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Hoity Toity, upon falling to the Earth and shattering most of his limbs, has to seek refuge at Sweet Apple Acres, and, during his stay, he falls for Big Macintosh. This leads to rather peculiar events taking place, with Big Macintosh ending up realizing a lot about himself, and Hoity doesn't come out unscathed, either. Thanks to Gabriel LaVedier for editing!

First Published
18th Jul 2012
Last Modified
18th Jul 2012
#1 · 163w, 1d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

Daaaww :raritywink:

Great work on this!:pinkiehappy:

#2 · 163w, 13h ago · · · Chapter 4 ·


#3 · 163w, 12h ago · · · Chapter 1 ·

I want to like this story. I really do. But... You need an editor. Very badly. You suffer from constant tense errors, slight grammatical mishaps and the incorrect use of the word "you." It's very distracting. All I can see are the errors.

Oh, and unless a magic bullet literally turned the floor to a liquid state, you may want a differed word at the end.

#4 · 163w, 11h ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

>>931442 I apologize for this. I did actually have some proof-readers, would you believe it, but they all skim-read it and said "Yep, it's good". Also, I meant that be an exaggeration. And, the slight grammatical mishap might be due to my writing this with lack of sleep. Not a good idea. Thanks for the criticism.

#5 · 163w, 11h ago · · · Chapter 2 ·

Look, uhh... I've made good progress on my own stories so far. I can lose a day. Would you care for an editorial hand?

#6 · 163w, 11h ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

>>931462 Sure. I thought that after you submitted it, that was it, but sure! PM, or something. Thank you! :twilightsmile:

#7 · 162w, 6d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

Holy Wall of Text

But in a seriousness it was great story, squee.

#8 · 162w, 6d ago · · · Chapter 4 ·

I really like this. :pinkiehappy:

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