a problem, sir," Big Mac said. "You don't need to use money for that, the job's reward enough."
He went inside the doors and found a cardboard box by a table, with the Starbits logo on the top. This was the one.
The box flaps came apart to reveal the brand new neon sign, all assembled beforehand and featuring a instruction manual on how to operate the sign. It was complicated, but he could just put it up and that would be all he needed to do.
And that's what he did. He went back and grabbed the ladder, and put it back against the window, aiming to place the sign near the top. The stallion got the sign out of the box and took it in his hooves, careful not to drop it, it was heavy and clearly expensive to purchase.
As he went up every rung, the sign rumbled within his hooves, almost ready to slip. The tension of the moment almost got to him, until he got to the final rung. Now all he had to do was hang it up.
The sign used a mixture of tiny screws and suction cups to stick to the wall, a method used to stay up on any glass, but also so it didn't need to be drilled inside. He found all the cups and pushed it on the wall slowly, and soon enough it was up.
"All done! Come have a good look at it!"
"We can see it just fine from here! I have to say, I think we made the right choice with you!" Mr. Cake shouted. They both came inside as Big Mac stepped down, wiping the sweat off his brow as the job was finished.
"Eeyup, looks like I'm done over here. That should last a while, the glass is a stronger build than what you had before, should be able to withstand what it was that destroyed the window the first time. Now that I'm thinking about it, what was it that did something like this?"
Mrs. Cake smiled and shrugged, wanting to keep the incident a secret as long as possible. "Just a stray animal from the Everfree Forest dear," she lied. "Don't worry about it, she went back to the wild and we won't see her again."
"That's good, I suppose. They have some nasty creatures down there. Hey, what is that on the counter?"
He pointed over at the coffee machine, the new Pandora's Box of Ponyville. The shiny box was nothing he had seen before, and certainly nothing like the rest of the instruments the Cakes used to make their snacks.
So in confusion, he walked over and tapped the top of it, and the box responded with gears whirling, steam pouring out, and just being loud in general. It took him by surprise, and he ran for cover behind the Cakes against the terrifying creature from the coffee ponies' lair.
Mr. Cake laughed and sidestepped, leaving the red stallion out in the open. "It's nothing you should be afraid of. It's a really great machine we just bought this week. You noticed the Starbits sign you put up recently?"
Big Mac nodded, still shivering in fear.
"Starbits is a really popular brand of coffee in Canterlot, and what this machine does is make some of the coffee they make in their stores."
Now this was making sense. Big Mac got up on his hooves, and watched as the machine continued to whirl some more, eventually coming out with a tall cup of black coffee.
"Speaking of which, I could really use one of these," Mrs. Cake said. She grabbed the cup and stuck a straw inside, drinking half of it in one go. She appeared really tired, her eyes bagging a little if you looked close. But once the coffee was downed, her face lit up and returned back to normal.
"So is it some kind of magic from one of those wizards or mages in Canterlot?" Big Mac asked.
"In a way," Mr. Cake smirked, "but it's all made from beans. Nothing too magical about this, or at least I don't think it does."
"Ah, doesn't seem all that bad. Sorry for acting like such a scaredly pony, I haven't seen something like that."
"That's fine," said Mrs. Cake, "we all have our first time for everything. How about you make this the first time you drink coffee?"
Big Mac nodded, and looked up the coffee drinks menu. There were many different kinds of coffee, more than he would guess. He scanned down the list, and realized how hot he was. Today was a warm summer day, and he was sweaty and probably smelly. First thing to do on the list at home: Take a good, long shower.
So when he saw the iced latte on the list, it sounded the most appealing to him. He could really use something to cool him down, and seeing vanilla on the list seemed really appealing.
"I'll take one vanilla iced latte, ma'am," he asked.
"Right! One iced latte on the way!"
With a series of button pushes, the machine went back to work. This wasn't like the previous two times, as the ice played a bigger part. The sound of ice being crushed and grounded was audible, and it lasted a good while. Later, it was being mixed all in, and made a weird sound not unlike a wave at the ocean.
Then the next step was up, mixing the coffee with the ice. Mrs. Cake opened the box's lid to see how it was coming along. Both the ice and the coffee were dumped into one big chamber and slushed together, enough for three customers to enjoy. It mixed for a good five minutes before being disposed within a small cup.
The cup was very cold to the touch, to the point where the plastic had a thin layer of ice, something that made Mr. Cake shiver as he grabbed it and delivered the goods on the counter.
"There you go! One vanilla iced latte, and your first real coffee drink!" he said, while putting 250 bits on the counter.
"Thank you, Carrot Cake," the big stallion said. "I appreciate this...wait a minute, is that 250 bits? I said I didn't need to be paid for hanging up the sign."
Mr. Cake was stunned. How could Macintosh tell how many bits there were without counting them? "It's no problem, but let's see how the coffee tastes now!"
Without warning, he grabbed the straw and stuck it in Big Mac's mouth, and the stallion accidentally swallowed some of it in the move.
"What the hay are you doin--hey..."
He shut his mouth and presses his hooves to his cheeks, not expecting the latte to be that cold. It felt like an iceberg found its way there, and he was at the South Pole. It did taste good, the vanilla taste leaving a good impression, but he had to swallow what was left so he could tolerate it.
When he did, something strange seemed to happen. His vision blacked out for a moment, and he couldn't sense anything that was going on around him. Now he was wondering if this was all a dream, but he pinched himself and felt plenty of pain, meaning this was really happening.
Soon after, his vision slowly came back. The tables, the window, the sign, the Pandora's Box, and the faces of the Cakes, filled with worry. For some reason he took another sip of the stuff, and he blacked out again.
This has to be magical, he thought. There is no drink that is not a potion that does this.
Again, he was able to make out everything in time. But when he did, it was different from before. Everything seemed brighter, more vivid. And he seemed more aware of every action made around him.
He could see a fly hovering above him, he could see every little fraction of movement the Cakes made. Heck, he found out that he could hear what the ponies outside were saying, wondering how much damage Derpy Hooves made this time.
Overall, there was only one thing he could use to describe this: More aware of the world.
But it came at a cost. When this strange new ability came to light from the coffee, he felt like everything was watching him at once. Anything that could look at him did, and it was like being on a stage, with the common stage fright coming to him.
He shaked in terror, wondering why the hay was everypony looking at him and not the Cakes.
"Are you all right, Big Mac?" Mrs. Cake asked. "You seem ill. Maybe I could check your temperature and see if you need to see a doctor."
But starting then, he felt like everything was judging him, asking all about his secrets. He couldn't take it anymore, he had to tell the truth.
"I took Twilight's doll when nopony was looking!" he randomly shouted.
"What?" both the Cakes asked together.
"I couldn't help myself! Ms. Smartypants was so cute! She was the cutest thing I've seen in my life, and I thought I had to have ever after the hearts spell was over! And I've been sleeping with her in my hooves every night, I even bought a brush accessory for her in a garage sale"
The Cakes sighed, drooping their ears down. This was going to be an interesting day.
"And the whole reason why I loved her is because she reminds me of Fluttershy! I have a crush on Fluttershy!"
Mr. Cake looked over at Mrs. Cake with beady eyes. She mouthed the words "Not yet" with her lips.
"Yes, I've had a crush on Fluttershy ever since she bought that little cottage of hers! She is so shy, just like me, but I never had the courage to say anything about how I love her! So I practice what I want to say with Ms. Smartypants!"
Big Mac looked all around the room, spinning around in circles. It still felt like the world was watching him, criticizing him for not saying more. Then, as if to make this better, he ran outside for everypony to hear.
"I love Fluttershy! Why won't you leave me alone! What do you want me to do, tell her?"
Then, Mrs. Cake nodded. Mr. Cake opened the case below the counter, and pulled out the trusty tranquilizer gun, with the note "USE IN CASE PINKIE GOES EXTRA PINKIE" on it. This was going to get a special use today.
But as he left with the gun in his mouth, he saw that the red stallion had fled, and saw him running straight for Fluttershy's cottage, saying "I love Fluttershy" with every gallop.
It became a chase, as Mr. Cake tried to steady the shot to get Big Mac, but he kept changing direction to say his secret to another pony. He bumped into Applejack along the way.
"Easy there, brother," Applejack said. "What's with the hurry? You forgot something at the farm? I could get it for--"
"I have to tell Fluttershy I love her!" he screamed. He went back to galloping, leaving Applejack lost in confusion.
Then, Mr. Cake had lost where Big Mac was, before spotting Applejack. "Where did he go? I have to stop him!"
"He...he went over to Fluttershy's house...what just happened?"
Believing he had no time for an explanation, he remembered a shortcut to the cottage Big Mac didn't know about, and went straight for it. He hoped this would take him there before the secret came out, the coffee was screwing up the stallion's brain, obviously.
After much running, more than he thought he had in him, he arrived at Fluttershy's cottage, and there was no other horseshoe prints to suggest he was too late. Fluttershy would be inside, as hinted by her singing coming from inside, and he found a bush to hide in.
He waited inside for a while, hunched over like a poacher. But so much time had passed that he wondered if Big Mac even knew where Fluttershy's house even was.
However, Big Mac did arrive after a while, and rushed to the front door to knock his head furiously at the door. He shuffled around with his hooves as he waited, to hear Fluttershy stop singing and say, "Now who could that be?"
His heart was beating furiously as he could hear Fluttershy's hooves approach the door. A lot of words he could say to her came up, but he had nothing as the pegasus finally opened the door.
"Hi, Big Mac. What are you doing here?" she asked.
"Oh, Fluttershy," he said as he kissed one of her hooves, leaving her confused. "I have to say this to you, because it's a secret I've had for too long. Fluttershy, I love you--"
He had said all he wanted to say by the time he felt a dart hit his neck. The dart filled his veins with strong sleep medicine, strong enough to knock him out as soon as it hit him.
"Yes, I did it!" Mr. Cake shouted in victory, emerging from the bush. "I didn't know if I could do it, but I did it!"
"Wha--what's this all about?" Fluttershy asked.
"Oh, about that. You see, I offered him to try out some of my new coffee, but it did a bunch of weird things to him. He said something about having a doll and crushing on you. But I don't know if that was all true or not. It did seem a little ridiculous to me."
"I...I hope it was true what he said to me...if you're OK with that."
"Wait," he asked, surprised, "what do you mean, you hope it's true?"
"I, I, I,' she stammered, looking around to make sure they were the only ones there. "I have a secret crush on him."
Mr. Cake was so shocked his hat flew off, and fell into the stream underneath the bridge. "I...I don't understand!"
"I thought he was kind of cute," Fluttershy said, leaving it all out there. "He was always brave, thoughtful, and he takes good care of his farm creatures. And then I hanged out with him, but I was afraid to say anything. And now that I know he likes me back..."
She shined a grin so wide, the sun reflected off it, and Mr. Cake shielded his eyes. "Well, this is out of my hooves. I apologize about this, I thought this would be uncomfortable for you."
"It's no problem. Now for Big Mac..."
She showed a strength never before seen and picked up Big Mac's body, taking him inside to rest on a sofa, all while giggling about it and shutting the door behind her.
Still stunned and dazed, Mr. Cake found his hat in the stream and picked it up. He shook off some of the water off, and put it back on his head.
-----------
"So what happened?" Mrs. Cake said as her husband came in through the door.
"I don't know how to explain it," he grumbled. "I don't want to talk about it for a while, if that's fine with you."
He fell to one of the chairs, and she got the message and gave him some black coffee.
"Was it that bad?"
"Not really. All that happened is that I found true love before my eyes, and I don't know what to say about it."
She gasped. "What do you mean, you found true love?"
"I didn't mean it like that! I meant Fluttershy loved him back!"
"Oh...well, this is weird."
"I was thinking on the way home, should we get rid of this?" He pointed over at the coffee machine.
"Why? You were the pony that made the final decision to get it!"
"But it's doing weird things to everypony who drinks it!"
"Expect you. You're the same pony when you have some coffee, so what's the problem?"
"I guess you're right. But I'm still not sure if this is a good idea."
"OK, how about we just keep it for a few weeks, so we can recoup costs, and see what happens?"
"I'm with you, sugar plum. Let's see what happens."
Giving this a pre-emptive thumbs up.
Pinkie took it in stride, while Twilight went berserk.
Will the coffee bestow the miracle of speech upon Big Mac!? LET'S FIND OUT.
930005
I hope it's as good. The humor is a lot different in this chapter than in Pinkie Pie Discovers Coffee, so I hope it's funny too.
A sequel? Yes please! Celestia forbid Rainbow Dash should drink coffee...
I CLAIM THE ALMIGHTY FIRST POST!
I love this. I can't wait to read more.
Edit: Dang it, I can't wait to see what more you have planned you mad genius. TO THE TARDIS!!!
930037
And like most attempts, you didn't get first. I admit, getting first is amazing.
And don't worry, Rainbow Dash is on the list.
930012
You didn't disappoint, so no worries. You even fed my headcanon that Fluttershy's strength is proportionate to her willpower.
Mr. Cake's head flew off...that must have been quite the shock!
I lol'd, you get a thumbs up from me.
Other than a few spelling mistakes, IT WAS BRILLIANT!
What's Fluttershy doing with Big Ma-SWEET CELESTIA!!!! *slams the 4th wall shut* Fluttershy...does not live up to her namesake in bed.
930037 Yeah, if RD got some coffee we would be screw-oh fuck I just thought of something horrafyingly evil and I'm kinda scared that I even thought of this.
What if Discord got some coffee? If he does, then nothing will be safe.
NOTHING!!!
Because I got it right last time, I say that this will make the featured box at some point.
930037 be warned that first post will get you banned
OOH! OOH! DO FLUTTERSHY NEXT!
Actually, save her for the end and make her go insane and transform into FLUTTERRAGE.
Ohhhhh God, here we go. There's about 10 distinct ponies that you can give coffee, excluding Twilight and Mac...let's see what you come up with, Mr. Author. Liked, obviously, and I'll keep my eye on this story.
I wonder if it's the coffee making all of the Ponies weird, or that one particular machine.
This was an amusing read.
Hyper sonic rainbow dash!
Make it happen!
I want a Derpy. Extra Derp on the side.
930169
that or she'll be suuuuuper excited and chatty +
930768
Even better: It does absolutely nothing at all. With everypony trying to keep her from drinking and panicking while she does drink.
930821
that kinda already happened with pinkie
930862
Yeah, but they expected her to become more Pinkie...-ish.
Now they've seen both Twilight and Big Mac, the second and third most shy ponies in town, go more-or-less batshit.
Of all the stories I've read, this was.The.Best.One!!!
.
.
.
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Just noticed: Mr. Cake was so shocked his head flew off
Fine chapter, but you made some little editorial mistakes, like "Expect" instead of "Except". If it won't bother you, please, take a look at the text once more and correct those little bugs.
Anyway, after reading the Pinkie Pie chapter, I expected a little more mayhem. Derpy Hooves chapter would be the pony I'd like to read a chapter about.
Oh God, first Twilight and now all of Ponyville...?
dontdrinkbeer.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/1332397100700.jpg
But is this going to be just exclusive to Ponyville residents, or will there be ponies from outside of Ponyville that will fall victim to the addicting coffee? (Examples: Celestia, Luna, Braeburn, Soarin, Shining Armor, etc...)
Five out of Five Chickens!
yey!
Several words being used in place of the words that should be used, here.
The Cakes are secretly trolls!
930150 Or, he could wind up like me and it just knocks him out...dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Derpy_Hooves.png
How did Big Mac pinch himself?
FlutterMac? I can see that...
I'm seriously sorry. I really like this story a lot, I love the writing, the story before this too but...
The fluttermac part turned me off completely. I am not sure why but I despise the Fluttermac shipping... I really wish I could love this story but now I have an uneasy feeling in my stomach, but for your sake and for the rest of the story, I'm gonna give it a thumbs-up because I like the story... but I guess it's only 1 chapter so I'll just watch it every once in a while...
good luck with your story though!
P.S. Fluttershy is best pony
930150
You actually expect something to do what it's supposed to when Discord is around?
Discord: (Drinks coffee) "Hmm, pleasant taste, fine aroma, and... good lord, am I sober!? I haven't been sober in a good twenty two hundred years."
This is full of win! Can we see fluttershy at some point?
best story ever.
930037 Oh dear me! Rainbow Dash on coffee??
Make ALL the Sonic Rainbooms!!!!!!
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I'm glad you make the 'coffee saga' into a series! Definately had a few laughs with this one. Though, the biggest laugh came with Fluttershy eagerly dragging Big Mac's sedated body into her house....
Just out of curiosity, did the tranquilizer gun come with the machine or was that a seperate purchase in case Pinkie went extra crazy from the coffee?
Let's wait a few weeks to see what happens.
OH CRAP.
YIIIIIPPPPPEEEEEE!!!!! A FlutterMac huh? 100% down for all the way....damn, poor Big Mac, looks like the Elements of Harmony fould a new enemy....Coffee....and they are losing, oh well, what else is new?
Well, that was insane, and cringeworthy, because I personally despise FlutterMac. However, I will judge the fic on its own merits, and I must say the entire thing is very, very funny.
I enjoyed the very slow, casual opening with Big Macintosh fixing up the signs and the details of his assent and the perils of sign installation. It was a very nice way to open the fic with a lot of showing and not telling, and it was a perfect way to kick off the ludicrous insanity that comes next.
Big Macintosh's hyper-awareness is what really got me. Everything from that point onwards, sans the instructions on the tranquilizer gun, is moot and not that funny. I enjoyed your description of the red stallion's mind opening up to untold lengths and depths, taking in so much of the world than that mortal ponies were meant to. I have to say, though, these jokes are always a hoot with me, so yeah, there's the ever prevalent bias in this review.
Nice follow up to the incident with Twilight and Pinkie. I enjoyed the mention of explosions and the training Pinkie is giving Twilight to control the massive reserves of Happy.
1072924
Hear hear!
i can see this being canon.