You seem to have javascript disabled, or your browser is failing to execute it properly. Much of Fimfiction's functionality requires javascript so we suggest you turn it on!

Child of the Everfree

When Twilight gets lost in the Everfree Forest, she gets help from a strange pony.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 3 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 3
- Newest First
- Oldest First

SC_Orion

SC_Orion #1 · Sep 15th, 2017 · · ·

Great job for your first story, Misty Moon! This is story is short and sweet! It's a very lighthearted read and it has quite the charm to it.

I don't like criticising others, so I hope this doesn't come off harshly. You've done a really good job with this story- I didn't see any grammatical mistakes, but I could have missed some. And my problems are mostly nitpicking.

I don't think you need to bold the names that you bolded unless you wanted to add special emphasis to them. I would suggest using italics since they're a bit less distracting. And the only other major thing I have to comment on is that you could have your characters being more lively. When two characters are talking, they don't just stand there doing nothing, they look around, react to what's been said physically, shifting their weight, smiling, grimacing. It's kind of lacking in that regard.

Other than that, this is a good story. I encourage you to keep writing- I think you have great potential to be an author!

Misty Moon

Misty Moon #2 · Sep 15th, 2017 · · ·

8427513
Yeah, I wasn't sure about the bold thing. I'll try and make my characters more lively in future stories. Thanks for your input and support, it really means a lot to me.

josue