A long died human who passed on returns from the dead to awaken once more to stop a long forgotten threat.
Chapters (4)
Muei-Tou
Joined 20th Dec, 2014 ·
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While good sir, you have sparked my Interest.
Ok sounds good keep up the good work
hmmmmmmmmmmmm i could only guess whats gunna happen
The plot of this story seems okay, but it's buried under confusion of what the fuck is happening. The way you try to narrate both actions and thoughts is more than confusing, and you should probably take steps to fix that, or simply cut out the thoughts, and put more detail into the actions. I can also see you're trying to switch POV's, but the way you do it is sharp and jarring, which is annoying to read. Stick to just one at a time, and preferably only use the little separating thingy for actual POV switches, or time skips. There are quite a few grammar errors, such as right here:
Should be changed to something along the lines of:
Either way, I recommend going back through the whole chapter, re-reading it, then fixing the errors, or get an editor. This looks like a pretty promising story, it just needs a lot of polishing. [Also, these things applies to chapter 1, and I need to add that the pacing is a mess. The beginning seems fine, but the rest is off and kinda blegh]