'Ugh, my head…'
I curl up into a ball as I feel my… everything hurt. My head feels like it’s being split open from the inside, a low drone muting out all the sounds around me. Tears escape the sides of my eyes, as the whole experience becomes a bit too much and I cry out in pain.
'What the fuck even happened to me? I asked myself. I can’t even imagine what would cause this much pain, short from being run over by a truck… multiple times. But, if that happened I would sure as hell be lying in a comfortable hospital bed, with a sexy nurse already looking after my freshly awakened ass, pumping it full of painkillers.'
A particularly painful burst of unrelenting pain surged through my body and I could feel it contort in weird ways that it wasn’t supposed to. The ground beneath me seemed soft, yet had a rough texture to it, and the damp feeling on my skin informed me that I was naked for some reason.
'Ughhh, fuck. Something is very wrong here,' I thought to myself, as if I wasn’t already aware of that fact and tried to open my eyes in an attempt to figure out where I was.
I managed to keep them open for a split second before I clamped them shut again. Even though it wasn’t even that bright, I felt as if I’d just walked headfirst into a floodlight after spending ten years inside a dark cave. A new wave of pain surged through my body and I could feel something shifting inside of me, which actually caused me to cry out. My voice sounded hoarse, as if I hadn’t drank something in ages.
At least I was able to make out that I was in some kind of forest. I wasn’t sure what to do with that information, but at least I knew now.
All of a sudden, I felt as if something powerful was gripping my body, pulling in several different directions. I heard my own bones crack and break, the sounds reverberating in my head like a macabre orchestra, and I shouted like I never had in my entire life before. The sound of a flock of birds leaving their perch accompanied me into the sweet, sweet embrace of unconsciousness.
I awoke once more, feeling like death.
My whole body was sore, and the headache seemed to punctuate every thought with pain, if not a bit more subdued now. I readily swallowed the first pool of saliva that appeared in my mouth, anything to alleviate feeling like my throat was drier than the Mojave desert… The saliva left behind a burning sensation in my throat, but I could already feel a bit of moisture return to it.
That, of course, didn’t stop me from going straight into a coughing fit that would make a chain-smoker sound healthy. Which was weird, since I didn’t smoke.
I attempted to open my eyes, and actually managed to keep them open this time around. They refused to focus though, so I had to make do with trying to identify oddly shaped splotches of color.
As I suspected, I was definitely inside of a forest. Now that I actually could hear better, the usual sounds that one would expect within a forest were reaching my ears. Birdsong diffused the whole area, as if every tree around me was filled to the brim with little critters. I could hear the flapping of wings, long before a blue shaped blob swooped in from above and landed a few feet away from me.
It seemed to dip its head towards the ground several times with a weird motion, each time accompanied by miniscule splashes of water, which I could hear with an odd accuracy. It took me a while, but I eventually made the connection. Water. Just feet in front of me was water.
At this point I didn’t care if it was a dirty puddle filled with decaying foliage and every imaginable disease that ever existed. I needed to drink something, and I needed to do so yesterday!
With an enormous amount of effort I started pushing myself forward, the grunt and sudden movement disturbing the bird before it flew away in shock. My whole body felt oddly disconnected, as if my limbs weren’t attached to where they should be, but right now I couldn’t care less. All that mattered was getting something to soothe my burning throat.
I had no idea how long it took me, might have been seconds, or twenty minutes, but fighting through the pain, I finally reached the object of my desire, a puddle of water. Judging by it’s size and the damp dirt beneath me, it was mostly rainwater that hadn’t evaporated yet. I forewent using my hands to scoop it up and simply dumped my entire face into it’s cool relief. Or at least I tried to, my nose seemed to have grown several times larger for some reason, preventing me from doing that. Not really caring, I eagerly lapped up the lukewarm, dirty water with glee until there was almost nothing left.
My throat felt like shit after drinking that disgusting cocktail, but still… it felt less shitty than before. I coughed a few times more before rolling over onto my side. It was high time to stop moving, and I was intent to ride out what was most likely the most brutal case of a hangover in the history of alcohol.
Yesterday must have been a night to remember.
I was lying there, unmoving, for what felt like an eternity, listening to the soothing sounds of the forest. The symphony of animal noises and trees creaking provided a soothing place of respite for my pained body and mind, focusing on it distracted from the pain, if only slightly. Eventually, I felt as if I was back to a somewhat working order. Or, just a regular hangover, I guess. Relatively used to this level of pain and nausea, I got to work on getting into an upright position and took stock of my situation.
The first thing I noticed when trying to do just that, was that my limbs were sticking out at very weird angles and felt like they didn’t have the same amount of dexterity they had before.
'Priority number one upon opening eyes: Figure out how badly fucked up my body is,' I thought to myself.
Somehow, I got myself into a sitting position and attempted to rub the cobwebs out of my eyes by using my right hand. But, instead of the warm and gentle embrace of my hand, I was greeted by the cold and unfeeling thing of whatever I just rammed in between my eyes. I recoiled in pain, attempting to rub the pained spot on my forehead, making it only worse in the process before giving up.
Fed up with it all, I carefully opened my eyes, blinking at an accelerated rate until they finally focused on the world around me. The fact that I was in a forest was once again, confirmed, as well as the fact that I could actually… see more? I wasn’t exactly sure, but it felt as if my peripheral vision had grown larger and more accurate. Remembering my earlier objective, I looked down to check out my body and almost had an aneurysm.
For some reason I had four furry stumps instead of my usual limbs, which is to say, two healthy arms and legs. In fact, my whole body seemed to be covered in fur of a matte gray color, complemented by fiery red hair that messily hung from my shoulders and invaded my vision from above. If my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me, I even had some sort of tail of the same red color.
What disturbed me the most, though, was the fact that there were two wings snugly folded to my sides. I gave them an experimental flap, the movement coming way too naturally for my own taste, confirming that this was indeed my own body.
I closed my eyes again and took a deep breath. Something was incredibly fucked up, and it looked like it was my body. I didn’t really want to believe it, but now that I paid attention to it, the sensations being returned to my brain matched my outer appearance.
I opened my eyes once more. Yep, still in the wrong body, I thought, looking for another nearby puddle.
I found one in short order and wobbled my way over to it. Walking didn’t seem too hard, if a bit unstable. It was actually a lot like crawling on all fours, just without half of my legs being dragged along the floor. Once I arrived at my destination I tried to use the puddle as a makeshift mirror, which kind of worked. Due to the low light, all that greeted me was a somewhat transparent reflection, but it was enough to give me a general idea of what my head looked like.
Two, big floppy ears stood at attention on my head, swiveling around every so often, which I hadn’t even noticed up until now. I had what appeared to be a muzzle, which would explain my earlier issues with drinking, and my eyes were abnormally large, almost comically so. At least they had kept their deep blue color. What really sent me through a loop though, was the horn that was protruding out of my forehead, emerging from my… mane? Like a giant middle finger to common sense.
“Am I a fucking unicorn?” I said out loud. “And a pegasus at the same time? A unisus?”
Great, at least I could still talk. Yay, me! But, judging by the slightly higher than usual pitch of my voice, combined with the relatively low altitude of my body, I concluded that I had reverted back into a child. Either that, or unicorn adults were ridiculously small. My naming sense seemed to be fatally wounded as well, since it just occured to me that pegacorn was a way better word.
Whatever the situation was that I found myself in, I had more than enough of it, and sleeping for a bit sounded amazing right now. I looked around for a semi-comfortable place to lie down as I spotted something black close to me. Hobbling over to investigate, I identified the thing as my hoodie. Not questioning how or why, it appeared like it was the only thing of my effects that made it here, I picked it up with my mouth and carried it over towards the base of a tree, using it as a makeshift pillow.
Whatever the fuck was going on, I could deal with it tomorrow. And who knows? Maybe it was all a dream after all.
I awoke with a grumble, as the sun hit my face at that perfect, yet impossible angle through the trees that surrounded me. The atmosphere around me already told me, that what I experienced yesterday was definitely not a dream. My body was still resting on the soft fabric of my hoodie and the earth below me was still wet from the rain, which left my fur in a damp and uncomfortable state, and my limbs still felt oh so horribly wrong.
I slowly opened my eyes to take in the familiar setting of the forest which I found myself in before going to sleep. Whatever strange body I had acquired yesterday was still feeling sore, so the first order of the day consisted of copious amounts of stretching out. Aside from getting the after sleep drowsiness out of my system, this had the practical side effect of allowing me to reacquaint myself with my body.
The movements in and of itself came to me quite naturally, as if I had possessed these limbs for all my life. Even the wings proved to be no problem, and I achieved what I assumed to be the full range of movement with them. I played with the thought of whether or not I was able to fly with them or not, since they looked pretty small in proportion to my already too small body, but trashed the thought almost immediately. Given the miniscule probability of my success in taking off, I was almost guaranteed a crash since I had no idea what I was doing, and I didn’t want to add an injury to my already fucked up situation.
In other, more happy news, pretty much all of the pain in my body was gone. Aside from the headache of course, which had subsided to a dull throbbing. Not enough to take me out of the game, but enough to be annoying.
Whatever happened yesterday was some seriously fucked up shit, when I remember the impossible contortions my body went through I still shuddered. I wouldn’t be surprised if that didn’t leave behind some kind of trauma on me…
Deciding that it would be best to practice my movement to be… less wobbly and more viable to traverse a forest, I started doing some light exercises. Which basically boiled down to me trying to walk straight and stable without falling over. I took quite a few dives to the ground and some light bruising, but eventually I felt like I got the hang of it. Next, I moved on to some light jumps, which might come in handy in case there were big roots in my way or something.
Turns out it was harder than I thought to balance the landing without feet. After many a failed attempt, it dawned on me that I could just do bunny hops. That way I would be able to use all four of my hoof-things to compensate my momentum. After only three times it turned out that my idea was genius! Landing was a lot easier this way, and while it didn’t look graceful at all, it fulfilled it’s purpose.
Happy with my range of movement I decided that it was finally time to head away from my safe clearing and into the unknown forest. Priority number one was to find either shelter, or some sort of civilisation, if that even was a thing that existed… wherever I was. Sure didn’t feel like Kansas.
My stomach rumbled, and for the first time I realized that I was actually hungry. Very hungry. Priority number one was just replaced with finding something edible. If I was lucky, there would be some fruit bearing trees or bushes close to me.
I walked back to where my hoodie was, still crumpled up at the base of the tree where I left it. It was my favourite. The fabric felt soft and was warm enough in the winter, without getting to stuffy in hot weather. A pocket was located in the stomach area, which would allow me to hide my hands as a warmer alternative to my pants and there were two threads dangling down from the hood, which allowed for the adjustment of it’s size. The little plastic bits at their respective ends were chewed up to hell and back, since that was one of my favourite things to keep my restless body occupied.
Leaving it here was out of the question, but taking it with me seemed like an impossible task. I had no hands to carry it, no backpack, and if I just flung it over my back, I was sure that I’d have to pick it up every few feet. The idea to just hang it from my horn briefly crossed my mind, but I quickly realized that I wouldn’t be able to see anything this way. It seemed like the only option was to actually wear it.
I eyed my hoodie and after a while decided that it was possible to wear it, even in this weird unicorn-pegasus body. I’d just have to put my two front things through the arm-holes and I should be all set.
I’ll admit, it wasn’t easy and I had to assume some rather embarrassing positions, one of which led me to realize I was still definitely male, but eventually I got my hoodie on. The cut wasn’t made to be worn by a pony, so I felt some slight pinching at some points, but since my body had also shrunk quite a bit, it wasn’t too bad. My wings were completely covered by my hoodie, which felt odd, but not too uncomfortable.
Happy that finally everything was in order, I picked a direction at random and started walking. As I did so, I made a mental checklist.
'Alright, I’ll have to look out for anything edible while I walk, let’s hope I find something quick. Finding a vantage point or body of water is also on the list of top priorities, ideally a river. If I do find one, I’ll just follow it downstream and hopefully hit a village somewhere along the way.
I sure do hope whatever lives here is friendly and smart enough to build their settlements close to water… if they even need water to survive.'
My checklist complete I made my way past trees and bushes of all kinds. They didn’t look too different from what I knew, but every once in awhile there would be a plant or flower that looked just too alien to be from the earth I knew. I wasn’t too sure what it was about them, since I hadn’t majored in flower spotting or some useless shit like that, but whenever I crossed paths with one, I just felt that they were… wrong.
One of these bushes actually bore some kind of purple fruit, resembling a pear. I seriously considered just stuffing my mouth with them, but after some careful consideration decided against it. For all I knew, one bite could kill me and I actually quite enjoyed being alive. Even if I was in a seriously weird situation.
I really needed some answers on just what happened to me, because I felt like freaking out. Keeping a cool head like I always tried to, reminded me that a mental breakdown would help nobody, least of all myself, and so I trotted ever onwards.
Walking through the forest was actually calming my troubled mind. It was a familiar sight, even if marred by the occasional alien plant, and nothing was threatening to overload any of my senses.
I trudged on for what felt like hours, and most likely was, since the sun was travelling at a sedate pace with me. When I woke up, it seemed to just have risen, but now it had passed its zenith and was already on it’s way towards the horizon. It worried me a bit that I hadn’t found edible food or any shelter yet, but I convinced myself that I still had quite some time left in the day.
My body seemed to be of a slightly different opinion though, since the rumbling of my stomach had grown more frequent, and I could feel myself getting weaker and lightheaded as more time passed. I was still good on all fronts, but my pace had slowed down considerably.
Just a few minutes later, I finally spotted a treeline up ahead. That either meant there was a big clearing, or hopefully the edge of the forest. I sped up my pace and broke the treeline to find out it was the latter. I had finally found the edge of the forest, but to my amazement, that wasn’t the only thing I found.
In the distance I could see a village that looked like it was pulled straight out of an idealized version of the middle ages. Quaint little houses with thatched roofs were haphazardly built along streets, to build a moderately sized village.
It was a bit far away, but when I squinted my eyes, I could make out creatures walking to and fro among the buildings: creatures that seemed to look exactly like I did, which is to say, horse-like. Seeing some of them flying around over the roofs confirmed my theory that I was most likely able to utilize my own wings to fly, but still boggled my mind somewhat.
At least I wouldn’t stand out like a sore thumb if I walked among them, and strangely enough, I was suddenly glad to have my body altered to match the local populace. Strutting around as a human would have most likely gotten me strapped to a dissecting table faster than I could say: “Take me to your leader!”
Unfortunately, this was the final straw that confirmed that this was most definitely NOT Kansas anymore.
The questions I had been repressing in the back of my mind all rushed to the front at once.
What the fuck happened to me? Why am I a horse abomination instead of a human? Who did this to me? Is it possible to return to earth? Will I ever see my family again? Will I ever attend another Sabaton concert, like just before shit hit the fan? Will I ever be able to re-grow my magnificent beard?
Yes, I’m an enormous metal-head, sue me.
I let my body plop to the ground, not feeling like standing anymore and tried to contemplate my situation and what to do now without having a panic attack. While I was doing that, I spotted a yellow something make it’s way in my direction, following a dirt path that led past my position and towards a small hut that was close-by that I hadn’t noticed before.
As it got closer, I was able to see that it had wings, just like me, but no horn. That most likely meant that there were different kinds of variation of horses in this world. The butter yellow pegasus had a soft pink mane and was carrying green… saddlebags? Embroidered on it was an emblem of three butterflies, identical to a mark on its posterior. Maybe it was some sort of clan affiliation thing?
As it got closer to me, I estimated it to be about twice my size, which disqualified it as a horse, in my opinion. A pony maybe? A pony pegasus? It hummed a happy tune as it walked past my position, still halfway amidst the trees, without noticing me. The humming sounded quite feminine, so I categorized this specimen as female for now.
It occurred to me that this was a prime opportunity to learn a bit more about this world before revealing myself, and I got up and started following her while remaining just inside the forest. As I suspected, the hut up ahead seemed to be where she lived, as she went inside almost immediately after arriving.
The hut almost reminded me of a hobbit hole, if it was built above ground, and all kinds of animals were positively swarming the place. I saw a chicken coop, as well as other abodes for the animals, which most likely meant that the pegasus cared for most, if not all of them in some kind of fashion. Most importantly though, I saw a little stream of water flowing alongside the hut and a little bridge leading over it, providing easy access to the hut.
The stream seemed to originate from somewhere within the forest, which was ideal for me, since I could drink as much as I wanted without having to step out of my tree cover. I drank the clear water eagerly, the cool liquid soothing my unhappy stomach for a bit. After I was finally satisfied, I immediately noticed with some displeasure that I drank too much, as I could feel it sloshing around in my stomach and felt like throwing up.
Fighting with myself, I forced myself to keep it in and returned to stalking my subject, which had by now come back out of her hut to feed the animals. Various kinds of animal food was tributed amongst the critters, which happily frolicked all about their caretaker. I watched with some wonderment, as she seemed to be able to actually grab and hold things with her hooves, which logically seemed impossible. I mentally filed the abnormality away as either ‘magnets’ or ‘magic’ for later.
My eyes went wide as she pulled something round and red out of the sack she was carrying around, and my body moved towards her location before I even knew what I was doing. There was not a singular doubt in my mind that what she was holding was most definitely an apple! And apples were edible.
“Excuse me, lady?” I called out as I practically ran across the little bridge. “Excuse me!”
My calling seemed to have gotten her attention as her ears swivelled around to my location, shortly followed by her head. She seemed confused towards my presence and purpose here, but before she could get a single word in I was already standing next to her and talking again.
“Oh please, for the love of god,” I pleaded. “Could I please have one of those apples? I’m literally starving right now! Please, anything! I’ll do anything for just one apple!”
I threw myself down in front of her and made a begging motion with my forehooves. The buttery pegasus seemed more confused than ever and was just about to say something when she was interrupted once again.
A dull thump resounded next to me, accompanied by a small cloud of earth and dust.
“Hey Fluttershy,” another voice said. “Who’s this?”
I couldn’t categorize the voice as either male or female from just sound alone, as it was quite raspy, so I turned my head to look at the new arrival. A sky blue pegasus with an honest to god rainbow colored mane had landed just a few feet away from me and was staring at me curiously.
“I.. I don’t know…” The yellow pegasus, apparently called Fluttershy, replied in a soft voice. “He just showed up right now, begging me for an apple…”
“Begging you for an apple?” The blue pegasus repeated, their conversation reminding me of my own agenda. “What’s up with that?”
“Please,” I said, getting the attention from both pegasi. “I haven’t eaten anything in days! Just one apple and I’d be forever grateful to you!”
It wasn’t really my style to beg for things, but the hunger was doing things to me. As far as I knew, it was at least two days since my last meal, but it felt like a lot more and I was getting desperate. The yellow pegasus still holding my target within sight wasn’t doing me any favors either.
“Whoa,” the blue pegasus suddenly said, getting all up in my face and startling me. “What happened to you? You look like you haven’t seen a shower for weeks!”
“I was in the forest,” I started to explain, but was unexpectedly interrupted by Fluttershy.
“Oh my…” She said in a worried tone. “Did you get lost? How long were you in there? The Everfree is such a scary place, I simply couldn’t imagine being lost in there, I’d be so scared…”
“As far as I know, I was always in there…” I blurted out without properly thinking about my words.
“Always?” The blue pegasus asked, getting up close and personal once again, as if she suspected me of lying.
“Rainbow Dash!” Another name filed away. “Can’t you see you’re scaring the poor little thing? What if his parents abandoned him in there when he was just a baby? Oh the horror. Here, take this apple, there’s more inside, take as many as you need.”
I was just about to correct Fluttershy about the fake and over dramatic back story she thought up for me, but she was holding out an apple to me and that was all I cared about. Whatever, free, and somewhat plausible back-story. Not familiar with the voodoo magic they used for grabbing things, I simply bit into it and brought it close to the ground so I could support it with both of my hooves, ravenously devouring the fruit.
“Oh, just look at him, he must have gone through so much,” Fluttershy said. “The poor thing.”
“That all sounds a bit over the top,” Rainbow Dash replied. “But, he does seem like he has been through quite a bit of trouble.”
“Come on little colt,” Fluttershy said to me. “Come inside, I’ll make you something proper to eat.”
She gestured towards her front door and I happily followed her and a still sceptical looking Rainbow Dash inside. For all I knew this was the alien-world equivalent of getting into the candy-van, but the promise of an actual meal made me throw away all of my concerns. Whatever this new world held in store for me, it could wait until after my stomach was filled.
Ding!
Sweet first chapter, also cool that he met up with Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash instead of Pinkie Pie, of course he will be seeing the Pink Party Pony soon.
Can I just say, whilst I absolutely love the idea of an Alicorn of Music, Fluttershy and Dash seem to not notice! Maybe in the next chapter they'll notice... Maybe.
What about the idea fascinated you?
I love it already!
Haven't read this yet but is this a clone or rip-off of Alicorn of music: reliving the childhood
*reads*
hmm this seems heavily based on it down to the character's taste in music the only difference is what he choose to do and the location of his awakening and possibly the time of the series
8417320
According to the long description, an AU of that, with the original's permission
Hello,
Pretty good story in my opinion, but not everyone approves apparently
Here's what a friend of mine said about this fic. I hid his name for the respect of his anonymity
i.imgur.com/8WQXtLe.png
Hope you don't take it too hard, kthxbye.
8417323
I just read the description after I read the story
I really loved Alicorn of music: reliving the childhood. And when I saw this on the Feature Box, I needed to check it out.
Seems interesting. To my Tracking folder goes!
That was incredible.
Tracking.
Good writing shines through!
Hmmm, let's see how much treble this guy gets into......
8417586
i don't think puns are your 'forte'.
Interesting. It seems that whoever plopped him in the middle of the Everfree -- cough the author cough -- with nothing but a hoodie did it with the expectation he would wear it and hide his wings. At least initially. Convenient.
8418051
Reminds me of David Silver's stories.
I smell something chaostic this way comes...
Outstanding work, sir! I find it quite enjoyable and I'm looking forward to seeing more in the future!
8417327
There’s no real need to call out your “friend” for not liking something you like. The premise alone is wholly unoriginal (A human is transported to Equestria.) and the fact that it’s a copy of a different story named “Alicorn of Music: Reliving the Childhood” makes me very wary to the overall quality of it.
Then again, I wouldn’t necessarily rate it so harshly, so your friend has some level of blame. Only some, though and it doesn’t forgive this unneeded calling out of your friend. I hope they find this and realize that you’re a bad friend for calling them out like this.
I stopped reading that one a while ago because I was getting creeped out by its fixation on a "will they or won't they" pseudo-relationship between two eight-year-olds and the constant talk about prostitution and shit, so I'm welcoming a look at the whole concept that's a bit less freaking weird and uncomfortable.
8418315
You're right... I'm a pretty bad friend
8418349
Honestly, it wasn't constant and it definitely wasn't a fixation. I don't see anything weird about prostitution. Forced prostitution is bad, there is no denying it, but have you thought about people actually liking it, and not just those on the receiving side?
I don't know what to make of that "pseudo-relationship" because it's definitely not pseudo. Even children have real problems that others somehow think are not real. Thinking that a child is stupid and doesn't understand anything would cost him or her greatly. I wouldn't like to give my children issues with trust or confidence.
However, to each their own. I understand how my vision of Equestria can be weird and uncomfortable for some people.
8418436
Uh, no. It was a fucking downright creepy ass fixation at times as your personal views bled into your world story, pal. I had to stop reading it as well myself because of that. It's not your vision of Equestria that is creepy, it's you.
I'll be tentatively filing this underneath 'somewhat promising' and hold my breath until I see what all you do with it.
EDIT - After realizing the fact that you are the individual who wrote Divine Entertainment, I am quite interesting now in seeing what you do here. I knew your username was familiar, I've enjoyed prior writing by you, so I imagine this will be no different!
8418451
I'm afraid you're wrong. I share the view on prostitution, nothing more. There is a certain blend in with my own opinions on things, but they are not the part of my personality. Do you honestly think that aliens (And that is how I portray them in the story) would be just like us? There are billions of planets, some of them might have intelligent life. And you tell me they would be just like humans and viewing everything like humans?
Let's not make assumptions, please.
8418436
It's prevalent enough that I've come to view it as one of the defining features of your story. That's all I really have to say about it.
And no, I haven't. It doesn't say good things about you that you actually think bodily whoring yourself out to the type of man gross and desperate enough to pay for something that most can get for free is something the average person would do out of enjoyment. It's a recourse of last resort, is what it is. Feel free to tell yourself that it if makes you feel better about taking part in that kind of exploitation, but you aren't going to get any kind of respect for it from me.
I wasn't willing to address this in your own story and I'm really not willing to talk about it any further than that here, so that's really all there is to it.
8418451
Word. I respect it even less for the fact that Snorting Gentleman is so desperate to pretend that it isn't his views, which he did every time people brought that kind of thing up in his own story.
8418467
Feel free to believe in what you want, but if you honestly think that it is only desperation then you are very, very wrong.
EDIT:
I don't really like people who come to other people's story and complain about my stories. I accept constructive criticism and I usually don't block people for disagreeing with me. Dialogue is the key to discussion.
8418473
That's precisely why I said I didn't really want to talk about it here, and I wouldn't have gone into detail if you hadn't approached me about it. Nothing personal, really.
However, seeing as this is a direct reboot of your story, I could hardly not comment on the fact that I've read it too, as well as what I thought of it. I hope you can understand that.
8418349
Well, I hope to deliver on that ^^
8418451
Oh nice, a story approver likes my stuff :D Thanks a lot, I'll be trying my best!
8418544
I hope so. I liked the original story concept well enough... just not so much the execution. I'm interested in seeing what you do with it.
Gotta catch up on Divine Entertainment one of these days, too. Be seeing you around, I think!
8417327
This, made me laugh.
The chances of an alien in my garden are same as the chances of pigs flying, hell freezing over, dolphins walking on land and an alicorn OC story appearing in the feature bo-
i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/mobile/000/023/180/notsurprisedkirk.jpg
Well, fuck me.
Wait, hasn't this been done before?
I thought this looked familiar.
I hope this one works out well. Trying to explain music as text can sometimes be hard to understand for the readers since everyone could interpret it in a different way, and youtube links can get tedious (some stories put a 2-3 minute song for a scene that can be read very quickly, and I end up closing the tab 30 seconds in).
You can probably use lyrics, but copyright gets involved there. You might have to end up making some of your own lyrics for some scenes.
As for the other Alicorn of Music story. I expected an alicorn spreading the magic of music and such, but when I read it, it turned out to be just sexual situation after sexual situation, plus mental conflicts about sex. I stopped a couple chapters in the second story because I haven't seen that much music in it, which was what the story originally advertised in the title.
Will definitely follow this. Like others I liked the originals premise but lost interest. Interested in seeing what you do.
8418042
Now, now. You guys are all naturals... If a bit flat.
Sabaton! Heck Yeah! Also Looking forward to another story, I felt the one you're basing this off of was good, but had issues with Gary Stu syndrome and lackluster dialogue, seeing one of my favorite artists take a crack at it has gotten me hesitantly hyped!
Why are all HiE Alicorns) - Swapped places with important charecter) -Randomly show up in portal still human though?
I saw this on the feature-box and I was like, "That description really reminds me of that one story..." You know, the one by Snorting Gentleman. So I pop it into a new tab and sure enough, inspired by.
I'm in the middle of a longer story now, but I'll get to this later. Bring on the chapters. :p
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"E. T. phone home. This place crazy, saw pig with rocket engine in butt.
Also, Stygia is literally Hell Frozen Over and Dolphins can walk, sort of. They even had actual legs 50 million years ago, give or take.
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Thank-you ever so much for writing this. I found the previous alicorn of music to poorly written to enjoy even though I thought the idea behind it to be wonderful.
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I knew pinning that would bite them in the rear someday. Besides, if your friend doesn't like it, why doesn't he just write a version himself.
I love it already.
While I quite enjoyed Snorting Gentleman's story, I have higher hopes for this story. Please, for the love of Faust, leave out the worst bits. Leave out the pedo crap, the repetition of thoughts, the use of internal dialogue as the majority of the story, and the heavy and needless focus on sex in general.
Snorting Gentleman is one of my favorite writers. Every time I start reading one of his stories, I marathon it until I reach the end of what is written, wonder where the time went, and give it a favorite. I discovered this story was based off of his Alicorn of Music story, and that he gave you permission, so I tried reading this.
I'd rather read this than his story. That's pretty high praise considering how I feel about him and his works, so I'd say you did very well. Of course, the favorite may come later, assuming you don't mess up and decrease in quality in an exponential manner. I expect that you won't do that, given how high quality this is and how you apparently wrote another story that a lot of people really like.
i like the original so this goes into the reading list
This is cool.
great story so far I'll try not to compare it to snorting gentlemans story.