JSF F-35B Pilot, Captain Lisa "Sapphire" Johansson was shot down and killed by Russian Su-98s, at least that's what the records state. In all actuality that's not what happened, through seemingly divine intervention she wound up in Equestria, which happened to occupy a totally different dimension and was accessible by use of an extremely advanced and complex spell that was placed on amulets, allowing access through use of an incantation.
That divine intervention was in the form of two Wonderbolts, Spitfire and Soarin. The former was investigating the possibility of using areas of Earth that had little if any human population for training Wonderbolts. While Soarin had accompanied her up into the Great White North of Canada, in the year 2020. However it happened to coincide with the Russian Invasion of Canada to claim the oil sand deposits.
However, after rescuing Sapphire from her downed F-35B Lightning II, they discover that her injuries are incredibly severe and that it would be impossible to get her to the nearest town on Earth to receive medical treatment. They make an incredibly tough decision, one that changes Sapphire's life forever.
Despite the incredible change to both her physical body and species, Captain Johansson isn't about to let a second chance at life get away from her. After all, rarely do you get a second chance to continue living.
That is if she doesn't go insane from the daily insanity of a certain small-town near the capital of Equestria.
Note this is a crossover with the novel Tom Clancy's Endwar.
Shall I say it? I think I shall.
While the grammar within the story is all over the place, the one thing that really bothers me is the inaccuracy of the story. I want to specificity highlight the radio chatter. In Hollywood movies and Tom Clancy stories, it would be like what you have written down, but in the operational Air Force, that is not the standard protocol at all. First off, individual call signs would never be used in the air. Instead each flight would be called by a single name (for example "Lighting") while an individual plane would be referred to by a number (such as "Lighting 1-1" or "Lighting 1-2"). The only time a number WON'T be used is if the callsign refers to an AWACS system or a CRC (Command and Reporting Center) on the ground.
Next, pilots wouldn't be talking that much over the radio. They have a ton of issues and protocols to handle within the cockpit alone, not to mention having to keep a mental time on their controls. If they do talk, it's extremely minimal and only done if their is information they have to report without using proper radio procedures and curiosities (such as if something specifically isn't working on the plane like the radio). Otherwise, they are mostly silent killers or talking directly to their battle managers on the ground or in the sky through in series of radio reports that have specific structures and terms they have memorized.
That's about it. Sorry for the long post!
8304274
Well, during the Russian Invasion of Canada in 2020, it caught everyone completely off guard. Plus they didn't have no AWACS since they were either in Europe or had scrambled and were helping what few squadrons remained in Alaska in fighting the Russians. Plus it was only a training mission, they weren't expecting to suddenly be on the front lines of a war now were they?
8304284
Training mission or not, each fighter in the air would be directly reporting to a control center regardless. I would look up the term "Air Control Squadron" and immediately tell you that in the case of an emergency, and if there is no AWACS system available, then an ACS Squadron would be called in immediately to provide tactical C2 (Command and Control) capabilities to pilots (especially in Europe). Otherwise, if their is no air control, then a pilot would be nearly blind in the sky since they would have no clue where the heck the enemy is outside their limited radar capabilities. C2 provide beyond-line-of-sight radar that can track and map out enemy air for the pilots to engage.
In other words... No C2 = No pilots in the sky.
8304308
Igloo Base probably didn't have the radar range, the Russians were landing their transports some seventy-five kilometers north of
Behchokǫ̀ in the Northwest Territories and Igloo Base was 321 kilometers north of Yellowknife. Also, remember Igloo Base was completely and utterly flattened with the last two Lightnings the base had piloted by Siren and Sapphire respectively barely succeeding in escaping. Thus the pilots were on their own.
Of course she died flying a F-35. They're shit planes lol
V-Pony's a bro. I'll let him know you're thinking about him.
It's unlikely she would have a picture taped in the cockpit. There are generally more pilots than jets in any given squadron, so they have to share.
Did you mean USAF and RCAF?
If the bombs are alreading hitting the base as they take off…where are the bombers? Why do the F-35 pilots not stop the immediate threat before going after the transports?
Wait, despite taking off from Canada, is Sapphire American? Because Russian jets have stars, too.
I won't comment on radio procedures because 8304274 covered it.
I noticed some redundant words and misplaced commas, mostly minor stuff.
Don't get discouraged by negative feedback. It's not bad for a first story and you'll get better with practice. Keep writing!
8307552
The USAF and JSF squadrons were doing so over Alaska. Plus as it stands, the nearest Royal Canadian Air Force base with fighters is in Cold Lake, Alberta and it's 993 kilometers from Cold Lake AFB to Behchokǫ̀ and the Russian landing zone was some seventy-five kilometers north of that. So even if Royal Canadian Air Force got going, depending on if they have Hornets or Lightning IIs, it's still quite a hike and would be pushing the limit of endurance for their jets and factor in having to evade missiles from BVR it's not possible, plus the only aerial tankers in the entire Royal Canadian Air Force are in Winnipeg.
As for the picture thing, Igloo Base only had six F-35B Lightning IIs.
As for the planes, the Lightning's were on the ground rearming and refueling because they had already gone at the transports once so they couldn't stop those Fullbacks. Besides by the time they got to the runway, the Fullbacks had already dropped their payload and were bugging out.
As for Sapphire, yes she's an American. The JSF had a small base north of Yellowknife. As for why Spitfire and Soarin, they haven't seen the roundel on the Russian planes and thus don't know that they have a red star.
It helps if you've read the novel Tom Clancy's Endwar:
images.gr-assets.com/books/1347679335l/1720057.jpg
8308584
Oh! It's a crossover with Endwar. It might help if you mentioned it somewhere in the description.
8308995
Right should mention that, knew I was missing something.
8305612
I've been in their sims. You have no idea what you are talking about.
8324879
I think in this case, it's not because of operational stand points. But it's for the sake of the reader, makes it easier to follow. Sometimes scarifies to what happens in real life has to be made for the ease of the reader.
8324879
So you know that a third of the time, test pilots would report most of the systems shutting down.... in flight? Or how about the fact that the engines kept malfunctioning when pushed into afterburner. These planes have been in production for almost 15 years, and they still keep being grounded. The Lighting is a multi trillion dollar boondoggle.
8325026
Ok.
I´m not a huge army nerd so most terms go right over my head but I will keep an eye on this.^^
8339310
It's okay if the military stuff goes over your head. Still good to hear your interested.
Equestria is practically run by females. Spitfire herself is a female in what is apparently the military. Also, how can she tell - this is presumably the first human she's ever met.
Why? That's a big friggin' piece of steel to have strapped to you while you're ejecting. I wouldn't think you could put it on a survival rifle. A regular knife would probably be a better choice, or one with survival features.
For someone in pain and in a hurry, Sapphire sure talks a lot. That's a better way to handle infodumping than just telling the readers, though it could maybe be handled better by not infodumping at all.
Why not chamber the fictional survival rifle in 5.7? I feel like that would penetrate even better than .357SIG, plus it would make it easier to carry just one kind of ammo.
Says the person who is gut-shot
Having an editor did help the quality of the story, though.
8339381
With the first bit, well it is the first time Spitfire is meeting a human. With the M9 Bayonet does have a built in wire cutter, plus it's a multipurpose knife so while it's not a dedicated survival knife it's still pretty handy. As for .357 Sig, it's a bloody powerful round although the Five-Seven is better at punching through armor it comes down to the size difference, the .357 Sig bigger and heavier than 5.7x28mm weighing 125 grams compared to 2 grams so more stopping power and less likely to be deflected by underbrush whereas the 5.7x28mm has superior power in punching through ballistic vests.
As for the superior superiorty agility and speed. Remember how much armor and gear those soldiers have probably at least sixty pounds worth of kit. Sapphire not so much, all she has is her G-Suit, Pressure Suit, and aviator uniform on.
8339321
Make more, mine interested to see what happens,also is the Russian Wolf knockout or dead
8356794
Dead, Sapphire managed to throw her knife so it hit the Russian Soldier in the neck. Although even if he was knocked out, he wouldn't be in the best shape.
8357266
Ahh, Anyway when will the next chapter be?
8357639
Fairly soon, still working on it.
8357643
Ok,what is your faction. Im guessing its JSF
8357655
Yep, it's Joint Strike Force.
8357698
Their very good in terms of accuracy, im SGB
Map reference, nice.
Spitfire didn't say anything about war at all.
I feel like Spitfire returning to Equestria and talking with Celestia didn't carry as much urgency as the situation implied. It felt like it lasted a really long time while Sapphire was dying.
This may be one of the only stories I've seen where the ponies were somewhat reluctant to host a human, even an injured one. That's an interesting twist.
That's a strange amount of detail to put into the train, much more than the previous, arguably more important, scene in the hospital. Not that I blame you. I like trains.
derpicdn.net/img/2013/1/25/223426/large.png
8374150
Point, that wording just doesn't fit now that I think about it. Will probably change the wording around.
As with the whole urgency, it was my first time writing something like that, so I was trying to find the right balance there. Guess that didn't work, so I guess that needs some rewriting as well. Maybe that was just me trying to help build a sense of suspense but I guess it didn't work.
Plus, now that you mention it, I did put more detail into the train than I did with the hospital scene but first time writing a hospital scene so I was sort of winging it, could probably go back and rewrite it.
But on a related note, what did you think of bit where Sapphire slowly regained consciousness? As well as the bit with Spitfire and Soarin? As well as the introduction of the Mane Six?
Bolton. Is that the Equestrian equivalent of Boston?
8374189
Basically.
8374165
Those seemed pretty well balanced.
Didn't this used to have a sex tag?
8374310
No, it never did. I am sure I would've remembered putting that tag on.
8374279
Thanks!
Oh the fun she will have.
8386976
Yeah, that's true. The fun she'll have will be interesting to say the least.
However I got to ask, and this is just because I am always looking to improve, what are your thoughts on the rest of the chapter? Was it good, funny, bad, anything cringe worthy?
8387132
it's a great chapter, though I have seen some grammar errors and misspellings in the story so far, it's not that bad. this chapter is really funny and I can't wait to see what the next one brings.
8387337
Let me guess, the hilarity was because of Pinkie Pie? But you could certainly say that Sapphire went through a brief B.S.O.D during the chapter.
8387374
Pinkie does have a factor to it being funny, but it's more on everyone's reactions to everything.
8387567
Including Fluttershy's what the hell, hero moment to Princess Celestia? Still I don't think you were expecting Secretariat to appear right.
8387572
that was the best part, an actual horse in the world of Equuis, and it not be a bad word.
8387604
Yep, I decided to make it so that full-sized horses would be rare but would live a rather nomadic life-style similar to Zecora. However some like Secretariat and hinted with Sham actually having acclimated to equine civilization. Still I bet you also spotted the Transformers shout-out as well. It's hinted that poor Celestia got thrown around a few times.
8387639
yes I did, and you had put one more into, I'll have to re-read to find it though.
8387652
I think it was a nod to Seabiscuit with mention of War Admiral, Man o'War, and Brushup.
Still what was the most emotional part of the chapter?
And none of the Mane 6 mentioned Manehatten when Sapphire told them of Manhatten?
8401194
Knew I was missing something! Still thoughts on the rest of the chapter?
I somehow doubt either Rarity or Celestia would use this turn of phrase.
I'm also concerned that Sapphire has made the jump to Mary Sue territory. Twice in this chapter she was called beautiful. There were no misunderstandings in this conversation and she seemed to know or guess just about everything.
I have never once encountered a brick floor in a hospital.
But, just like the common tile floors, I would guess they do that for easy cleanup.
That's generally part of the ejection seat survival kit, located in the bottom cushion. Wouldn't want to make the already heavy helmet any heavier.
If you're only putting your mask on at thirty thousand, you're probably already hypoxic. Not to mention, you haven't been able to use the radio, because the microphone is inside the mask.
Where did she get that from? Nobody ever mentioned animals.
Ah, Air Force callsigns, so politically correct. Meanwhile, I've heard of two Navy pilots named after crotch rot and two others named after handjobs.
Nightmare incoming. Fired the Lunar cannon.
8401753
When I say brick, I mean cold. Remember Sapphire was born and raised in Manhattan, so she has slang that you don't see often.
As for the Mary Sue thing, you sort of got to have a sharp wit when your a fighter pilot thus quick to catch on that and it's also called common sense.
Although Sapphire will have a few interesting moments while learning to fly. As for operating without Oxygen at 30,000 it's possible but not recommended for long periods of time, Sir Edmund Hillary did it for a short period of time after reaching the summit of Mt. Everest.
For the opening of conversation with Fluttershy mentioning the veterinarian thing we sort of jumped right into the middle of the conversation.
As for the call sign thing, yep.
Still, it's easy to see that Sapphire probably has PTSD.
8401812
Yep, gotta think how to do it.
fluttershy is yellow
8403794
No, I checked the Wiki, she's not yellow, Fluttershy is pale light greyish-gold. Click on more information when you open the page, it has all sort of good stuff that's helpful for fanfiction writer's.
8403807
Animated Pony Stats
http://mylittlewiki.org/wiki/G4_Fluttershy
8403907
Huh, well I went by the FiM Wiki.