You and Twilight graduated from Canterlot High and are about to enjoy a night all to yourselves
Not bad but definitely felt rushed. Could've used more build-up. The dialogue also felt stilted and didn't sound "natural". Maybe it's just me but those are my thoughts so far.
8412954Yeah, I figured as much. My apologies. I'll see what I can do in the next chapter
Hey, at least it's a way better love story than Twilight being paired up with Flash
Awe! That's such a cute start! Looking forward to the next chapter! Also looking forward to the Rarity story!
8413733Unless he undergoes some major character development in the EG series (when it starts), I see no reason to ship him with Twilight.
8413733Duh!
Is it me or things are rushed?
8845842Nope, you're not the only one. Looking back, I also think I rushed it
8938793YeEeeEt
Very well then, your total comes up to $6.45.
Jesus, Mrs. Cake, are you selling at cost? Or are you just that desperate to put the nearby Starbucks out of business?
8413733Or Timber
Well it’s a bit of lost cause to comment on this since you’ve already written all the sequels, but I figured I’d just leave my thoughts as I go.
This one felt a little rushed, albeit not too horribly. There were definitely moments where it felt like sentences seemed to just get monotonous.
However, I’m beyond sure that your writing gets better as I go along, and I’m interested to see how this story shakes out.
Wasnt there a reading on this?
Not bad but definitely felt rushed. Could've used more build-up. The dialogue also felt stilted and didn't sound "natural". Maybe it's just me but those are my thoughts so far.
8412954
Yeah, I figured as much. My apologies. I'll see what I can do in the next chapter
Hey, at least it's a way better love story than Twilight being paired up with Flash
Awe! That's such a cute start! Looking forward to the next chapter! Also looking forward to the Rarity story!
8413733
Unless he undergoes some major character development in the EG series (when it starts), I see no reason to ship him with Twilight.
8413733
Duh!
Is it me or things are rushed?
8845842
Nope, you're not the only one. Looking back, I also think I rushed it
8938793
YeEeeEt
Jesus, Mrs. Cake, are you selling at cost? Or are you just that desperate to put the nearby Starbucks out of business?
8413733
Or Timber
Well it’s a bit of lost cause to comment on this since you’ve already written all the sequels, but I figured I’d just leave my thoughts as I go.
This one felt a little rushed, albeit not too horribly. There were definitely moments where it felt like sentences seemed to just get monotonous.
However, I’m beyond sure that your writing gets better as I go along, and I’m interested to see how this story shakes out.
Wasnt there a reading on this?