Disclaimer:
“So... Iron Will is just supposed to read this?” The blue minotaur blinked once, lifting his left hand to hold the script, the other hand moving to remove a tiny pair of spectacles.
“Baaa...,” A goat replied.
“Oh okay, Here goes.” Iron Will took a moment to cough and clear his throat. ‘My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic’ is owned by Hasbro and any others. The herein named characters from video games, movies, books, and TV shows belong to their respective copyrights. This story has been written for entertainment purposes only. Please support the official releases, and is Iron Will done?”
The goat nodded.
“Okay good. Iron Will will see all of his fans later.” The minotaur smiled, giving a thumbs up.
Chapter 1- The Need for Heroes
Things were quiet.
At least, for now.
There was no way to tell how long things would last. The royal wedding was over and happy endings all about. However unease filled Celestia, who currently watched over things. With Shining Armor on his honeymoon, there was no one else but her able to look after Canterlot. If she knew anything about war, now was the prime time to strike. Not to mention that in the fray, stray agents, or even sleeper changelings, could have escaped to various places over her realm. Everypony in the guard would be celebrating with the victory, not to mention that the Elements were back in Ponyville. A sigh escaped from her as she made the sun move to noon position.
But what could be done? Changelings ate love, to which her ponies provided a limitless supply of. Even her own guards were useless against their numbers. Harmony, peace, love... The things that made her kingdom perfect also made them unsuited for war. Tactics, training, even changeling detection seemed like ideas few could handle.
What she needed now were soldiers, champions more than capable of the task to teach, if not lead, brave ponies into battle. And maybe even join them in the battle. Some fighters may just find them a hindrance rather than an asset in combat. But where to find these champions?
____________________
"Twilight! Twilight!" A small purple dragon ran down some steps into a library. In his small claws, a scroll.
"What is it Spike?” The Element of Magic responded. Twilight removed her head from out of a book to look at her assistant.
"An urgent letter from Princess Celestia arrived! She has an assignment for you," Spike responded, handing the letter over to Twilight to read.
"An assignment? How urgent could it be?" The lavender unicorn raised the letter in her magic in order to read it. After her large eyes moved over a few lines, she lowered the letter and tilted her head to the side. "She wants me to cast a spell and summon heroes from Equestria's past? But time travel magic...." she turned her head to think.
"Last time you tried time travel, it only gave you a few seconds," Spike said, moving his left front claw to rub the green spikes on his head. "Just how far back is she talking about, and what does the princess need heroes for?"
"I am not sure Spike. But at least she explains why she cannot cast it; all of her power is currently being used to protect Canterlot, and Princess Luna is busy training the Night Troops in Changeling detection," Twilight said. Her head shook to the sides. "At least she provided the spell for me to use. It looks like the most complicated spell I’ve ever seen..."
"Can you handle it?" Spike asked, moving both claws to grab his tail. Complicated spells had a weird way of blowing up in their faces whenever Twilight experimented.
"As long as nothing interrupts me, I should be fine. In fact, this spell is a lot like that time I had to summon somepony else before. Here goes..." She placed the scroll with the spell on the ground. Her horn begun to glow as magic begun to gather. Her eyes turned white as her mouth slowly begun to chant the spell.
Spike took a step back, knowing not get around Twilight when she was like this. Spell safety 101 when you’re around Princess Celestia’s personal student. The toddler dragon had made his own set of rules when concerning Twilight’s element. With each second the glowing light coming from Twilight's horn got brighter and brighter. With it, her chanting grew louder as well. The spell was beginning to manifest itself in the form of a dark blue... orb? It had expanded and flattened out into a circle that moved in front of Twilight and settled on the ground.
The tiny dragon watched in fascination, never seeing anything like it. The once dark blue orb had small lights of white manifest itself along its surface. If Spike squinted, he could have sworn he was looking at the night sky. As the orb landed on the ground and begun to stretch itself out along the ground. As it stretched, it begun to take shape of a... pool? Spike had no idea what he was looking at. Was the night sky a sign of time passage? Were the ponies being summoned supposed to come out from the pool? Was he looking at a portal?
Why did he feel like the TARDIS should be showing up any moment now?
"Because it’s supposed to, silly dragon,” The Doctor said behind Spike.
"AHHH!" Shocked beyond belief, Spike jumped up in the air in surprise and landed on the ground. He turned to look behind and lift his gaze up to look at the human Doctor. He was about six feet in height, wearing some sort of frou frou suit. In all of his human splendor, brown hair combed to the side, red bowtie and all, just like the baby dragon remembered him.
"Do stop that. We don’t want to ruin Twilight's concentration now," The Doctor said as he brought a hand to pat the Dragon.
"What is going on, Doctor? And why are you here?" The poor little guy had to calm down. First Celestia had an urgent assignment, then Twilight had gone into trance mode, and now the Doctor returned.
"Well, the spell Twilight is using is indeed a summoning spell, one to summon a Time Lord," The good Doctor took his hand back to look at Twilight and her casting.
"Really, Oh!" Spike had both his eyes open up wide when he realized the plan.
"I see you are not a number one assistant for nothing," The humanoid chuckled.
"Because time travel magic is difficult, the next best thing is to get someone else that can time travel for you!" Spike smiled, having figured it out. "But why are you here, and not the uh- blue box?"
"Well, the magic works in two parts. The spell specifically finds me for the first part, then it will come to find me. Really, that Tardis can be such a ball and chain at times..." The Doctor knelt down to look at Spike and give him a big smile. "The second part of the spell allows the TARDIS a target to lock onto and find its way here."
"That makes a little too much sense, but you are The Doctor, I guess. How long will she have to use this spell?" Spike asked, getting a bit worried. He turned to look at the... Portal, for the lack of a better word, as it still, well- existed.
"Oh, any moment now," The brown haired fellow stopped talking and narrowed his eyes. His left hand moved into his jacket and pull out his sonic screwdriver. With a flip, the tiny machine turned on to a blue light and begins to scan.
"What's wrong Doctor?!" Spike exclaimed, seeing a frown form on the Time Lord's face.
"Oh Twilight you silly pony..." The Doctor spoke in a low voice. He turned off the screwdriver and placed it away again with a slight frown.
"What, what’s going on?" Spike said, looking from right to left . The spell seemed ok, and Twilight was showing no signs that something was wrong.
"Well, I am no expert in Magic, mind you, but I do have a theory. Did Twilight mention anything before casting the spell?" He turned to look back at the dragon, both eyebrows raised.
"Well, Twilight did say that the spell was a lot like one she’d casted before. According to her, it was a lot like a summon," Spike said, moving a tiny claw to stroke his chin.
"Ha, I knew it! Twilight is using the basis of that spell as a foundation for this one, she was wanted efficiency and minimal magic energy spent," The Doctor said as he turned to look back at Twilight. "Or she was not sure she could cast the spell right and needed a reference. Either way, I think she crossed that spell with this one and- oh dear..." He stopped talking and raised his left hand as it begun to fade.
"Doctor, are you ok?!" Spike exclaimed, looking upon in horror at the vanishing fellow. Both of his hands were slowly becoming invisible.
"Spike! The spells are being crossed! I am going to get sent back to the Tardis, but the spell is going to summon others! I will try to make my way-" As the Doctor was speaking; his entire body faded away from the visible spectrum. His mouth continued to move, but no words came out.
"Wait, what?! Come back Doctor!" Spike moved his right claw out to try and latch on. It was to no use though, the Time Lord was a ghost now. He completely faded from view. Spike turned to look at Twilight, her chanting had stopped and the portal on the floor had completely vanished.
"I am done Spike! I am sure it was a success!" Twilight exclaimed with a smile. Her eyes had turned back to their normal color to look around. "Umm... Where are the ponies?"
Chapter proofread by LyonAzakura.
Danke Schon.
Greetings all. Need a proof reader and Editor please.
Oh- Be brutal and honest. This is my first rodeo.
Oh man, put in all the ideas in a blender and make a smoothie out of it? Let's see what we got...
926695 About 500 dollars in damage liabilities.
916346 926714 Thanks Ignorable, I needed a chuckle
This chapter was... unsatisfying. Not to say anything was particularly wrong with it, it just... didn't have much happening in it. The appearance of The Doctor and how he was able to read the mind of Spike threw a red flag in my direction, although... if this spell is failing, would this be the part where he becomes Doctor Whooves?
The only major glaring issue I could see is that...
'Well, the spell Twilight is using is indeed a summon spell. To summon a Time Lord...'
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'Well... Twilight did say that it was a lot like a spell it had casted before. According to her, it was a lot like a summon..." Spike said, moving a tiny claw rub his chin.
"Ha! I knew it. Twilight is using the basis of that spell as a foundation for this one. Either she was wanted efficiency and little magic spent," Doctor said as he turned to look back at Twilight.'
Do you see it? The Doctor is being summoned with a spell and apparently that's the problem! ILLOGICAL! DELETE! DELETE!
Sorry, went a little Cyberpony crazy for a moment. And also sorry for the long ridiculous comment, but this is going to need MAJOR overhaul by not an editor, but a good dose of common sense.
Well. I can see many things that could be fixed. I can edit but if I get a request from the previous people who ask I will push you back.
By the way. I can see that this is going to be tough for you to write. All I'm going to say is keep going till You want to stop and not because of others. This could be great just keep working on it.
Thank you all very much for your comments. I am learning a lot, and you all make a lot of sense too. Rest assured, I will finish this, no matter how good or bad it turns out.
927729 Keepin' my eye on you then, let's see what you got in that head of yours!
I read zis story because of Soma Cruz... I do love me my castlevania bha-haha
I haven't yet read this chapter, but I need some info on what this is about first. If its a Dr. Who crossover I probably won't understand, as I am not a Whovian (mostly because I can't find an episode online), but I will read and see if it makes sense, eventually.
Giant crossover fic. Well, I'm feeling in the mood for one, and this looks like it won't suck.
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The only thing I can do for the fic is point out grammer and the like errors at a casual frequency. Sorry.
Well, here's the first one. All these are really just big suggestions from me.
---------- (Hope you got some kind of 'search page for phrase' feature, cause that's how I roll.) ----------
Typo detected. (Misspelled "beginNing")
The spell was begining to manifest
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Double typo. (Shoulda used "too", as in a great amount, rather than "to")
"That makes way to much sense
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Triple error. (This sentence just sounds wrong... around the "was wanted efficiency" part...")
Either she was wanted efficiency and little magic scent,"
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Speech. (Usually when people, or ponys speak with each other in casual conversation, they don't take the time to say all of "I am". Now it's your call, and this is Twilight I suppose, but maybe change both of those to just "I'm" since she's talking to Spike, someone she knows.)
"I am done Spike! I am sure it was a success!"
916346 Did the Doctor ever make it back? Did he bring captain Jack? And what about Link? He time travels too! Plus, the first one has the ability to turn into an alicorn! (First Link=Skyward Sword= Most powerful=All triforce pieces=uses all=slayed godly incarnation of demise itself=Alicorn when he turns into pony to adapt to equestria=AWESOME.)
1922458
shhhh we will not mention the cliched hero wannabe known as Link. Do not say anything yet.
The storyline in every game even lightly relating to the zelda franchise is unfitting silly and idiotic. one oes not take dark tags bad humour and a pg tag and make a good game.
1786023
I'm just going to assume you're American or have learned American English..
Guess what.
Brits don't usually use "I'm" and "You're" and stuff, they use the two whole words.
Apart from errors pointed out by other commentators there's nothing I can really add here. Though the repitition of the word "begun" at the beginning of the spell was a little odd. I'm not sure which is the case in this circumstance but it seems to me that "began" might fit the paragraph better instead of "begun".
Grammatical commentary aside this opening chapter sets up the story nicely. Iron Will's disclaimer, though serious in it's delivery, has just enough boredom and annoyance in his tone to make it comedic and colour the rest of the chapter with similar mirth. The Doctor picks up the ball to carry that same tone to the end with his sudden appearance.
All in all, a good start.
Is it ever explained why the doctor was in his humanoid form?, and how does Spike know about the TARDIS?, and which Doctor is it? (the bowtie points towards Matt Smith, yet the blue light on the Sonic Screwdriver points towards David Tennant).
PONEZ
My biggest problem with this story so far is that you keep using phrases like "I am" instead of "I'm", and it looks incredibly unnatural. Oh, and it'd be nice if we had a little explanation as to how Spike knows the Doctor, but this is a random fic, I guess...
I feel like I'm missing something here...
Is this a sequel?
Is that why Spike doesn't care that the Doctor is a human?
First chapter...first impressions....well this escalated quickly
I don't want to be a grammar Nazi but it is written "Danke Schön."
Nice read by the way. I did not mean to offend anyone.
that Tardis can be such a ball and chain at times
the doctor would NEVER say that
good story so far
I can't believe I'm going to attempt reading this story. Better get started.
>"edited"
>typo in first major paragraph of story, more later on
Eeeenope.
And then we get Dan. Ponies aren't a hindrance, their ammo to him.
Also, couldn't the Doctor just come back in a little bit? Five minutes? A week?
1786023 2576326 British or American, apostrophe-S are used to shorten phrases or show ownership, and it is because of these shortening that second/third-English learners confuses everything. It is actually better for writer and speakers to expand the contracted term.
Wait... so what's with Spike being rather familiar with the Doctor? It feels like I missed an explanation or something.
3540762 they tell you later on.
Thank you for all the right reasons
The first chapter down and I'm not sick of it. Bravo.
Uh... What?
DA FUQ!?!? :o
Wait... she's cast a summon spell before? Is this a sequel to Turnabout Storm?
4624163 I would say yes but I bet you already know tthis by now
I haven't read this in months. Starting over.
... I may regret my decision. Wish me luck.
5210564 Starting again as well good sir. I guess that's a really good thing about this story. Despite the long update times it's always a good read while you wait right?
hehehe, this looks very interesting...
The Doctor! :D Whom I'm seeing as the Tenth, cause I like him best.
Nice job on this first chapter! :D
5006783 poor phoenix wright, just can't catch a break with these ponies
That the 11th Doctor is there and they know him out of the blue was really a bit unnecessary.
Unless you would introduce properly why exactly they know him, just retelling a piece of their past would suffice, this is sleightly random and doesn't contribute much to the point where "Twilight yet again messes up a spell."
I would really like to learn how they got to know him first, instead of him just appearing from the void and simply starting a small talk with Spike who is well aware of who he is and what he does. At first I thought you would use "Time Turner/Clockwork", the light brown stallion with a tie, as the Doctor's incarnation and indroduce him that way. In this case it wouldn't even have been necessary to explain much why they know 'Turner' as the Timelord, since you could just go with one of the many pre-assumed fanbased relations between those three, like in the audio series "Doctor Whooves: Adventures", same with many different popular fics around the doctor and the mane 6 on this site, for example the written series by Loyal2Luna. With Matt Smith's 11th 'human looking' Doctor form though, that's not very common, hence you should explain a bit first, why he knows them and they, that is Twilight and Spike, know him.
Otherwise this is unnecessarily confusing, and crying out loud "HEY I'M HERE TOO YOU KNOW", without doing much to prevent Twilight's mess.
This point for example, would have been a great oppertunity to recide a bit of their common past.
How did they get to know each other? (i.e: TARDIS Crashed into the Library 2-3 month ago, he stumbled out, talk happened). Did something happen? (i.e: Doctor saved them from some nasty timey-wimey critters). How did he prove he was a timelord/had a time machine? (i.e: Spike and Twily where curious/disbeliving, so he took a short trip with them to some past point in time). How did he leave them?
Here is an example for how you can answer all of that in about 1-3 paragraphs:
If paragraph 2 and 3 are too much text for your tastes, it would suffice if you just take the first paragraph as an explanation:
TARDIS crashed> Doctor introduced himself to them > trust was gained > creatures attacked > Doctor fixed the problem > Doctor went away in his TARDIS.
That's about all the information we need to make Spike's knowledge about the Doctor valid.
Aside from that, this story looks promising, just wanted to mention that this lack of information regarding the Doctor's and Spike's common past really bothers me.
Allll right time to begin another huge story! Been putting off multiversal fanfic research for far too long, the time has come to read and observe.
Muahahahahha!
Initial thoughts: best disclaimer ever. Other than that, not a very good introduction. The Doctor shows up out of nowhere, they already know him (thought he was the pony version for a while, but apparently not, which makes this confusing.) The wording is a tad bit awkward at times, could stand some edits for clarity. (though given the size (400,000 words) of this fic it makes sense that the prior parts don't receive edits.)
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/c/cd/Pinkie_Pie_excited_smile_S4E09.png/revision/latest?cb=20140113100317
Let's see what you got! I hope it's good enough to keep me interested for all the tremendous wordcount!
-GM, master of BOOKS.
Not gonna lie been years since I took a look at this. Let's see if it's as good as ever
Going on a journey to the past. Reading this story once again,