Cupcakes Versus Muffins

by A cubed

Chapter 2

/x/ Twilight /x/

‘Okay, if x divided by the product of the hypotenuse and pi is equivalent to the reciprocal of the temperature in degrees Fahrenhoof, then the graph should perform a cosine function utilizing an origin of the square root of thirty-six point six six five-’

SLAM!

Gah! If I’ve told him once, I’ve told him a thousand times not to slam the do-

‘Twilight, come quick, you have to try these!’

I looked behind me, towards the front door. From my vantage point in the side room, I could see Spike framed through one of the windows on the front face of the library. In his claws was not one, but two boxes with Sugarcube Corner’s ribbons adorning the edges, signifying that it was one of Pinkie Pie’s creations, since Mr and Mrs Cake don’t use them if they’ve made it, for practicality’s sake. I respect that in business owners, but that’s beside the point.

So, if Pinkie Pie baked these, and Spike says I have to try them... Well, frankly, I don’t really trust his judgment when it comes to baked goods. Especially when they turn out to be baked bads instead.

As he set the boxes down on the table in the kitchen, I looked back at the desk in front of me. I completely lost my train of thought. Great, now I’ll have to do the calculations all over again! Oh, well. It has been a while since I’ve eaten anything- I’ll go ahead and give one of the cupcakes a try. I’m pretty sure it’s cupcakes, because that’s a cupcake box.

Cupcake boxes are a little taller so as to accommodate for the frosting on top, without it getting all smushed down, which really hurts the visual appeal. They’ve also got clear plastic on top, so you can see inside the box, which is really convenient if you buy different kinds of cupcakes. The only reason you’d need to get multiple boxes would be for a party or other social gathering, in which case there’d be several ponies, and since not all ponies share the same tastes, you’ll need to get multiple flavors so somepony isn’t stuck with a flavor they can’t stand. Dumb coconut icing...

I scooted the chair out from my desk, and returned all four hooves to the ground. I’ve been sitting for about an hour or so, and I hadn’t gotten up once. So, I stretched my back a little- I heard and felt a crack, that’s good. I didn’t want to keep Spike waiting- I can see him practically hopping around in anticipation, what could possibly have him so excited? Gemstone cupcakes? Then why would he tell me I had to try some?

As I stepped through the doorway into the main area, he opened up one of the cupcake boxes. He reached his claw in, and before I could ask what kind of cupcake it was that he wanted me to try, he pulled out a... muffin.

What? Why would there be a muffin in a cupcake box? Surely there must be some kind of mistake! Muffins have their own kind of box, because since the tops are made of cake and not frosting, they won’t be crushed. They’re solid, so there’s no material damage. And, there’s no icing on muffins, so there doesn’t need to be the transparent plastic on top! What kind of a pony would misuse the- oh right, Pinkie Pie.

But, hold on a moment. It looks a little tall to be a muffin. It looks like the top was glued on the bottom with something- is that frosting? No... no, of course it’s not frosting, that’d be ridiculous, right? You don’t frost muffins...

“Spike, what is that?” I asked. I’m curious- it just looks like an ordinary muffin. Other than the glue. The cake is light brown with darker brown swirls- that’s a coffee cake muffin. And, the glue in between is beige. Just plain, regular beige- it’s a decent color, beige. Practical. I wonder what the purpose of the glue is for- were they cooked wrong?

Did the top just fall off the bottom, and Pinkie thought it would be a good idea to just glue it back on? She can’t sell muffins with glue on them, because you can’t eat glue! Well, I suppose you can eat glue, but it would be really bad for you, not to mention dangerous! You could clog up your throat if you ate glue, and you wouldn’t be able to breathe! Ooh... I’m not sure if I wanna try that as much now...

‘It’s a coffee cake coffee cuffin!’ he said simply, as if it was obvious to everyone else in the room but me. Actually, since we’re the only two in the room at the moment- Owloysius is sleeping up in the bedroom- it IS obvious to everyone else in the room but me. Heh heh... Oh, he’d know what I meant if I’d said that out loud.

...

Did he say cuffin?

“Did you say ‘cuffin’?”

He nodded, and moved it in my general direction. He offered no explanation as to what a ‘cuffin’ is. I guess I’ll have to ask him, then. I’m probably going to regret this.

I sighed, and asked him, “What’s a cuffin?”

‘A cuffin, also known as a mupcake, is a combination of a muffin and a cupcake. The cuffin; or mupcake; is baked much like an ordinary muffin would be. Except, the top and bottom are separated midway through baking. The top half is removed from the bottom half, and then the bottom halves are injected with frosting. The top halves are then replaced, and the muffins are allowed to bake for the rest of their time.

‘The muffins, structurally weakened from the removal while the cake was still in the earlier stages of baking, now easily come apart. To ensure that the halves stay completely together, the top halves are removed again, and a second layer of frosting goes over the bottoms. This second frosting is thicker than the filling, due to more thickening ingredients added while the muffins were still baking.

‘When the layer of frosting goes on top of the muffin bottoms, the baked goods resemble cupcakes. In fact, they are cupcakes. However, when you apply the muffin top to the completed cupcake, you have then created the mupcake, or cuffin. This particular mupcake used a cinnamon-swirl cake, and a coffee-flavored filling as well as frosting. She just dubbed it the Coffee Cake Coffee Cuffin- you know, for alitter... ma... nation? Oh well, try it!’

My eye twitched. He can remember insanely detailed baked good recipes but he can’t remember to replace Peewee’s dropping newspapers... But... this actually sounds like a pretty good idea. I mean, I really like cupcakes, especially when baked by Pinkie Pie. And, I really like muffins, especially when baked by Pinkie Pie.

“Okay Spike,” I said. “What’s this one’s flavor?” I asked, taking it with magic. I smelled it: cinnamon-y. But, there’s another flavor, what is that...?

‘It’s cinnamon coffee cake with maple.’

Maple! That’s it. Maple and cinnamon, do those really go together that well? Hmm... maybe. Oh well, if it’s good, it’s good, and if it’s bad, I can pull it apart. Here goes.

I took a bite: not really a big bite, but not a small bite either. It’s the perfect amount so it doesn’t look like I’m stuffing my face, while being enough to satisfy my palate for one bite without feeling like I cheated myself.

Upon first taste, it’s very interesting. The cinnamon-sugar had one layer of sweetness, but cinnamon-sugar rarely has much fullness to it. The maple is very full flavor, but it’s not very strong. Separate they’d be good, of course they would be, but nothing really exceptional. It would just be food. However, together...

I started chewing. The cake was fluffy, but not the richest. I mean, that’s a given, it can’t be both thick and fluffy at the same time, that’s like pie crust being both tender and flaky. However, with the icing, it adds a layer of richness the coffee cake alone couldn’t dream of supplying.

I swallowed.

That was a really good cupcake. Or, muffin. Or, whatever it was called... Cuffin? I’d rather call it a Muffcake, but whatever. I’ll have to tell Pinkie Pie she did a great job on these.

“Say, Spike,” I started to ask. “Where did Pinkie Pie get this idea from? It’s really quite delicious.” I finished as I took another bite.

‘Well, Derpy was there to help her with the-’

He was cut off by a spray of cake and icing chunks hitting his face. I didn’t even think that was physically possible.

“Derpy!?” I asked, disbelievingly. “SHE helped make these?” the last time I had muffins from Derpy, well... it didn’t really end well. Like, it ended even worse than the first time I had zap-apple pie.

Spike licked the cake and frosting off his face in a circular motion, sort of like Pinkie Pie does when covered in whipped cream. Except, reptile tongues are different from mammal’s tongues, and even though I’ve practically raised him for years, it’s still slightly off-putting.

‘Yeah,’ Spike started saying. ‘Derpy and Pinkie Pie were having an argument about whether Cupcakes or Muffins were better, so Applejack said something about mixing them together. So Derpy started making muffin mix and Pinkie started making frosting, and they just started mixing the flavors together.’

He walked over to the boxes and opened them, beckoning me over. There were so many flavors in there: there were chocolate ones, and some with fruit in them, and one of them smelled like peanut butter and banana bread. All of them looked the same as the maple coffee cake one: cake with frosting underneath the top.

“Spike...” I said slowly. “I think Pinkie and Derpy hit a gold mine.”

/x/x/x/

Author's Note:

Sorry the plot didn't move very much forward. This is more of an exercise in writing first-person.
Anyways, it's been seven months. -.- It's okay for you to shoot me now. I wish I was a time lord, but, oh well.
I know the type of story I want to write, but it'll require me to watch nearly 8 hours of an anime to understand economics on a basic level in order to write a story about it.

Comments

[My Life of Discord]

THIS SOUNDS AMAZINGLY DELICIOUS! I must try this as soon as possible with the least amount of procrastination. If I manage it and it tastes good, the recipe shall be shared with everybody I see.

[Varsitywrestler]

great job of putting Twilight in character!!!! you pretty much nailed it by making her overthink everything. i cracked up when she said Muffcakes XD

[kooarbiter]

is it really neccesary to watch an entire anime show to understand economics? i just took a half semester class on personal finance and i know all i will ever need to know, so you wouldn't even need to know a fraction of that to write a fictional story, just write as you go, no one will care that you aren't dave ramsey, just pull it out of your ass and write for comedy, and no one will even notice (except for concept and grammar nazis, but who needs 'em?)

[A cubed]

2684813 But I AM a concept and grammar nazi!
And yeah, I see your point about that. However, I kinda got a huge idea to put several of my stories parallel to each other in the same universe, which is a tad more important to me than this story. I mean, it seemed to be good enough as a standalone... But I think that I'll leave the EQD community to decide whether I should continue this story or not based on how well-written the first chapter is.
I mean, I would LIKE to continue this and make it a comedy (Celestia knows I need to write less angst and drama), but I doubt it will happen soon. Although, I do have nearly four straight hours of time to use the computer (in complete silence) every day for the next two weeks, so I could probably get to pumping out a chapter of this in between, because that other project is still in the drafting stage.
And if I'm going to watch a series anytime soon, it'll be K-ON, Angel Beats, Doctor Who, Justified, or Breaking Bad, not Spice & Wolf.