“11 / 21 / 2050, 6:54pm”, Satyrn’s transmitter reads to her
The sun shot straight into the bazaar, illuminating clouds of dust formed by the trampling of sand.
“It’s getting kinda late. Guess I sh-AAAACH!” Satyrn shouted as a robust stallion pushed her out of the way, knocking her over.
“Fucking jerk.” Satyrn muttered to herself.
The market was bright with vibrant oranges and yellows cascading across the pale concrete shops. Various exotic aromas filled the air. Canterlot’s Eastern Sector had become a cultural phenomenon. Perhaps it was due to Mr. Cumin opening up “The Tasty Treat” all those years ago that attracted the idea of diversifying the city. Over the decades, Canterlot expanded in all directions, producing four major sectors. Each region functions differently. The western sector is home to … well, homes. It’s comprised of tall high rises that are mostly apartment complexes. South sector is an industrial powerhouse, fit with factories and manufacturing facilities. You get the idea. The Canterlot castle kinda sits where it always has: a short distance away from the rest of the city. Not many ponies loiter about the Castle grounds, though (not that they ever have anyway).
Satyrn started making her way to the Sector Exit when she noticed a peculiar trinket on one of the merchant’s carts. Upon inspection, she found that it was a golden astrolabe. As she started to study it more closely, she heard shouting from behind her. A knife darted past her face. Causing her to stagger backwards. In shock, all she could only hear were screams from the people around her. Satyrn forced herself back into focus and snapped her head to where the knife came from. A hooded figure was fleeing the scene in quite a hurry.
She dashed quickly around the building and chased the perpetrator. As Satyrn turned the corner she saw the figure’s red eyes before losing him again. Continuing her pursuit, the gravel beneath her broke underhoof with the force of her sprint. The stallion dashed through alleys and streets - Satyrn followed quickly behind. She found herself standing in another marketplace. Lost him again. Frantically, her eyes darted everywhere to find him. After a moment, she spotted him through the crowd, running up a stairwell onto the rooftops. Satyrn hastened her pace and rushed on his trail, her sweat now soaking her mane. Gaining ground, she had a clear vision of the watcher. As she endeavored to dash at him, the assassin struck an awning which came crashing down onto the roof. Leaping across the debris, Satyrn was met by two flash grenades, temporarily impairing her vision. A few moments later, the smoke cleared and the assassin was nowhere to be seen. Thoughts of endangering her family flooded Satyrn’s mind. In tears, she became fearful for her own life as well.
Refocusing again, she felt herself still running hurriedly through the Eastern Sector trying to track down her attempted killer. An energy bolt stopped her stride abruptly, singeing the ground in front of her. She skidded to a full stop and traced the projectile’s stream to a window in the building overhead. Another blast came. And another. The assassin began firing relentlessly at the pegasus as she flitted from one corner to the next. More screaming. More panicking. Everything was a blur. A moment later, Satyrn spotted a merchant cart with weapons in it. Seeing she had stopped moving, the watcher fired at the cart and the street filled with dust and smoke. He looked around for Satyrn’s remains, but as the dust cleared, did not see her. For a minute he glazed over and thought about what to do but was interrupted as the ceiling came down. Satyrn flew at the stallion with a blade, striking over and over again as the her opponent dodged each movement. Suddenly she was knocked back by the asassin’s rifle and hit the ground. She tried to get back up but, instead, watched his hoof bash into her face. Rolling over, she used her wings to blow up dust as she was knocked back. The killer struggled to squint through the cloud as Satyrn came back up for a deadly strike. Blood stained the floor and the walls; Satyrn’s blade was completely dark red. The stallion became limp and fell to the floor. Everything was silent now. Satyrn knelt down and examined the body. She traced her eyes along his cloak, her heart racing. There were marks peaking out from behind the stallion’s mane.
“It can’t be..” she trailed off.
Removing the hood and brushing away the stallion's mane, Satyrn found just what she feared. Stamped on his forehead was the number ‘5029’
Oh no! anyway, does this have anything to do with your song/animation with the same name?
To me, it has certainly become clear that something is wrong here. This chapter of the story is tied to a video that has 71K views on Youtube and masterfully well-done. This story overall, in contrast, has 574 views. The music befitting this story is AMAZING. If it hasn't already been said, that you made a concept-album to go along with the entirety of a written story (or vice-versa), it is still above and beyond what most bronies should have to do to be lauded for their work, although I am well-aware of the positivity you've received on Youtube. As a fellow writer, however, I am somewhat miffed at the fact that for an album so good, those who listened didn't also take the time to read this story for what it is, and it's not as if based on its length it would be that difficult or tiresome of a task to accomplish.
Now, I'm mostly certain that this fact digs at yourself a lot more than me, and I can see how a lot of people would overlook this work of art as being an additional (and in their minds, unnecessary extra) in the same way that many albums often have additional cover/concept art that goes along with the album itself, (the easiest example I can think of off the top of my head is Gorillaz), especially when the artist in question is multi-talented. However this is NOT an unnecessary piece of the puzzle.
You have a triple threat here. Great Music. Great Artwork. Great story; even for as short and simple as it is, and if you wanted me to genuinely critique it for flaws I would but I'm having enjoying this experience far too much.
And yet people seem to have ignored where the source of the story behind the lyrics comes from. THE STORY ITSELF.
Well, I apologize for ranting there a little bit. Take it to heart that I think what you've done is amazing.
—Joshua Aaron Skousen
8530230
This song is directly related to that animation:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6s8qZhTQIg
What is described in the story is also what happens in the video. In fact, now I'm wondering what it would be like to listen to the song while reading the story.
As the story develops more narrative structure, it's starting to conflict with the explanatory outline style. Single paragraphs shift from current events narrated in past tense into explanations given in present tense, even into asides where the narrator speaks directly to the reader, then back into Satyrn's own internal thoughts. It's difficult to follow, laborious to read, and very jarring.
The song and animation do a better job of conveying the content of this chapter. There is, in fact, absolutely zero additional content in this chapter as compared to the animation.
Two questions here.
So at the end, why did she name the assasin ‘watcher’?
And, secondly, Littlepip in fallout equestria had several nightmares after her ‘first blood’, why it seems that Satyrn decided to kill instead of just impairing the assasin and capture him without hesitation?