Don't Go Bacon My Heart
"So what are your plans for the weekend, Sunset? You said you've got a long weekend coming up, you doing anything special with the girls?"
Sunset Shimmer leaned back in her chair in Princess Twilight's library and sighed. "Oh. My gosh. There's way too much going on this weekend. Everyone has different plans! Juniper Montage wants a bunch of us to go with her to see the new movie with international action star Damme-Phuc Schitt-Krappe, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie want me to go with them to controversial rap artist Nick Digga's concert, but he's spent so much time on social media defending fallen comedy icon and sexual predator Pudding Pop that I don't really want to pay money to see his show, Twilight and Fluttershy invited me to a violin concerto by convicted serial anal rapist Ben Dover, it's his first performance since his parole last month, and Flash wants me to watch a new porn with him starring popular Neighponese porn star Miso Horny."
Twilight Sparkle, Starlight Glimmer, and Trixie stared at Sunset with slack jaws and glazed expressions. "Uhh...come again?" Starlight said blankly.
"I heard a lot of words there, but none of them made any sense," Trixie said.
Sunset snorted and rolled her eyes. "International action star Damme-Phuc Schitt-Krappe, controversial rap artist Nick Digga, convicted serial anal rapist Ben Dover, and popular Neighponese porn star Miso Horny. That covers everyone except Rarity, Spike, Applejack, and Wallflower. Oh, and our world's Trixie."
"I am so lost," Starlight said.
Sunset chuckled sheepishly. "Yeah, I guess it's...a little easier to keep this stuff straight when you deal with it every day," she said. "Okay, breaking it down even more, there's a movie Juniper wants to see, two concerts I'm not really that interested in, and Flash wants to watch a porno with me."
Twilight's wings bristled. "And just why does Flash Sentry want to watch something like that with you?" she demanded.
Sunset recoiled. "Chill, Twilight," she said. "Even if you and Flash were still a thing, if I were dating him again, I'd be stealing him back from you, remember?"
"Ouch, relationship drama," Trixie said. A box of popcorn appeared from seemingly nowhere. "This should be good."
Twilight took a deep breath. "Nono, it's fine, I mean, Flash is just a crush and I'm over him, besides, I..." She ducked her head and glanced quickly at Starlight, then cleared her throat. "I've met somepony...more my speed." A faint blush lit her cheeks. "I just meant...why does Flash want to watch something nasty with you specifically?"
"Oh." Sunset shrugged. "It's his latest not-so-subtle hint he wants to get back together. I mean, I think I accidentally blew off a more heartfelt attempt back at Camp Everfree? So lately he's been doing...things...that are embarrassingly blatant, trying to get me to get back together with him." She chuckled. "It's sweet, sometimes, but I'm just..." She waved a hoof around. "Not interested."
"Well then you should tell him that," Starlight said. "Don't string him along and play with his emotions if you're not gonna commit."
"I don't want to just blueball him," Sunset said. "He's already taken way too much of that between me and both Twilights." She glanced at Twilight, winced, and added, "No offense."
"None taken," Twilight said with a sigh.
"No, I want to find somebody that's right for him," Sunset said. "And get him headed in their direction, so that I won't have to friendzone him again."
"That's...manipulative, sneaky, and brilliant," Trixie said slowly. "I like it."
"And if you don't find somebody who's right for him?" Twilight asked worriedly.
"Oh, I already have somebody in mind," Sunset said. "A couple of somebodies, actually. I'm either going to set him up with Ditzy Doo or Fluttershy. Preferably Ditzy since she knows him better than I do."
"Okay," Twilight said, "but that brings us back around to the porn thing."
Sunset laughed. "Well, popular Neighponese porn star Miso Horny puts out some pretty good porn," she said. "And hey, if it gets me hot and bothered enough, maybe I'll give Flash a little bit of what he wants. Maybe."
Trixie blinked. "You...you'd let a stallion you have no interest in mount you?"
Sunset shrugged. "Sure, if I'm in the mood. I mean, there's nothing wrong with it. Heck, even Twilight's screwing the guy she's seeing right now and they both know it won't last past graduation."
Twilight's face burned bright red. "The...the other me is...se-sexually active?"
Sunset rolled her eyes. "She's a teenager, Twilight. And honestly a lot more of a social creature than you are. And, well..." She blushed, playing with her mane. "Smoking hot by human standards. I mean, woof."
Starlight raised an eyebrow. "Oh-ho," she said.
Twilight's eyes shrank to pinpricks. "Oh boy this just got awkward," she said. She looked directly at Sunset, her cheeks flaming. "Y-you mean you're...interested in—m-me? I mean—not-me me?"
Sunset's blush intensified as she ducked her head. "W-well, yeah," she said. "I mean, I'm pretty sure it's mutual? I just don't know. I mean..." She ran a hoof over the tabletop in circles. "So far she's definitely proven she's interested in guys, but I don't know if she's bi. I really, really hope she's bi." She sighed.
"Well if she's not, at least you still have this Twilight," Trixie said.
"HEY!"
"It's...not the same," Sunset said. "I mean, for one thing, our Twilight and Princess Twilight are really different. And, well...our Twilight is—no offense, Twilight—a lot sexier."
"None...taken, I think?"
"Besides...I've been human too long," Sunset said with a shrug. "I'm attracted to humans, I'm planning to spend the rest of my life as a human, so I need to hook up with a full-time, home-grown human, you know?"
"That...makes sense," Starlight said slowly.
"And anyway, I wouldn't want to horn in on anything you two have going," Sunset added with a smirk.
Starlight spluttered. "Wh-what?! We-we're not—!"
"Me and Starlight? No! That's—!" Twilight cried.
Sunset blinked. "Huh? But you said you'd met somepony you liked, who was more your speed, and you kinda did a quick-look at Starlight when you said it, so I just assumed..."
"Oh nononono!" Twilight said, shaking her head rapidly and smiling sheepishly. "I, umm...wasn't thinking about Starlight actually." She poked her hooves together and ducked her head. "I, umm, actually...was thinking about, well...Sunburst."
Five full seconds of silence dropped.
"My brother?!" Sunset cried.
"My Sunburst?" Starlight cried.
"And Trixie is OUT," Trixie said, using a smoke bomb to cover her hasty escape.
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That happens.
I'm with her here.
I gotcha.
Twiburst. Unexpected.
Trixie just did the most smartest/sane/rational decision she has ever made, congrats
I was hoping that sci twi and sunset shipping didn't happen.
Twiburst.... I'm okay with that pairing. If nothing else then it tortures Starlight. heheheheh
I ship Sunburst with Moondancer, but I'm okay with him and Twilight, if it means Starlight is eternally friendzoned.
I see what you did there.
Ahh, callbacks.
Well, that’s fair enough and completely understandable I guess. Poor Flash needs a break.
I am still curious about how everything with Pony Fluttershy was resolved though.
Why are people getting downvoted about the Twiburst shipping?
9439399
Seems to me it has more to do with the hating on Starlight thing.
well played Trixie, Well played.
And that is the smartest thing Trixi has ever done. Run the heck away from that. And once you are a safe distance, record it if at all possible!
9439309
Regrettably, I don't, and I'm not sure I got the comedian reference either.
That second paragraph might be the Mothiest thing you've ever written. It's like your equivalent of Skirts waxing philosophic on Disney princesses, dashing apples, eastward motion, and waifish Flash Sentry.
In any case, I love how the drama reached the point where even Trixie noped out. And Twilight... yeah, it's got to be weird to hear that your simian analogue is more sexually active than you are. And apparently more attractive, to the point where your mutual friend lusts after her but not you.
Oh, and the Stonershy story was even more fantastic, especially Sunset's contact high.
Sunburst? I can see that, and would be fun. Personally I ship him with Luna, but that's just me.
This....Just this....
I have no words for this....
It'll be interesting having her being an immortal, pony goddess. Living for millenia over on Earth like the Royal Sisters have lived for millenia in Equestria. And at least she has 5 other immortals to skip over to Equestria to visit when the tedium of immortality weighs on her.
Still good for her for sticking to earth for a majority of her life / time.
9439418
Probably. I mean, yeah I still have some residual angst on how Best Super Villain (with a ST in Super Villainy) got handled.
But she's a pretty cool character after she's got time to grow on you. And she still causes mayhem, random acts of villainy in the name of trying to be good. And I've read enough of Justice's stuff to like her.
9439418
That yes
9439509
I commented under the assumption that Damme-Phuc Schitt-Krappe was a riff on Jean-Claude Van Damme.
"And Trixie is OUT!" Best part. Smart girl that Trix, she knows when to make a tactical retreat.
How can she have fingers if she's in the pony world?
I'm all for Human Flash ending up with Human Derpy. They both deserve someone.
As a fan of childhood friends getting together, I like this line!
Ah, convicted serial anal rapist Ben Dover. We meet again from your court-ordered minimum allowed distance.
9439851
Because she's that badass. And because I made a derp. I'll fix it.
This right here was the smartest move Trixie has ever made.
This is how murders happen and unmarked graves get dug.
So named after his father stubbed his toe on his wife’s bed at the maternity ward.
The fun never ends. I'm hoping for Flash to be paired with Derpy.
Somewhere, Sunburst's ears are burning hotly
9439657
Dunno if Alicorns stay immortal as humans, but that's an interesting point. Though I believe she'd go back to equestria once everyone she knew died, at least in pony land she'd have a bunch of immortals to have a social life with and not feel alone in her eternity.
That and let's be honest, if she gets together with Sci-Twi the later would not miss the opportunity to bring the Future of SCIENCE!!! to another world. It would be like living in another city, but one where you're living the dream and where you are royalty.
Does Sunset realize that moving back to equestria is pretty much just changing cities, in the end? It's not like the portal is going anywhere, after all.
Oh and I so want to see human Fluttershy going through the portal. She's going to have a cuteness overload, that's for sure
9441590
Well, how I see it is as such.
Sunset's body (and the other Element Bearer's) are infused with Equestrian Magic that has intertwined with the very core of their souls. And both when in harmony with eachother musically, as well as when expressing themselves that magic transforms their bodies to pony versions.
The Sirens in Equestria were immortal, when in harmony didn't transform, but did express their racial magic (much like the Human7 do when transforming), and since they were naturally immortal. Were immortal on Earth.
Thus since Sunset's Equestrian Magic is Alicorn. And Alicorns are immortal. Sunset Shimmer would be immortal.
And yes. H!Flutterbutters in Equestria would be downright the most adorable thing in all existence. She'd cuddle, and nuzzle every pony for being adorable. Talk to everyone pet or sapient as if they were adorable little pets in her shelter. And would probably explode into confetti, rainbows, and butterflies. I want to see that now ^_^. Thanks for the mental image.
9439607
There are no words... only awed silence followed by incessant lulz
9442375
*Epic High Fives* Yoish!
I seriously love that movie, and am kind of sad that they never made a sequel. Or that no writers made an Equestria Girls Cross Over (Glim Glam would be a great Cassanova Frankenstein.
Well, this is what happens when you let Adagio Dazzle hang around the general area for too long. ...Could be worse, though. At least Flash hasn't taken serenading back up. Mildly curious now as to exactly how this set of weekend plans came about and whether everybody was influencing everybody else or pop culture just happened to hit a nastiness spike.
I'm a bit more surprised by Sunset and Ditzy happening to mirror each other's attitudes towards Flash than by Twiburst. (Not really a great match long-term, but if it's Twilight's first actual try at actively aiming for a stallion, again could have made a way worse choice. That's almost guaranteed to end well at the least.) I don't think Flash has much of a chance at a girlfriend in the immediate future, though. In almost any continuity, he happens to be in the position of being friends with and doing favors for enough fairly attractive singlish females to scare off or annoy a newcomer, and none of the existing ones (including Fluttershy) are actually looking for a boyfriend right now.
9439259
It's what smokebombs are for really, ducking out of uncomfortable situations.
Smart move Trixie
9452494
The "heads of MLP?" 
They lost control over MLP Friendship is Magic as soon as fanfics appeared or as soon as someone's daughter decided Rainbow Dash was a boy because she didn't see the show for several seasons after she got some ponies to play with for Easter. Which universe is more real? The one your imagination resides in. 
Hasbro is a toy company. They make toys. Last I checked toys run on imagination and don't have to follow scripts if they don't want to. If you have "unicorn Twilight" and glue wings on her, she is "Alicorn Twilight." Some of the fun of fanfics is guessing what the writers are going to do with the characters before they write the next chapter. Nothing is canon and everything is canon because it's ALL make believe. 
Twilight being not immortal? She's an Alicorn, of course she's immortal! 
She's the Princess of Friendship/Magic. And one day she'll be as tall and majestic as Celestia. And so is Sunset Shimmer, she's Celestia's daughter after all.
At least according to one fic I read. I choose to go with that. You can choose what you want. That's the beauty of it. Everybody's happy and so is Hasbro if you buy their toys. 
9457893
Kanye West and Bill Cosby. I'll let you figure out the rest on your own.
9459229
I meant "what the puns are" actually. Sorry, wasn't being clear.
Update this soon please.
9469738
Hypocrite says what now?
9469770
😥
9469778
Sorry, that was a bit harsh. Thing is, if you'd made that comment on a story I haven't touched in over a year? I'd have ignored it. But this one just updated a couple of weeks ago. Kinda too soon for that, you know? Especially when you yourself obviously understand that writing isn't that easy.
9469789
Honestly, I understand. I don’t look at when the chapters have been updated though, so that’s partly my fault.
It’s also not just a matter of me not wanting to write or anything, it’s how I write. I only have three stories that I regularly update, but instead of updating them idividualy, I write a chapter for one story then write it for the next, rather than multiple chapters for each story at one time.
I also have a really bad habit of making my chapters really long, which means they require a lot of my time to write them, assuming my job and college allows such.
I get where your coming from though, so I apologize.
"And, well...our Twilight is—no offense, Twilight—a lot sexier."
Sunset has the Sexy Librarian in Glasses fetish hard.
A heads up that this, nor any other of MythrilMoth's stories are going to ever be completed again.
For those who have not heard yet, this was in my feed this morning:
In memory of my brother
So long Mythril, may you have more stories for us when we meet again.
camo.fimfiction.net/LuaUJZ1Jxv0-nHsHJtG69grpB6ueqn9Z85d8PVQzI4k?url=https%3A%2F%2Fencrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com%2Fimages%3Fq%3Dtbn%253AANd9GcSsR7y-JYiqN_Q402b-qG9jiesMKUF45xqfLfeC9Dq8z9NzaWNL
10793444
That's going to be rather difficult given that as of the time of your post Moth had been dead for nearly two years. And I mean dead dead, not just failing to log in. Zef wouldn't lie about his best friend.