This is the silliest thing in existence.

I like it.

Yes, nothing gets the taste of shame and humiliation out of your mouth quite like rhubarb pie.  

I'm liking this. It has a lot of potential. And I love the thought of a baking Changeling. And, of course, a Changeling in love with a pony.

There's a lot that could be improved about the writing in this, but the idea intrigues me.

Rhubarb pie! Now we are talking

A good start, keep it up!

This is great so far.

PROBLEM: the description tells too much of the story, cut it back a bit.

Bebop Rebop Rhubarb Pie. anyone get the reference?

>>923437923437

Point taken, description edited. Thanks!

:Soarin:

Pie?!

Merry May!

H-How dare he?! Actually likes to bake! What kind of sick twisted mind does he have?!

Jokes aside. Great start for a story. Will continue to look out for chapters!

Definitely following it is very good.

I like the concept of it, but you seem to be using many run-on sentences early on. I think the first few paragraphs could use some editing and revision.

Hm...good idea. You may want to add a humour tag. For the next chapter, try getting a proofreader. Other than that, this has feature potential.

>>923779923779

>>923845923845

Duly noted. I'll do my best to fix it up.

ooooh, GLORIOUS!

First off wonderful picture, title and description.

It doesn't matter how good or bad a story is if no one opens the book for one reason or another.

As for concept again, very well done indeed.  I can't seem to put it all into words at the moment but keeping a secret that is not in itself "bad" as he is after all not a bad changeling but at the same time is something that is rather damning in regards to those that wouldn't understand or take the time to understand is something we all face at some point.

One example would be many bronies come to think of it, especially those infected early on before the community was better established to have a way to support one another.

"He likes a show about little ponies meant for 6-8ish year old girls?!

THE HORROR! THE HORROR!"

Image: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4eiqnGjUA1ruf44ao1_1280.jpg

This story...

Yes, it has mistakes. Yes, it has an odd way of introducing the main character. No, I have no idea what rhubarb is.

... But, as of right now, the amount of eagerness I have in waiting for the next chapter is infinite :D

~ Oh, and specifically about those mistakes. Leave them, I say! (Unless you're feeling obliged to fix them :c) ~ For I (as an average reader :D) didn't pay them any heed. The story itself is what counts

~ Also, how long does it take you to write these? Your other two chapter stories were all posted in a day, so I'm assuming you either crank these out crazy fast or you wrote those in full before posting. Just don't want to get the wrong idea when it comes to timing!

>>923927923927

The other ones I cranked out in a day were already finished stories, so I could just pop them out. I wrote them awhile back, so they were easy to just upload and present.

Thanks.

I actually haven't written out this one entirely yet. I've finished the first chapter, but I'm proofreading it multiple times before I release it.

>>923176923176

>>923176923176 >>923449923449

"Yes, nothing gets the taste of fear and humiliation out of your mouth like Beebop-A-Reebop Rhubarb Pie."

   "But one little thing can revive a guy,

    And that is home-made rhubarb pie.

    Serve it up, nice and hot.

    Maybe things aren't as futile as you thought.

    Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,

    Bee-Bop-A-Ree-Bop Rhubarb Pie.

    Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,

    Bee-Bop-A-Ree-Bop Rhubarb Pie."

"You can't fool me! *I* listen to public radio." –Squidward, to Plankton

>>923999923999

hmm... i never had rhubarb pie...

>>924293924293

Oh man. My sister would tell you all about it. She loves rhubarb pie. Sometimes it's made with strawberries. From how she describes it, it's a bit like apple pie, except only more sour...

I only wonder, Fluttershy now knows his secret, but then again no channeling encounters have been made, but after the invasion she knows about the channelings, my question is will she fear and betray him after the invasion?

>>924353924353

Hold on.

Okay, spoilers for chapter one. Readers beware.

Fluttershy doesn't find out. He doesn't change back from a bat into a changeling after he passes out.

Sorry.

It's okay so far. Though, I find too many odd cutsey stories on this site for my persona tastes. That being said, I will try and review this without pouring Kerosene in my eyes and lighting them on fire just so I don't have to read this.

No obvious grammatical errors nor any egregious spelling failures, so that's okay. I guess you can say, the only thing wrong with this is how little of it there is, and that's not a fan asking for more, that's an outsider staring with a disapproving glare with his lips set in a thin line thinking this feels a little too odd and half-thought out..

Yeah, my only fault with this is you need to pad this story a little more, that cliff-hanger was an instant turn off. But that doesn't matter to the large flocks of reader pussy you seem to be receiving (I don't care if you're a female or male). All in all, give a little more description and you'll be fine.

I've seen a lot of changeling stories in my day, but none with such an inspired premise as this one.

I'm really fascinated by this, it's a GREAT idea. I can't wait for more!

Hmm........ You may proceed... *watch*

I can only spot one thing that is seriously wrong with this story: IT'S TOO SHORT! I NEED MOAR!!!1!!1111!

MOAR !

you have caught my attention. Points of the internet verity for you sir. Good hook, you seem to have pulled quite a few people in! Can't wait to see more!

I say that this will make the featured box someday. Just look at the rating!

>>924362924362

Ohhhh he changed into a bat, my mistake i must have overlooked it.

I so sleepy, but  .... I READ IT !!!!!!!!   I like it

And it made the featured box sooner than I expected. Am I becoming a psychic of some kind?

>>926308926308

Phew, thanks. I didn't like this chapter as much as the first, but it was needed to move the story along. It makes me feel a little better to know you liked it.

Aha, this is awesome! Such a fun read :D

somehow, i doubt this will end well.

also, i am kinda familier with the "Big Lier" stories, and the changeling ones are propbuly no differnet.... still, i'll fave this and come back to it and see if this will either be somewhat origenal, or will it at least be, charming in it's familer but cute ways. this is mostly a postitive comment with light contructive criticisum.

good story so far liked and fave'd. i'll be keeping an eye on this one.

Yay! Scales meets Fluttershy! Causes of many d'aaws!

Next episode! Scales meets Pinkie Pie! Laugher ensured!

Just gimme more of this :D

I just wanna know who/why the romance tag! XD I mean, do NOT rush the shipping! I'm just... curious.

... Honey Badger.

I know not of what I wish to do. Laugh? Face palm? Face desk? Face... FLOOR? No, wait. I got it.

*face sub-basement*

Still, nottabad joke.

Ok, I'm seeing two problems with this fic.  First, I feel like things are moving a bit too quickly, but you do have just enough descriptive detail in places to get away with it.  Try to take your time exploring the world; Scales/Rhubarb is new to Ponyville, and from the prologue I get the feeling he's not as experienced in acting like a pony as the average Changeling.

The second problem is more important: your sentences are haphazard, awkwardly structured, and tend to run on.  It's as if when you come up with something you want to add to a sentence you just tack it onto the end rather than going back and putting it with related items.  For example: "The pegasus left again for a moment and returned and placed a bowl of water before him and a plum."  By mentioning the plum at the end, it seems like it was already there near Scales and Fluttershy put the water in front of both the bat and the fruit.  It should be more like this: "The pegasus left again for a moment and returned and placed a bowl of water and a plum in front of him."  But even that's a bit of a run-on sentence.  Instead: "The pegasus left again for a moment and then returned with a bowl of water and a plum."  You don't even need to mention her placing the food and water in front of Scales; the readers can infer that based on what's said before and in the next paragraph.

Seems legit

What if they find out he's a changeling? Would they banish him or cure from being a changeling and turn him into a Pony.

Could he warn the Ponies of upcoming attack of the changelings?

QUARTUSDECIMUS!!!!!

Good chapter! Much better than the last, too. I can't wait for the next one!

My phone didn't work when I tried to favorite and track this story. I almost missed chapter 1

Edit: great chapter! I especially like how much detail you put into how he chose his appearance. I'm looking forward to the next chapter!

Mmmm. A lot of entertaining potential. Let's see how this works out.

EDIT: I'm going to take the side of CTVulpin for some minor advice. If possible, try to stretch your chapters out a little longer. RIght now you've got Rhubarb on a direct course with the main plot, but judging by his behavior there is a lot more potential character development to be had. Your plot has a lot of potential for comedic leeway in this regard, and it would be wise to play with it a bit.

Love it

>>926507926507

You'll see in a few chapters.

>>926609926609

Thanks. I'll try my best to make it better. I really appreciate you taking time to point these things out to me.

A day and a half has passed, and already two great chapters :') ~ Simply amazing! My eagerness is tenfold of what it was before! (No pressure though! :c)

Must be jarring getting all of these comments, though - more than all of your stories put together in such a short time O_o

>>926609926609

But isn't it just her style to write that way ? Besides, I really don't think a story has to be long and drawn-out to be good ~ short and descriptive seems to work wonders, as both the influx of new fans and the featured box seem to imply :3

As for the grammatical errors, I suppose I see where you're coming from. However, I didn't even notice them unless I went through and scrutinized every sentence - though even then, given that the POV (albeit third person) is on Rhubarb(Scales?), a rather detached changeling, I find that most of these 'errors' contribute to helping us see the way he thinks. Perhaps if the narrator was disconnected and omniscient this would be an issue, but I have no objection to needing to dig through the chapter intensively in order to find errors

- Though I am a rather young reader (highschool ), so maybe its just me. /shrug

*Reads biased, rambling post thing I just wrote* *Notices that this should be something the author should write, and not some random guy* *shame*

Sorry JuneLuxray(2)

>>926944926944

I'll admit everyone has their own writing style, but some writing styles work better for me than others.  The style I'm seeing here is borderline and it would be better easier to evaluate once the grammar's cleaned up.

Scales doesn't strike me as "detached", just possessing an abnormal appreciation for baked goods and general beauty of the world that the other Changelings seem to lack.  He's like Remy from Ratatouille, only without the handicap of needing a "puppet" to work through.

Pfft, Fluttershy would think Raxacoricofallapatorious is a nice name.

Can't wait for more! =D I love changeling stories! XD You could slow the pace of the story down a bit, and perhaps make your chapters longer XD

I like this story so far. It seems like a changeling is never satisfied with the name thy choose.

I need some silly. Besides, this guy over here who I'm watching>>923375923375 and the man who's always funny on the blogs>>923161923161 like it so I'll give it a chancee.

Rhubarb's in for some Pinkie Pie mania.... hehehe....

>>928395928395 I'm funny?

I'M FUNNY! YEEES!

WHEN I RULE THE WORLD, you'll get a nice charming gift basket.

A single paragrafh... i had one singular paragragh left before my parents called me in to clean the mess called the kitchen, which took an hour...and i had just 1 sinular paragragh left...

it's  a good story!

I am really enjoying this story! Great job!

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Fluttershy_umad.png

i Baked  you a pie...

ho boy what flavor?

pie flavor.

>>930932930932

ohoho...

>>923449923449

of course! EVERYPONY LOVES GARRISON KEILLOR!! (or however you spell that last name)

This is a great story so far, and I'm sure the rest of the story will be awesome too.

This story is pure AWESOME so far!

MOAR!

>>927420927420

Wut?

>>932395932395 Y'know, raxicoricofallapatorious? Home to the Raxicoricofallapatorians? The slitheen family? Twin planet to clom?

You don't watch Doctor Who, do you?

Every whovian probably memorized how to spell raxicoricofallapatorious.

>>930932930932

I can't wait to eat this pie!

You know what comes next.

>>932423932423 yes i do and yes you can

>>932423932423

I consider myself a fan of the doctor (either who or whooves) but not a rabid fan by any means.

When he was a child, he had found a recipe for rhubarb pie.

It was a unicorn stallion with a short mane and tail, somewhat spiky at the edges, and large eyes.

What would be his mark? It only took a moment of thought before he doodled down a pie with a lattice top crust.

Her body was a lime green, her hair was pink, and she had three suns as a cutie mark.

His eyes met the canopy of the trees with their rich brown color of their trucks and their glorious, gentle green leaves. [. . .] He wrote in the mane BROWN and in the coat GREEN and in the eyes BLUE.

Not usually one for images but:

Image: http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2011/8/24/1314207708786/oliver-twist-007.jpg

Please sir, can I have some more?

Oh this can NOT end well.

Good work, but a few one thing bothered me. It seems that you throw ponies names in before Scales knows them. You're doing third person limited so you need the characters to introduce themselves before blatantly stating their names. Of course we know who they are but try to watch out for that

Green coat and brown mane? Oh I hope you throw in a good Rarity scene for that

I like where this is going, eh? And might I add that your writing seems to have improved since the previous chapter, well done!

So, Rainbow and May will see him later eh? Hmm...

Image: http://www.commentbuddy.com/comments/First/cool-i-got-first-comment.gif

Email updates FTW.

I shall read now.

EDIT: Me likes. A longer chapter would be nice, but who am I to complain?

>>948189948189 You have first post?

Image: http://denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw5236-shitgiver.jpg

Neat chapter, to me it wasn't going too fast and I liked it a lot.

Though I'm one to talk since I can't write stories since I can't focus all that much.

>>948212948212

Image: http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/190/829/131933146075.jpg

The chapter went really well, the only concern I had while reading is that Rhubarb didn't ask the Cakes if he could lodge with them, as he doesn't actually have anywhere to sleep/live yet... but given that he told Fluttershy that he'd just moved, maybe he's just going to deal with it later? Or has it just not occured to him yet?

Can't wait to see where it goes from here!

>>948260948260

That will be explained in the next chapter, hehe. I know what I'm doing. I can see your concern, though. XD

Image: http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/d/db/Iron_Will_thumbs-up_S2E19.png

I'm liking it! Good pacing, I think.

Me need more of this story in my brainzzz nowz

You have my attention with this one!!!

<> New Game

<> Continue

<> Options

Work well with others? Or work well with insane hyperactive pink mares?

Pinkie's gonna drive him insane.

I enjoyed it, Favorited and I can't wait for more. The pacing was pretty good, didn't feel too rushed.

Keep up the great work.

Hunter C. Creed

I like the story, but for a bakery 7am is usually about 1/2 way through first shift, with a lot starting at 2 or three am to get everything ready for the day.

If he was just in sales I could see him starting at 7, but otherwise...

>>924305924305

dat avatar pic. e.o

GLRIOUS!

I'm loving this fic.

pretty decent but a few questions. If the changelings have only just discovered Equestria then how was Rhubarb able to fly there in one day? If the changelings have only just discovered Equestria than how was Rhubarb able to figure out that he needed a job, and that he was taking the shape of a unicorn?

I love it!

Thank Celestia for the feature box, or I'd have never found this!

Definitely tracking.

Hm. I think I liked it better when I was nearly past out from exhaustion. Too chronological, if you get my meaning. Your take on the transformation process was interesting. I always just thought of it as something they could do without much deliberation, but I suppose that's not the case if you're making an identity from scratch.

yay!

i am loving this fanfic! :D

Wake up from nap, new chapter about baking changeling. Winning

This Changling story seems to be very different from most fic I have read on the fellows. Rhubarb seems to lack that nervousness about being caught, but then again this seems to be before the Great Defeat. I'm hoping that there will a transistion from before to after and Rhubarb starts to panic.

I like the idea of Changelings having to choose carefully when they change. It's like they have a pony-creator inside their heads.

interesting but 7 am to start work? as a baker in a store we usally start baking goods about 4 hours before customers come into the store to shop. but no complaints here. we all got our dreams.