A Thousand Years

Rainbow Dash's sleep is interrupted by the deliver of a letter from the town blacksmith, Parody, who insists that he has something to show her. In the end, she decides to go see what he's going on about.

She should have just stayed in bed.

Well, first attempt at writing a story for the public. We'll see how this goes.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 3 )

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CoffeeMinion

CoffeeMinion #1 · Oct 14th, 2017 · · ·

Hi there! Congrats on your first story, and thanks for writing. I like your prose style, and I think one of the story's strongest aspects is the overall cleanliness and well-formedness of the text. The only real technical issue I spotted were occasions where you separated a quote from a said-ism with a period, instead of a comma; the latter is actually more correct, and will eliminate the said-isms' appearance as short, incomplete sentences.

From a subject matter perspective, this wasn't quite my cup of tea, but I think it has a strong delivery; I'd love to see a similar style applied to another humorous concept. I also found myself wondering if this was a crossover with something until I double-checked the human's name, at which point I wondered if the Self-Insert tag would fit better than Original Character. Beyond that, the only other criticism I would offer is to watch your pacing in the scene where Dash first talks to Parody; I get it that he's making her wait, but it's presented in a way that makes us in the audience feel that wait as well.

Keep writing!

Parodyman64

Parodyman64 #2 · Oct 15th, 2017 · 1 · ·

8487573
Hey, thanks for the comment. I'll be sure to run through and try to fix the said-isms thing. You actually helped me catch that mistake in something else I was writing, so yay for learning.
I'll admit, I probably let that scene where Dash first talked to Parody drag on a bit, but there were few lines that I wanted to make sure were in the story, so I extended the scene a bit.
As for the self-insert thing... I'm going to get that a lot. For the record, Parody is a cartoon character I created about 8 years ago. Bits of him are based on me, but for the most part, I went "Ok, his name is Parody... How would a character named Parody act?" So, I don't consider him a self-insert, but I also might be misinterpreting the tag. I don't know.

Pete_Bagheera