Why Wouldn't We Have Guards?
Luna's day had been particularly tiring. The dream walking, the lack of sleep the night before, and the long list of menial tasks she had had to accomplish throughout the day were weighing down on her. She couldn't wait to retire for the afternoon. If there was one thing and one thing alone that she knew without a sliver of doubt, it was that she had earnt some well needed relaxation time.
She walked up the corridor to her room, a small smile on her muzzle at the prospect of merely sitting on a cushion for a little while on her balcony, bathing in the warmth of the sun. No matter the difficulties the day had brought her, such a simple thing was within her reach now. Knowing that filled her heart with joy. Perhaps afterwards she could use the royal baths, hire a masseuse and really pamper herself for a few hours. The royal treasury was there to be dipped into, after all.
She turned a corner, the ornate double doors leading to her bedroom in plain sight, and she had to restrain herself from sprinting the last twenty yards, if only because there were hoofmaids and other staff scurrying around busying themselves, and it would be uncouth to do such a thing in their presence. Among the lively procession were two guards, stationed on each side of her bedroom door. Luna managed to stop herself from rolling her eyes, but it was a mammoth task.
Unfortunately, the pair didn't join the cavalcade rushing off to wherever else, and remained rooted in place on either side of her bedroom, as they had been when she left. Luna decided not to acknowledge them, walking straight to her door and raising a hoof to pull down the handle only to find a pair of sharp spears blocking her path.
The cushion on the balcony, the baths, the masseuse... Why were her own guards trying to take her Luna time away? Snarling with a double measure of contempt, she eyed one of the clearly evil ponies so intensely that she was sure his helmet would snap and fall off from the force. "What is the meaning of this? Why will you not let me into my own bedroom?"
Annoyingly, it was the one she wasn't looking at that answered. "Protocol, your highness. We swapped with the last pair stationed here during the day, in that time there was a small window for an intruder to enter. Now that you're here, we need to check to see if there are any abnormalities."
"You did? I'm sorry, you all look the same to me," Luna's face didn't brighten, she found the concept ridiculous. A half second of thought only made the ludicrous nature of their 'check' seem more egregious. "If you have been here since the guard swapped, why have you not checked yourself?"
"Multiple reasons, Princess Luna," the guard stated as if it obvious. "First of all, we didn't have your permission to enter at that time."
"Nor do you now! What made you insinuate that I would allow this?!"
"Well, it's a security measure," the guard continued, his face ever stolid, "and even if we did have your permission in advance, if we were to go inside, there would be nopony guarding the outside, so we wouldn't know if someone was to slip in while we were busy looking for someone that might of might not have already been here."
Luna chose to ignore what she was sure was intentionally confusing wording, she got the idea. "If that's the case, then why couldn't one of you have checked while the other remained outside?"
"Because," the other guard replied, as this section of the handbook was obviously his area of expertise, "there is always the chance that one of us could be ambushed, which is why we must stick together at all times, rather than not be in each other's lines of sight."
All Luna could hear was convoluted rules mixed with incompetence. "Why, pray tell, are two elite royal guards necessary to check a single room? I mean, honestly, all you would have to do is pop your head in, or better yet, leave the doors open!"
"Can't do that either," the second guard solemnly shook his head, "doing that would allow passersby to get an idea of the layout of your bedroom, which could prove valuable in a robbery or assassination attempt."
"Maybe I'd rather be robbed or assassinated than have to deal with this whenever I wish to lay down," Luna mumbled, scraping her hoof against the floor like a bull about to charge past their spears—which were still crossed before the door for reasons unfathomable—and into her room, away from this idiocy.
"What was that, your highness? I'm afraid I didn't hear you."
"Nothing," Luna sighed, grating her teeth, "Look, I've had a very busy, tiring day, and I would appreciate it if I was allowed to retire without further interruption. I understand that you feel compelled to do your job to the best of your ability, and I commend that, but I would rather take my chances with who or whatever may be waiting in my room than deal with you two any longer."
"In that case, we'll perform a quick routine sweep of your bedchambers and be right out of your mane, Princess."
"You're not getting it!" Luna snapped, her voice rising as her wings splayed out, "I do not wish to have my room checked for intruders! I wish to go in there, take a nice comfy pillow, go to my balcony and—"
"The balcony!" both guards announced in unison, looking to each other with a panicked expression apiece. "Why didn't we have anyone from detail operating on the balcony! Any manner of creature could have invaded and we would have been none the wiser!"
Luna let loose a loud groan.
"Don't worry, princess!" the guard to the left bravely announced, puffing up his chest, "we will investigate for any signs of peril forthwith!"
With that, the pair spun around on the spot and crashed through the delicate doors as if they were paper, brandishing about their weapons as if they were preparing to destroy all of her furniture. "Prithee be careful," Luna called after them, feeling the sarcasm pour out of her, "you wouldn't want to be attacked by a rogue assassin!"
The guards said nothing, proceeding to pull out drawers and open wardrobes as they made their way around the room.
Luna felt her privacy being unceremoniously stripped away. She bounded into the room, brandishing her hoof at the pair as her voice became shrill. "What are you doing?! I very much doubt there is an intruder hiding in my bedside table!"
"Quick, Scout, check the bedside table," one of the guards called. "You can't be in here yet, Princess Luna."
"Roger," Scout replied, opening it to find nothing but notepads and other miscellaneous items.
"What do you mean I cannot be in here? Look around you! There's nopony here, a blind pony could see that!"
"We can see that," the guard responded, because he clearly wasn't in any way an imbecile, "but that doesn't mean that nopony was here. We're checking for explosive devices."
"Explosives?" Luna laughed through her scorn, "You're delusional. It would be much simpler for a pony to use a spell to cause me distress, why would they go to the trouble of planting a bomb?"
"That's a good point..." the guard nodded, "Scout! Bring Grendo up here, will you? I want to give this room a full diagnostic for any signs of magical tampering! Good idea, princess."
Luna had to stop herself from punching something: The guard, herself, anything, she was seriously craving a violent release right about then.
"But sir, you said that we weren't meant to leave each other's line of sight, in case an intruder appeared."
"Well that doesn't count right now, does it? Princess Luna is here, and she is much more powerful than I am, so I do not need any backup. If you are fast, you will be with Grendo soon enough that you'll also have someone to look out for you. Which reminds me, Grendo might not have anypony watching him right now, so move fast! You don't want to leave your comrade vulnerable!"
"Yes, sir!" Scout replied, sprinting out of the room in search of the guard that would eventually run a diagnostic on Princess Luna's room to determine whether or not an assassin had managed to break in between the guard shifts and plant a nefarious spell there.
One of the many things the guard had said begot a very good question. "Why do I need guards if you just freely admitted that I am much more powerful than you, and that you could rely on me for protection?"
The guard didn't even blink. "To protect you, of course."
Luna felt her hoof begin to clench. "Why can't I protect myself?"
"Because it's our job."
Luna squeezed her eyes shut, refusing to even look at him any longer. If she didn't humour him, he would surely leave eventually. Him and his companion, and whoever the heck else they were bringing back.
Soon enough, Scout returned, Grendo in tow. Grendo was a thin, brown coated unicorn guard, and spoke with a very peculiar accent. "I am Grendo, your highness," he announced, "I am chief magical expert on duty at this time. I, Grendo, will be conducting a thorough analysis of your bedchambers in search of any abnormalities, your highness."
"I didn't ask," Luna stated.
"Of course you didn't, your highness, but I, Grendo, felt it would be fitting to inform you anyway, your highness."
"Would you, Grendo, like to hurry it up a little?" Luna asked, feeling a twitch in her forehead, "I, Luna, have things I wish to do before the day is out." Even mocking him didn't alleviate her stress.
Luna chose to sit on the floor, petulantly staring at Grendo as he cast an overly complicated spell that she was sure could have been executed ten times as efficiently by her in half the time.
Some minutes later, the garish glow from his horn faded, and he began to shake his head. "I, Grendo, was unable to find any foreign patterns during my search, your highness. Would you like Grendo to inform a senior officer, so they can run a more comprehensive scan, your highness?"
"No bloody way," Luna spat. The words had been instinctual, she knew her entire spirit had latched on to the element of choice his words had given her, and by the heavens she was going to cling to it with every fibre of her being, now that she had it. "You have made your scans, I believe we can conclude that my bedroom is indeed safe. Now, if you would please, I would like to prepare for a bath."
"A bath, princess?" the guard that had stayed with her began, glancing cautiously into the corridor. "I will arrange an escort."
"You will do no such thing!" Luna had seriously had enough, this was becoming ridiculous. "What is your name, soldier? I have half a mind to report you to your commander for insubordination right now."
"Sergeant Insistent, your highness."
Somehow, Luna knew he was completely serious. "Please leave," she said, gesturing to the door, "and let it be known that I will not require an escort anywhere unless I specifically request one. Is that clear?"
"But, princess, I must insist—"
"Are you attempting to be coy, sergeant?" Luna growled, taking a step towards the incessantly asinine trio. To their credit, not one of them flinched.
"I, Grendo, understand, your highness. We will let it be known that you are to be specifically asked whether you would like an escort whenever the guard feels you may want one."
Before Luna could respond, they were gone. That was a result, she reasoned. At least this way, she wouldn't be followed wherever she went. She made a mental note to talk to whoever was in charge of their regiment as soon as possible, in hope that she could do something about the stringent safety process the guards seemed to have very suddenly started employing.
That wasn't to say that the guards had never been overbearing up until now, many times, in fact, but this instance had been something special in its severity. If Luna had to deal with another situation like that, she just might explode.
Still, it wasn't worth dwelling on. Luna decided that it was time to draw a bath and forget about the whole ordeal, maybe hold off on the masseuse until she had calmed down a little, though. She didn't feel like she could safely be around other ponies at the moment.
Since the bedroom incident two days ago, Luna was glad to say that there hadn't been a repeat. Guards still remained stationed outside her room, and now—to her annoyance—on her balcony, but they didn't insist on ridiculous checks every time she wished to enter or leave. Also, she hadn't had to deal with Sergeant Insistent since, whose name she still couldn't get over.
The unfortunate flip side was that Grendo had kept infuriatingly true to his words. In the last two days, guards had approached her asking whether or not she required an escort at least twenty times, often outlining the reasons that it had been decided that she might need an escort at that precise moment. They ranged from intel that suggested a pony with a potential grudge in Canterlot had said something rude about her to the recent release of a serial vandal from a correctional facility in Manehatten.
Luna didn't know what was worse, the constant overbearing attention she received from the guards, or the fact that she almost wished someone would attack. That way, she could either prove that she wasn't in need of any assistance when handling a threat, or be put out of her steadily growing misery. Her would be assassin might even be doing her a favour, in all honesty.
Luna was suddenly sat in a quaint cafe in the south of Canterlot, a local place owned by a rather sweet old married couple. The cafe was reasonably popular, but at the same time it was situated on a side street away from the central plaza, so it rarely saw much activity in the afternoon. The owners had grown accustomed to Luna, and didn't dote over her like they did in many establishments, which she was more thankful for than they would ever realise. Sometimes, it was nice to just be treated like a normal pony, and with only a single stallion sitting at another table, who had barely looked at her, she felt like just that.
Luna nibbled at a croissant, aware that small flakes of pastry were getting stuck in the fur beneath her bottom lip, but not caring either way. What fun was there in eating food carefully? Brushing her chin, she allowed the rebellious flakes to return to their plate, lucky enough not to be devoured. Finishing her frappe with a long slurp, she stood to bid the owners farewell, before realising that she was in need of the bathroom.
She spoke with the couple, on one hoof fully aware that she needed to go, and on the other not wishing to cut the conversation short. After smiling and nodding at them for about a minute, she finally managed to voice her request, asking for directions to the bathroom.
She didn't make it more than three steps inside before the stallion that had been sitting adjacent flashed his horn, and behind her she heard a steadily gaining thunder of hooves. Luna turned to peer at the stallion, her bladder's whine forgotten amidst the absurdity of the situation. "What did you just do?"
"Signaled for reinforcements, your highness." the pony returned matter-of-factly.
"Excuse me?" Luna asked, genuinely confused. "Who are you, exactly?"
"Plain clothes operative," the pony replied, nonchalant in his delivery. "A team will be with you shortly."
"A team?" Luna repeated, incredulous, "A team for what?"
"Safety appraisal, we don't know whether the bathroom facilities in this area are safe, we need to confirm that."
Luna could feel herself beginning to physically shake as half a dozen armoured guards arrived outside, pouring into the store. "Why are you even here?!"
"Please, your highness, lower your tone. You're scaring the owners."
Hearing this, Luna took a stance between the disguised guard and the owners, as if to protect them, "No, you are scaring them!" Spinning around, she saw that the husband had wrapped a hoof around his shaking wife, pulling her tight, "I am so, so sorry, I can assure you this will never happen again."
"It's quite alright, princess," the husband returned in a fragile voice, "I understand. I just don't know why your guards would think that me or my wife would ever try to harm you."
"Not you two," the guard cut in, "an assassin could have been in your shop earlier."
"An assassin?!" The husband had to catch his wife in his frail hooves as she almost fainted with the utterance.
"Do you see what you have done?!" Luna bellowed, her eyes darkening, "You have terrified these poor ponies! And for what? To see if there is an evil criminal lurking and waiting for me in this simple little cafe's toilet?"
"It may seem innocuous, your highness, but these are often the places that a pony would choose to strike—"
"Why are you even here?! Have you been tailing me without my permission?"
"You told a member of the guard yourself, your highness, you said that we should always be available to you, should you wish to request an escort. As such, we follow you closely to look for signs that you might need one."
As if by magic, Grendo broke off from the six guards standing around the bathroom door at that precise moment and came to stand with the four of them. Facing the couple, he gave his version of a reassuring smile. "Have no fear! I, Grendo, am chief reassurance officer on duty at this time, sir and madam. Would you like to ask Grendo any questions?"
"I would," Luna growled, "Why is it that I can't so much as take a piss without somepony from the royal guard assuming that the toilet is either an ambush zone or a booby trap? This is quickly becoming more than tiresome."
"Your highness," Grendo said in his odd voice, "we are charged to ensure your safety, and I, Grendo, will ensure that it is done to the best of our abilities. Then, we will make ourselves scarce, your highness."
"Don't even bother with the honorific. You already treat me like a foal and refuse to listen to me, I feel like your princess in no way whatsoever."
"But Grendo will always refer to your highness as 'your highness', your highness."
Luna stifled a scream. Somewhere between the urge resurfacing in her bladder, the ceaseless Grendoing of Grendo, and the squad of troops currently ransacking the bathroom while one tested the seat, the only thing stopping her from making any more of a scene was the owners, who she was sure would prefer she didn't return after all of this, although they were far too kind to say such a thing outright.
Luna had lost her new favourite cafe, her last shred of privacy, her right to use the bathroom, and a small piece of her sanity, but at least she felt 'protected' as a result, right?
"I need to talk to my sister," Luna said to a pair of guards standing outside Celestia's bedroom door.
"Please confirm that you are in fact Princess Luna," the guard responded instantly.
"Fine," Luna sighed, "the last time I visited my sister in a dream, she dreamt of being a pegasus owning a carrot farm."
"Please wait while we authenticate that answer," the guard replied.
"No. You will let me see my sister, or I will remove you. I am becoming sick of this so called 'protocol'." With that said, she pushed the door open with a hoof, Celestia in plain sight on the other side, reading a large book.
The guards rushed to block the way, but Celestia called out to let her through, and they obeyed her without question.
Her eyes never seemed to leave her book. Luna received a smile as she entered, but she couldn't tell whether Celestia was actually paying her any attention or if she was still absorbed in what she was reading. "Hello, Luna," she said, a simple greeting in a perfectly calm voice, "what's up?"
Luna wasted no time in finding somewhere comfortable to sit. For the first time in days, she felt as if she wasn't burdened with a score of watching eyes, and the relief she gained from that was immense. Maybe they were still being monitored, somehow, but at least Celestia would have to share in it. "What's up is that I have felt the guards to be particularly overbearing for the last week or so. They were not such an issue, before, but in over two years I have never seen them fuss so much over me as they have recently."
"Are you not gladdened by it?" Celestia asked, her eyes still fixed on her book as her tail swished to and fro, "They are awfully devoted to their work."
"Too devoted," Luna grumbled, "And I feel like it begs a pretty big question. Why do we actually have guards?"
"All sorts of reasons," Celestia replied by instinct, "ceremonial purposes, escorts, to maintain a presence of authority in the city—"
"Specifically our own royal guards," Luna specified, "the ones that are meant to protect us."
"Well, surely the reason for their presence is quite obvious?"
"It cannot be for protection," Luna laughed, "I have seen them working. Half of them are bumbling idiots, the other half are just infuriating. One sergeant admitted that I was vastly superior to him in terms of power, if that is the case than what reason is there for him to protect me? Anything he could defeat, I could likely blow away with a flick of my hoof."
"You do realise that there is more to it than physical power, yes?" Celestia briefly glanced up to her before returning to her book.
"Yes, I'm sure there is, but answer me this: When have the royal guard ever actually done anything? Or any of the guards, for that matter? When I returned as Nightmare Moon, where were your guards? When Discord attacked, or Tirek, or even Sombra, what use were guards? Even when we were both trapped by the corrupted Tree of Harmony, the guards did nothing but inform Twilight Sparkle. Twilight and her friends have been our saviours in each of these instances, yet for some reason that I cannot quite comprehend, we walk around with these stoic ponies that act as if they can defeat any threat that might come within a thousand feet of us! It's almost like dealing with children."
"And have you not considered that the image they present in doing so is likely enough to scare off a lot of would be assailants? I realise that the guard would not have been practical in any of the instances you outlined, but for the more common threat, they are what is necessary. Or rather, what should be the more common threat."
"If that's the case, where are Twilight's guards? She is a princess too, and considering what an asset she is, shouldn't she have her own? If they were as useful as you suggest, Twilight wouldn't live in a castle alone."
"Twilight lives with one of the most accomplished spellcasters of this generation, and is constantly surrounded by her five best friends, who are also capable heroes. We do not have this privilege. Without our staff, we would only have each other to rely on. Plus, you know that Twilight wishes to appear as accessible, walking around a small village like Ponyville with a battalion at her beck and call would probably just serve to intimidate the ponies surrounding her. As heads of state, our positions are a little different."
Luna tutted at this, walking straight past her sister and over to her wardrobe, separated from the rest of the room by colourful hanging drapes. "They ransacked my room recently. Looking out for us is all well and good, but see how you like it when they're pulling knee high socks out of your wardrobe and checking them for curses, downright embarrassing."
"Trust me," Celestia laughed, tearing her gaze from her book, "they found far worse in my bedroom than a few socks." Holding her gaze for a moment, she began to chuckle, "They're guards, Luna, they don't care about what we have in our rooms! They're merely looking out for us, and it would be silly to not allow them to do their job."
"But they don't even do their job effectively! They can't even function alone, they have to do everything in pairs!"
Celestia raised an eyebrow. "You don't think that is intelligent? Royal guards potentially have to face threats to their lives every single day, if you were a fragile mortal likely to perish at any point, would you not see the value of teamwork?"
"But why do such, erm, delicate ponies protect us, when we are so powerful that our protectors can scarcely fathom our strength?"
"How self-assured are you, sister?" Celestia asked, looking directly at Luna, "How confident are you in your power?"
"Very much so, of course," Luna responded.
"And there is the issue," Celestia smirked, going back to her book, "we have lived for so long, our bodies are so resilient, we are hesitant to believe that anything could even harm us, let alone kill us. That mentality could eventually be our undoing. As such, we have surrounded ourselves with ponies that know what it is to fear for their lives, that instinctively fight danger or run from it depending on the severity, rather than assuming that they can survive anything the world throws at them. By having ponies so savvy around us, we avoid threats we wouldn't even consider to check for."
"Such as scanning our rooms for harmful spells," Luna nodded, thinking back to the instance that had started all of this. "It had seemed almost ridiculous at the time, and I knew that I could have done the same thing twice as quickly, but I must admit, I wouldn't have thought to do so alone. Still, the chances of something having been left in my room, or someone attempting to attack right then still seem so obscure, I wonder if there was any point in looking."
"It is better to leave no stone unturned, I think."
"There are limits," Luna said, her eyebrows straightening, "recently, I went back to the small cafe in the south district."
"Oh, the one owned by the cute older couple you told me about!" Celestia smiled warmly, flipping a page, "Do go on."
"I was followed by an undercover squad."
"I see."
"Who then proceeded to burst into the building in order to check the place for danger. All seven of them, the plain clothes pony included. It scared the hell out of the owners, but they tried their best to be polite."
"That is... regrettable," Celestia sighed, "and perhaps a little over the top, but please understand that these ponies are only trying to do you a service."
"You defend them so readily," Luna said, her voice raising, "have you put them up to this? Is this your idea of a joke?"
Celestia finally gave Luna her full attention, her book snapping shut with a sound of finality. "In a sense, yes, I authorised a couple of requests, but no specifics were given. Is it a joke, you ask? Anything but a joke. What is a joke is the fact that we—and I refer to myself also—have become so arrogant in our strength that we do not believe any of this to be necessary. Tell me something, Luna: in all of our power, were we able to spot Chrysalis when she impersonated our niece?"
"No, it was Twilight Sparkle who—"
"Forget Twilight. Think about it: Whose spell repelled the changeling armies?"
"Shining Armour's spell, of course."
"Captain Shining Armour. A royal guard did something I could not that day, for Chrysalis had already defeated me. And who fought the changelings in the streets that day? Brave guards of Canterlot. You were still in bed, if I recall."
"Alright, yes," Luna shrugged her withers, "I will admit that their presence was of use on the day of Chrysalis's attack, but that was a spectacular occasion."
"There are no spectacular occasions anymore," Celestia elucidated, her face deadly serious. "In the last few years, we have had to contend with enemies and creatures with a plethora of evil and terrible powers, and they appear to be in no short supply. Chrysalis has recently sworn revenge on a member of our kingdom, and you wish to say that her attacking is spectacular? I wouldn't be surprised if it became a frequent occurrence. Which reminds me," Celestia's eyes narrowed, "on the day that Chrysalis kidnapped us both, where were you?"
"W-well," Luna stuttered, "I hardly see how that is relevant—"
"Just humour me."
"Alright, well... I had just left the baths, and there were no towels on the rack, despite me distinctly remembering placing two there. I went to the storage room to grab more, and I was knocked unconscious."
"I was sat in my room, burning some incense and listening to a vinyl, my eyes closed, in a state of perfect calm, and then the next thing I knew, I was miles away, being dragged to Chrysalis's castle. Do you know what our kidnappings have in common?"
Luna thought she had caught on, but knew it was best to hear it from her sister regardless. "Go on?"
"We both didn't expect anything to happen," Celestia responded, and Luna knew it to be true. "Not only that, but neither of us had anyone around to look out for us, and the thing is, it wasn't because they never tried to be there, it was because on multiple occasions, we must have told them that their presence wasn't necessary. In the lead up to the Summer Sun Celebration when we were captured by the Tree of Harmony, we didn't have any guards with us then, either. If we had, and one of them had managed to inform Twilight, disaster would have been much more likely to have been averted."
"Sister, I understand what you're saying, but—"
Celestia's voice became increasingly vague. "Each time we have gone missing, or our lives have been endangered, it has been a highly unlikely event that has saved us. With the tree, it was Twilight, her friends, and Discord. When Chrysalis attacked, it was Shining Armour. When we were taken to Chrysalis' palace, it was Starlight Glimmer and Discord again that saved us, even during the Crystalling, if it had not been for my old student Sunburst, we would have surely frozen to death. You know all of this to be true, can you not see by now that we aren't always as safe as we believe ourselves to be?"
"Yes, I see that too, Celestia, I really do, but I worry that this may be a little too much, it feels—"
"I don't want to lose you," Celestia softly remarked, looking to the floor, "and don't tell me that it wouldn't happen, because it has before and there are no guarantees. Maybe you consider it to be overbearing and it angers you, maybe you feel mollycoddled, but it's what the guards have always wanted to be able to do, and not only have I began to realise just why that is necessary, but the fact that they are so willing and eager to put that much effort into defending us? I believe we would be taking them for granted if we were to refuse their service."
"Honestly, I hadn't considered it like that before," Luna admitted, thinking back to her recent interactions, "I assumed they were only so insistent because that's what they're paid to be like, I never thought that it came from a genuine place of concern."
"Luna, some of those guards are the fifth or even tenth generation of royal guard in their family. Some of their ancestries date back to even before your banishment, and through all of that, these ponies have remained loyal to us both, they will always care about us." When Celestia spoke, it was with a deep pride and respect. "You have seen how seriously they take their jobs. Perhaps it annoys you at times, perhaps there are occasions in which you would rather be left to your own devices than have to deal with them, but forever is a long time for us, and there are many who might seek to snuff it out. Forever isn't so long for our guards, but they are still willing to spend that small amount of time they have in this world helping to ensure that we have our eternity. For that, and for that alone, they deserve our attention, and our respect."
Luna looked out at the opulent tiling on the walls, surrounding the marble tub on each side. The tub was currently filling with a rich, foamy water, bubbling and hissing from the warmth as the contents swayed from side to side, the cool blue a stark contrast with the heat of the water. Her fur was currently matted from a long, exhausting flight, and a few of her wing feathers were twisted and out of place. She looked a little grumpy, what with the small frown on her lips, and she honestly couldn't wait to finally get in her bath.
Just as it had finished running, she twisted the tap with her magic—stopping the flow of water—and removed her metal shoes, ready to dip a hoof in. Just as she felt the steam tantalising the edge of her hoof, opening her pores, a loud crash sounded, and the doors opposite her burst open, causing Luna to jump backwards in alarm.
"Your highness!" a unicorn stallion scrambled in, "I, Grendo, will test the heat of your bath for you, your highness!"
Luna felt a small smile begin to tug at her lips. "Thank you, Grendo. Thank you very much."
"It is Grendo's pleasure, your highness!" Grendo smiled, lifting a hoof before fearlessly dipping it inside. He swished it around for a little while, as if trying to appraise the water, which drew a soft giggle from Luna, then finally, when satisfied, removed it. "This is good bath, your highness!"
"We've been over this," Luna laughed, "You can just call me 'Luna'."
"Of course, Luna, your highness." Grendo responded, blinking once.
"Oh, I give up," she smirked, climbing into the water. "Would you like me to draw you a bath after I'm finished? I feel you deserve it after your hard work."
"No, no! Grendo has lots to do! Another time, your highness."
"Well, I'll be sure to keep you to that," Luna grinned, laying back and allowing herself to soak in the calming waters as she slowly closed her eyes. "And Grendo, one other thing!"
"Yes, your highness?"
"Be sure to arrange an escort for me, if you could? I am heading into town later and I would like a guard or two to accompany me."
"I am surprised you are happy to ask, your highness, this is the first time you have requested guard, your highness. Are you sure, your—"
"Yes, yes, I'm quite insistent."
"You are not Insistent!" Grendo shouted, pointing a hoof, "Insistent is sergeant, you are princess!" A second passed, and Grendo let out a small, sharp gasp. "You must be changeling! Grendo will defeat you!"
With that, Grendo let loose a battle cry and leapt into the bath. Luna was in a fit of giggles as she desperately tried to explain to her confused saviour exactly what she had meant, using her wings to splash at him so she could dodge his advances. Eventually, Grendo calmed down, and she managed to reassure him that she was in fact Princess Luna. Still, the implications of that scenario stayed with her. Grendo was a small and thin stallion, and from his accent, Luna had to assume he wasn't originally a local. Even so, he had been willing to put his life on the line just then to protect the castle and the princesses from what very well could have been Queen Chrysalis in disguise, all at the drop of a hat.
Luna considered herself very lucky to have ponies like Grendo by her side.
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What they need is magical camera surveillance -- then the guards could sit in a room somewhere and they could be safer in the understanding that they were always safe or at least if anything happened, the guard would know what happened immediately.
This would have worked in all of the instances they listed in the story where they had issues.
Interesting points you have there.
That. Was. Awesome. A guardly salute to you sir!
I honestly felt that this was funny, but it got rather annoying fast. I just couldn’t stand the actions of the guards and Luna’s surprise acceptance of it at the end. And I especially hated Grendo
very nice story. but ima ship it...all of it
Two good reasons for the guards.
1:Eye candy for the princesses, they after all do have needs and desires of their own,
2:Local law enforcement. After all if the princesses responded to every petty crime in Canterlot, they'd be more then a little busy ergo, it falls to the guards to police the town. My personal head cannon states, the guards do not ONLY patrol the Castle. This one also applies to the Crystal Empire, and possibly Ponyville assuming Twi will get guards
Because you get to look at beefcake all day? They obviously weren't hired for their brains.
I don't know, it was funny at first then annoying. Then it just read like a Celestia is always right and Luna is wrong fic, where Luna just has to accept whatever her sister tells her.
8502024
I had to google this to get the reference, I know nothing. Still, very funny, and a cool connection! Thanks for mentioning.
8502060
See, I agree that that could work on the palace/castle grounds, but out in public you probably couldn't get away with that without running into some moral issues, so the cafe is already out the window. Still, I know what you mean! Then again, these guards aren't exactly meant to be the smartest of the smart, but it would be a decent fix to a lot of their issues! (Provided that Celestia and Luna didn't mind cameras in their rooms, of course.) Thanks for contributing!
8502107
Thank you mate! I'm glad you think so.
8502120
And right back at you, dude!
8502129
So you're saying I shouldn't write the unabridged adventures of Grendo?
Honestly mate, I can completely understand that point of view. Of course, the annoyance is intentional, as it allows the reader to empathise with Luna, but if I've got to the point where they're so annoying that it's impacting the reader, does that mean my writing is too good, or bad? Strange question, that. Thanks for sharing your thoughts there, mate, and I'm glad you found at least some of it funny!
8502236
You do that, sir!
8502253
8502275
Honestly, eye candy was originally gonna be one of the big arguments in this story, but I changed my mind on what kind of theme I wanted like a minute before I started writing it and just ran with it. Maybe I should have snuck in a line about it anyway! Would have covered all bases.
I think I mentioned something about law enforcement in the story, or at least that not all of the guards were royal guards, but I may not have. I completely agree that that is a very practical use for them!
8502289
As I said above, I can completely understand you finding the guards' actions annoying and I'm glad you shared that thought. I'm sure you can see why I did it, but perhaps it was a little too much in delivery for you? As for the 'Celestia is always right' thing? Honestly not what I was going for at all. I feel as if they had both been making these mistakes for a very long time, and it just happened to be Celestia that realised a very small amount of time before Luna that what they were doing could use adjusting. Again, I can appreciate if it comes across that way, but it wasn't what I was aiming for. Glad you found some of it funny though! I aim to entertain.
8502290
Thanks for reading!
And thank you to everyone for commenting so far! I'm always happy to see your thoughts and opinions!
AAIQU
8502289
Considering most stories on this site tend to paint Celestia as incompetent, bumbling, lost, and Luna as the one who swoops in to save her from something she should have an easy time dealing with on an almost daily basis? I'm not bothered. People continue to be bothered by stories where Celestia is ACTUALLY in the right for once, or where she's not some secret evil tyrant, or a lazy and useless lump, or braindead buffoon who cries to Luna every time there's a problem, and I just look back over the many, many, many stories I've read over the years and shake my head.
People in this community seem to have a problem with motherly figures, authority, characters presented as truly good, and the idea that a more experienced character knows more about the situations they're experienced in.
8502318
It is interesting that a loss of privacy would grant them more apparent privacy. Thing is though, they do spend most of the time in the castle. Outside the castle, they are by definition more vulnerable and it is reasonable for them to have a guard presence at those times.
---
As for "wiring up" all of Canterlot, that is probably within their abilities as well, but yes, some ponies might not agree with it. You'd essentially have Pony London. What is scary is they would probably go for it if asked by the diarchs.
That was cute, funny and it made a good point.
8502329
I think you're reading more into my comment then was actually there. i don't have a problem with Celestia being right and Luna being wrong about things. In fact I think she should be right about more things then Luna simply because she has seen and done more then Luna. My problem is when stories make it seem like she should automatically be right all the time and everyone should listen to her just because she is Celestia. Stories where she barely acknowledges Lunas' concerns and then proceeds to tell her why she's wrong and everyone just accepts that.
She learned not to do that a thousand years ago.
Stories where she listens to her sister and then talks with her and presents her point of view and gets her to understand where she is wrong as opposed to her simply telling her why she is wrong are the ones I like.
And as for stories where Celestia is painted as incompetent and needing Luna to rescue her? I hate those fics too. I hate them with a passion. Anything that is a threat to Celestia where she needs Luna to help her is not a enemy that Luna would be able to beat on her own. i would expect to see both sisters in hospital beds later joking about who did better and who got hurt worse and why.
This is dumb. Arguing that this sort of guard presences is good and necessary would work a lot better if the guards here where shown as actually competent, and with an ounce of sense and tact. And you know what? All this shit would only get you a false sense of security. Because you can never close all avenues.
There's soooo many problems with this. It's infuriating.
8502375
So much this ^ i which i could up vote this comment twice. This could have been a great short but the fact that the guards where clearly useless and incompetent undermined Celestias entire rant and made the story, and specifically Lunas acceptance of Celestias argument, frustrating more than anything else...
8502375
But if the guards were competent, half of the evil/bad protagonist fanfics out there wouldn't work because guards are like cannon fodder.. If cannon fodder can actually do work, it's not cannon fodder anymore.
Wow... that did not go where I expected! I just saw the MLP movie today and was commenting to someone about the complete lack of appearance by the guard, so I figured this was yet another bash on how useless they are. But you gave some really good points! I approve. ^^ It's honestly rather nice seeing someone take up in defense of these guys that aren't given much credibility in the show, and pointing out how some of the capturing of the princesses could have come from their own blind spot about their vulnerability which mortal ponies might more readily spot. The guards are a LITTLE over-the-top in places, but the spirit of the whole piece is great. Nice job!
Should probably be "night" not "day". :P
In the first half especially there seem to be a lot of typos... nothing too major but a quick grammar check in a word processor might be in order.
Luna's attitude toward Grendo particularly at the end seemed sudden. Especially since she seemed to be flirting with him... If it were set, like, "two weeks later" or the like it would have worked better, I feel. This would require an edit on the 'first time she requested an escort' bit but it's not too much work.
I'm minded of the Secret Service and how they operate, at least with some Presidents and first families. Some have preferred that they be as unobtrusive as possible. Semi-famously, Bill Clinton liked to go out jogging, which caused a nightmare for the Secret Service, but a few of them would go along with him and they apparently made it work, seeing as how he was not, in fact, assassinated: https://www.usnews.com/news/blogs/washington-whispers/2012/02/29/bill-clintons-running-habit-a-secret-service-nightmare
There is the usual issue I have in that I suspect Celestia and Luna are not immortal, just extremely long-lived. But besides that is the fact tha they are probably quite vulnerable to being taken at unawares (as the Movie partially demonstrates... though there it was an apparently specially-designed weapon), and may be vulnerable to poison. Which increases the need for guards, of course.
So what's the excuse for the guard's utter uselessness and absence during the movie?
8502024
Oh good, it wasn't just me.
Meh. I think Enderdez45 is right: "surprise acceptance". The discussion (which seems to be more Celestia telling it how it is in a manner of speaking) doesn't really have any back and forth and feels somewhat hollow. It's a surprise that Luna accepts the reasoning so readily without any counter arguments. Rest of the story is fine, but with that discussion being the climax of the story, it detracts more than it would if it were another part.
That the guards were portrayed as so incompetent/silly/overzealous terribly undermines the point Celestia was trying to make.
i'm sorry but celestias arguments don't make a lot of sense, frankly lunas point is right, there is a line the the guards seem to cross it on a daily basis. not even the actual British royal family goes through that much security, there is a certain point where guards would start being court marshaled for going to far.
High-level powerhouse or "Godly" characters having bodyguards has always annoyed me to varying degrees every time I've seen it. As far as I can tell, their only realistic purpose would be to scream as loud as they can when they die, so as to alert their "charge" that an assailant is coming. Otherwise they should really be spending their time guarding people who can't take on entire armies by themselves.
I mean really, anyone strong enough to pose an actual threat to a couple of immortal Goddesses would most likely be able to vaporize their guards by breathing on them. It really is a stupid thing, and usually only serves to show how powerful the bad guy(or good guy, sometimes)is when he defeats the "Elite Guard" in five seconds flat.
8502367
It's not even just fights. They're things like, how to handle adventurers and diplomats, how to deal with the Mane 6, how to fucking relate to Twilight, how to handle nobles! Things she's been doing for or during a thousand years on her own, and is suddenly too stupid to handle, or botches it all up horribly and Luna has to be there to set it straight and tell her how wrong she was. It's the most common sort.
I've almost never seen the opposite, and I'm not surprised. In every poll in the fandom, Luna wins if she's on it, especially between the two. Most of the creatives spring for Luna, completely ignoring that Celestia held Equestria together for five times longer than the USA's been a thing just fine on her own, and Luna knows nothing about running a nation that Celestia didn't ALSO know back then and have a thousand years to learn, practice, and master.
Considering the wording of your first post, this is what I believed you were complaining about. That Celestia is depicted as right, and then that it is somehow too common that she is. When that's almost never the case.
8502859
Glorified servants who mostly serve to evacuate the other ponies. Haven't read the story yet but that's my opinion of the guards.
Eh. I mean, I'm personally not that impressed by the story. I found the first part to be the best where it's just Luna dealing with incompetent guards. Sorta expected it to turn into one of those deals where Luna uses her royal power to ban the Royal Guard from operating in the castle, then something goes wrong and she needs to have the guard fix it, before realizing "Ohhhhh...".
I dunno. It seems to me that the time Chrysalis got all of them has very little to do with them not expecting something to happen, and a whole lot to do with no one taking preemptive measures to prevent changeling intrusions in the first place.
In fact, a lot of what happens to them seems to be caused by things that nobody could have reasonably anticipated in the first place, or by things that could have been anticipated or stopped had anyone bothered to follow-thru on anything.
Like when Cerberus went missing. Given how surprised everyone was when Tirek and the Bugbear showed up, it’s pretty clear that Celestia and Luna never bothered to check and see if anyone had escaped.
The point is, the Princesses don’t need guards; they need a security consultant.
Hm it's not working... The thing with changeling is simply ridiculous... Having guards there just mean that the GUARDS would be substituted, as there seems to be NO way to identify Changelings... Guards SO invasive are useless... And the protocol of guarding the room for Luna is simply faulty, it is DESIGNED not to defend the Princess but to ANNOY the princess, bodyguards have TWO duty, the first one is obviously to protect their charges the second is to be UNOBTRUSIVE.
The two guards at the door say that there may have been a small window of opportunity for someone to sneak in at the shift change, that means that the guards as a whole are GROSSLY incompetent. Same with the inspection of the room, if you need to do THAT kind of in depth inspection practically EVERY DAY in what should be a SAFE location you are not fit for duty.
Celestia: Look, Luna. I hate to admit it, but... You play Ogres and Oblates, right?
Luna: Well... Yes. The small dragon introduced me to the game. It is quite invigorating.
Celestia: Oh, good. Well, the Royal Guards have been... built on a point system for years.
Luna: Well, that makes... no sense at all. They're dumb as posts.
Celestia: Int is a dump stat.
Luna: They have no common sense at all.
Celestia: So is Wisdom.
Luna: They're incompetent at combat--
Celestia: No dots in weapon skills at all.
Luna: --and furthermore, they could not spot an assassin if he or she were to wear a shirt proclaiming such.
Celestia: (shakes her head) Terrible spot rolls. No points--
Luna: Spent in that either. Yes, I know. So what do they have points invested in?
Celestia: (long silence)
Luna: Celly. You didn't? (looks at the sheets of paper that she's passed) Oh. You did. Well. That's... different. Ahem. (flips through the sheets and passes one of them back. ) I will be taking a walk in the gardens this evening. See to it that this one is available.
First funny and I was REALLY looking forward to where she exploded and beat the crap out of her guards and at last attained freedom.
Then she was convinced to let a bunch of incompetent idiots stalk her and take away her privacy.
It was well written and a good idea, I simply don't agree with the direction.
Heh. Fun story with a cute ending.
The Empire would do anything to have soldiers like these.
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/93/a8/b3/93a8b37a704f8403e02e4cc5f71cef9c.gif
I always thought of the Royal Guard as being there to protect the normal ponies from the Princesses.
Hear me out:
The guards are useless against extraordinary threats like Sombra, Discord, etc. This much is obvious. So why have them? Well, for more normal threats, such as the ones talked about in this story. Sure, Celestia or Luna could easily deal with an assassin or a thief or what have you. But the amount of power those two wield is on a completely different scale from anypony else. What is, to them, a flick of a hoof, would flatten a house elsewhere.
Maybe the guards are there to make sure that the Princesses don't go around dealing with thieves or assassins with building destroying force? A sufficiently nimble pegasus could very easily dodge the alicorns' normal magic blasts. They'd feel impelled to break out the big guns just to hit them. But what if the guard is there, flinging a dozen smaller beams around? It's much harder to dodge that, resulting the capture of the pegasus in question with a whole lot less property damage and terrorizing of the castle staff.
Just my $0.02.
8502497
Competent weaklings can still get the job done better than stupid weaklings. Hell, there are a number of things that a policing force could handle that would only require competence and coordination rather than very high personal power. That the guards are simply cannon-foddered is a weakness on the behalf of the writer—it's not very difficult to make the guard competent but still significantly weaker than the protagonist/Big Bad/etc. If they all go down in one good hit but do their damnedest to signal alarm or get their charge(s) to safety, they're both competent and weak. It makes them look especially competent if the assailant very nearly fails to subdue the guards before they can raise an alarm because the guards react better than the assailant expects.
8503135
Princesses could just pick up the assailant(s) with their magic and squeeze. No need for flashy combat spells.
8503256
True! But also keep in mind that their combat instincts, such as they are, were not honed against beings they could do that to. They were honed against Discord, Chrysalis, Sombra and others. Hence my speculation that they'd use way more power than necessary without thinking about it.
8502938
Going over my first post, I agree that it was a bit vaguely worded and for that I apologize. And I agree with all of your other points, she's been doing this a long time so she shouldn't need help to handle things, most of the time at least. This is just me, but, having done this alone for so long I can see being set in her ways a bit, and Luna coming in with fresh eyes should be able to see that and point it out.
It shouldn't happen a lot, but there should be instances of it happening.
As for Luna being more popular, that is more hasbro studios fault then anything. Luna has had more screen time for character development then Celestia. And most of Celestias' screen time has been her needing the EoH or just Twilight to help her with something she should be able to take care of herself. The only character development episode she got she shared with Luna, and surprise, she was wrong in that one. Saving grace is so was Luna.
I am surprised that Luna accepts anything Celestia says as she is spoken over in such a manner. I count 4 times Celestia interrupted Luna and she kept reading a book when her sister came to meet her.
If i did not know any better from Dark tag not being present i would say this was all an abusive power-play aimed to gut punch Luna and show that she really has no power, and should know her place under the thumb of the guard.
8502859
Most series do the overly powerful poorly. As Celestia points out, there are times when they are vulnerable to an attack (such as sleeping, pooping and bathing), and while the guards might not be able to stop said attack, they may be able to fetch those who can much faster.
And the guards likely keep out those with low morale, but high ambition; i.e. the possible thieves, usurpers and assassins that aren't so confident that they can handle a Princess AND multiple guards.
But we'd likely never see those types as they would look at the guards and go, "WHOA! This isn't as easy as I thought it would be."
8502766
Honestly, I think it's more that the guards or maids haven't already done various tasks ahead of time that annoys Luna the most. With the right amount of setup and discussion, the entire process could be made far smoother and MUCH less annoying.
How about having the doors to her room open when she isn't within?
How about having maids check the bath for her?
How about guards disguised as maids lingering in hallways?
How about plain-clothes maids acting as an escort?
How about a female plain-clothes guard clears the restroom before Luna even finishes ordering, and the guard keep watch to make sure no one climbs in the window? This solution, in particular, would've avoided the most public fiasco in story.
The sign of a good staff is that they're hard to notice. These guards have good ideas, but terrible executions. They're very.... Keystone Cops about issues.
Plus, I'm pretty sure Grendo is a changeling. Probably a friendly one, but still.
Truth be told I didn't have much respect for the guards either. This has changed that.
8503413
The guards in this story? No respect. They're too incompetent to rely on.
What if the royal guard was actually an adult daycare for the mentally challenged/ill? It sort of makes sense if you think about it. but don't think about it too much because than you imagine Grundo's elderly parents picking him up at the castle gates... And now your sad.
8503256
Make sense, Thanks.
Where I work we used to have a security guard to patrol the parking lot and the front of the store.
The company decided it was a waste of money and got rid of the patrols to save money. About a month later we had an armed robbery where several customers were robbed at gunpoint in the parking lot.
Now to be fair the security guard could not have resolved a situation like that, as they aren't armed and have almost no authority. But just knowing someone is watching and that you'll be reported to the cops immediately and they'll get your tag numbers... I realized was a rather good deterrent. Even if the guard can't stop you, knowing they are there makes you a lot less likely to even try.
It wasn't Shining's spell that repelled the changelings... it was Shining 'and Cadence' that did it. Shining was drained at the time and incapable of casting a spell, especially since his shields failed to keep out the threat. The very threat that they were actively warned about ahead of time and were on the lookout for, the only thing I can say is that they didn't know changelings existed so that wasn't the guards fault.
Technically Cadence was the catalyst that solved that problem, the problem where Shining ultimately failed to protect her or even recognize a switch happened and lost most of his energy to Chrysalis. As far as competency goes, he didn't save the day by himself and as such the royal guards are not self sufficient to handle anything close to a crisis. You'd expect the guard and at least a diplomatic expert would have been called in to handle a dragon when said being was causing smoke problems with his snoring, but no, Celestia instead sent six civilian ponies against said dragon that could have killed them. Sending Shining Armor would have mitigated the danger by a large margin and would have made Celestia look more competent.
So Celestia isn't exactly what I'd call competent either if she actively puts civilians at risk, dragons are not exactly peaceful beings and are known to be violent.
Celestia or Luna probably knew that Changelings existed though, it would be odd if a thousand years had passed and Celestia hasn't had to face a Changeling trying to replace her at least once. Celestia didn't seem particularly shocked by Chrysalis's actual appearance, mind you the Changelings not only managed to catch Celestia off guard once, but twice, so where were they the last thousand years and why weren't they just as successful? The second was when the Changelings successfully kidnapped Celestia, Luna and all of Twilight's friend and managed to smuggle them to their hive, you'd think you'd notice someone as large as Celestia or Luna being kidnapped.
There is no such thing as 'perfectly safe' or 'fool proof', but quite frankly where is the royal guard whenever you really need them to do something really important? Eating distraction cake and allowing an ex-Wonder Bolt member to frame Rainbow Dash for something she didn't do. There's also being nowhere near the problem or when a problem happens, they can't actually do anything to help.
At this rate I bet that when the guards are shown in a halfway competent manner, as they are in the Philomena episode, it will involve some kind of huge misunderstanding. One thing for certain, as deterrents they work. They aren't really that great overall and deterrents won't stop the truly determined, it certainly didn't help Brockton Bay.
8502329
Celestia can be none of those and still be fallible.
I am trying t owkr with the events of the movie with someting, and one thing that came to mind was the idea that Celestia KNEW the storm king was coming, and was trying to ensnare him. REmove all the guards, make them look vulnerable, and beat the living shit outta him.
Course he himself did not show up then, and she did not have enough information. She thought he acted as a somewhat intelligent brute, and that could be used to their advantage.
Well, sometimes it is good to be in a little bit of peril. Even if it might be a little too perilous.
I'll be honest, I found this dull and unfitting of the comedy tag. It read like a defense of the Royal Guard shoehorned into story format.
Celestia's explanation sounds reasonable, but really isn't. What's more, none of the examples she names have any merit for her side of the argument. Against Nightmare Moon, there actually were a quartet of guards which were swatted down like flies. Against Discord and the Plundervines they had no power and even if they did both threats had their ways to catch the Princesses while they were unguarded even under the new protocol. And don't even get me started on the Crystalling episode, where Luna and Celestia got their flanks handed back to them by regular (if bad) arctic weather, because I'm pretty sure the only thing Flurry Heart did was take down the shield protecting the Empire, not cause any undue magical blizzards.
Personally though, I think the examples with the changelings are the worst fallacy. As bad or misinformed of an actress Chrysalis was, she obviously knows how to infiltrate a city. All the new protocol would accomplish is that instead of the changelings having to hope for a moment where they can be caught unawares, now all it needs is two changelings "scanning" a room for traps to make absolutely sure they lower their guard. And what better way to backstab an alicorn than in the guise of somepony who is established as weak, bumbling and borderline incompetent.
8503743
I never said she was perfect. Just that writing her as though she's incompetent is bad writing and usually Luna-centric bias on the part of the author. If she were incompetent, then as Equestria's sole ruler for a thousand years HOW is Equestria still around and apparently the best place on the planet that we know of? Logically speaking it's just not plausible in the slightest. A being that old has gained immense wisdom (or should have, really, in a realistic sense - which thankfully we are more able to portray in fanfiction), and have the lion's share of their mistakes past them already.
Still quite capable of making them, but having made so many mistakes already they've learned many, many lessons on how to not keep making most of them - so such instances should be rare unless they fall completely outside both direct experience and experience extrapolation.
8503325
Perfectly alright, you've certainly turned out to be more reasonable by far than the majority of people I express that concern to. People will stretch to find ways in which Luna is being slighted or abused in any story where she's not the dominant figure, but point out that Celestia is being dumped on by the writer, story, and audience and suddenly you're the bad guy.