Dashing do-gooder dog? Accomplished, affable aeronaut? Big-time brony? Lazy lackluster lackwit? You decide!
How many of you know about The last unicorn? Quite a few, I expect. Then you'll also know that the ending was rather... bittersweet.
What if things went differently?If our heroes got the happy ending they rightly deserved?
This is THAT story.
This story will contain the following: TF, use of alcohol , spoilers for the ending of The Last Unicorn, ascension, possible implications of sex, more added as necessary.
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Needs editing, but shows promise.
... can't find the story " The Last Unicorn "
Why the sex change for Schmendrick? It makes zero sense.
8481696 i tried to explain that away, but i'll say that magic is magic and i just felt like it.
8481629 It's a movie/book.
8481755
That's kinda lazy. If you want to keep readers interested, you need to write why Schmendrick went female. The fact he has zero reaction to his gender swap is unrealistic. You need to make your characters come to life and act as a living, breathing sapient being would react. Engage your readers and entertain them, don't go with 'magic'. Magic has rules. Worlds have rules. Establish them and then stick to them. Don't be a lazy writer. Show you care about your story. Details, man! It will help you grow as a writer. Good luck!
8481808
I apologize for wasting your time, then.
8481755
. If there is no narrative reason to have Schmendrick be a female, then he should remain male and that herd-life comment by Twilight... I am calling BS, nowhere in the show that it shows a one-stallion-to-three-mare relationship. And just feeling like doing it, doesn't do you any favors. And Schmendrick and Molly were hinted to become a couple at the end the movie, I haven't read the book yet so I cannot comment on that, so why change that?
That's just plain lazy
8481873
,8481808 is not wrong, you can have whatever rules you want, magic can do whatever you want it to do, however you want it done, BUT you have to establish the world and the rules therein AND stick to them, in the last chapter you had the four renamed and here you go back to their previous names. Pick a set and stick to it. Also, it helps to sell the premise of the story by having the born human characters freak out about their species change or react in some manner constant to their characterization in either the novel or movie, whichever you are actually using as the base for this, and with Schmendrick's sex change, a bigger reaction is warranted.
There is a good story in here, but your lack of detail of the world, the magic and the rules therein, and the retcon of names from chapter 2 to chapter 3 undermine it.
On a side note, you could have just had Lir and Amalthea go through and avoided most of the criticisms that 8481808 and I both have.
Details are critical. This is not a bad story idea, but your execution leaves much to be desired.
8491149 Look, It's not that i'm not trying my hardest to keep the whole thing from falling apart; I really am! I truly want to make this right.
And i'm not making the mistake of just scrapping it; I did that once and still regret it
But thank you so much for your input. I'll attempt to be less of a derp henceforth.
Perhaps i should stick to poetry.
Also i explained the narrative why of 'that' in the second chapter.
8491205
Okay, here are a few suggestions; sit down and write out/ type out in bullet point format the basic ideas like this
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Then flush the points out, add some, delete some, alter where they are in the story,
Make sure you have an end of your story in mind, and work to that goal, let's say the goal is that Almathea wants to be a plain unicorn in this Equestria, then work to the removal of her demigod status and her wings
Or if you must change Schmendrick's sex either have him seek to change back to male or learn to be in his new body, or he seeks a way home to be a man again and Molly has to make her own choices on the matter.
Have Lir learn the hard way that being an equine was not the ideal solution he thought and how he can make it a happy ever after with Almathea... it doesn't really matter what the ending you pick will be unless you work for it.
And use as many details as you can, have the world shown to us readers by experiencing it with the four and not told to us.
8491252 i shall consider that. Thank you.