Why couldn't you have just minded your own business?
You…you just killed somepony and you're treating it like it was nothing!
What would Night Light say if he saw you now?
Twilight Velvet was in a haze of questions and regrets. Ever since the stallion had clocked her in the head, she'd been forced into a tour of her subconscious. Every single thought and piece of introspection she had pushed into the back of her mind was coming back to her.
Why was she so possessive of that notebook anyway? Sure, the thugs attacking her—not to mention the original owner's findings on one of Meadowbrook the Fourth's ancient items—confirmed what Velvet already knew: she had stumbled onto something big.
But the dull pain from her now-bloodied nose reminded her of the heavy price tag latched onto her big scoop.
Look at what you've just sunk into! Blood was already on your hooves, and just because you wanted to read a damn book!
The cloaked mare's contorted, anguished expression replayed in Velvet's mind. Her convulsing body, her eyes rolling back into her head—Velvet shut her eyes, trying to banish the image from her subconscious. Things like motocross were one thing, but ponies actually dying—and being responsible for their deaths—was another can of worms.
Velvet pursed her lips and sighed. All she wanted to do was to close her eyes and wait for the part where the hero rescues the damsel in distress.
She waved herself off with a hoof. Nopony was going to save her. Stuff like that only happens in cliched movies.
The gray void began to fade. The faint silhouettes of ponies came into view, followed by the edges and angles of the boxes of the train's cargo. A slight tremor coursed through her body, sensation returning to her extremities.
The jacket-wearing stallion had his back turned as he spoke into a walkie-talkie, a nearby unicorn stallion sending magic flowing to the jacketed stallion's now-bandaged foreleg. Velvet turned her head to the left and folded her ear.
“Fifty-thousand bits? I…don't know what to say.”
A mare's voice chattered back through the radio.
“Yes, Volt. Canterlot it is. See you there…and thanks for the raise.”
As the stallion turned the knob on the walkie-talkie, Velvet surveyed the thugs in the car. Aside from the jacketed stallion, there were three shadowy figures. They were too far for Velvet to make out… that is, until one of them turned to face her.
“She's awake.”
The jacketed stallion also turned to face Velvet. “Take care of her for me, will you? I still have to brief the mules at the front.”
The shadowy figures began to walk towards Velvet. Her horn sputtered and sparked. Magic dripped from its tip while electricity arced across the surface.
The spell fizzled out.
Slamming her eyes shut, Velvet strained and grunted several times, but her horn refused to release anything more than a flicker. Why couldn't her magic recharge faster?
The shadowy figures towered over Velvet. The first one's mane was just as ruffled as Velvet's. Blood ran from her nose and dripped from her chin, and a dark reddish purple surrounded her bloodshot eyes. Her gleaming, but disconcerting smile sent a tingle on Velvet's spine.
“Aw, look here!” a familiar mare's voice resounded through the baggage car. “Did your choo-choo train run out of steam?”
Velvet said nothing.
“Nothing a little percussive maintenance can't fix!”
The mare coiled her leg. Velvet closed her eyes, bracing herself for the kick.
“Hey hey,” the second figure chided. She deflected the bright yellow mare's leg with her own, the assault rifle rattling as it hung from its strap. “Easy there, Wild Card. She's had enough. Besides, Volt wants to have a talk with our friend here—see how much she knows.”
“And when did she say that?!”
“Couple of minutes ago. Seriously, try listening to your radio sometime.”
Wild Card retracted and staggered away with a huff, holding a hoof to the bruises on her head. “But I get dibs on her after Volt. Deal? Can't wait to show this filly how to punch like a real mare.”
“Be my guest. Just don't do anything…explosive. You know how clingy Birdshot is with the grenades.”
“I can't make any promises!”
“Of course you can't.”
The assault riflemare nodded to the third figure—the unicorn stallion from earlier. He forced Velvet into a bipedal stance with his magic, dizziness swirling in her brain as her hind legs trembled from being forced into an unfamiliar posture. He then stood on two legs and trapped her forelegs in a hug, his tan fatigues scratching her sweaty fur. Blood snaked from Velvet's nose and down her neck. Fighting the urge to cough, her mouth quivered into a smile.
If this was it for her, she might as well enjoy herself.
“Is that a gun in your pocket, or do you just like your mares roughened up?”
Her captor grumbled as he whipped out a small revolver and pointed it at her head.
Guess that answered that question.
After glancing at Velvet and her captor, the jacketed stallion adjusted the frequency of his radio and put his ear towards its speaker. “Ironsides, come in,” he said. “We've retrieved the notebook. I don't think there's anyone else on the train. You can stop scouting the rest of the train, over.”
He let go of the button on the radio, but kept his eyes and ears pointed at it.
“Ironsides, do you copy?”
“Of course not,” said the pony with the rifle. “This is Ironsides we're talking about. He never replies on time. Why, he's probably—”
A loud metallic boom echoed from the ceiling. Clouds of dust drifted downwards as everypony in the car flinched and looked up, Velvet included. The stallion holding her reasserted his grip and pressed the muzzle of his pistol further into her neck, causing Velvet to freeze.
“Son of a broodmare!” swore Wild Card. “What was that?”
The radio crackled to life. As the jacketed stallion fumbled the radio and leaned towards it, Velvet could hear another stallion groan from the speaker, the wind howling as the train picked up speed. The jacketed stallion brought his ear closer to the speaker as his colleagues stared at the device.
“Ironsides, what's going on?!”
Ironsides let out a couple of pained breaths. “She…” he tried to say before his voice trailed off. “She's here! I have a v—”
An ear-piercing snap cut Ironsides off. The jacketed stallion recoiled, clutching his ear. Velvet looked through the skylight, her eyes catching what looked like a cord of rope bisecting the view. Ironsides' screams suppressed the sound of his body being yanked across the roof of the car, translated into real noise by a cascade of thuds across the ceiling. Despite that, Velvet thought she heard railroad signals clanging in the background.
The next few moments seemed to pass slowly for Velvet. The signals went from faint to deafening in less than a second, drowning out all the other noises coming from the speaker. From Velvet's worm's-eye-view, the silhouette of Ironsides' body collided with the silhouette of a signal. The cord unwrapped from his hoof as the collision propelled Ironsides' body through the skylight.
Glass shattering—a real sound, not one filtered through a radio—diverted all the thugs' attention to the skylight above. As everypony dove to the floor and reflexively shielded their faces from the falling glass, Ironsides crashed into several crates, turning them to splinters.
Velvet had slammed her eyes shut and curled into a ball to avoid the shards of glass. Only when she opened her eyes again did she notice that her captor was no longer holding her, but was standing right beside her and staring at the pegasus stallion's body along with the other thugs. Apparently, they were just as surprised as she was.
“Now's your chance! Get outta here!” the rational part of Velvet's mind screamed.
But Velvet didn't run. Immobilized into stunned silence, she stayed on the floor, also staring at Ironsides' body sprawled on the wooden debris. What...just...happened?
Another crash, this time right beside Velvet. Her former captor disappeared in a cloud of dust and splinters. Velvet shouted and scampered away into a pile of suitcases behind a towering crate, a light, gold feather crossing her vision.
Wait, feathers? But I was captured by a unicorn, not a pegasus.
As the dust cleared, Velvet gaped. She could finally see her former captor again. Velvet's eyes traced the thug's sprawled legs to his body, then to his head, which had sunken into a small crater on the floorboards. His pistol had flown from his hooves and to the floor beside Velvet. While she could have tried to pick it up, she didn't have the knowledge, let alone will, to use a gun. That, and her mind was too occupied with the pony standing on her former captor's skull.
The yellow afternoon sun showered on the golden angel as her striped gray locks danced around her dark green shirt. Dust sparkled around as the angel outstretched her wings, stood on her hind legs, and opened her gleaming, rosy eyes. She flourished her weapons: a bloodied mythical blade of old and a length of cord snaking from her hoof, down her back, and touching the floor.
"Oh, there's the climax," Velvet muttered to herself.
She joined the thugs in their immobilized silence. After processing what had just transpired, she nudged the pistol towards the Whipcracking Crusader with the little bit of magic she had left. After a quizzical look at her unlikely donor, the Whipcracking Crusader sheathed her trowel and stepped on the handle of the pistol. Her eyes focused on it as it flipped into the air and she caught it with her hooves.
“All aboard the pain train.”
Flashy, athletic, and a corny sense of humor—she must get a lot of stallions...
The stallion in the tan jacket was the first to shoot. The golden pegasus barely flinched as she swung her whip, causing the thugs to duck. Her hoof was quick to the trigger. The assault riflepony screamed, then dropped to the floor.
Jacketed Stallion immediately fired several shots. Velvet grunted as the pegasus took cover beside her and shoved her in the chest.
Celestia must have sent her one of those impure bargain bin angels.
A cacophony of gunfire and curses filled the background as Velvet and the Crusader stared into each other's eyes. The golden pegasus's rose-colored irises pushed all other thoughts to the back of Velvet's mind.
This was it. This was finally her.
“You…” Velvet stammered, “you're the—”
“Here, hold this!” Velvet felt the leather of the whip chafe her fur as it was dumped on her arms. Its owner didn't even face Velvet. She just turned back to the thugs and blind-fired five shots, then recoiled back into cover as assault rifle fire filled the room, accompanied by manic laughter.
No question on who that was.
“First time?” the golden pegasus shouted to Velvet.
“No shit!”
“Why do I even ask?”
The golden pegasus looked upwards.
“Wait here,” she said as she started to climb the crate, then pointed to the whip on Velvet's lap. “You know how to use that, right?”
“Sure, like I know how to fly!”
“Figure it out on your own then, all right?” The pegasus continued her ascent before reaching the ceiling and disappearing down the top of the box.
Definitely bargain bin angel.
Velvet unfurled the whip and grasped the handle with two hooves. She could make this work, right?
The jacketed stallion stepped into view. Velvet froze.
“What the—” He lowered his gun. “Where did—”
Looking back and gritting her teeth, Velvet swung her arms upward. No crack, but there was a hiss of pain. She opened her eyes to the stallion turning around and clutching his face as blood trickled from his hooves.
Hey, I'm getting the hang of this.
She swung the whip again. A stinging pain at her temple caused her to seethe and drop the whip.
Or not.
It was only then that she realized that the gunfire had stopped seconds before. What was Wild Card doing?
Velvet peeked out of cover. She bit her lip. Wild Card, now wielding her downed colleague's assault rifle, held the weapon by the hip.
“Finally! Cat meets mouse!”
An ear-to-ear smirk spread on the bright yellow mare's face. Her eye twitched.
The angel descended upon her.
The golden pegasus shoved Wild Card's rifle to the side. She grasped the rifle with her hooves, slammed it repeatedly on Wild Card's face, and twisted it upside down. Velvet gaped as the golden pegasus whirled the thug and her rifle around in an armlock. Shots rang out. A bullet ricocheted and sailed near Velvet's eyes, causing her to cower into the floor.
Another burst of rounds followed. The jacketed stallion, still clutching his eye, collapsed.
Grunting, the golden pegasus jerked the gun downwards, but Wild Card held her grip.
“Not today!” growled Wild Card.
She thrust the stock into the golden pegasus's chest, then followed with an overhand punch. The golden pegasus staggered back. The thug fumbled through her rifle and lined up the sights. Velvet held her breath.
Regaining her footing, the golden pegasus unsheathed her blade and charged into her opponent, a bloodcurdling roar echoing through the baggage car. Velvet couldn't keep track of the rain of slashes. A deep red stained Wild Card's tan shirt before the golden pegasus grappled her by the neck and threw her to the floor, punctuating each of the thug's screams with stab after stab.
The door behind Velvet swung open. She retreated back into cover as two ponies ran past her, guns trained at the attention of the golden pegasus.
“Don't move!” one of them shouted. “Hold it right—”
Velvet cracked the whip again. One gunpony flinched, clutching his temple. His partner jerked his head to the right and aimed at Velvet.
Gunfire interrupted him.
There was no scream of pain. Just the sound of casings pinging on the floorboards. One of the stallions collapsed in front of Velvet, a blank gaze on his face and red seeping through his shirt.
Struggling with her shaking legs. Velvet got up and surveyed the scene. Blood dripped from the trowel's sharpened blade. It glistened under the light beams piercing the now non-existent skylight and shining onto the seven bodies sprawled on the floor. Wild Card let out a couple of gurgles, her neck and chest trembling as the golden pegasus turned her eyes towards her.
As if on command, the thug closed her eyes and stopped moving.
Mere seconds ago, Velvet had already resigned herself to be captured by this mob…gang…terrorist group…whatever the hell these shady figures were.
And now Celestia had sent a guardian angel to help her. An irreverent, violent angel, but hey, Velvet wasn't complaining. This was her kind of angel.
“Where's my whip?” The pegasus turned to Velvet as she sheathed her trowel and slung the rifle over her back. Velvet retrieved the whip from their hiding place and levitated it to the pegasus.
“And the notebook?”
The catalyst—Velvet had almost forgotten about it. Not to mention her riddle. She raised a hoof. “Who created—”
“Mage Meadowbrook the Fourth. Eastern Unicon responsible for Eight Enchanted Items.”
Velvet's hoof was frozen in mid-air.
“Yup, you're the one.”
Velvet levitated the notebook from where she had left it and gave it to the pegasus, who simply tucked it into a pocket in her shirt without even facing Velvet. As the pegasus made her way to the door, Velvet tailed her, causing the former to look back and quirk an eyebrow.
“Where do you think you're going?”
“What, you think I'm just going to sit here and take credit for your work when the cops show up? Besides, my seat is in coach class.”
The pegasus grumbled as she glanced downwards.
“Fine. But stick with me. I don't know how many of those guys are still around.”
The pegasus got on her hind legs and drew her rifle. She held her breath. Her eyes were focused at the door; her hooves, light on their steps.
As they made their way through the next sleeper cars, Velvet looked at the doors lining the hall. Some were closed; some were open, but empty; some held ponies huddling in their beds, giving Velvet either curious or frightened eyes as she passed by.
The rest of the trip back to coach class was relatively uneventful. The golden pegasus had since slung the rifle over her back and assumed the more natural four-legged gait, Velvet following behind. The train was a flurry of broken glass and windows. Passengers stayed cowering under their seats, some of whom stared at the duo. Velvet would return their stares, and they in turn would retreat into the darkness.
Velvet passed by one unicorn mare huddling on the floor, cradling a stallion in her trembling bloodstained hooves. The stallion's eyes were closed, and the sucking wound on his chest glowed blue along with the mare's horn. Outside, the mare's face showed no apparent emotion, but Velvet could see the slightest twitch on the mare's eyebrows and the shimmer of fresh tears on her eyes. Though they'd been battered minutes ago by the sound of gunfire, Velvet's ears managed to pick up the mare whispering various incantations—vaguely recognizable as first aid magic.
Velvet looked away. There were probably many other ponies like that bloodied mare. She couldn't bear to look anypony else in the eye. Not when she was responsible for roping them all in this madness.
Maybe her savior would be willing to talk. “So,” Velvet turned to the golden pegasus. “I don't think I quite caught your name.”
There was no answer.
“Fine, I'll go first. Name's Twilight Velvet!”
Velvet extended a hoof. The pegasus didn't even turn around.
“Wow, you really are a mare of few words.”
“I'm surprised you don't know my name.” The pegasus finally spoke. “‘Bestselling book in contemporary Equestrian literature?’ Doesn't that ring a bell?”
Velvet snorted and raised an eyebrow. “Heard of 'em. Never read 'em. What, you the main character brought to life via magic?”
The pegasus rolled her eyes. “It's...hard to explain.”
“That big of a deal, huh? Isn't that all the more reason to tell me who you are and what your stake in all this chaos is?”
“I'd rather you didn't know.”
“Listen, I'd really like to thank you properly for saving me and all, and I can't do that if you don't tell me your name.”
The pegasus opened her mouth to speak.
A thud. The lavatory door at the end of the aisle swung open. The pegasus reared, then maintained a bipedal stance. Her wings reflexively spread outwards, knocking Velvet to the floor.
Proper introductions would have to wait.
Out stepped a unicorn mare, a crooked smile plastered on her face as she unsheathed a knife from her belt.
The pegasus was quick to the trigger.
Ping!
One of Velvet's ears twitched. She may not have been a gunslinger like the pegasus, but that was definitely not a sound that was supposed to come out of a gun. The pegasus's eyes widening to the size of hubcaps confirmed her inner musings. That, and the fact that the unicorn mare wasn't bleeding on the floor.
The pegasus cocked the gun back and inspected the chamber.
“Dammit, a double-feed!”
She tossed the gun away and assumed a fighting stance, raising her front hooves to chest level. The gun smashed through one of the windows and disappeared.
The knife-wielding mare twirled her blade in a glittering flourish, light sparking off the serrated edge. Her whole body moved, twisted, and spun as she twirled the knife from hoof to hoof in a display of acrobatic showmanship, then brought it around in a series of sharp, geometric movements. The weapon seemed to blur and flow before crystallizing at each point in the figure the mare described. It was almost dizzying. The thug's satisfied chuckle, not to mention the angel's grimace, caused Velvet's eyes to lock onto the two ponies. Two knife fighters face to face. Who would come out on top in this test of agility, finesse, technique, tenacity, strength, honor, and—
The angel kicked her in the compass rose.
With a guttural squeal, the thug keeled over and dropped her knife, whimpering for a few seconds before the angel socked her on the head with a downwards punch.
The golden pegasus dropped to all fours and turned to Velvet. The Canterlot unicorn's mouth hung open: not so much because she had seen and done more violence in a single afternoon than she did in the past twenty-three years of her life, but because after seeing what the golden pegasus did with the whip and the ceiling and that railroad signal, Velvet expected something more…elaborate.
“Filly, what are you doing on the floor?” The golden pegasus asked as she extended a hoof towards Velvet. “You okay?”
Velvet shook her head to recalibrate her senses. “Yeah. My life is turning into an over-the-top action movie before my eyes, but other than that, I'm okay.”
Taking the golden pegasus's hoof, Velvet got up and dusted herself.
“That's enough fighting for now, don't you think?”
“No shit. It was getting old.”
Velvet fixed the curl of her mane at the back of her neck. Perhaps now would be a good enough time to reflect on the lows she had sunk into. There was a particularly stubborn lock, so Velvet turned her head to the side.
A pegasus with a shotgun glanced the corner of her vision.
“Duck!”
Velvet shoved the golden pegasus's head downwards. A boom echoed through the coach car, drowning out the screams of passengers. Windows shattered around Velvet and the pegasus as debris rained on them.
“Crap! What the hell is this?!” Velvet shouted to the sky. "Who pissed in your cereal, Celestia?!"
The golden pegasus raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.
A cylindrical object bounced from the table and rolled on the ground. The golden pegasus took to the air, grabbed Velvet, and flapped as far as she could from the grenade.
Choking white smoke hurled through the cabin. Screams gave way to coughs. The golden pegasus had to land; Velvet figured she couldn't see through the haze.
“Stay here!” The golden pegasus set Velvet onto one of the seats, then unfurled her whip. “I'll take care of our party crasher!”
Velvet watched the golden pegasus walk into the smoke until she was just a silhouette in a sea of white. Assuming a fighting stance on two legs, the golden pegasus jumped at every sound that wasn't the hissing of the smoke grenade or the coughing of other passengers.
Barely half a minute in, the golden pegasus had disappeared. Velvet was alone in the crowd of coughing passengers; her only ally was nowhere to be seen. She slowly extended a hoof to the white void, hoping for a response.
"Hello?"
A window shattered. A larger silhouette flew into the car. Velvet cowered into her seat.
"Hello, darling!" the shotgunner called out. "Remember me? It's your old pal, Birdshot! Like my present?!"
No one answered. "Shame! Plainclothes ponies like me rarely get to play with the explosives!" Birdshot began a slow creep down the aisle, checking every seat. "Consider that smoke grenade a rare find. Maybe your friend is a little more appreciative?"
The shotgun-wielding mare stopped, then glanced to her rear. "She's right behind me, isn't she?"
Birdshot twirled around and pointed her weapon at Velvet. “Who's it gonna be, huh? You, or the unicorn you're babysit–“
A snap echoed through the cabin, a leather cord wrapping itself around the shotgun. Before either Velvet or the thug could react, the golden pegasus yanked her whip backwards, swiping the gun from the thug's grip. The gun clattered on the carpet, and the golden pegasus jumped to procure it.
She may have been quick on the trigger, but pouncing was another thing.
Before the golden pegasus could reach the gun, the shotgunner leaped onto the golden pegasus and pinned her to the floor. The golden pegasus dodged two of the thug's punches, only for the third to meet its mark.
The golden pegasus grunted. A pair of hooves wrapped around her neck, causing her to choke and wheeze.
“Oh, I love this position! I should've performed this back in that Vanhoover hotel!” The shotgunner growled and licked her lips. “What's the matter?! Don't you want another present?!”
The golden pegasus thrust a hoof into Birdshot's neck. She gagged, releasing her grip from the golden pegasus. The latter backed away and sent a barrage of kicks to Birdshot's stomach, sending her to the floor. After the golden pegasus massaged her now-reddened neck and Birdshot writhed on the ground, both mares scrambled to their hind hooves and glared into each other's eyes.
“Don't go!” Birdshot coughed out as she pulled out an oval grenade from her belt and primed it. “I've got a pineapple with your name on—”
The golden pegasus tackled the mad bomber and pinned her onto one of the seats. Two overhand punches to the face later, the golden mare snatched the grenade from Birdshot's hoof and hurled it out the window.
Even though it was outside, the explosion shook Velvet's core. Shrapnel perforated the windows and walls, giving them an extreme refurbishing. Passengers near the holes backed away, screaming in terror. Something hot lodged into Velvet's mane. Her eyes widened even after she yanked the piece of shrapnel out of her mane with her magic and patted the heat out.
Holy crap! That was close! Hopefully nopony else had it worse…
Whatever the case, it barely shook the two fighters.
The smoke began to clear. Birdshot kicked the golden pegasus's left hind leg. The pegasus staggered backwards. Seizing the opportunity, the thug got up and landed a left hook on the golden pegasus. She wrapped her right arm over the golden pegasus's neck and trapped her in a headlock. The golden pegasus grunted and grappled Birdshot's arms, stepping to keep her balance.
All the while, Velvet watched. Her hooves squeezed the edge of her seat.
The golden pegasus swung her right hoof onto Birdshot's stomach. The thug screamed, only to be silenced by a hoof covering her face. In a single motion, the pegasus escaped the headlock and slammed Birdshot's body to the floor. Preparing to mount on Birdshot's body, the golden pegasus raised a hoof to deliver a sucker punch to the thug's face.
Birdshot liked to aim low. She threw a kick towards the golden pegasus's left knee before she could crouch. The golden pegasus's body jerked, then she fell face first to the floor. Free from her adversary's clutches, Birdshot backed away and took to the air. The golden pegasus stood up to face her.
She got a hoof to the face instead. Her helmet jostled backwards.
A glassy daze on her eyes, the golden pegasus spun around, allowing Birdshot to lift her from behind and wrap her forelegs around her neck.
“Ah yes, just like back in Vanhoover!” Birdshot declared. The golden pegasus tried to reach for the trowel in its sheath, but Birdshot's grip and thrashing around avoided such interventions. “Shame. I was hoping you'd go out with a bang!”
Meanwhile, Velvet continued watching from the seats, barely moving a muscle.
“You!” Her voice straining, the golden pegasus reached out a hoof towards Velvet. “Get outta here! I…got this!”
Velvet placed a hoof on the aisle. The back of her mind pushed her to the door, but her front legs dug into the carpet. She watched the golden pegasus's face turn blue, her thrashing resistance beginning to subside.
Something clicked in Velvet's mind. Stop running! Make yourself useful, dammit!
Velvet's horn sputtered. A small sliver of magic sent a tingle to her brain.
“Finally! Time for Round two!”
Velvet steadied her horn at Birdshot, holding her breath to reduce sway. The two pegasi's erratic movements didn't make this easier. The slightest jar, and Velvet would hit her savior. Take too long to aim, and there wouldn't be a savior to return the favor to.
The golden pegasus's eyes rolled up her head.
No time to gather current. Any shot was better than none.
An unholy crackling sound filled the air. Velvet reflexively slammed her eyes shut. Sweat trickled down her face.
What she saw when she opened her eyes caused her to grimace.
Why are you still flying?!
Something else caught her eye. Birdshot's grenade belt—cerise electricity snaked through it until it met a stout stick grenade. It took on a violet luminescence and began to rumble.
Velvet didn't know what she did, but it certainly wasn't going to end peacefully.
“Fire in the hole!” Velvet shouted.
The fighters stopped shaking. Birdshot looked at Velvet, inadvertently loosening her choke.
The golden pegasus gasped for breath. Before Birdshot could reassert her grip, the golden pegasus shoved Birdshot's foreleg forward and bit down. The thug cried in pain, then winced when the golden pegasus shoved a back leg into her groin. The golden pegasus then yanked Birdshot's legs out of the way and delivered a good buck to her stomach.
Birdshot tumbled to the front of the car. She smashed into an open lavatory door and fell to the floor. Velvet pulled the golden pegasus into one of the seats just as Birdshot stood up. Her eyebrows creased and her mouth agape, she looked at the sputtering sparking grenade, then at Velvet.
“Oh fuck me–“
She disappeared.
The explosion drowned out every sound, including the passengers' screams. Dust and wood swirled through the cabin. The front part of the car crumbled and collapsed.
When the smoke cleared, Velvet stepped to the aisle and walked towards the pile of debris. Where Birdshot once stood, a puddle of red seeped into the blackened carpet, the twisted remains of the lavatory door and wall sparing Velvet's eyes from the carnage.
Grinding slowly to a halt, the train trembled under Velvet's hooves. The mangled end of the first class car began to leave the coach cars behind, the coupler dragging through the rails and kicking up gravel. Specks of red were splattered on walls and floors of the next car, perhaps more so than in the one Velvet was in. Several seconds later, the hissing of automatic brakes brought both ends of the train to a stop.
Velvet turned to the sound of shuffling from behind, catching the golden pegasus approaching the rubble as the passengers slowly stood up to see the destruction. The golden pegasus pointed a hoof at the red puddle and faced Velvet.
"And there's a real climax."
The tingling of adrenaline surged through Velvet's brain. Just hours before, she had been staring at a notebook, desperate to shake things up in her writing.
A small chuckle escaped her mouth. That notebook more than shook things up.
And by Celestia, it felt good.
“So”—Velvet faced the golden pegasus, panting like a mare in heat—“when do we schedule the encore?”
The pegasus merely glared at Velvet and let out a low grumble.
“All right, I got the hint.”
The golden pegasus then took Velvet by the withers. “C'mon. You've seen enough. Where's your seat?”
Velvet pointed to an empty seat behind her. “Right there, actually.”
“Oh, convenient.” The pegasus walked Velvet over to the seat, then took her whip from the floor and slung it over her withers.
As the golden pegasus started down the car, Velvet puffed out a long breath. There was a slight buzz in her brain—the dissonant, yet pleasant euphoria hadn't left her. She would be lying if she denied deriving at least one modicum of enjoyment from the spectacle. Take away the very real threat of death and the collateral damage, and the whole experience would have been better than bungee jumping off Luna Bay. Maybe her prior "nostalgia" was something to be embraced rather than be ashamed about...
Whatever the case, the mystery behind the golden pegasus's identity couldn't stay a mystery. If there was anything more that Velvet wanted at the moment than the high of adrenaline, it was answers.
“Wait." Velvet turned and extended a hoof towards the golden pegasus.
“What?”
“About your name…”
“No.”
“Hey, show some gratitude to the mare who saved your notebook…and your ass.”
The pegasus raised a hoof to protest, but the words stopped themselves in her mouth. She glanced at the floor, then put her hoof down.
“I suppose there's no point in hiding. You've seen how I operate, and you probably read my notebook already.”
Standing on her two legs, the golden pegasus fixed the collar of her shirt, straightened her pith helmet, coiled the whip, and holstered it. The late afternoon sun beamed from the windows, enhancing the creases on her shirt and casting a yellow glow on Celestia's guardian angel.
“The name's Daring Do.”
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You’re welcome! I think it came out really great
Oh, I see. I’m a biology student myself, so the idea is just as vague to me... Though sometimes I talk to my centrifuge
Good to see a Train-fight scene that actually takes into account the other passengers.
Also, why haven't I heard of this story before now? I just randomly found it in the Recently Updated list on the home page. Between the cover art, cover-page synopsis, and quality of writing this story has all the hallmarks of something that Should see a lot more traffic and maybe even a Feature eventually, but it's apparently been out for almost half a year now and only has 33 Likes and no Dislikes and not even a full page in the comments-feed...?
Seriously, it's obvious you've taken the time to plan out and polish this story in advance, it just seems like it should be getting more attention than it apparently is.
Oh, a new chapter that quickly? That’s spoiling your readers!
It was really great to see more action, along with these two together. Also, I can stop wondering how did they meet each other now.
And of course, many Indiana Jones references, including the knife-wielder
One small thing I noticed though; there is a point where Velvet mentions the princesses (and their cereal). Given the timeline, I believe the only princesses present in Equestria as of now are Celestia and maybe a very young Cadance. In the show, Luna seemed to be forgotten and transformed into a mere legend. Maybe the ponies treat some other, long dead princess (There had been quite a lot of them...) as a deity as well?
However, this is what sent me laughing on the floor despite all the gore:
Though I wonder if Daring has a ticket of her own
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In my experience, most train action scenes in film take place in cargo trains or on trains commandeered by the villains, so it make sense that passengers wouldn't be present.
But hey, glad you like the story so far! And yeah, as happy as I am with the reception my fanfic has accrued, I wish I knew how else I could promote it aside from adding it to FiMFiction groups and advertising it on Skype and Discord.
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Oh dear, you caught the "Talk to your Lab Equipment" bug, too? Heh, that reminds me of the times I had to stay late at night at the lab to tend to bacterial cultures. Normally, I have my tablet at the side, reading fanfics out loud with a text-to-speech program. I bet all those germs hate me now for forcing them through all the various fan adaptations of Daring Do and the Griffon's Goblet.
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Glad you like this chapter! There's a lot to talk about when it comes to the development of the chapter, so I'll just pick what I can fit into a reasonably-sized comment. If you want to know more, just tell me!
The first time I wrote Twilight Velvet and Daring Do's first meeting, the fanfic had a very different tone—gritty and depressing like Tomb Raider 2013 rather than pulpy, over-the-top, and irreverent like Uncharted. It was set on an airship rather than a train, and the other passengers and crew? Almost all of them were dead by the end of the chapter.
There's more to that knife-wielding mare than just an Indiana Jones reference. I took Krav Maga classes a few months ago—mostly out of fascination, and partly to enhance the fight choreography in Daring Did. In one session, the topic was defense against a front knife slash. The instructor then told us that this somewhat elaborate technique is only for instances where someone approaches you at arms' reach and suddenly draws out a knife. In cases where someone draws out a knife several meters away and charges at you, no special technique is required.
Kick them in the nuts.
As for the "Princesses' cereal bit," Dreams of Ponies made that. I raised the issue with him and he quickly whipped up an alternative.
You'll have to wait until the next chapter to find out!
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I have to try that text-to-speech feature when I’m alone in the lab someday. My dead frogs hopefully wouldn’t mind
Those are really interesting bits of background information! Also, is it just me or do almost all self-defence techniques contain kicking the oponent in the nuts and/or sticking fingers in their eyes?
No, I can’t wait to know!
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Irony: You replying to my comment the same morning this shows up in my notifications feed:
As for better promotion, I've already added it to my user-page, but I don't know how much traffic that gets overall. I also left a subtle link in my original comment to a Fimfiction blog regarding the best times to post/update stories to get the most traffic, in case you hadn't found it.
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Well, if you use iOS, I can teach you how to perform that text-to-speech thing. I’m not entirely sure how to do it in Android, but I think the principle is the same.
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Whelp, sure didn’t see that link before. I did have to do some extra calculating myself since I don’t live in the US. But ultimately, I discovered that the best time to post chapters is 7:00 am Monday, to coincide with a 3:00 pm to 6:00 pm time zone in the US. Thanks for the help!
Also, that’s an interesting video. Now I gotta have a scene where Daring uses a whip like that…
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I was thinking more along the lines of maybe Velvet, since she's the one who seems to like jurry-rigging things so much.
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Thank you for the offer, but given I usually carry a laptop with me instead of tablet, I think you’d be just wasting time. Still, thank you!
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Now there’s an idea!
Although I can’t really see Velvet using the whip—perhaps more like creating a whip from paracord and giving it to Daring. I don’t want Velvet to be a carbon copy of Daring, after all.
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TFW when you realize a MLP story is what you'd get if you crossed over Indiana Jones and MacGyver...
Also, I've been looking into it more and that whip is a "quick and dirty" DIY whip. There are ways to actually make fully pleated Paracord whips that are of the same quality as a rawhide whip. I'm even considering trying it myself come spring.
Now this is something I did not expect to see...consider my interest peeked!
Dangit! I pressed the 'Next'-button and got confused when it opened the chapter list.
Holy sht that was intense! Can't wait for more.
Don't know if this is a reference or something that is gonna be use later. But ether way, I'm liking this so far.
I'll leave a longer comment later but I just had to share this.
I was laughing my butt off at some rather inappropriate moments due to my iphone text-to-speech function. (I often listen to some fimfiction while driving or doing work around the house or whatnot). When Daring and Velvet were contending with Birdshot, my program couldn't pronounce it correctly. Over and over, every time that name was said it sounded like "Birdsh*t." I had to pause what I was doing and check the spelling. On and on the chapter went on, with "Birdsh*t" firing her shotgun and "Birdsh*t" choking Daring out. I'm sorry, it was frickin' hilarious. Ow, my sides...
Yeah, I totally like this Velvet!
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Great minds think alike... Apple's text-to-speech function and Daring Do fanfics were what kept me sane when I was culturing bacteria for my undergraduate thesis. What voice do you use, by the way? I use the "Daniel" voice under English (UK): the tonal quality is very appropriate for a narrator and he doesn't mispronounce words often. (Unless your story is about Fluttershy, or to quote him: "Flutter-shee.")
Hmm, maybe I should add dialogue where Daring and / or Velvet call the enemy by that moniker. Would make for some good trash-talking.
I'm back! Goodness, it's been busy with me finding myself employed a sixth day of the week, and the one day I don't work I have other responsibilities that take a bit of time. Enough about me, on to chapter five!
Night Light is impressed...
And somehow, deep within the strands of her DNA, her helicase enzyme hit upon the right sequence, opening the Pandora's Box a.k.a the Bibilophile gene that would later make her progeny legendary...
Heh, just refer to above. Also, extra punctuation here, as well as the first quote I threw up there with the "?."
https://tenor.com/view/raiders-of-the-lost-ark-face-melt-gif-3579922
Sorry... sorry... I couldn't resist that, especially not in a Daring Do story, I mean, c'mon
Yep. Better invite Thomas the Tank Engine Nightmare of Doom to your party. RSVP!
Okay. That was silly.
Okay, serious comment here. I feel like a dazzling action scene just happened between two combatants on the roof of the train car, ostensibly Daring Do and "Ironsides." But I had to comb over it a few times carefully to figure out what happened. I still feel like I missed something. Now, granted, I did, because we are seeing this scene through Velvet's eyes. I just wish the readers were better clued in to what was going on. Where exactly was Ironsides? How far away was his initial position. Why the heck was he even on the roof if Velvet had already been apprehended? What is the roof of a train car made of if Ironsides was thrown through it? I mean, I know his name is Ironsides, but sheesh.
Punctuation. Also, what was convenient? The interruption that she is currently not using?
Still not sure I follow: what caused the crater? More importantly, is his head still attached to his useless body? I am not sure.
Okay. That right there needs a music backing track...
There you go.
Somehow I imagine a minotaur bellowing that.
Wait, what? A third? If you are suggesting polygamy/polyamory in that sentence, and Daring would be the third, who is the second? I imagine Velvet would be the first?
Pfft! ha ha ha!
Are they maroon?
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/6/68/Daring_Do_%22it%27s_just_you%22_S4E04.png/revision/latest?cb=20131209104449 ...more of a rose violet?
It's action sequences like this that can get me confused. If you describe that the yellow mare aimed her rifle down then it makes me think Daring stumbled backwards onto her back on the floor. But in the next breath daring is unsheathing her blade and charging (can't do that if you are "down"). so my mind's eye had to stand her up again. Sorry, just the way my brain is working.
Oof, this section is dark. Multiple stabs and screaming? Hm, I'd prefer more surgical precision on Daring's part, where with one slash she severs a tendon, then a follow up thrust deprives her of her life by hitting the right artery. Dunno. It's still death, but cleaner.
Would have been cool had Velvet used the whip to trip up the new arrivals as they came into the scene. Make herself just a little useful from the shadows.
Wasn't clear on who said which here, unless you recall that Velvet was quizzing the last baddie on this. I forgot that, until I remembered it
I don't either... what is the body count now? five? six? I'm with Velvet, I wouldn't hang around there either!
I would go with terrified as for me. I mean, just nearby there was an explosion, numerous shots of gunfire, and a pony screaming while she was being stabbed to death with a trowel. I'd be a little bit more than curious here...
When did they come to sitting that she had to stand up again? I thought they were still walking.
Daring you dummy! HISHE sez you should have thrown the entire rifle in her face, hitting and deactivating the horn!
Kicked her in the compass rose? "I'm sorry, that's a new one."
I still don't know what she did!
Sparkle Cola dropped his laptop onto the table, then turned away from the screen. He looked at his own hands, then hung his head. "What is life?" he muttered. "Do we truly control our actions? Are we, as the wise men of old proclaimed, the masters of our fate? Or is our situation similar to that of these two ponies, swept along in events bigger than themselves, deluded into the illusion of free will, when in reality, a higher power controls our every thought and action and laughs at our gaffes?
Heh. nice, I love this expletive from Velvet. There needs to be some things in her that Daring begins to like. Also - if that boom was a shotgun, then "gunfire rained on them" might not be right. Maybe shards of glass and debris are raining on them?
This is good, but maybe also mention that the shotgun toting mare was drawing a bead on Velvet when the whip snapped out and directing the gun away from ending her in a split second. I mean, I imagine that happened, but you didn't state that the mare whipped around and also brought the shotgun up.
Ah, yes. Birdsh*t. This is an excellent character, but she goes into the fray without much development. You don't have to go headlong into the next action sequence. You could have used suspense here, especially with the cloud of smoke. Think about it:
All silence, Velvet and Daring look at each other, Daring says "wait here." and she goes into the mist. Velvet loses sight of her, but hears a bang and then a rattle from above. The silence grows tense, and she stretches out a hoof. "Daring?" and then without warning, a massive crash occurs, the mare swinging in through the window and landing, bringing her shotgun up. "Hey, beautiful! What, you didn't like my present? Ah, no matter. So where's your friend?" Then the whip sings out and snags her gun, and action continues. Give her a little bit of a maddened interaction so we can meet the crazed pony before punches are thrown.
you might mention the sting of getting hit by some of that shrapnel, and Velvet's immediate thought that the closer passengers likely received more grievous injury than her... that is if they haven't already cleared out the back of the train car to head further back (I would have)
She... sat on a passenger seat at this point? That's weird. You're weird. j/k
Oh? Okay, I am re-naming her Nad-shot.
Wondering how much punishment these cars can take before either a) a coupling is disengaged, or b) the braking system gets engaged. Either way it would stop their forward progress altogether!
I just love this joke, but not here. I doesn't fit, given the absolute carnage that just took place. Indy's little stunt was (in the passenger's perception) randomly throwing some guy out the window in the middle of a calm scene, and then going "No ticket!"
Um, you need to... no, you must develop this point. This is Velvet's carthartic moment where she discovers something in her... Something that was always there, but had never had the opportunity to be allowed to escape. This is the seat of your pants, life or death adventure, and Velvet absolutely has to discover that she is indeed an adrenaline junkie.
like here. I mean, this is okay, but encore isn't even necessary for this joke. Simplify it: "So... that was easy!" She dusted off her hooves, ignoring the spattered debris across her chest and glass in her mane. "What's next?"
Dang it. I wanted her to point to a part of the train car that had been entirely obliterated and the two just blink for a moment as they watch trees whizzing by through the gaping hole.
Daring shook her head before grabbing velvet by her ear. "Never mind. This will do." She sat her down two rows back.
Chapter review:
Obviously this thing was hella-fun to go through. Sorry I am so long in coming back! My first thought on getting to the end of the chapter is "how many more chapters will actually be on this nigh-indesctructable train with zero police presence? Where is the counter-terrorism task force? Yeesh.
Anyhoo, it makes me realize that this is gonna be a long fic, what with all the set up, apparently lots of players, and we have just been on a train for a while and shot it up, but haven't gotten anywhere. Lot's more to read and experience, I can see that. I am also totally okay with that. I am looking for the Daring Do / Velvet Sparkle to be the absolute lynchpin to your story, so I am expecting their dialogue and interactions to be scintillating. If it lacks the luster I expect, I might whine and complain.
The chapter was almost constant action as we proceeded from the back to the front of the train. But it leaves more questions than it answers, and the train never arrives. So, I fear, does the chapter. It had action and fun, and a few good zingers, but it never got anywhere, and that's a shame. I'm looking for the next chapter to fill that in.
That isn't a major point, but a moderate one. No, the major point is the Birdsh*t scene. Heh. I had a hard time following the action sequence. Actions were described, but from move to move, things felt disjointed, so I was unable to envision what happened from one moment to the next. I was going: How did that character go from that compromising position to suddenly being able to strike the other character in that position from that point as you said?
Also, this is the chapter where you tie Daring and Velvet together. There must be better chemistry there, and Velvet must have a better presented "A-Ha!" moment where she learns something about herself. --that she likes this adrenaline stuff, even if she doesn't know how to fire a gun. Basically, like "I don't know how to fire a gun, but... I think I wanna learn! I think I like it!" She is shell-shocked but at the same time awe-inspired.
That being said, I am a new writer and am just learning how to write action sequences myself, and you have also found mine lacking for clarity as well. I still give the chapter a solid 7/10, and hope some of my suggestions carry some weight. Was still fun, and look forward to more!
-Sparkle Cola
Hmmm... I feel like I've read a Daring Do fanfic where this kind of face-melting stuff actually did happen, but I can't recall its title...
Why use Indy's leitmotif when Daring has her own?
Yes, the theme music for this fanfic is actually taken from the background music of the show. Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.
Agh, when I wrote "down," I was thinking about phrases like "aiming your rifle downrange."
Hmm, the reason I didn't take your suggestion (sorry, by the way! ) is threefold.
First, Daring's knife fighting style is based on Kali / Eskrima / Arnis, which relies on very fast strikes, parries and grapples. While there is an element of targeting key body parts, there's not much in the name of "cut the second portion of the brachial artery by stabbing through the pectoralis minor" or anything that specific.
Second, I was taught by my Krav Maga instructors that in real fights to the death, fancy techniques and moves don't always get executed properly. The attacker might make a mistake, or the other party might do something unexpected that messes up the technique that the first guy wanted to execute. When that happens, it's best for the fighter to fall back on fundamental principles and attacks to give themselves space, even if the resulting moves aren't as "beautiful."
Third, the story is told from Velvet's perspective. Even if Daring did cut through Wild Card with surgical precision, it's unlikely that Velvet's as-of-now untrained eyes are going to be able to register Daring's lightning-fast slicing and stabbing rampage as anything more than just "She cut that bitch's chest into tiny pieces!"
You see, I would give you an Excel file where I tabulated all the delicious deaths in this fanfic... ...but it would be spoilers for chapters you haven't read yet.
That's...kind of the point of Birdshot's character. I'm going to kill her in the scene where she's introduced; she doesn't require much development.
That said, I did end up augmenting Birdshot's character a teensy tiny bit, if only because writing her dialogue was fun.
I just want to clarify: I didn't find your action scenes lacking in clarity. Rather, they were lacking in rhythm and speed—pacing, to use a term more familiar in the writer's toolbox—and it actually stemmed from the action scenes having too many details. Action scenes are fast, and often there's not enough time and space to give every single detail to the reader. The author needs to carefully choose which details to include in the story and which ones to leave to the reader's imagination.
I don't really have anything to say in defense of the disjointed nature of my own action scene though.
But hey, glad you like the chapter either way!
Oh, the woes of needing to repeatedly refer to a character that hasn't been named. I know it well.
a very movie dialogue
It's Batman!
I like it for filling a possible canon plot hole.
All in all, liked it. I could nitpick at the tactical decisions of both sides, but they're all part of the genre.
Come on~
Anybody who is a Indiana Jones fan expected this.
And that’s why we love it.