After our four heroes defeated the most powerful boss, Dr. Monty has put the Primis crew in a new unzombified world to start a new life. Secrets will be revealed and battles will begin.
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(Edit) I put it on gore cause in a chapter will have it.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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You have good chapter length but you could use an editor or a proof reader
I... Fucking Love It!
With the great words of emplemon : DOWNWARD SPIRAL
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?????
Okay 👌
Do the call of duty black ops 3 zombie logo
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Okay, I'll do it.
Better ?
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Thanks :)
You're welcome 😊
What is origins?
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Origins is a zombies map in black ops 2 in the final map pack "Apocalypse."
Oh god no no no nonono
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Yep it's going to happen, Springtrap's going to be in it, ready or not, here it comes.
You do realize that if you add spring trap you will have to change the story to m
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I just changed it thank you.
I just have one word...
Pause.
8582019
Uhhh, what?
Good story so far. Only problem is the grammar. Also the Origins characters are officially called Primis.
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Got it.
The day Dempsey gets shipped with an MLP character is perhaps one of the greatest days of my life
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Thx
9202503
You’re welcome! Honestly one of my favorite stories.
True from Mareofkindness
Yes yes yes
They need to keep their weapons
Bru, this story needs a lot of work...
Fix this. It’s funny, but one hell of a mistake.
(Seriously, I can’t stop laughing)
9530801
then what would he say then?
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There’s nothing wrong with it, but you forgot an L.
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oh did I? Let me see
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I see it now, lol. Hold on let me fix this.
I would like to be one of your editors if you'll allow it.
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Sure thing
9530324
This was my first story, so shut up
Okay, this chapter is TOTAL BULLSHIT!!!!! I'm sorry, but seeing the Four characters that are Soldiers, and fought WW2!!! Killed over Hundreds of Thousands of ZOMBIES!!! And seeing them get beat up by FRICKIN Pathetic High School Bullies. And even DEFENDED the Bullies themselves!!!???
That is FRICKIN STUPID, AND OOC!!! The four are NOT God Damn Cliche High School Protagonists!!! Their Badass Zombie Killing Soldiers from WW2, that deals with crazy Time Travel. And face many horrors that make EVEN MLP Villains Pissed themselves, and have a Mental Breakdown for seeing such Evil Horrors in Call Of Duty: Zombies!
Please remake this chapter, to save the Origin Characters dignity.
Okay WHAT!!!!! This chapter really kills me!!! One, how the HELL did Neon Lights and his stupid Lackeys "Rule" the School??!! Where the Heck are the TEACHERS in this???!!! Where's Cadence???!!! Why didn't the Parents HELP their kids with the bullying in the school!!?? WHY are Dempsey, Takeo, Richtofen, Nikolai, are being such P******!!!!!
They should have just Shoot Neon in the leg or something! And speaking of Neon, is he F****** RETARDED!!!!!! The Origin Characters got REAL GUNS!!!!! And Neon is STILL being a Cocky Dick with a DAMN GUN in front of his face!!!!???? If it was real life, he would be DEAD, due to his idiotic Stupidity!
I WOULDN'T be a P**** like the Origin Characters in here, and just Shoot Neon myself for being a Irredeemable Jackass Dick, and DOESN'T DESERVE to live!
I really DON'T want to act like a angry Critic, BUT seeing this!!! You just dishonored the COD Zombie Origin Characters because of this.
Now to the commenters that read my comments. BEFORE you try to dislike, just read this Story and you will see on WHY I HATE THIS!!! The author have just turn the Call Of Duty Zombie Aether/Treyarch Characters into OOC P*******!
And to the Author, I'm NOT trying to be a asshole, but you just destroyed the Characters Dignity, and adding a Pathetic Bully of all things!!!! Just rewrite the specific chapters, or just rewrite the entire story so the Origin Characters DON'T ACT LIKE P***** COWARDS!!!
This story is so rushed omg…
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And after all this time, still no answering, Talbert?
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I remember my first story. It's like this but mine is worse with spelling errors and grammar errors. I was in 7th grade when I think I wrote my first fanfiction. It was Bendy and The Ink Machine fanfic. So, don't feel bad just make sure when you do write, read it over and have someone you trust to read and help you make improvements. I still have trouble writing but don't let yourself think it's a race to get something out here. If you happy with it shure post it but don't make yourself believe it's a race to make the best fanfiction within a timeline.
Also anyone who is going to comment on someone's work then gives constructive criticism that helps the writers/creators and not just say "Bru, this story needs a lot of work..." or "This story is so rushed omg..." Be nice and help them improve their craft. Treat others how you wanted to be treated. Which means if you want people being nice to you you have to show kindness and niceness to others to get it back. Not everyone does that but seriously if you have some issues with writing then give pointers to help improve not just say it need a lot of work or rushed those are give pointers yes but not to the what need worked.
If you need I can give pointers if you are cool with it. I like the story idea you have and I found two or more characters like the four of them is tricky. I contelly trying to write a Call of Duty Zombies crossover myself and found it difficult writing four which lead me to go the easiest route to choose one of them and write with them as the main character. But you don't have to have help if you don't want it but I don't mind giving feedback if it helps.
You can also dm me on here. I'm busy with work and family life but I try my best to give feedback and pointers.
I agree they are not that type to defend bullies. Beating them up sure but not turning back to defend them that double standard.
Okay can I try to help improve this. I really don't like the origins crew becoming friends with bullies. It feels wrong and if you been bullied before then this is a huge slap in the face.
STILL no response to my comments concerning this?