She looked around and called out, “Rarity, are you home? Oh, she’s taking a shower! Hey, big sister, I’m ho– EEP!”

“Oh, Sweetie Belle… you’re home!” the aforementioned occupant answered, turning to face the listener whom slumped upon the purple door with a pink coat upon the visage, “so how’s things be for you lately?”

wow, that was very descriptive, I could so easily tell where the characters were and what they were doing, like with sweetie... standing in the main entrance? surprised by her sister coming out of the kitchen? thinking she was upstairs?

That was sarcasm, if you couldn't tell. You actually NEED to describe what's going on! This was the main plot-point of the summary; the reason everything else in the story happens, and, frankly, if it wasn't in the SUMMARY I wouldn't have know what was going on! and that's REALLY REALLY sad for a story to mess up on!!!

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To be fair, she was approaching the bathroom looking for Rarity but found Spike; of course, I could have mentioned that as well.

Besides, I was on a deadline and I have been itching to put something out this year; nevertheless, I appreciate the feedback.

Friend, do not be offended seriously do not be offended but this story is a plagiarism of a comic xxx page e-hentai galleries.

I know because I have that comic and it's exactly the same as the fic.

Even the part of twilight and trixi.

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I wouldn't call it plagiarism, especially when you give credit when and where it's due; besides, this story has an extra chapter that I had expanded upon because it felt like something needed to be said.