After an eventful day Rarity is approached by Rainbow Dash who is seeking advice on dating. After building up the courage Rainbow Dash decides to give it a shot. All was going good until it took a nasty turn. Rainbow Dash is left broken and fragile and it will take the help of all her friends to piece her back together.
This is my first time writing a story. If it's not good or if you see places where I can improve it would be much appreciated. Just so you know this story is going to be clean but with some less then pleasant things that are implied. I promise I won't go into any gory or disgusting details.
Chapters (8)
Good on you for trying! Keep up the effort and the rewards will please
It's pretty good so far, definitely interested in seeing where this goes. Keep it up.
First stories are always rough. You at least have me along for the ride.
Don't worry about chapter length. Worry instead about each chapter getting it's part of the story across at the proper pace.
If you haven't done so already draw up a story outline and just write a rough sentence or two in the outline on what you want each chapter to cover. Then accept the outline will be a rough guide not a set in stone thing.
As far as writing dialogue goes, it's one of the more difficult things most writers have nailing. Honestly. I think your dialogue is in a good place for your first story, but has room for improvement, which, of course, I'm sure it will improve as you go along. Remember, everyone was new at writing at one point. Keep on writing, I'm eager to see where you take us.
MORE
She sounds kinda ace, to be honest (not that I'm complaining!)
Flash Sentry?
Let's say he likes Twilight more
i have a prediction. She was sexaully assaulted
I wanted to leave an update for this week, but didn't want to add a new chapter to do so. My goal for this ended up being that I wanted to write once a week every Tuesday night. I didn't get that chance this week on account of work and an anime convention I'm going to this weekend. I've just been too busy, so instead of a full chapter I thought I'd just thank everyone.
Majorminor2242, everdaygamer, Angry Ramen, and FnordBear - thanks for the early encouragement. It definitely helped me want to continue. Also FnodBear, great avatar and thanks for the advice.
Shortmane- I wasn't intending her to sound that way but I like it that way as well.
Tunefulsubset72- there is more and I hope you're liking it so far
Speedy Silverstreak- Flash is just a name I used, he's not really the same guy. I didn't want to make an OC
Steven Brony- while I won't confirm or deny any predictions I do appreciate your prediction. I'd like to see more people making predictions. To be honest the setup of this story has completely changed compared to what I had in mind so things keep changing.
And even if you haven't commented or like or even disliked. I do appreciate everyone who at least has given this story a chance. I'm not a writer but the support is nice. Thank you everybody.
OMG!!!
POOR DASHIE!!
Rarity wasn’t surprised by Soarin’s sudden appearance, a matter of fact she was waiting for it, but what did surprise her was Rainbow Dash’s reaction. Rainbow Dash was terrified. She was slowly backing away and breathing heavily. She started to glance around quickly. “Darling are you okay,” Rarity was even more worried now.
“Um, ah, yeah. I’m fine, but, um… I got to go!” and with that Rainbow Dash bolted out of the castle but not through the front door. Instead Rainbow Dash darted towards the window on the farthest side and slipped out that way.
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE MORE!!!
8530741
That could be true!
That would explain why she is scared of Soarin'!
I am sure more than one person is reading it. New authors tend not to get tons of comments until they are well established or if they luck out and hit the hot box.
I... Don't know what to say right now.... This story is amazing tho
I'm still wondering why Rainbow would want to... You know...
OMG!
I love this chappie!!
I can't wait to see what happens next!!!
I... Wow...
Chapter 25: Rainbow gets date raped
I liked it
We will hang Flash Sentry for his crimes!
Ah knew it she was raped. Also take it easy with the "darlings" Rarity doesn't say that in every sentence you know.
You handled a sensitive subject tastefully. For a "non-writer" that is quite an accomplishment.
8566385
Did I over use darling through the whole story or just the last chapter? I remember for the last chapter I used it a lot thinking it made the dialogue sound more comforting on Rarity's part. After rereading it I'd agree though, it was a little much. I appreciate the constructive criticism.
8567318
Just this chapter I think
(Subject of the sentence comes before the verb)
You've got both past & present tense in one sentence. Either is fine, but they shouldn't be mixed
Rainbow Dash reasoned, looking like she had just won an intellectual debate.
"Well, no, but....." (or "not really," or "not exactly,", etc.)
(Hansom is French for a taxicab. Handsom....(if you want to stop in the middle))
8550554
Well, probably not Soarin or he wouldn't be puzzled. Since the date was with Flash, probably him. IMO, he didn't want to take "I'm not ready yet" as an acceptable response
The Last Roundup (S2 E14) You'd think that AJ would be a little more understanding about not wanting to talk.
8603195
YYYYYAAAASS!
I didn't think about that!!
Flash Sentry must die! Send in the friendship cuddle squad for RD!
Holy shot!! I though it was Discord... you save your ass this time Discord...
You save your ass...
My main complaint is that you ended it there. Saw the whole rape thing coming a mile away, but wondered where you’d go from there. Turns out the answer was nowhere.